“Speak for yourself,” I said. “I'm never going to be an old anything. I'll call you tomorrow.” I turned around and almost bumped right into Roman.
“You're walking out now?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Well, a lady shouldn't be by herself this late at night. You just never know.”
I nodded, because it was easier to let him think I was a lady rather than explain that I'd been on these mean streets plenty of times (later than this) by myself. But I'd let him do the gentlemanly thing just so I could have a few extra minutes with my fantasy.
Together we took two steps before Alexis came barreling around the corner. She glanced at me, then her eyes turned to Roman. And with a shake of her head and a laugh, she pushed past me as if she hadn’t been there to celebrate my happy occasion.
I knew what she was thinking: that I was about to do Roman. She thought I was a whore, but she didn't know me at all, 'cause if she did, she'd know that I didn't do that kind of thing for free.
So I just ignored her, and turned my attention back to Mr. Chocolate and our final moments together….
“You awake yet, babe?”
Oh, man. I'd almost forgotten that I was dreaming. I felt like I was right there, right back at last night. But now I was on the verge of consciousness, and I didn't want to wake up. I wasn't finished with reliving the party’s last moments.
“Babe?” Kenny called out to me again.
Inside I sighed, really irritated that he was stopping me from getting to my happy ending. I wanted to remember the way Roman had walked silently by my side as we made our way to the parking lot. I wanted to remember the way he'd taken the car key from my hand and unlocked the door, then held it open as I slipped inside. And finally, I wanted to remember the way his fleshy lips felt like satin had brushed across my cheek--my goodnight, goodbye-forever kiss.
Even though that's where last night had ended, my plan had been to continue the dream and take it to that forbidden place: where I would have pulled Roman into the car and he would've had his way with me right there. It wouldn't have been the first time that I'd had sex in a car with a man I'd known for thirty minutes. That was the life of a stripper-plus--which was the name us girls in the industry called ourselves, because we couldn't possibly be compared to the ladies of the night who strolled the streets and congregated on corners. We were on a much higher level.
Anyway, that had been my plan…to dream a little longer and imagine what could have been.
But I didn't get the chance to do any of that, because my betrothed had chosen that moment to come out of the shower and wake me up.
“Babe?”
He was gonna push it 'til I opened my eyes. So I did. I let my lids flutter open slowly, though, as if I'd been in a deep sleep. I milked it too, stretching and moaning as though I was being dragged into consciousness totally against my will.
That was supposed to make Kenny feel bad, so he’d tell me to go back to my sweet dreams. But when my eyes were all the way open, Kenny stood in front of me with a white towel wrapped loosely around his waist and a super-sized grin on his face. I knew what he wanted, but he wasn't gonna get it.
I guess he could see my answer by the look in my eyes.
“Ah, man!” he whined, like he was a kid being denied candy. “You're serious about this, aren't you?”
“What part of 'I want our wedding night to be special' don't you understand?”
He eased down onto the bed and brushed his lips against the same place on my cheek where Roman had left his mark. “Any time you and I are together is special to me,” he said, looking into my eyes. “Don't you feel that way too?”
I nodded, even though by agreeing, I was lying. I mean, Kenny really was my hero. He was the best man that I knew. It was just that he didn't do it for me anymore.
Inside, I sighed. I remembered the days when I couldn't get enough of Kenny Larson. From high school until our junior year in college, I could've sexed this man for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all the snacks in between.
But then came our senior year, and my mother's illness, and incredible medical bills, and her death, and my do-right father who believed that he should never be a debtor. All of that led to the emptying of a college fund that my parents had saved for years, and a hefty tuition bill that had to be paid if I was going to graduate with my class from USC.
And that led to the day I walked into Foxtails, one of the more popular upscale strip clubs in LA, dropped my pants for Buck, the owner, and took off everything else a few hours later for a few hundred men.
But it was in the VIP room where I earned the most. And not just in money. I mean, I was supposed to be back there for the men, but I was getting mine, too. There were men--especially some of the big ballers--who knew how to bring it to a woman. They gave it to me in every way anyone could imagine: lying down, standing up, upside down. There were times when I wanted to give the men their money back, just tell them that the pleasure was all mine. Of course, I never did that, but I made sure that I had seconds, thirds, fourths and beyond with some of those dudes. Those men turned me into a sex-craving woman who'd rather be in a king-sized bed than a five-star restaurant.
I'd had sex with so many men that it got to the point where I had to think about being in that back room when I was in bed with Kenny. Which was why I'd held back my goodies from him for the last three weeks. This was my quest to make our wedding night special, because the truth was that's what I really wanted, and that's what Kenny deserved.
Kenny pressed his lips against mine, but when his tongue started seeking permission to come inside, I pushed myself up and away.
“Not even a kiss?”
“Nope,” I said, “because if I start kissing you, I won't want to stop and then it'll be my fault.” That was the truth. I was so horny right about now--from my encounter last night, my dream this morning, and the lock I'd put between my legs for the last three weeks--that a kiss would bust me wide open.
