I heard his smile before I even had the chance to glance up. Every time I saw my husband these days, I was more than thrilled. He greeted me with his crooked smile and that glow in his eyes that told me how much he loved me. The way he said hello let me know that we had at least one more night of happiness.
I grinned and jumped from my chair. Wrapped my arms around him, closed my eyes and held him as tightly as I could. I might not be a religious woman, but I said a little prayer thanking God that another day had passed without Kenny finding out the truth.
I squeezed my husband once more, opened my eyes, and gasped.
Just feet away, behind Kenny, stood Roman--grinning at me.
“Oh my God.”
Kenny pulled away and held me by my shoulders. “Baby? What's wrong?”
It was hard for me to breath; Roman was right in my view.
“Jasmine!”
Roman moved a step closer, and his grin got wider. I closed my eyes and trembled more.
“Jasmine? What's wrong?”
I was trying to think, think, think. I had to figure out what to say to Kenny, how to explain this whole thing to him in just seconds before Roman came over and blew up my world.
“Jasmine!” Kenny called out to me again.
I opened my eyes and Roman was just two feet away.
“Baby, talk to me,” Kenny said.
That was when I did the only thing that I could do. I closed my eyes and wilted to the floor.
“Jasmine!” Kenny yelled. I could feel him over me as I held my breath. “Oh my God! Please, help me. My wife just fainted!”
Chapter 16
I couldn't believe I was in the back of this ambulance, but here I was, rocking and rolling as the vehicle, with its lights flashing, sped down LaBrea.
“All of her vitals are stable,” the EMT said to the other who was driving. “Though her heart rate is still rapid and her blood pressure is still a little high. But there's nothing else.”
What else could there be?
That's what I wanted to ask him, but I kept my eyes closed as the EMT took the blood pressure band off of my arm. On the other side of the gurney was Kenny, holding my hand, squeezing it every couple of seconds, and telling me through the whole ride that I was gonna be all right.
When the car slowed down for what I figured was traffic, I peeked through one eye at Kenny. He was looking out the back window, so he didn't see me, but the poor guy was still shaking.
Dang-bang-it! I hated doing this to my husband, scaring him this way. But what else was I supposed to do? Roman had been right there, standing just feet away.
The thought made me groan again.
“Baby,” Kenny whispered as he turned back to me, “it's gonna be okay.”
He was wrong about that. Roman was serious about ruining my life. This wasn't a game for him; this seemed to be his life's purpose.
And the energy he put into his purpose seemed to be far greater than my efforts to keep him away from us. I was sure that once I'd fainted, he would run the other way. My plan was that someone would think I was dead and that news would rush through the crowd; Roman would hear that, and he would hightail it out of there, knowing that my death was his fault. My blood was on his hands, and he'd feel guilty all of the days of his life.
At first, I thought my plan had worked. After Kenny screamed out that I wasn't breathing, I could hear people shouting. I could feel the energy around me, folks rushing from here to there, getting towels to put under my head and a tablecloth to cover me. Somebody fainting at Georgia's was a big deal, and I played it all the way.
The EMTs showed up about ten minutes after I faked the funk, got me onto that stretcher, and then rolled me through the crowd of diners and employees standing around with wide eyes and open mouths.
But as I peeked through my eyelashes, there was Roman! Pretending that he was just another face in the concerned crowd. He stood out, though. How could he not? With that bald head and fine face, and those eyes, not to mention those muscles. But what stood out the most was that while there was not one other person with a smile, Roman was grinning so hard I swear I could see all thirty-two of his sparkling teeth! Like he knew that I was faking this whole thing. This was a joke to him.
Remembering the way he stood there, taunting me even as I lay on the stretcher, made me groan again. That sent Kenny into his reassurance mode. But there was nothing that my man could say, and no medicine that the doctors could give that would cure me. Roman was going to tell Kenny everything.
What was I going to do?
