by Eason, Mary
When an answer wasn’t forthcoming, all of her old fears resurfaced. Her heart plummeted. Maybe he had other plans for the day that had nothing to do with work. “Jase?”
He blew out a long sigh. “Okay, here’s the thing. I’m trying something new. Cattle prices have been in the toilet for a while, and frankly, I’m broke. Except for the trust fund,” he added as if reading her mind. Jase’s grandfather on his mother’s side left him a large amount of money with the stipulation the money stay in a trust fund until Jase turned thirty. He was given a monthly settlement, but the trust was put under the control of the family’s attorney until Jase’s thirtieth birthday rolled around.
“That’s why I let Amanda go...okay, that’s not the whole truth. I let her go, because she was trying to stop me from drinking. Said I was going to kill myself one day. She almost became a profit.”
“Oh, Jase, please don’t joke. It’s not funny. You could have died that night.”
He sighed heavily into the receiver. “You’re right. It’s not funny. And Amanda would skin me alive if she heard me say it. When she visited me in the hospital, she didn’t know whether to cry or chew me out for behaving recklessly. She stayed with me almost the whole time. I’ll never forget what she did for me.”
“Jase, I had no idea. What can I do to help?”
“Nothing.” There was a small catch in his tone. She’d surprised him by her answer.
“I can fix this. I just have to think about things differently, which is why I have a meeting this morning with someone who operates an open range turkey farm. Apparently, it’s the latest humane way of raising turkeys for stores and such. More natural and all. Healthier.”
Jase wanted to raise turkeys. The old Jase Cartwright would have laughed and scoffed at the very idea. He had changed.
She realized she hadn’t responded. “I think it’s a great idea.”
“You do? I figured you’d suggest I’d lost my mind or something.”
“No, I think you’re doing what you can to make the land profitable. That shows initiative. If something’s not working, you have to try different ideas out. Fix it. Make it work.” Geez, now she sounded like a cheerleader.
“Thanks. I’ve read all the literature, and I’m thinking of using the southwest pasture to start out. It’s isolated with plenty of fertile land and its own water supply, and there are a couple of barns there already that I can convert to accommodate the incubation system and the grazing area for newly hatched chicks. I’ve been talking to some interested organic farmers about leasing out some of the property to grow natural foods. Their buyer is one of the big whole food stores in Butte…sorry.” He chuckled into the receiver. “I don’t mean to talk your ear off.”
It had been a long time since she’d heard him sound this excited. “No, don’t apologize. I think it’s great. I’m glad you’re excited about it. It’s a big move forward.”
“Yeah, well, beats starving. Anyway, don’t you have to work today?”
He tried playing down the whole thing, which told her it was important to him. She glanced at her watch and grimaced.
“Yes, and if I don’t hurry, I’m going to be late. Call me later, after you’ve talked to your turkey guy. Good luck. I can’t wait to hear more.”
She smiled as hung up the phone and realized the usual knot, the one that was always there when they spoke, wasn’t in her stomach as she talked to Jase. Maybe she wasn’t crazy for thinking she and Jase could be friends again. Yet so many things stood in their way. So many things that needed saying. He’d told her his dark secret. Laid it all on the line. Why couldn’t she do the same?
When he’d opened up to her about the accident, she’d almost told him her dark secret yet something held her back. Mostly, she didn’t know how he’d react to the news. Would he blame her? She had no idea because she certainly couldn’t stop blaming herself.
Chapter Eleven
“Once the eggs hatch, the chicks go to the next building where they are fed chick feed until they’re a few weeks old and then they’re turned out,” Jase told Cara as they walked out into the late afternoon sun.
“How much work will the barns need to be usable for the operation?” She shivered a little as a crisp November wind kicked up, carrying a hint of the winter to come.
He smiled at her interest. It surprised him how enthusiastic Cara had been. He’d been a little, well, embarrassed to tell her about his current financial situation, but Cara was understanding to the point of wanting to help. Nothing he’d ever allow.
“Not much, actually. It has electricity, so it’s just a matter of getting the incubation systems installed. That should take place a couple of days after Thanksgiving. The company is so thrilled to have someone in this area sign on they’re letting me use some of their older systems without charge. All it’s going to cost me to get going is a little electricity and some feed.”
She wrapped her sweater closer to her body and brushed aside a straying wisp of sable-brown hair from her face. “That’s great. I’m so proud of you. This is big for a cattleman.”
He studied her carefully before deciding she was teasing him. “I know. Can you imagine my grandfather’s reaction if he could see this?”
Cara trailed across the uneven earth to his side. She took his hand and squeezed it. “I think he’d be proud of you. You’re being a pioneer. You’re trying something new. Jase, this is what your grandfather’s dad did when he came to Montana. I remember your grandfather talking about how he sank everything he had into this land. Look what he accomplished. You can do the same.”
“I remember. He took quite a gamble, but it paid off. Let’s hope the same thing can be said of his great-grandson.”
She nodded and looked off into the distance at the setting sun. “You know, I love this time of the day. It’s so perfect. Like the whole world is becoming still. Waiting. Aunt Maudie used to say it was as if God’s creation was waiting for His majesty to be seen in the night sky.”