“A'right,” he said begrudgingly. “But babe, it's gonna be all the way live tomorrow night.” He strutted to our walk-in closet as if he was moving to music. His towel was draped so loosely that all I had to do was blow and he'd be butt-naked. But I let him get away because I loved Kenny Larson something fierce and my self-imposed celibacy was part of my plan to get back all the love that I once had for him.
Kenny was the truth when it came to being a good man. He'd taken care of me during my darkest days and it wasn't his fault that I'd ended up finding a whole new life as a dancer at Foxtails. Truly, I wanted to get back to the place where we were before I started cheating on Kenny. Not that I was really cheating-cheating. All the men I'd been with over the last three years were strictly business.
But now that he was claiming me as his wife, I wanted to do right by him. Not sleeping with another man was going to be the easy part. It was getting back those deep-down-to-my-soul feelings for Kenny that were once such a natural part of me.
I was going to do it, though, no matter what. Because I loved him.
My beeper vibrated, and I grabbed it. On the screen was a number I knew all too well. Ugh! Didn't he get it? Didn't he know he wasn't supposed to contact me anymore?
“What's up, babe?” Kenny asked as he stepped out of the closet, fully dressed in one of the suits I'd purchased for him from the Men's Warehouse. That was a step-up from those places where he'd been buying his suits in downtown LA--three for seventy-nine dollars.
“Nothing,” I said. “Why?”
“You look like you'd seen a ghost. Who beeped you? Work?”
“Yeah,” I said, glad that he'd come up with the lie for me. “I'll call them, but I'm still not going in. Carnation will have to do without me 'cause today is totally about getting myself ready for you.”
Those words made him pimp-strut over to the bed. “I like the sound of that,” he said. “But you don't have to do anything to get ready. You look pretty perfect to me.”
It was a déjà vu
moment - one of those times when you knew you'd been in this place before, but just can't remember when. Only I knew exactly when. I was here last night. Kenny had just uttered the same words that Roman had said to me.
I shuddered.
“You cold, babe? The air-conditioning's not on.”
“No, no, I'm fine,” I said, giving him a very light peck on his lips. “You better get going or you're gonna be late.”
He nodded. “I wish I could take today off with you, but I'm using all my time for our honeymoon.”
That made me smile. Kenny hadn’t told me where we were going yet, and I was enjoying the mystery. It was totally so unlike him. He was always so rock solid, so predictable, so…boring. But keeping the honeymoon a secret spiced things up a bit for me, and it meant a lot that he was trying so hard.
“Are you sure you don't want to tell me where we're going?” I asked for the thousandth time. “How am I suppose to pack?”
He shook his head just like he did all those other times. “This is my surprise and it will not be spoiled, woman,” he said, trying to sound like a throwback to caveman days. “I told you. You don't have to pack a thing. I got you!”
That was another thing that made this so great. He was taking care of everything. Usually, I was the one who did the planning, the preparations and, the paying. But with this, Kenny was stepping up.
Even though he wouldn't give me any hints, I clapped my hands like a kid. I was so excited.
Kenny laughed and then hugged me. “This is it,” he said.
I stood up so that I could give it to him real. “The next time you'll see me, I'll be your bride.”
“You'll be my wife.”
With those words, I let him kiss me. How could I not? As we embraced, I remembered all the times we'd had together and remembered why I wanted to marry this man. By the time we pulled away from each other, I was absolutely sure that by this time next week, I'd be all the way back in that loving place.
“Have fun at the hotel tonight,” he said.
“I'm not going to be doing anything. I'll just be waiting for tomorrow to come.” I kissed him once again and watched him stroll out of our bedroom, so pleased with myself. I was doing the right thing by letting this sexual tension build. Tomorrow it would be on for real.
Then, my beeper vibrated once again. I didn't even have to look down at the number. I knew who was calling.
And it was not good.
Chapter 3
My heart pumped, and my stomach fluttered as I turned my BMW into the parking lot at Foxtails. It had been a while since I'd been here. Once I quit, I didn't look back--that had been my plan, to sever all ties. But then the call had come in this morning from Buck and curiosity replaced the blood in my veins and pumped all through me. I’d called him back the moment Kenny walked out the door.
“Pepper!” he sang when he picked up. “What's happening? You ready to come back to work?”
“Buck, please don't waste my time. I'm only calling 'cause you paged me, twice. What's up with that?”
“Can't an old boss call his best girl?”
“Not for no nonsense,” I said, with an attitude.
It still surprised me how I could get away with talking to Buck any ol’ way, especially since he scared me to death the first time I'd met him: this big-hipped white boy, with his thick, blond, shoulder-length locks, who talked like a Black man. I'd been shaking when he made me take off my top and drop my pants so that he could check out what I was working with. He'd looked me over like I was a piece of meat, which I guess I was.
Anyway, that was the last time he had me shaking. The only times I shook after that was on stage for money.
I have to admit, though, Buck and I had a special relationship. That man looked out for me. I “dated” a lot of men, but because of Buck, I never felt like I was in any kind of danger. He didn't play that, and those dudes knew it. If anyone ever wanted me to leave the club with them, Buck had to know about it. Had to know who it was, where was I going, and then I had to call and check in once it was over. I always pretended that Buck did that because he cared for me. But I knew what was up. This was all about the Benjamins; Buck had a vested interest. I was, by far, his biggest rainmaker. He couldn't let anything happen to me.
