by Mays, Nikki
"What in the hell is that chicks problem," I ask Mellie as I walk through the door of the office.
"What chick?" She blinks up at me with doe eyes, but I'm not fooled. She knows damn well who I'm talking about.
"Barbie's cheaper and used up looking sister Whorie," I growl at my best friend. I know that this is my payback for making fun of Mel when she would get back from visiting Morris or Marc all pissed off.
"What happened?" She asks with a smirk.
"I went to go visit the Dam and bring him and the guys some lunch. I figured since I was out running some of our errands that I would be nice and feed them." I say as I drop down into a chair. An hour later and I'm still ready to rip out her overly bleached hair.
"And." My former bestie says while gesturing with her hand to speed this along.
"That ridiculous looking Heffer tried to turn me away. Told me that the guys don't like when "desperate women" show up and try to snag one of them." Mel makes a chuckle and cough sound when I finish my sentence.
"What did you say to that?" She's salivating at what my answer could be. She knows that it takes a lot to bring out my inner bitch. But once she's front and center, she takes the whole damn stage.
"I told her being is desperate is better than looking cheap," I tell her with glee.
"Ha! I can only imagine the look on her face!" Mel says with her face in her hands completely ignoring whatever it was that she was working on.
"And when she told me that she wasn't cheap I said, “Honey if you were any cheaper, you'd be free." I'm still really proud of myself for that one. Rude ass. Mel's now laughing so hard that she has tears streaming down her face.
"Please tell me that this was caught on camera somewhere. I need to find the video ASAP!." She says while holding onto her stomach.
"No, but Declan and Rocco caught the tail end of my verbal lashing. They seemed thoroughly amused with how bright red her face turned. On second thought, I wouldn't put it past those two to have watched and recorded the whole thing." I offer. Mel jumps right on that thought and grabs her phone. I just stare at her blankly. She looks way too excited about this.
"Don't give me that look." She pouts. "I have been dealing with that rude ass bitch for years now! I swear one of these days I'm going to snap and knock all of that caked on mess right off her face."
"Tell me how you really feel." I draw. But I totally understand it now. I would've helped Mellie anyway in the name of friendship. Now I'd help just for the satisfaction alone. "Anyway, Dec and Roc finally dragged me away from the she-demon and took me to the break room. Of course, they shared my verbal sparring session with everyone as soon as we walked in."
"I'm sure they all enjoyed that story. They don't seem to be overly fond of her either." Mel replies while scowling at her phone. "Dammit! They didn't record it. Do you think we could get a tape from the surveillance feed?"
"I don't see why not. I'm sure they give those out to anyone who asks." I infuse as much sarcasm as humanly possible into that sentence. Although, I should remember who I'm talking to.
"Really! You think so?" Mel asks excitedly. At the vacant look in my eyes, she purses her lips. "You could've just answered seriously. Just because you're in a bad mood, there's no need to be a bitch." She sniffs with her nose in the air.
"It didn't occur to me that you would be serious. It's a damn police station, Mel! Of course, they're not going to just give away their surveillance tapes."
"Whatever." She mumbles while moving around some paperwork on her desk. "Here. This was left for you." She hands me a piece a paper. I look down and see that it's a very detailed drawing of myself.
Wow! This drawing is crazy good. It was done in pencil or something like it. It's of me standing behind the counter in the front of the shop. In the drawing, I'm laughing with my head thrown back. My hair is spilling every which way. It looks so lifelike. You can almost feel my happiness in the picture. I look around and flip it over. There is nothing on the back and I frown.
"Do you know who drew this?" I ask her. Whoever did this is seriously talented and I want to thank them. I fold it up so that it will fit in my pocket.
"No, Bri found it on the counter after our late morning rush was over. There was no note or anything with it. It's pretty incredible though. My guess is probably some teenage boy who didn't have the guts to give it to you in person. You know how you make men a little tongue-tied." She sends me a mischievous smirk. I just shake my head at her.
