But some of those rumors had to be true, and I was hoping that Hines and his boys would put a whole lotta fear into that empty cavity in Roman's chest where his heart was supposed to be.
My hopes were high when I had Buck call me a cab so that I could get to work. But even when I got to Carnation, rode up in the elevator, and walked into my office, I was careful every step of the way. I probably looked like I’d lost my mind the way I was peeking around corners and looking under desks. Really, I expected Roman to come jumping out of somewhere. I wasn't about to let my guard down.
There was no sign of him, though I knew that didn't mean anything. I'd only left Hines thirty minutes ago; he hadn't had time to catch up with Mr. Crazy yet.
Even though I didn't really think it was funny, I had to chuckle as I thought about that: Mr. Crazy. Roman had gone from Mr. Chocolate to Mr. Crazy in, what, three weeks flat? If I knew then what I know now….
But I couldn't take back what I'd done and Roman couldn't take back what he'd done. So now both of us had to live with the consequences.
For the rest of the morning, I tried to concentrate on work. I had been so off-kilter since I'd gotten married that I was far behind; it was a miracle my boss hadn't been on my case.
I kept one eye on the door and one eye on the phone. But I was not disturbed, and by lunchtime I'd made a little dent in the reports that I had to do. I was on such a roll that I wanted to keep working, but I had to pick up my car. Once I’d done that, I checked in with Kenny to let him know I was okay (and to make sure he hadn't heard from Roman).
“You left so early this morning,” Kenny said to me. “But I'm glad you're all right.”
“I'm better than all right, baby. I'm just tired of feeling bad, and I'm ready to get to the good part with you.”
“I like that.” He laughed. “So, do you want a do-over? Try to go out tonight?”
“Naw, with it being Friday, everyone will be out. Let's just stay home,” I said, feeling confident that by that time Hines would have met up with Roman and I wouldn't have to worry about Roman ringing my doorbell. “Let's just watch TV and cuddle on the couch.”
“That's what I'm talking about.”
I knew what I suggested was exactly the kind of night my husband loved. I just had to get used to that boring kind of normal and I would as long as I kept the memory of what had happened with Roman alive. Thinking about what I was going through now would be enough to keep me on the right side of righteousness.
“I'll pick up something for us to eat.” I smiled when I added, “At Yee's,” which of course was the same-old same-old. But it made Kenny happy.
“I love you, baby.”
I laughed; it was so easy to please my husband. Hines may have been a good guy, but he didn't know what he was talking about when it came to me and Kenny. I was gonna love that man for the rest of my life, and for the rest of my life, I was gonna stay true to him.
I was on my way to getting back to happy.
Chapter 20
This was a rare night.
First of all, I was the one who was home--Kenny was not. My husband was taking this real estate licensing seriously and yesterday, he'd found out about a special two-day class down at the Bonaventure Hotel.
When Kenny first told me about it and mentioned that he was going to be staying overnight downtown at the hotel, I wanted to beg him to come home. I'd even thought about jumping into the car with him this morning, though I would've had to answer lots of questions if I'd done that. The thing was, I didn't want to be home by myself.
It had only been three days since I'd spoken to Hines, and though I hadn't heard from Roman, I knew he was there. I could feel his eyes watching me everywhere I went, and I knew he was just waiting for that moment to make his move.
I knew this was paranoia, but it was real to me. I was so paranoid that I'd called Kyla and invited her to come over for a girls' night. And because she was my best friend, Kyla obliged. So here we were, sitting back with our legs stretched out on the coffee table, half-watching the Cosby show.
“You really are an old married woman now,” Kyla giggled before she sipped her favorite orange and cranberry juice drink. “Just sitting here, doing nothing, hanging out with me.”
“What are you talking about? We've been hanging out since kindergarten.”
She shook her head. “Nuh-uh. Since we graduated from college, we've hardly spent time together like this.”
I kinda shrugged and nodded at the same time. Kyla was right, but it wasn't like I had a lot of girlfriend time over the past few years. I'd been busy--working at Foxtails and doing all of that “entertaining.”
“But this is nice and I'm glad you called,” Kyla said. Reaching over and touching my hand, she added, “I've missed you.”
“Me too,” I said, really meaning it.
Kyla and I were as different as ketchup and mustard, but the thing was, this girl was my true friend. From the time we were kids, she never seemed to notice how different we were. It never bothered her that I was a scholarship student. She never cared that my father wore a blue denim shirt and pants to work while her father wore a suit. All Kyla ever saw was me, and that's why she would be my girl until the end of time.
“So, how do you like married life?” she asked, but then she didn't give me a chance to answer. “You don't even have to say anything. I can tell that you love it.”
An image of Kenny popped into my mind and all I could do was smile. “Yeah, I do. I'm really happy, Kyla. I never thought I would be this happy.”
Kyla waved her hand. “Oh, I knew that you would be. Kenny's your soul mate, just like Jefferson's mine.”
“I think you're right.”
Kyla twisted around onto the sofa to face me and tilted her head. “What do you mean you think? Didn't you know? Isn't that why you married Kenny?”