Thinking about Roman kept my heartbeat up and my blood pressure rising. At the hospital, the EMTs dragged me from the ambulance and across the concrete driveway, hitting every bump along the way. I had a headache by the time I landed in the emergency room. The two men rolled me to a curtained-off section pretty quickly, thank God, and left me alone with Kenny.
I was grateful for that. I didn't want doctors rushing to save me when there were folks in the ER who really needed somebody to save their lives. I would've felt awful if someone had died while a doctor was trying to figure out my fakery.
“Baby?” Kenny's voice was shaky as he stroked my hand, so gently, as if he thought I might break if he applied any kind of pressure.
I let my eyes flutter open. “What happened?”
“You fainted.”
“I did?” I said, playing the whole thing out.
“Yeah. We're at the hospital. They're gonna check you out.”
“I'm fine,” I said. “Really. I'm fine.”
But thoughts of Roman made me squirm. I had no idea how he'd known I was at Georgia's, so what was to stop him from coming here? He didn't need to do a lot of investigating to figure out where I was right now; leaving in the ambulance was a good clue.
“Baby, are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I squeaked, trying to sit up just a bit.
“I'm gonna call the doctor; you're really sweating now.”
I hadn’t even noticed that, but I wasn't surprised. My thoughts made it hard for me to breathe and my chest was beginning to ache from the way my heart was pounding. Now I needed medical attention for real.
Stepping over to the curtain, Kenny peeked out. “Please! I need a doctor in here. My wife….”
I bounced back on the gurney, too weak to even sit up. I couldn't believe I was causing all of this distress--for myself and for Kenny--just because my panties had fallen off with Roman.
I leaned back and closed my eyes. Either I was gonna have to tell Kenny, or I was gonna have to die. Those were my only options, and they seemed pretty equal to me.
“Mrs. Larson?”
I opened my eyes. The bright light above where I was lying made me squint. I hadn't even heard anyone walk into the room.
A man in a bright white lab coat took what looked like a penlight from inside his jacket and shined it into my eyes, first my right one, then my left. “Can you see me?”
Was this doctor kidding? How was I supposed to see anything with that bright light in my eyes?
I blinked a couple of times after he put his flashlight/weapon away. “I can see now.”
He nodded and felt my forehead the way my mother used to when I was a kid. What kind of doctor was he?
“I'm Doctor Avery,” he said as his hand ventured across my forehead. “You do seem a little warm, but nothing outside of the ordinary.” He pulled over the stool, sat his butt down, looked at me, and said, “Okay, talk to me.”
I frowned. “About what?”
“About what's causing this reaction. If I had to guess, it seems like you had some kind of anxiety attack.”
If he had to guess? Were doctors supposed to guess anything? I wanted to see this guy's medical degree.
“So tell me,” he continued, “what's going on in your life?”
I glanced at Kenny, standing at the foot of the gurney, then lowered my eyes. “Nothing,” I whispered.
“Doctor,” Kenny began, “we just got married. Someone
told me once that that's pretty stressful.”
The doctor chuckled. “Indeed it is.” He peered at me as if he was trying to see right through me. What kind of doctor was he? I hoped he wasn't one of those new age psychic people who could see into the beyond, like into your thoughts and mind. He said, “Do you think you're pregnant?”
“No!” I said before he could even finish. “No! We just got married.”
The doctor chuckled. “Uh, length of marriage doesn't have anything to do with pregnancy.” Doctor Avery glanced at Kenny.
My husband grinned. “Do you think….”
“No!” I said. I wasn't really sure it I was telling the truth or not. I mean, I hadn't thought about being pregnant. But being pregnant would be much worse than anything else that was going on right now. Because that would mean that I was pregnant by one of two men.
“So there's nothing else?” the doctor said.
Kenny answered, “Well, there was that accident.”
The doctor looked from Kenny to me, and then back to Kenny. “What accident?”
