Addicted to You SAPD SWAT Series

by Mays, Nikki

  “Cat got your tongue?” Says the person whose grave I might be digging.

  I look up and narrow my eyes at him. “Hey, honey?” I ask sweetly.

  He looks down with a twinkle in his chocolatey eyes. “Yeah Doll?”

  “Do you like having sex with me? Because I can make that a distant memory for you.”

  He laughs out loud as we walk in causing quite a few people to look at us. Including everyone in our group who appears to have beaten us here.

  He leans in close and whispers in my ear. “Doll, if you think that you can go without my dick for even one day, be my guest. We both know that you’ll be miserable. Don’t forget that you’re the one who jumps me when we get home. I’m the civilized one out of the two of us.”

  I turn my nose up at him and walk away from the sexy bastard. We both know that he’s right but I’d rather die than admit it to him. Just wait until I find a great new vibrator. I’ll make his ass pay for that.

  I walk over to our group and sit in the chair next to Mellie. She gives me a curious look.

  “What’s got your thong in a knot?” She asks causing poor Rocco to spit out his beer. No one else even bats an eye at Mellie’s question.

  “Damon,” I say like that explains everything in the universe. And like the good bestie that she is, she just nods sagely.

  “Ah.” She replies as the man himself sits down next to me.

  The guys are all looking at us like we’re crazy. Honestly, it’s kind of an everyday look with us.

  “You really understood what she meant?” Declan asks Mel.

  She shrugs while taking a sip of her beer. “Yeah, Damon said something annoying to her and she’s upset about it.” He looks over at me and I nod my head while taking a sip of the beer that Damon just poured me from the pitcher on the table.

  “Women are the most confusing creatures in the world. How tall figure out what the other means with just one word is truly amazing and scary.” Declan says.

  “How is it scary?” Rocco questions.

  “Okay think about it like this.” He pauses and looks around the table to make sure that he has our undivided attention. He’s such an attention whore some days. “Women could plan a murder using only a few words. And the words could be completely obscure, yet they would know exactly what the other means. How would anyone prove that it was premeditated if they were talking about bras.”

  He finishes looking like her just cured cancer. All around him were just staring at him with looks of confusion. All you can hear is crickets.

  Marc sits forward, obviously deciding to tackle this. “Okay.” He says slowly. “Now I was with you for a decent amount of that little ramble. I think that everyone agrees with me when I say that it took a turn for the worse when you went with killing with a bra.” We all nod our heads in agreement. “Please explain how someone can plan a murder while talking about bras because I’ve got nothing.” He finishes that sentence with his arms out wide.

  I love Declan and usually can keep up with how his mind works. But damn. This just makes no sense what so ever.

  “That’s my point!” He looks at us like we’re all crazy for not understanding this. Yeah, it’s not us buddy. “Bras could symbolize like the rope used to strangle someone. They could be like “Oh geez, I hope he really likes this new bra. It’s really strong and will withstand a ton of pressure. It will definitely do the job.” He says in the world’s worst imitation of a woman’s voice. “See, they’re planning a murder without anyone the wiser.” He sits back looking very proud of himself.

  We’re all just sitting here with matching dumbfounded looks on our faces. I don’t even know how this thought came about. It makes absolutely no sense at all. But dammit he looks so proud of himself that I kind of doesn’t want to tell him otherwise.

  “You’re a moron.” Never mind, mister personality himself handled it as horribly as possible again. “How many times did mom drop you on your head when we were kids?”

  I elbow my rude man. He looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I mouth SHUT UP to him. He turns back to his brother completely ignoring me. Mellie looks like she swallowed a lemon with how much effort it’s taking her not to say anything. The rest of the guys are staring at him with their mouths open. I hope they catch some flies. Everyone in this group is a rude ass.

  “Sweetie.” I start out gently trying not to hurt his feelings. “That’s just not realistic at all. Most women understand each other with a few words because of similar daily struggles. We would never just randomly understand a murder plot involving a bra.”