Jase could almost hear Maudie say those words again. He never really understood what she meant until this last year. Lots of things were starting to make sense. All it took was a clear mind to work through their meaning.
“I remember. She used to drive me crazy with those sayings of hers. Now, I think I understand exactly what she meant by that one. Maudie finally got through to me, I guess.”
Cara grinned back at him. “She’d be so pleased. She always believed in you.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t know why. I certainly didn’t give her much to work with.”
She shivered again, and he decided, as much as he wanted to prolong this walk, it was time to head back to warmer places. “We should get back. You’re freezing.”
He headed back toward the house, but she stopped him. “Jase, wait.”
She still held his hand. When he turned to look at her, her expression had turned serious. Like the time she asked him about the accident.
“What is it?”
She drew in a breath then hesitated a moment longer. “I’ve wanted to ask you something for a while now. Jase, do you believe in God?”
The question threw him. Mostly because he’d been expecting something far different. Darker. Partly because it caused him to think about his answer. He did believe. More than just believe, he’d started trusting God and talking to Him. He wasn’t sure when exactly this had become second nature for him, but it certainly was.
“It’s just that you’ve changed. Since I’ve returned, I noticed it. You seem more at peace.”
He swallowed back the lump in his throat. “Yeah, I do believe.”
Her reaction was nothing as he’d expected. She went into his arms and held him tight. After a moment’s surprise, he gathered her close.
“I’m so glad. I’m so glad you do.” She raised her head and looked at him. There were tears in her eyes.
Holding her close like this made it hard not to remember all the times in the past when they’d been together. He had no idea she’d wanted him to
believe in God so much, but he should have known. It was Maudie’s wish as well.
He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. “Yeah, me, too. Come on. We need to get you someplace warm.”
They walked the rest of the way to his house in silence, but she was still holding his hand and it was okay.
When they reached the house, he wasn’t sure what he should do next. Did he ask her in? They were married, but at the moment, he had no idea where their marriage might end up going. He had an AA meeting that night, but saving his marriage was important. They were starting to break down some of the barriers that stood between them. He didn’t want to lose ground.
“I want to invite you in, but I have a meeting tonight and if I don’t show, Aiden’s going to have my hide.”
She smiled and shook her head. “It’s okay. You should go to your meeting. It’s important. I need to get home anyway. I’m thinking of going to the church service tomorrow. Would you like to go with me?”
The old Jase wouldn’t have even considered the question before rejecting it. Cara was right. He had changed.
“Yeah, that’d be great.” Since the last time he’d gone to church, he really hadn’t given much thought about going again. He’d much rather attend with Cara.
A smile lit her face and made him want to please her more.
“Okay. Good. You want to pick me up or should I come here?”
“I’ll pick you up. I’m still a little old-fashioned. I believe in picking a girl up for a date. Even a church date.”
She seemed not to know how to answer that and blushed. “Okay, I’ll see you then. Good night, Jase.” She hesitated, unsure of how to end their time together.
He took a chance, leaned in close, and touched his lips to hers. She didn’t pull away. Didn’t flinch. In Jase’s book, that was like hitting a home run.
*****
Cara was actually grinning on the drive home. Hearing Jase admit he believed in God was like having a miracle come true before her eyes.
“Aunt Maudie, you did it. I don’t know how you did it, but you got through to him. Thank you.”
She could almost hear her aunt chiding her. Child, I didn’t do anything. God did.
“Okay, God did it, but you helped him out. You were there in Jase’ life and you never gave up. You kept on talking to him even when you thought he wasn’t listening.”
For the first time since she left Cartwright behind, she actually believed there might be a miracle for their marriage as well.
Chapter Twelve
Jase listened as one of the newer AA members recounted his latest struggle with sobriety. He had arrived minutes before the start of the meeting and found Aiden watching for him. At times, he suspected Aiden was just waiting for him to fall off the wagon. Everyone did at some point. It was inevitable with the disease.
Since Aiden had all but dragged him to his first meeting six months earlier, Jase had seen many faces come and go. Those who stuck it out past the first awkward meeting, well, they become like family.
“Anyone else?” James Gilmore, the man who ran the meetings, asked the group of ten-plus. “No? Okay, then how ‘bout we say a prayer before we’re dismissed?”
With the final amen, the group of mostly men began to file from the annex.
“Coffee?” Aiden asked, and Jase readily agreed.
While he wasn’t much on sharing his feelings aloud with the group, his quiet talks with Aiden always helped to put things in prospective.
Jase became aware of someone standing close by. He turned and saw James waiting. Jase figured he was waiting to speak to Aiden.
“Got a second, Jase?”
Jase glanced at Aiden who nodded. “I’ll wait for you outside.”
The two men waited until Aiden left the building. “What’s up?”
James cleared his throat before answering. “Jase, this is kind of a difficult thing to ask so bear with me.”
At a loss for how to answer his friend, Jase simply said, “No problem, bud.”