“She saw a really bad accident,” Kenny said. “She's been upset about it ever since.”
When the doctor turned to me, I figured he wanted me to say something, so I added, “Yeah, I watched a little boy die.”
“A little boy?” Kenny frowned. “I thought you said it was a little girl.”
My mother had told me that the hardest part about lying was keeping track of the lie. I had to get better at this. I leaned back, closed my eyes and moaned.
“All right,” Doctor Avery said. He had an extra little lilt in his voice. As if, like Roman, he knew that I was faking. “I'm gonna take some blood, run a few tests, just to be sure. But overall, I think you're okay. Like I said, seems like it's just stress.” He patted Kenny on his back before he left the room, as though he felt sorry for him or something.
Could the doctor tell I was lying just by looking at me?
When he left us alone, Kenny turned to me with confusion in his eyes. I knew he was probably still thinking about how the sex of the accident victim had changed. “I agree with the doctor,” I said, wanting to give Kenny something else to focus on. “It's stress. All the planning for the wedding. My job.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Plus it's not all that easy being my wife,” he kidded.
That almost brought tears to my eyes. “But being your wife is all I've ever wanted.”
He bent down and pressed his lips against mine, but gently. “Just lean back and relax. There's no need for you to be stressed in here.”
I did what Kenny told me, but my husband just didn't know. In a few seconds or minutes or hours, Roman could show up and stress me the hell out.
“I'm gonna step out for just a minute. I wanna check with Dr. Avery and make sure he was telling us everything.”
I nodded and he kissed me again. He took three steps toward the door before I stopped him. He turned around when I called his name.
“I love you, Kenny.”
He grinned as if he already knew that. “I love you too. Just relax.”
Outside of my curtained space, I could hear the sounds of sickness all around me: the constant beeps of machines, the chatter of nurses, the strong voices of the doctors shouting orders, making demands. But inside my space, there was peace--for the moment. At least for these next few minutes, however long it lasted, I was going to relax.
I leaned back on the gurney, wiggled until I found a comfortable space, and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. And then, I groaned.
Because inside my head, all I could see was Roman.
Chapter 17
Kenny walked me into our apartment as if I had really been sick.
“Here, baby,” he said when we stepped inside, “let me get you settled on the couch.”
I went along with it all--his caring and his loving --because I just didn't know how much longer I was gonna have it. I knew that soon, very soon, this jig would be up. I couldn't keep Roman away from Kenny forever; that was proven today. I just needed to figure out the best way to handle what was to come.
When I leaned back on the couch, Kenny said, “I should've asked if you wanted to go into the bedroom.”
“No,” I said. “I'll just rest here for a while.”
He nodded. “Well, I'm going to fix you something to eat.”
“I don't want much. I don't have an appetite anymore,” I said, thinking about how I might never eat again.
“The doctor said you had to have something.”
“Okay, just some yogurt.”
Kenny nodded and kissed my forehead before he left me alone. I just wanted to cry. I had put my life at such risk.
But the truth was, I never thought I was risking a thing. Working at Foxtails had spoiled me. I'd been with so many men, for such a long time, without Kenny--or anyone--finding out. I thought I was invincible. I was the Master Liar. A deceiver at the highest level.
I guess what they say is the true: whatever is done in the dark will always come to the light. And this light was going to put the brightest spotlight on who I was. My whole marriage, my whole life, was a complete lie.
There were tears in my eyes when I pushed myself up on the couch and peered toward the kitchen. I couldn't see Kenny in there, though I could hear him opening and closing cabinets, slamming the refrigerator, running water. That man didn't deserve any of the hurt that was about to pour down on him.
I decided right then that since this storm was coming, it would go down the way I wanted it to. If Kenny was going to find out about me and Roman, it would be best if it came from me. I'd tell him as gently as I could; at least that way, I'd have a chance to explain and tell him just how much I loved him. Then maybe--though, I doubted it--I could save my marriage. Even if there was only a one percent shot, it was better than the chance I'd have if Roman walked up to Kenny and said, “Hey man, thanks for letting me screw your fiancée and wife.”