"You're delusional, you know that right? I don't make men too "tongue-tied", as you put it, to talk to me." She's constantly making fun of me, stating that I have no idea what I do to the opposite and how much fun it is to watch. I just think that she's nuts.
"I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one Shell. Now, shoo, back to the kitchen with you. I have a ton of invoices and stuff to get through before I have to leave to get MJ from my mom." She says while shooing me with both hands. Geez, I can take a hint. I get up and put the folded piece of paper into my back pocket.
"Fine, fine, I'll leave you to our bills," I say with a smirk while walking out the door towards the kitchen. Better her than me. That is one thing that I do not miss. Once we combined everything, Mel took over all of the bills. She went from my best friend to my hero.
A few hours later has me finishing our closing routine. I am so ready for a glass of wine and a bubble bath. I'm still partially seething over my run-in with Deanna. I have never wanted to beat someone with my rolling pin as badly as I want to beat her with it. With my luck, that caked on makeup would probably protect her and break it.
The only thing keeping me calm and happy is knowing that Damon is on his way to pick me up. It's been a little over three weeks since our the first time (and mortifying Q & A) together. Every day with him gets better and better. I love learning all the quirky things that make him tick. I love his dry sense of humor and the fact that I'm one of the only people who ever get him to fully smile.
Every smile and laugh that I get out of him feels like a huge win. Is he still moody and broody? Obviously. Amazing sex is not going to change that. I also wouldn't want him to change from my cuddly grizzly bear. I smile to myself thinking about how much he hates it when I call him that. I've also figured out that my girly bits get a good work out when I call him that multiple times a day. I'm nothing, if not opportunistic. What can I say? The sexy beast knows how to give good D.
The only time that I've considered getting rid of him within that past few weeks in when I made the mistake of working out with him. I realized too late that I should've listened to Dec when he told me to never mention exercising with Damon. He said that walking through hell would be more fun. I thought that he was just exaggerating. Or that it was even a guy thing. You know how they all love to be macho and compete.
Boy oh boy I learned that I made a mistake pretty quickly. When I was dying and thought that our workout was over, Damon was kind enough to inform me that that was just our warm up. Who the fluff warms up for over thirty minutes? Seriously, I was on my death bed at that point. Did my man decide that I had enough and let me rest? Nope! Not the fool I'm with. That jackrabbit forced me to continue for another hour!
Okay. I'm not saying that I don't work out, because I do. I love eating and I'm not trying to be a participant on the show my 600 lb life. But my workouts consist of me walking on the treadmill while checking Facebook and Instagram. What he had us doing what just plain fluffing torture! I didn't even know what half of that shit was! And if I never hear the word burpee again, it will be too soon! Great cardio my big bubble butt!
That fool really couldn't figure out why I was so damn pissed at him too. I could barely move for the first two days. And not that awesome, I can barely move because I had mind shattering sex. Nope, not me. A ninety-year-old woman could probably move better than me at that point. Captain obvious finally called Declan to see if he knew why I wasn't talking to him and only giving him dirty looks whenever we were in the
same room.
No one needs that kind of exercise in their life. I was seconds away from throwing that jerk out on his perfectly sculpted rear. Luckily, Dec talked some sense into him and I ended up getting a very nice full body massage for the next couple of days. We both agreed that it was in the best interest of our relationship that we never exercise together again. Speak of the delicious devil. I feel his strong arms wrap around me from behind.
"You bout' ready Doll?" He asks while burying his face in my hair and inhaling.
"Are you sniffing me?" I laugh.
"You always smell so sweet. It makes me want to lick you from head to toe." He tells me as he nuzzles my neck. I shiver at the thought.
"Keep talking like that, and I just might let you when we get home," I say as I turn around to face him. I wrap my arms around his neck and stand on my tippy toes for a kiss. He's so tall that he still has to bend down which he graciously does.