  Marc snorts and I cut a glare in his direction that he blatantly ignores.

  Morris looks a little perturbed for some reason. “Okay, so Mellie understood what you said because of a similar daily struggle?” Morris asks me.

  Mellie looks up at me in alarm. “Ah.” My brain is saying DANGER WILL ROBINSON. “Yeah...why?” I ask warily. Judging by the look on his face, this is going to go badly for us.

  He turns to look at Mellie. “So, you understood her one-word answer because I annoy you as well?”

  “No, of course not!” She says unconvincingly. “I just know how often Damon pisses her off.” Bitch!

  I lean into her and whisper in her ear. “I know that you did not just throw me under the bus to save yourself heffer.”

  “Not only did I throw you under the bus, but I’m driving that motherfucker.” She hisses back at me. “I’ll reverse and run your ass over again if I have too.”

  “You evil whore. See if I come to your rescue anywhere in the near future.” I say to my ex-best friend.

  “I annoy you a lot?” Damon asks me.

  I look over at him and blink a few times. “Is this a trick question?”

  He frowns down at me. “How could that possibly be a trick question? It’s more of a yes or no type of answer.” He replies.

  “Not really. I mean, have you met you? You’re not exactly Prince Charming honey. Honestly, you’re kind of an asshole to most people, I excluded obviously. You just called your brother a moron and asked if he was dropped on his head just a minute ago. And he’s someone you like.” He can’t be clueless to the fact that he tends to piss people off or creep them out.

  “I’m not an asshole to people.” He states offended.

  “Yes, you are.” Our group says in unison. He frowns at all of us.

  “There is no way in hell that I’m worse than Marc.” He states. Hmm, he has a point. Damon doesn’t do it purposely, whereas Marc does. I look around and see everyone else contemplating this.

  “I’m not an asshole.” Marc chimes in with a straight face. Every one of us just stares at him in response. He breaks out into a huge smile. “Yeah, I couldn’t keep a straight face any longer.” He chuckles to himself like a jackass.

  “Okay, you’re not as bad as Bubs.” Mellie starts while getting an evil look from Marc at the use of his nickname. “But you’re not exactly going to win any friendship contests. Half the time I don’t think that you even like any of us.”

  “You I don’t mind,” Damon tells her. It takes the guys a long few seconds to realize what he just said. Marc, Morris, and Rocco are staring at him waiting for him to clarify and add them to the list. And Damon is just staring back at them with a blank look on his face. Oh boy, I’m really marrying Mr. Congeniality here. Wow, this staring contest is starting to turn awkward.

  “You’re really not going to say anything? Even after our recent bonding experience?” Marc asks looking honestly offended. If I didn’t know him so well, I would truly think that he gave a damn.

  Mellie snorts out a laugh. “Bonding experience my ass. You were looking for any excuse to terrorize that sack of shit. Don’t act like you were trying to be the Mother Theresa of friendship over there.”

  Damon points over at Mellie. “This is why I don’t mind her.”

  “Because you’re both assholes?” Marc asks innocently.

  “See if I ever help you hide a body.” Mel s
niffs at Marc.

  Marc scoffs at her. “You would be the last person on this earth that I would ask to help me hide a body. You would end up fucking it up by leaving prints everywhere and getting tired halfway through digging. Christ, I wouldn’t even ask you to give me an alibi that I spoon fed you. You’re way too damn clumsy to be of any use.”

  “I’m not even that bad. I could totally pull it off.” Mellie defends while looking around for help. I wonder if everyone else is suddenly finding their laps very interesting?

  “I watched you drop your phone on your face while laying down yesterday.” He holds up his hand to stop Mellie’s rebuttal. “Three times peanut...THREE. You’re a complete disaster and you know it.” Mellie sits back in her chair, crosses her arms and glares at the rest of us who are studiously not meeting her eyes.

  Ahha, now I remember what I was supposed to ask before the crazy train came to town. I look over at Declan. “Hey, Dec, quick question.”