I breathed in the deepest breath that I could, not knowing when I'd have a chance to breathe like that again. I was going to tell Kenny now, before I lost my nerve. This way, I'd have all night to beg him to stay. He wouldn't be able to go anywhere--both of our cars were still at the restaurant. He'd have to stay here and talk to me, or at least listen as I begged for his forgiveness.
“Okay, baby, here's your dinner.” Kenny strolled into the living room balancing a tray in both hands.
Although my heart ached, just looking at my husband made me smile. “What's all this? I told you I just wanted yogurt.”
“It is yogurt. Banana,” he said as he sat the tray down beside me on the sofa. “I just didn't want you eating out of the carton.”
My husband had taken that little container of yogurt and made it look like a feast. He'd filled a crystal bowl with the yogurt and had placed a full place setting, with a knife, fork and spoon next to it. In the corner of the tray was a glass of his infamous red Kool-Aid, and next to the glass, there was a small vase with a single flower that he'd plucked from the plastic bouquet in the center of our dining room table.
I looked up at him and prayed that he could see all the love that I had for him.
“Kenny.”
He looked at me, waiting for me to say more.
“Kenny,” I repeated his name. My lips began to tremble.
And right before I burst into tears, he said, “Oh, baby, don't cry. I know what you're trying to say. I know how much you love me. I love you too. I'll love you forever and for always.”
***
Forever and for always.
In the darkness, Kenny's words blared in my mind. It had been that way from the moment he'd first said them to me tonight. The words were there even when he pushed the yogurt aside because I couldn't eat through my sobs. The words were there even when he walked me into the bedroom and undressed me as I cried. The words were there as we lay together, as he held me and kissed me and told me that he loved me, too. Forever. For always.
That was when I cried
harder. I cried until I was exhausted and Kenny had fallen asleep.
He rested; I didn't.
But even as he snored softly, his words still played in my mind.
Forever. For always.
Those words were so important to him. That's what Kenny had promised when we first became boyfriend and girlfriend; that's what he promised when he proposed; and that's what he promised when we got married.
Forever. For always.
It was his promise, his commitment--and unlike me, Kenny wasn't a liar or a cheater. He meant what he said.
Kenny's hand rested on my waist and gently, slowly, I rolled over in the darkness, careful not to awaken him. I slid out of the bed, covered myself with my robe, and snuggled into the oversized chair in the corner.
I loved this old, soft chair. So broken-in that it was beyond comfortable. From here, even in the dark night, I could see the tip of the downtown skyline that wasn't hidden by other apartment buildings. When I turned my head just a little, I could see my husband resting in a peace that he thought belonged to him.
I sighed. There was no way that I'd ever be able to sleep again. Not as long as Roman was out there and not as long as Kenny didn't know. I just had to tell him. But every time I practiced and played the tape in my mind, I couldn't get past the first part. I couldn't get past saying, “Baby, Sweetheart, Honey, Love of my Life…I have something to tell you: I cheated on you the night before our wedding, and then even after we exchanged vows, that wasn't enough to keep me away from another man.”
That was when the tape stopped playing in my head. Not even my subconscious mind wanted to imagine what Kenny's face would look like when he heard that confession. Forget about all the names he would call me--it was the look on his face that I wouldn't be able to handle. The look that would come from a broken heart.
No. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't destroy his life.
Forever. For always.
Kenny and I were going to have our forever. Our for always.
I was going to make sure of it.
But how?
As I sat watching the stillness of the midnight hours outside, I thought about how I'd handled this. For the first time in my life, I was running, and that wasn't like me. I was used to fighting, and I wanted to fight; but how was I supposed to win a battle with a looney-tune? Roman was certifiable, and that meant he would do anything, and go to any extreme, because he didn't care what happened.
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