The kiss goes from sweet to hot in seconds. It feels like years instead of just hours since I've last has his lips on mine. I moan into his mouth as his tongue plunges in and out. I wrap one leg around his hip and grind myself onto him.
"Seriously! What is it with people and kitchens!" Marc screeches from the doorway. And just like that, it's like a bucket of cold water has been dumped on me. Though, I must admit his timing is impeccable.
I can't believe I almost climbed Damon like a tree in the kitchen of my business. What is wrong with me? He makes my hormones go all wanky. I need to remember to keep a safe distance when we're here. Damon growls something so low that I can't here but I imagine he's cursing Marc six ways to Sunday. I step out of his embrace and put a good couple of feet in between us. The scowl that Damon is giving me looks a cross between mean and little boy pouting. I wonder how he would take it if I told him that I thought that he was adorable?
"What are you doing here stretch?" I ask the man who is like a brother to me. A very annoying brother that I want to throw off a cliff on a weekly basis, but brother none the less.
"I came here to kill you and my sister." He says completely serious. I feel Damon stiffen beside me. He shouldn't worry though. Marc has threatened to kill us plenty of times over the years. He's really all bark and no bite.
"Why? What did I do? You're the one who tries to piss us all off?"
"Care to explain to me why there seems to be a profile for me up on a dating site?" Marc asks in an eerily calm voice. I forgot that we did that last week.
I see Mellie walking down the hall towards us and I try my best to signal her to run in the other direction. I at least have Damon here to save me. Thankfully she looks up in time to see me.
"Not so fast peanut." Marc reaches behind him with one of his freakishly long arms and grabs her before she can make her escape.
"Oh, hhheeey Bubs, what's up?" She says while trying to look at him with doe eyes. Unfortunately, she just looks like a deer in headlights.
"I was just telling the other half of your brain here that I found an interesting dating profile today and wanted to see if you two knew anything about it." He says with narrowed eyes.
"Nope," Mellie states while popping the p.
"Really? Because I seem to recall overhearing you tell mom how you wish that I would get a girlfriend."
"Mom who?" My dimwitted best friend asks. Damon's laughing so hard behind me that he's actually shaking me. I just put my hands over my face trying not to witness this colossal train wreck happening.
"I swear to God. Some days I really wonder how we're related." Marc states while shaking his head.
"I know, I still maintain that you were switched at birth," Mel tells him with a grin. It's been an ongoing joke that he had to have been switched at birth because of his size.
"You know damn well that I wasn't switched at birth!" He tells her, his voice getting louder the more aggravated he gets.
"I don't understand why you won't just take a DNA test to prove me wrong. If you're so sure that we're related you should have no problem with it." She says while cocking out her hip. Damon's still chuckling and is now leaning against the counter enjoying the show.
"I am not taking a fucking test to prove that I'm your fucking brother!" He shouts at her.
"Fine. But don't come crying to me when you need a kidney or something and no in the family is a match because you're some weirdo we acquired." She tells him seriously.
"You know what? Fuck this! I'm leaving. Just stay out of my dating life and take down that godforsaken profile!" Marc screeches as he makes his very dramatic exit.
"And that's how you get rid of him without having to lie about anything," Mel says looking damn proud of herself.
"You actually did that on purpose?" Damon as incredulously.
"Yupp. Shell and I can't lie for shit. We've just never been able to. So, we both have had to find creative ways to get ourselves out of trouble. Pissing Marc off is always the go-to. It literally takes two seconds when he's already in a bad mood. And he's such a damn drama queen that he always has to make a grand exit." She tells Damon while grabbing a brownie and taking a huge bite. I'm not even going to yell at her. She totally earned it.
"Good job. He hasn't stormed off like that in a while. I can't believe he's actually so mad about this." I tell her.