  He looks over at me. “Shoot sis.” I get the warm and fuzzies every time he calls me that.

  “Would you help he hide Damon’s body if I accidentally, on purpose killed him at some point?” I ask.

  “Yes.” He replies without even thinking.

  “Really?” Questions Rocco looking surprised.

  Declan takes a pull of his beer. “Yup. I promised Dam that I would look out for Shell no matter what. And let’s face it. If she ends up off him, it’s probably his own fault. I don’t really see her becoming homicidal without a good reason. So, yeah, I’d help her dump him somewhere and go about our business.” He shrugs and reaches for one of the nachos on the table.

  “Just like that?” Morris asks. “He’s your twin for god sakes. You wouldn’t be pissed at her at all, or try to get revenge?” Yeah, that’s a really good question that I didn’t even think about in this scenario.

  Declan looks over at Damon for a minute pondering the question. “Would I miss the big grumpy lug? Absolutely. Would I be upset with her? Sure, who wouldn’t? Would I try to get revenge? Nope. That would go against the promise that I made to him. Her health and happiness are what’s most important to him, therefore, it’s what’s important to me.”

  “Wow. I don’t know if I could be that cool if one of my brothers-in-law offed one of my sisters. I’m pretty sure that I would gut them.” Rocco says while Marc and Morris nod their heads in agreement.

  Declan shakes his head. “It’s a twin thing. He loves her, so I love her. Simple as that. She’s family. He knows that I would protect her with my life and do anything for her because that’s what he would do for her. No more, no less.” He just goes back to eating like what he just said was no big deal.

  Aww, I’m making them both some of their favorite treats just for this. I look up and see Damon looking at me with a smug as hell look on his face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were right. Not that I would ever say that out loud.

  “It’s okay, you don’t have to say it,” Damon says with a wink. It’s really annoying how well he knows me some days.

  “I wasn’t going to say anything.” I sass back at the smug sexy man next to me.

  He looks down and graces me with one of his full smiles. There go my ovaries again. “I know.” He simply states.

  “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?” I ask him.

  “Yup. But you’re stuck with me now, so you might as well get used to it.” He says while putting an arm behind my chair and relaxing back into his.

  “That’s a crazy bond you guys have.” Mellie comments and I have to agree with her.

  “It’s not very different from the one that you and Shell and you and Marc have,” Declan replies. “Well...maybe not so much you and Marc because no one is that dysfunctional. But definitely, like you and Shell.”

  “We’re not dysfunctional.” They both reply.

  “If you want to talk dysfunction just take a look in the mirror pal.” Marc states.

  Damon sits forward and leans his arms on the table. “How the fuck are Dec and me dysfunctional. You and Mel take the cake on that shitstorm.”

  Mel looks over at me. “You’re not going to help us out here?”

  I look at her and purse my lips. “I have three words for you.” She raises her eyebrow and motions for me to keep going. “Vroom vroom bitch.” She looks at me for a moment and then scratches her nose with her middle finger before turning away. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

  Ignoring Mellie and me, Marc replies to Damon’s question. “At least Mel and I don’t go out and stalk people together.”

  “You can’t. She would end up tripping and giving it all away.” Damon scoffs. Mel whips her head towards Damon while everyone laughs. He looks her dead in the eye. “Don’t even bother. You know damn well that you would end up hurting yourself and fucking it all up. Two days ago I had to grab the edge of the door before you smacked yourself in the face with it. Honest to God, I don’t understand how you can ride a quad like a pro but can’t do something as simple as opening a door. It just doesn’t make any sense.”

  Marc shakes his head while looking at Damon. “Don’t try to understand it, man. It’s like ones of the wonders of the universe. She’s been like that since birth. It’s actually pretty amazing that she’s alive to tell you the truth. She’s got more lives than a cat.”

  We all turn to look at Mellie, who’s turning bright red. I’m not sure whether it’s from embarrassment or anger...most likely both. Morris just rubs her back.