I’m sure you know I’ve run this group for almost ten years now so this is hard. I found out last week my company is transferring me to Texas. I’ll be leaving at the end of the month, which leads me to why I asked you to stay behind. I’m looking for someone to take over leadership of the group for me. I’ve been praying about it and God has placed you on my heart. Jase, I’d like you to consider taking over the responsibility of running the group.”
At first, Jase didn’t think he’d heard James correctly. “You want me? Why?”
James actually grinned. “I told you why. Don’t sell yourself short. God doesn’t.”
“I don’t get it. There are more people that are qualified then me. Aiden for one. I’m new. I’m still learning this whole thing. I could screw up.”
“You will. Screw up, that is. We all do. We’re human. That’s why I think God chose you. Because you are new. You still remember the old life and its pitfalls better than some of us old codgers.”
Jase didn’t see that as a good thing. “I don’t know…”
“I do. God does. Pray. He’ll give you an answer. He’ll give you the strength.” James clapped his shoulder. “We’ll talk more next meeting, okay?”
James didn’t wait for an answer, which was a good thing because Jase didn’t have one.
He waited until his head stopped spinning before he joined Aiden.
“What was that about?”
Jase unlocked his truck. “ Hop in. I’ll tell you on the drive over to Dairy Freeze.”
The trip took less than five minutes. Enough time to give Aiden the details of the bombshell James dropped on him. Much to his surprise, Aiden’s reaction wasn’t anything close to his own.
“So, what do you think? Crazy stuff, huh?” Jase prompted when Aiden remained quiet.
Aiden chewed on his words taking his time. “I heard rumors James might be leaving Cartwright.” Aiden waited until Jase put the truck in park to address the key piece of news. “But he’s right, you know. You’d be perfect for the role.”
Jase just about got whiplash turning to look at Aiden. Was he kidding? Didn’t his best friend in the whole world remember the wreck he’d been through just a few short months back? “You’re kidding, right?”
Aiden chuckled and opened the door. “Not at all. You’d be a good leader. Do what James suggested and pray. God’s never shy about answering.”
Once they’d said hello to the old-timers and ordered their coffee, Jase couldn’t wait to tell Aiden about his good news about the turkey farm and his time with Cara. He’d barely slept a wink the night before. He’d expected Aiden to caution him about getting too far ahead when Jase recited almost verbatim his conversation with Cara, but Aiden’s enthusiasm shocked him.
“She’s right. You have changed. You’re growing in God.”
Jase nodded and lowered his head. Aiden’s praise had been hard won. He still remembered all those long nights Aiden spent at his side as he sobered up.
“Thanks. That means a lot.”
Aiden smiled his acknowledgment. “So are you coming over for Thanksgiving this year?”
Jase was surprised it took his friend this long to ask. He gulped some coffee and stayed focused on the table. “No, not this year. Cara wants to spend it together.”
He felt Aiden’s concern and glanced up. “I’ve encouraged you to talk to Cara and all, but you know what I’m going to say, don't you, buddy?”
Jase did. He could almost recite those words by heart, too. “Yeah, I do and you’re right. I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I need to take it slow.”
“But you won’t.”
“How do you know? You said yourself I’ve changed.”
Aiden chucked again and shook his head. “You won’t because you can’t. She’s in your blood. Your heart. You can no more take it slow with Cara than I could say no to Fran. Ain’t gonna happen. We love our women too much for that.”
*****
Cara was on her second trip
to the window to check for Jase when she spotted his truck creeping up the drive. The usual rollercoaster range of emotions surfaced, dominated by nerves.
It was silly to feel this nervous. They’d known each other forever and they were, after all, married. Still, she couldn’t help it. It almost felt as if they were on their first date again. She wasn’t sure what to say. How to act.
Cara retrieved her Bible from the bedside table where she’d left it and took her time heading to answer the door. She was trying to kill the butterflies in her stomach.
Jase’s crooked grin didn’t help. Nor did his next words. “Hi there. You sure look pretty.” His gaze trailed over her, making her whole being feel warm.
To tell the truth, he didn’t look so bad himself. Jase had dressed in a charcoal-gray suit. She recognized it right away. She’d bought it for him in the hopes that he’d try it out by attending church with her. His crisp white shirt accentuated Jase’s tanned skin.
“Thanks. You look pretty good yourself. Nice suit, by the way.”
“You remembered. I hoped you would.” He waited while she locked the house.
She wanted to ask him how his meeting went, but the nerves were back, determined not to leave her in peace. Jase parked the truck and hopped out. She knew him well enough to know he’d want to open the door for her. By his own admission, Jase was very old-fashioned.
Standing next to him, Cara remembered their wedding day. They’d left the church in his old truck with all the well wishes of their friends. That had been the perfect beginning for what she believed would be their fairy tale marriage.
The rawness of reality crept into this perfect Sunday morning. Jase seemed to sense it because he took her hand.
“Give us time. We’ll get there.”
His words tore at her heart. He could say that because he didn’t know the truth. Would he still feel the same when he did?
She didn’t have an answer for him. Not that it mattered. Jase didn’t seem to expect one.
They spotted Aiden and Fran and made their way up front, shaking hands with all their old acquaintances as they did.