But we had parted ways because I was getting married and I wanted to be the wife who stayed true. So a call from him was not what I wanted the day before my wedding.
“Listen, Buck,” I’d said to him. “If you ain't talkin' 'bout nothin', then, I'm gonna hang up.”
“No, no, you know I'm just playin'. I do need you to come by the club, though.”
“For what?” I put a lot of bass in my voice so that he could hear my frown.
“I got something for you. For your wedding.”
I knew that was a lie right off the bat. “Your cheap behind didn't get me a dang-bang thang! If you don't tell me, I'm just gonna hang up and…”
He laughed. “I didn't get you nothin'. You need to be paying me…leaving me and you were my best girl.”
I rolled my eyes. How many times was he going to take me back to that? I'd quit Foxtails three months ago, figuring that was going to give me enough time to feel like a virgin again on my wedding night. But that didn't stop Buck from calling and begging me to come back.
Buck just didn't know. It was hard for me to walk away from all of that sex and all of that money. Especially since the star I thought I was marrying never got around to shining. Kenny had taken a job with the Los Angeles Times in the finance department. And even though he had a degree from one of the top schools in the country, he had settled for earning only $25,000 a year, half of what I was making at my job at Carnation. It seemed that the man I fell in love with, the man who talked big about living large and having dreams, didn't have very much ambition at all.
I'd thought about calling off our engagement many times--I needed to be married to someone who was much more like me when it came to wanting the best out of life. But I was never prepared to walk away. Not only did I really love Kenny, but he was still the popular college football star who got invited to all kinds of top-shelf events as a keynote speaker. Those engagements brought in some loot, and if I helped him work it, that could still be our ticket. But it was going to take some time for that river to start flowing, which is why I'd kept my gig at Foxtails even after I graduated. Dancing for and dating the men at the club gave me the money that Kenny couldn't provide…yet. And not only money, but other gifts of gratitude: diamonds, gold, and fur. It was all the same. All good to me.
It wasn't too hard to keep that side of my life from Kenny. He wasn't looking for anything; he never expected my deception, so he never saw it. Plus, I had an arsenal of lies that were easy for my husband-to-be to believe. From the non-existent humongous insurance policy that my mother supposedly left me and my sister, to the late hours I had to keep because that was the best way for a newly-hired assistant Marketing Director like me to make the best impression and begin her climb up the corporate ladder. My lies kept my life in order.
But the thing was, I didn't want to start off my marriage as a liar. So as I eased my way up the front steps of Foxtails, I promised myself that no matter what Buck had to say, this would be the very last time that I stepped inside this place.
I swung the heavy front door open and just like the first time I'd entered this club, darkness and music hit me. It was just ten in the morning, and the club didn't officially open 'til noon, but still Buck always kept the music blasting just in case an early customer walked in. I paused for a moment, the familiar feeling of power almost overtaking me. But then I moved forward, trying my best to stay focused on my future while I left behind all memories of my past.
I took just a few steps to my left and found Buck where he always seemed to be: behind the bar.
“What's up?”
Buck swung his almost three-hundred pound frame around and grinned. “'Sup with you? You coming back?”
“I don't have
any time for this.” I folded my arms. “Either you tell me what this is about or I'm outta here.”
“Dang. What's your hurry? I thought you'd want to hang out for a little while, slide down a pole or two, you know, for old times’ sake.”
“Buck!”
“All right. Geez.” He took a swig from the bottle he was holding.
I shook my head. Buck was drinking beer like it was orange juice.
He said, “There's someone here to see you.”
My eyes narrowed because though Buck protected me, I didn't have anyone to protect me from him. “Who?”
Buck shrugged. “He asked me not to tell you.”
“More games?”
Buck held up his hands. “Hey, I don't have anything to do with this one. He said to just tell you to come on back.”
My old boss didn't have to tell me where “come on back” was. I was even more annoyed now. For all I knew, Buck could've been setting me up--he could've had someone in the back waiting to get down with me. But my inquiring mind needed to know what this mystery was about. I frowned at Buck, just to let him know again how pissed I was, and then sauntered toward the red velvet curtains, to a room that I'd grown to both love and hate.
When I first became a dancer, I prided myself on the fact that I truly only danced. I wasn't like the other girls who were doing far more than stripping.
But then I met Mr. Smith. All of his money, and all of his gifts changed everything. And though I danced for that white man privately and lay with him unashamedly, I only had sex with Mr. Smith once…for six thousand dollars on his last night in Los Angeles.
That six thousand dollars opened the door and took my…dancing…to a whole 'nother level. Once the door was open, I couldn't find a way to close it--not until three months ago.
Now, as I stood outside the room that had given me so much physical pleasure and psychological pain, I wondered not only who was on the other side, but who did I wanted it to be. There were hundreds of men who'd made my sexual acquaintance over the four years of my dancing career, but I didn't have a clue which one had summoned me here.
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