I put down my glass filled with lemonade. “I married Kenny because that's what I always wanted to do. And we both know I always get what I want.”
“Ha! Don't I know it.” Kyla laughed.
“But now I that I'm married, it's more than just wanting Kenny. It's knowing that I'm supposed to be with him.”
Kyla nodded as if she understood exactly what I meant. “You know we're two blessed chicks, right?”
Now it was my turn to laugh.
“No seriously,” Kyla continued. “Do you know how many women are out there searching for the man God chose for them?”
I tried my best not to roll my eyes, but it was really hard. Kyla was always bringing God into our conversation, and she never seemed to notice that that's when my attention to her exited stage left.
“First of all, they're out of order, because it's the man who finds a wife.”
Even though I kept a smile on my face, inside I sighed. I hoped this God-lecture was going to be a short one.
“But besides that,” Kyla kept on, “the problem is that women hook up with all of these men, sleeping with this one and that one, and they have no idea that sleeping around will actually stop them from being with the man who's really out there waiting for them.”
Okay, so most of the time, I tuned Kyla out when she started acting like a junior-miss-preacher. But obviously, this sleeping around subject was something that I could relate to.
She shook her head. “I wish I could shout it from the rooftops. People just don't know that these soul ties are real.”
“Soul ties?” I frowned.
She nodded. “Your soul is supposed to be tied to the man that God has chosen for you. But when you have sex with someone you're not supposed to be with, ungodly soul ties are formed and those things can straight mess you up for real.”
I can't really say that I believed in all of this religious goobly-goop. But maybe my heart believed, because it started beating just a little harder.
Kyla lowered her voice as if she didn't want anyone else to hear, even though we were alone. “Pastor Ford has been teaching us all about this, and she said that ung
odly soul ties that come from having sex with all of these people can actually fragment your soul so much that eventually, it will make it difficult for you to bond or be joined with anybody. There are women out there who are literally destroying their chances of ever having that relationship they're really looking for.”
The men I'd been with flipped through my mind like a deck of flash cards.
“I know you weren't a virgin when you got married,” Kyla said, without a hint of judgment in her voice. “I'm just glad that once you met Kenny, that was it for you. Or who knows what would've happened if you'd been out there like that.”
She said it like she was relieved, but for me, her words left me a little unsettled. Was the life I'd led the reason why I'd had sex with Roman while on my honeymoon? Had my soul been fragmented like Kyla said? Would I be able to love Kenny the way I wanted to? For the rest of our lives?
I shuddered.
“What's wrong?” Kyla asked.
Before I could answer, the telephone rang, giving me a wonderful reprieve. “I'm going to answer this,” I said to Kyla. “It might be Kenny.”
“Of course.” She waved her hand. “Go on.”
Within two seconds, though, I realized it wasn't my husband on the phone.
“Is this a good time?” Hines asked.
I didn't want to talk in front of Kyla, but I couldn't tell Hines to call me back. I had to know now if he'd talked to Roman. I pressed the phone as close to my ear as I could so that no sound would seep out for Kyla to hear. “Yeah, it's good.”
Hines said, “I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. You hooked up with a bad dude.”
As if he was telling me something I didn't know. Had Hines forgotten what this man had done to me?
But before I could tell him that, he continued, “A woman named Sheri Snow accused him of rape about three months ago, but he was never arrested--at least, not for that one. Another woman, a Marcie Majors, has accused him of the same thing, and there is a warrant out for him for questioning.”
In the seconds that it took Hines to give me that news, I played back the scenarios. I remembered the woman at the restaurant at the beach. She couldn't get away from Roman fast enough. Wasn't her name Sheri?
Then there was the way Roman had cut and run from the hotel security guard who found us in the staircase. That man hadn't been five-oh, but Roman probably didn't want to take any chances.
“And you know,” Hines said through my thoughts, “there have to be a lot more women out there; these aren't the only two. With you, that makes three. I don't know what else we're gonna find out about this guy, but I can tell you now, it's not going to be good.”
“Oh my God!” I could hardly breathe.
Kyla scooted closer to me on the sofa. “Are you okay?” she whispered.
I nodded, though I knew that I looked far from okay.
Through the phone, Hines said, “Sounds like you have company.”
“I do.”
“Well, I don't talk in front of company.”
“But I want to know….”
“There's nothing else you need to know, baby. I got this. Just don't tell anyone that we've talked.”
“Okay,” I said, but before I had the word totally out of my mouth, I heard the dial tone.
I held the phone to my ear for just a little while longer giving myself time to get steady, to let what I just heard settle in my mind. Finally, I set the phone back in the cradle.
“Jasmine,” Kyla whispered my name. “Are you all right?”
I nodded. “Yeah. It's just that I got some news.” I shook my head. “But I'm gonna be okay.” I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I'm sure of it now. I'm gonna be okay.”
And then, my best friend did the thing that made her my best friend--she leaned over and hugged me. She didn't ask another question or say another word. Just hugged me.
