by C. M. Fenn
After a few more minutes visiting with the others, I’m weary and eager for the whole ordeal to be over. After asking Ben if he could ship me a new Walker phone in the mail, I excuse myself to go get ready for the night of training ahead of me.
Mel has agreed to work with me and help me learn her ability to alter her shape. I agree to meet her in the training wing in a half hour.
As I head back to my room alone, I mull over the numerous emotions running through me. I’m frustrated. I should’ve fought back more. I hate that after everything I’ve learned I could still be so helpless. I have to learn to master my fear. My abilities are useless if I can’t get past the paralyzing panic.
I’m mortified and ashamed that I could slip up so badly as to forget my phone. I KNEW it was important to keep on me at all times. That seemingly simple mistake could have cost me my life. It could have cost the lives of others tonight too, including my mom.
When I think of Sam, I’m surprised to find I’m angry. After the terrifying encounter with Crowe, I was looking forward to seeing him, to hearing his voice, to the comfort I feel from being around him. I clench my jaw as I remember the anger on his face and the cold way he spoke to me in the conference room.
I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that my wounded pride had a lot to do with it. I hate the way he called me out in front of the others. It doesn’t matter that he was right. It doesn’t matter that I was wrong and stupid. It hurts that, at a time when the other Walkers are so obviously worried about me, he could seem so uncaring. So distant.
Once back in my room, I begin rummaging through my dresser to find some comfortable workout clothes. Before I can find anything to wear, there’s a knock at my door.
I sigh.
What now?
My sour mood’s made me bitter. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I only want to lose myself in training.
I’ve barely turned the knob when Sam pushes through the doorway and into my room. Startled, I stumble back a few paces. He grabs both of my arms and pulls me toward him. His hands slide along my back as he wraps his arms around me, molding us tightly together.
For the moment, I’m stunned. Last night I had choked down fearful tears, determined not to show weakness. Earlier tonight, I managed to stave off tears of anger, shame, and frustration. But now I’m finally broken. Water falls from my eyes as I bury my face in Sam’s neck. This is all I wanted. After everything I’ve been through in the last couple of hours, this is more than I could have hoped for.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice muffled through my tears. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t be angry anymore. I can’t take it.” He holds me tightly, almost desperately.
“I’m not angry,” he assures me quietly. “Not really. I just … I felt so helpless. I hate feeling that way.”
I scoff quietly. “Now you know how I feel every time you go out into Chaos.”
I absorb as much comfort from him as I can. I need this. The way he makes me feel—it’s like medicine. His steady confidence calms me, brings me back down, centers me. His unwavering strength feeds me and makes me stronger.
“I was so worried, Addy,” he whispers into my hair. “I’ve never been so afraid.”
I’m surprised—though deliriously happy—to hear this. Sam, who’s not frightened of anything, was afraid of losing me?
As he holds me, I begin to grow more aware of him and how he feels in my arms. The soft rise and fall of his chest against mine. His familiar smell, thick and rich. His strong arms along my back and shoulders. The places where his hands lay begin to burn under his touch.
Too soon though, he pulls away. I can feel my cheeks warm as our eyes meet. He clears his throat and steps back.
“You’ve had some pretty rotten luck the last couple of weeks,” he commiserates.
“No I haven’t,” I disagree.
He smiles crookedly at me and my heart melts. “You don’t think so? Do I need to remind you about all the close calls you’ve had since coming here?”
“I don’t see it that way.” I lift my chin stubbornly. “At least … I don’t want to.”
“Then how do you see it?” He indulges me, blue eyes sparkling.
“Chaos is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Oh really?” He raises his eyebrows.
“Yes, really!” I insist. “I’ve done things I’ve never thought I’d be able to do. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.”
“Go on,” he goads.
“My mom’s a millionaire now. She’s set for life!”
He laughs out loud at this. “And?”
“And most importantly, this is where I belong. I have friends here. ACTUAL friends! Family really. I’m surrounded by people who care about me, people who fight for me.”
His smile becomes genuine, all trace of teasing gone, and a deep warmth spreads throughout my chest.
“These have been the best two weeks of my life. I’ve never been more fortunate.” Saying the words aloud I realize how much I mean them.
“I’m really glad Mikhail got to you in time.” His eyes narrow thoughtfully. “Addy?”
“Hmm?” I thrill at the sound of him using my nickname.
“Did Mikhail say HOW he knew you needed help?”
“He didn’t tell you?” I ask, somewhat guarded.
Sam shakes his head. “He doesn’t carry a phone, even though I’ve asked him to repeatedly. So he couldn’t have heard from any of us.” He studies me carefully.
“Didn’t you ask him about it?”
“I did. He refused to tell me.” Exasperated, he runs a hand through his short hair. “Mikhail’s weird about some things. He seemed uncomfortable when I asked, and I was so grateful he saved you that I didn’t press him.”
He senses my hesitation.
“What is it?”
I’m reluctant to share what Mikhail obviously didn’t want to tell, but looking into Sam’s face I realize I can’t keep anything from him.
“He’s been …” I remember the way Mikhail put it, “checking on me.”