"Yeah, he's been really cranky lately. He even snapped at my mom this weekend and told her to stop asking when he was going to settle down and give her more grandbabies. The profile just tipped him over the edge I'm guessing. Oh well, he'll get over it." She says with a blasé attitude. It's true though. Marc isn't one to hold a grudge. Payback, unfortunately, grudge, not so much.
"Okay. Well, we were just about to head out. Do you need me to help you with anything before I go?" I ask her.
"Nope. I was actually on my way back to tell you that I was leaving. Some shitty ass timing I have, huh?" She tells me with an impish grin. Yeah, that really was just bad timing, or good timing if you were Damon and I get to enjoy the theatrics.
"Alright love, see you tomorrow," I say as I blow her a kiss.
"Night," Damon grunts out. Eh, at least he tries for her.
"Bye guys." She waves to us as I make our way out the door.
"Did you get your car today?" Damon asks as we're walking to his truck.
"No. Why?" I look up at the handsome devil.
"How did you get to the station today then?" He asks.
"Took Mel's car," I reply.
"Ah. Makes sense now. I know that your ass didn't walk all the way there." He states like that's an obvious conclusion. I mean it is but still. I could've walked, ya know if hell was freezing over. " I got confused when I didn't see your car in the lot."
"Nope. My ass didn't walk." I say deadpanned. I mean really. He could've at least given me the benefit of the doubt.
"Don't go getting all snippy about it. I watched you slither over the edge of the bed last night and hang on for dear life to pick up your phone that you dropped, just so that you wouldn't have to get out of bed." He says with an annoying smirk. "And I even had to drag you back up when you couldn't lift yourself." He finishes while opening the truck door for me.
"Whatever," I grumble as I get into the seat and cross my arms. He gives me a sweet peck on the lips and then closes my door.
Damon
I've come to realize one thing about the woman at my side and it's that she can't sing for shit. Everytime she gets into my truck she automatically changes the station to whatever she wants. I tend to find everything about her to be either sexy or adorable, except this. I really don't understand how no one has told her in all of her years of life that she's tone deaf. My poor woman couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid.
"I remember we were driving, driving in your care. The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk." She screeches, I mean sings out.
"Hey, babe, who sings this song?" I question.
"Tracy Chapman." She replies with a smile.
"You should let her sing it," I tell her seri
ously. She turns her head to look at me Exorcist-style. If looks could kill, I'd be a pile of dust right now.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asks. She ain't dumb. I know damn well she knows what I'm talking about.
"That you should just let her sing the song."
"And why's that Damon?" She asks with a pinched brow.
"Doll, you know that I adore you and think that you have a million great qualities. But singing isn't one of them." I tell her in all seriousness. She has to know this already. There is no way that she thinks she sounds good.
"I'm a great singer Damon. Mellie always says so." Lord help me.
"She's not really one to talk either. You both sound like drowning cats." She narrows her eyes to slants. I know that I'm probably going to regret this whole damn conversation. But it had to be put out there. Those two really need to stop torturing everyone around them.
"Take that back, Damon!"
"No. You are truly one of the most amazing women in this world. Hell, you are my whole world. But for the love of all things holy, please, please realize that singing is not one of your many talents. Baking, hell yeah. Being sweet, sexy and sassy, fuck yes. Singing, no baby, fuck no!" I try to tell her as nicely as possible.
"You know you're not exactly great at everything to Griz." She states within a huff. She's so damn cute when she's all riled up. She's like a little chihuahua, feisty with no bite to her.
"I know baby." I agree. She narrows her eyes even more if that's even possible.
"Don't patronize me."
"I'm not. I know that I have a long list of faults honey. I just try to accept them and move on." I explain. No one's perfect. Hell, I'm a complete bastard for the most part. In reality, my feelings for Michelle are probably one of the only good things about me.
"Hrumph." She pouts while looking out the window.
"You gonna spend the rest of the drive ignoring me?" I ask with a grin. She turns her head, looks me dead in the eyes while not saying a word and then looks out her window again. I guess that answers my question. She really is too amusing some days.