  “It’s okay babe. Hopefully, MJ and any future children will get my coordination.” He tells his wife who’s glaring daggers at him now. Oh, buddy, that’s a sure fire way to make sure that you’re sleeping on the couch for a while.

  Marc obviously taking pity on his sister says. “It doesn’t matter whether or not Mel and I could physically stalk someone or not. It’s just not something that we would do because we're not crazy.” He holds up a finger. “We’re not that crazy.” He amends before we could object.

  “Really? That’s what you’re going with? You were the one who suggested that Damon and I do it to that scumbag. Hell, you’re the one who planned the whole damn thing.” Declan states. Ya know, knowing that Marc planned it all doesn’t surprise me.

  “It’s not like it was an original idea. I was just going off of shit that you’ve already done to the guys who were sniffing around her.” Marc says while pointing to me. He has a valid point there.

  “Don’t act holier than thou. You’ve known about that from the beginning and gave us your blessing on that.” Damon nicely rats him out. I didn’t know about all of that. What is wrong with these guys? I mean, really, do they have nothing better to do than to meddle in my love life?

  “I’m sorry. Can you explain how you gave them your blessing to screw around in my love life?” I ask the idiot who’s like a brother to me.

  Marc’s looking at me like a deer in headlights. “That’s not what’s really important here. What’s truly important is that they did it.” He sputters out, throwing shade to his buddies who are looking less than amused.

  “You and your sister are just driving that damn bus today, huh? Trying to take out as many people as possible?” I ask.

  “Barbie, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about,” Marc says at the same time Mel goes. “Yes, we are.”

  “See! It’s the bra thing all over again.” Declan shouts.

  “Don’t start this shit again,” Damon growls out. “And it’s not like we were really being psychos. We were just getting a few losers out of the way. Declan being a good brother was willing to lend a hand. Case closed.”

  “The fact that it was a lot of fun was a bonus. I got to spend some quality time with my brother and scare the piss out of a few jackals...win/win.” Declan states proudly.

  “That’s what you consider to be quality time with your brother?” I ask my future brother.

  He gives me the smile that I’m sure melts some panties but I find adorable. “Sure. It reminds me of all of
the time we spent together on duty. It would just be us for hours some days before Damon would get the shot.”

  “Those were some good times.” Damon agrees with a smirk towards his brother.

  Rocco looks around at the rest of us before deciding to speak. “I’m just going to throw this out there. But you’ve both passed your most recent psyche evaluations...right?”

  Damon and Declan look at each for a moment before simultaneously turning towards Rocco. “Yeah, why?” They respond in unison. Can you say creepy?

  Rocco shakes his head. “No reason. No reason, what so ever.” Dec and Damon just look at each other and shrug. Lord, this is what I’m marrying into.

  Mel leans over and whispers in my ear. “Look at you getting two crazies for the price of one. Way to be an overachiever.” She snorts at her own dumb joke. She takes a nacho-filled with cheese. I make sure to accidentally hit her elbow so that the cheesy chip hits her in the face.

  She looks over at me with retribution in her eyes. I would be more scared if half her face wasn’t covered in cheese sauce. “I hope all of your macaroons end up cracked and flat forever.” She whispers vehemently.

  “Take that back you spastic caffeine addict.” I screech.

  “Or what?” She asks.

  “Or I’ll make sure that the only cookies that you come into contact with are raisin and not chocolate chip,” I reply with malice. That would honestly be a fate worse than death for her.

  She looks at me in shock. “You wouldn’t dare.” I just raise my eyebrow in challenge. She knows damn well that I would totally make sure that she only got raisin cookies just to spite her. “Fine, I take it back.” She huffs looking horribly put out. Ah, the sweet smell of victory.

  “You two get weirder as the years go on. You both know that, right?” Marc asks.

  Mellie and I look at each other and shrug totally unperturbed. “It seems to bother you more than it bothers us. We’ve embraced our weirdness over the years. We know that we’re awesome and that’s all that really matters.” I reply as Mel nods her head.

  I look over and see Damon smirking at me. “What?” I ask him.