Sam’s eyebrows lower and come together. “What do you mean? Like, visiting you?”
I lift a shoulder in a shrug. “Sort of …”
“Addy,” he says, crossing his arms.
“I didn’t know about it until now. I mean, I kind of did. I knew someone had been watching me, but I didn’t know it was him until tonight.”
“So he’s been spying on you.”
“No!” I say defensively. “It’s not like that. He just said he was worried and was checking to make sure I was okay.”
I don’t like the suspicion on Sam’s face.
“Why does everyone always assume the worst from him?”
“You don’t think that’s weird, Addy? That he’s been watching you? Why not come out and say he’s there? Why creep around in the shadows?”
“I don’t know.” I search for a way to defend him. “He’s shy?” This doesn’t seem to pacify him. “Come on, Sam. If he HADN’T been checking on me, I’d probably be dead right now.”
“I know,” he says gravely. Without taking his eyes from mine, he reaches out and takes my hand. Slowly, he threads his fingers through mine. “And for that I’m thankful to him.”
Of all the unbelievable things to happen to me recently, this is one of the most surreal. Since first laying eyes on Sam I’ve been trying to ignore the undeniable attraction I’ve felt for him. Sometimes I’d daydream that he felt it too, but every time my heart would whisper hope to me, my mind would squash it down with thoughts of reason and logic. I’m only a kid to him, or He could never see me that way.
Feeling his rough hand in mind, I forget to breathe. He’s so close. His gaze travels down my face and rests on my mouth. Instinctively I move closer. His free hand lightly traces a path up my arm, over my shoulder. He touches my cheek, his face barely inches from mine.
Something in the open doorway behind him draws my eye. Standing in the hallway, glaring back at
us, is Mikhail. Surprised, I gasp and step back. Sam looks at me puzzled then turns quickly to follow my gaze. No one’s there.
“What is it?” he asks, worried and confused.
“Mikhail,” I say, staring at the now-empty hallway.
“WHAT?” Sam rushes to the doorway and steps out into the hall, looking both ways. “There’s no one here. Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“That’s it. I’ve had enough of this.” I’m surprised at his anger. “I’m going to find him.”
“He was probably just walking by, that’s all,” I say, trying to defuse the situation. The trouble is I don’t believe my own words. The look on Mikhail’s face …
“His room isn’t even in this hallway. There’s no reason for him to be down here. If he comes back, if he bothers you in any way—”
“That’s nonsense,” I cut him off. “Mikhail’s a good guy. He’s a good walker, Sam.”
“I’m still going to talk to him.”
I think of the expression in Mikhail’s eyes. There was something there, something I’ve never seen in him before. It wasn’t anger—it was beyond anger. Hatred even. I nod finally.
“Just … be careful,” I say quietly.
“I will. You should go train. Mel’s probably waiting for you.”
As he leaves, I wonder how I’ll manage to focus at all tonight. I change quickly and leave for the training wing. The whole way there I can’t stop replaying what just happened—how close I was to kissing Sam. The cold fury in Mikhail’s eyes. Will Sam even be able to find him? If Mikhail doesn’t want to be found, I doubt anyone will.
Chapter 39
“Okay, good. One more time now—only faster,” Mel instructs patiently. “Remember, don’t completely let go of your original structure. Don’t let it change. MOLD it.”
“Okay.” I shake my arms and legs out in preparation. “Here goes.”
I repeat the process I’ve watched Mel do in her mind and body. I watch my reflection in the mirrored wall of the practice room as I shrink down to the floor and stretch myself out into a long snake-like form. I giggle at my appearance. I can’t get past how ridiculous I look.
“You laugh now, mate, but wait until you’re in a real jam and changing your form is the only way to survive,” she says defensively, sounding a little miffed.
“I’m sorry, Mel. I’m not laughing at the ability. It’s a perfectly legitimate one and extremely useful.” I release the form I’m in and watch in amusement as I expand upward and out, back into my original shape.
“It’s surprisingly fun.” She can’t understand how grateful I am for this distraction from the stress and drama.
“Besides, without you and this ability, I’d be dead right now.” I remember fondly the elongated rollerblading girl who saved me from being trampled to death.
She smiles at the memory. “You were so confused that night.”
“Can you blame me?” I stretch up while pulling my sides in until I am a nearly identical replica of how she had looked then—minus the rollerblades and helmet.
“Much better, Addy!” Mel claps encouragement.
Mel’s ability is so unique and fascinating it’s been surprisingly easy to get lost in training. Her command over her own body is incredible. It’s also the reason behind her limited healing abilities.
While I’ve managed to suppress my worry about Sam and Mikhail for most of the night, once we’re finished training, my uneasiness returns.
“Mel? Can I ask you something personal?” I ask when we get to the locker room.
“Sure,” she says through a grin.
“What’s it like with you and Ben?” I hesitate. “I mean, is it difficult? Both of you being Walkers?”
Her expression serious now, she takes a minute to answer. Different emotions dance across her face: Joy. Love. Then fear. And finally a deep sadness. “It’s the most wonderful and terrible thing.” I picture Sam’s face in my mind and feel those same emotions run through me.