As we embraced, Hines’ words played in my head, and I realized something: I had been raped. Though I'd been telling myself that over and over, I'm not sure I believed it until this moment. But that man had raped me--and other women too.
All I wanted to do was cry, but I held it in because Kyla was here. Plus, I didn't have to worry anymore. Like Hines said, he had me. I was sure that once Hines talked to him, Roman would never come near me again.
Especially with what I now knew.
Thank God this was over.
Chapter 21
I was just about ready for my husband to come home.
He'd only been gone for one night, but I missed him so much. Some of it had to do with the news I'd received from Hines, but most of it had to do with the fact that I just liked having my husband around. So I was preparing a welcome-home feast for him: all of his favorites from Yee’s, and his favorite drink.
I had the plates set out on the TV trays, our Chinese food in microwave dishes, and now all I had to do was make a pitcher of red Kool-Aid. I had stopped at the store just to get a couple of packages and it was a good thing that I'd bought two because as I tried to tear open the first stupid little package, it ripped and all the red granules tumbled all over the counter. This was why I hated making that stuff; the Kool-Aid always spilled on me.
I was in too good a mood to get upset about anything tonight, though. Kenny was coming home, and with the call from Hines last night, I was free. So I just used my hand to swipe the wasted Kool-Aid off the counter, fixed the other package, and then poured my husband's favorite drink into our wine glasses. I made sure that the Al Green cassette was in the stereo. Of course, I knew that my husband would prefer just sitting down and watching TV right away, but before he did that, he was gonna dance one time with me.
The moment I heard Kenny's key turning in the lock, I cranked up the music, picked up the wineglasses, and did a little two-step to the door.
When my husband walked in, I sang with Al as my backup, “I'm…I'm so in love with you. Whatever you want to do…”
Kenny laughed, dropped his garment bag at the door and took one of the glasses from my hand.
He joined in the song, “It's all right with me….”
It was now a duet as we danced our little hustle together and when Al got to the part of, “I'll never be un…true,” I raised my voice so loud you couldn't hear Kenny or Reverend Green.
We rested our glasses on the TV trays and then sang and danced like we were on stage or something, laughing because we both knew that we should only be singing in the shower, but dancing because we were just having fun as man and wife.
This was our forever. Our for always.
When the song ended, we fell onto the couch, giggling so hard, I wondered if we would ever stop. Finally, I caught my breath and picked up my glass. I clicked it against Kenny's and said, “Welcome home, baby.”
We both took a small sip of our Kool-Aid, and then Kenny leaned over and gave me a kiss that felt like it would stop my heart. When he finally pulled back, I could hardly breathe.
But he was fine. He said, “I'm gonna go change my clothes and be right back.”
“Okay,” I said, still gasping. “I'll heat up your plate.”
I watched him strut into the bedroom and then I stood and headed into the kitchen. By the time I came back to the living room, Kenny was already slouched back on the couch, with the television on and the remote in his hand.
I smiled. My husband was home.
“Would you look at this?” he said, pointing to the TV and taking his plate from my hand.
I sat as Kenny turned up the volume. The television screen filled with the face of the reporter. “Again, I'm here on Venice Beach,” she said, “Muscle Beach actually, the place that Arnold Schwarzenegger made famous.”
That was all I needed to hear before my head started spinning.
“Today, one of Muscle Beach’s regulars, an unnamed body builder, was found dead, his larynx crushed in an apparent accident when a barbell fell on him as he was doing chest presses.”
“See,” Kenny said as he waved his fork in
the air. “This is why I don't exercise anymore. It's too dangerous.”
I couldn't tell if my husband was serious or just trying to make a joke out of this sickly situation. I couldn't tell because I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak.
The reporter moved now to the edge of the workout pen where I'd stood talking to Roman just a few weeks ago. “Strangely, the accident occurred in the middle of the day in a crowded area, and yet there are no witnesses to the incident itself. Police are currently investigating….”
I could see the blue uniforms behind her and the yellow tape that sectioned off one part of the workout area.
“…for now, it is being ruled an accident. Police are withholding the name of the victim until relatives can be notified. Back to you in the studio.”
“Wow,” Kenny said as he picked up a rib and gnawed on the bone. He reached for the remote to turn the channel. “There's gotta be something else on…”
I couldn't even hear the rest of my husband's words. I pushed back my tray and stood up.
“Where you going?”
I pointed toward the bathroom and heard Kenny grunt his acknowledgment. I made it just in time to fall on my knees and wrap my arms around the toilet, just in time to spill my guts, my guilt, my grief.
They had not identified the man, but I knew who it was.
Roman.
Roman was dead.
Because of me.
When there was nothing left inside of me, I sat there and contemplated what had happened, what I had done. I just let the minutes tick by.
Roman was dead.
The floor was cold and hard. Finally, I pushed myself up. It took every bit of energy I had to grab the toilet bowl, then another herculean effort to reach the sink and use that for the final push to stand. When I rose, the first thing that I saw was my face in the mirror.
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