I don’t press her further. Instead, we both clean up and change in a companionable silence. I hug her before leaving and thank her for sharing her ability with me.
On my way back to my room, I pass Simone in the hallway leading out of the training wing. She’s still the dark-skinned vision she was the last time I saw her. Fully dressed in workout clothes, she looks like she’s just finished a photo shoot for a Nike ad.
“Heard there’s been some drama,” she says conversationally.
I stop and face her, suspicious of her neutral tone.
“Looks like you survived.” She smiles at me.
Eyeing her warily, I answer, “Thanks to Mikhail.”
Her smile grows and stretches into a toothy sneer. “Yes, that’s right. You can’t seem to get anything right on your own, can you? Even after all this training you’ve done.” She shakes her head. “I thought Mimics were supposed to be USEFUL.”
Shattered by her words, I can’t manage to find any of my own in reply. Looking pleased with herself, she turns on her heel and walks away down the hall, a happy bounce in her step.
How does she do it? How does she manage to get right to the heart of the matter EVERY TIME? It’s like when I was afraid of being assessed by Angel. She knew I was terrified of finding out I had no abilities. She knew, and she rubbed it in my face.
Devastated, I realize the worst part is that she’s right. I have no defense against her accusations. I’m perfectly capable of getting myself out of trouble. I’ve been given the tools. I just haven’t used them like I should. I’m a liability, not an asset, and everyone knows it.
But no more.
By the time I’m lying in bed, I’ve made up my mind. Tomorrow night I’m going out into Chaos. I’ll never learn to fight unless I’m tested in actual combat. The only way to overcome this fear is to face it.
Head on.
Chapter 40
“But that’s not fair!” I know I sound like a petulant brat, but my anger’s making me inarticulate.
“I don’t have time for this, Adelaide. I’ve given you an answer.” Sam stands solid as a totem pole, crossed arms, stern face, and all.
“I’ve done everything you’ve asked.” I try hard to control my frustration. “Not only have I finished my basic training, I’ve learned every Walkers’ ability, except for Simone and Mikhail. I’ve worked my butt off this weekend. I’m getting tired of asking.”
“And I’m getting tired of telling you. The answer is no.”
It takes all my effort not to stamp my foot in rage.
When I woke up Saturday morning, I told Mom I was still feeling sick from the night before. She suggested I stay in bed and try to sleep it off. I spent nearly the entire weekend in Major Calm finishing my training. The other Walkers were eager to help.
First, Ember taught me how to create fire from nothing, then how to control it. Later that night Crank taught me how similar his ability to manipulate water was to Ember’s ability to use fire. Once I mastered one element, I could more or less figure out the others.
I worked around the clock, only waking Earth-side to take care of certain necessities and to consume astonishingly large amounts of food. When fatigue threatened to slow my progress, I would practice my healing abilities, strengthening and revitalizing my own body and mind. With each new ability, my confidence grew. So did my determination.
The moment Sam returned to Major Calm Saturday night, I asked him about field training. I’d barely gotten the words out of my mouth before he shut me down.
“You’re not ready yet,” he said. “You still haven’t acquired everyone’s ability.” Disappointed, I quickly learned arguing was pointless. Even pleading was out of the question. The only way I was going to get what I wanted was to give him what he wanted. So I set about finishing my training as quickly as I could.
Lang-hao’s approach to his ability was surprisingly spiritual.
“Everything is a part of God’s creation, from human beings to the smallest
particle of matter. There’s a natural order to all things and God has given us that order. As humans, and His children, we are given command over all other matter.” The red brick he brought into the target range with us zoomed around the room, hitting target after target, as he continued to explain.
“Once you ‘see’ this brick, all the way down to its smallest part, you can command it to do anything and it must obey. This is our privilege, our birthright.”
Sunday morning Ember pulled up outside my house in a cherry red ‘67 Mustang convertible. She insisted she’d be fine on her own and encouraged me to sleep when I could to continue my training. She seemed as eager to get me out into Chaos as I was. I was thankful for her support.
Ben’s ability was the most complicated. I watched his mind as he worked in his lab on a number of different equations and experiments. It was difficult tracking his thoughts. Lightning fast, there were so many happening at the same time in different parts of his brain all at once. It was nearly impossible to follow everything going on in his head.
I quickly realized this was an ability that would take a long time to learn. While incredible, I didn’t see Ben’s ability as essential to my defense and determined to train more with him another time.
I was ready to confront Sam again.
So here I am, standing in the doorway of Logistics, obstinately refusing to move from Sam’s only exit. I’d gotten lucky finding him here—between running missions and trying to find Mikhail. I’d caught only brief glimpses of him this entire weekend. I also suspected he’d been purposely avoiding me in order to postpone this conversation.
While the missions had been a success—I’d heard from other Walkers that the number of Lesser Shades was starting to thin out—Sam had been unable to locate the Russian. Some Walkers had reported seeing him out in Chaos fighting Shades, but he was never in one place for very long.
“What’s your excuse now?” I challenge, raising my voice.
Sam exhales, a frosty look in his eyes, reminding me of a bull forcing steam out his nostrils.
“You’re not going out there until we know more about this Greater Shade and what—”
