by C. M. Fenn
Sam chortles. “Which means you may last a whole five minutes.” I glare at him petulantly.
“So, about Mikhail.” I bring the conversation back to where we began.
Sam breathes out a long puff of air. “Yes. I guess it can’t be avoided any longer.”
“He needs to know about Angel. Like it or not, Sam, he’s a member of this family and he deserves to know.”
“I agree with you.” His easy acceptance surprises me.
“So you’ll tell him?”
“In three months, when his sentence is up.”
“What? Come on, that’s not fair.”
“He wasn’t fair to you, Addy. He wasn’t fair to any of us when he lied to us, betrayed our trust, and refused to share his abilities. He doesn’t get to HAVE fair.”
“And what’s going to happen in three months? Angel isn’t here anymore. I’m the only one left who can breach his mind and find out his secrets. Do you expect me to do that?”
Sam runs his hands through his hair back and forth, rubbing his head as he thinks. “I don’t know. I can’t stand the thought of you anywhere near him.”
“Well, I won’t do it,” I say stubbornly. “I promised myself from the start that I would NEVER forcefully take anything from any of you. That includes Mikhail. I won’t invade his privacy.”
Now the challenge is in his eyes. “Even if it means protecting us from him?”
“It won’t ever come to that. He isn’t dangerous.”
Sam shakes his head in disbelief. “I can’t understand how you can think that. You’re an intelligent person. How can you not see that he can’t be trusted? How can you say he isn’t dangerous?”
I don’t know how to explain my gut feeling to him in any way that he’ll understand.
“I know,” I say with conviction. “I just KNOW, Sam.”
His eyes look sad. “Knowing something, and wishing something, are two very different things.”
Round and round we go. We always come back to the same conclusion. I believe in Mikhail. Sam doesn’t.
“I’ll just have to prove it to you.”
He looks alarmed. “What does that mean?” he asks, panic in his voice.
“In three months, when Mikhail’s time is up, I’ll speak with him. I won’t force him to tell me his secrets because I won’t have to. You’ll see.”
“I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to let you speak to him.”
“Then I’ll call for a vote.” His jaw muscles tighten as he clenches his teeth. “It’s my right.”
His gaze never wavers. I’m afraid I’ll crack beneath it.
“I’m sorry, but he’s not the monster you think he is. Yes, he made a mistake. A terrible one. But no one’s unredeemable.” I turn and leave before I lose my nerve completely.
I can feel Simone scrutinizing me as I sit on her bed and stare into space. I’m still stewing over the argument with Sam from moments before. Simone’s heartbreak over Angel tends to be contagious, so I hold on to my anger to avoid the sadness.
“You’re moody today,” she accuses me. “Is it that time of the month?”
While reproachful, this is a mild insult compared with her old attitude, and I take it almost gratefully.
“Boss and I had a disagreement.”
“What else is new? You two fight like an old married couple.”
I continue to simmer.
“Let me guess. You want to talk to Mikhail and he won’t let you.” I look at her suspiciously. Could she have overheard us? I don’t remember feeling her presence anywhere near Logistics just now.
“You’re very perceptive,” I tell her guardedly.
“Oh please, you’ve been whining about it for ages.”
Puzzled and defensive, I raise my voice. “What? No I haven’t.”
“I don’t know why he doesn’t let you. Mikhail’s putty in your hands. He’d jump off a bridge for you if you asked.” She sounds bitter when she says this, almost jealous. It reminds me of Tori and how ugly she can be when she isn’t the center of attention.
“So you actually agree with me?”
“Just this time,” she clarifies. “Mikhail’s one tough cookie to crack. He’s hard and cold and strong-willed. But when it comes to you, my friend, he’s helpless. You’re his biggest weakness.”
“Did you call me ‘friend’?” I ask in mock disbelief.
“What? No. Of course not—” She continues to ramble on about how we are definitely NOT friends when it hits me.
I hold up my hand to stop her. “Wait. Wait. Wait. What did you say?”
“I said,” she enunciates each word clearly, as if speaking to a child, “MY.FRIENDS.ARE.HOT.UNLIKE.YO—”
“No, no, not that. About me and Mikhail?”
She frowns at me in confusion. “That he’d do anything for you? Sheesh, Addy, do you want me to announce it to the world? And you think I’m pathetic?”
“You said I was his weakness.”
“Uh. Yeah. It’s obvious.” She looks at me like I’m clueless.
Excited now, I scoot closer and face her.
“Simone, do you remember what one of the first things you ever said to me was?”
She shrugs vaguely. “It probably wasn’t very pleasant,” she admits. I know she remembers, word for word, and thankfully so do I.
“All night I’d been terrified that Angel would evaluate me and I’d find out I was useless. And then, one of the first things you said to me was I could end up not being able to do anything at all.”
She looks a little sick. “Do you want me to apologize? Look, I know I was a total bi—”
“No,” I interrupt. “I mean yes, you were, but that’s not the point. And then later, when Mikhail saved me from that Greater Shade at my art show, I was miserable because I totally flaked out and could’ve gotten a lot of people killed. I hated that I had to be rescued, that I couldn’t defend myself. And then you stopped me in the hall and voiced all of my fears out loud.”
“So I’m really good at hurting people’s feelings. Last time I checked, that wasn’t a superpower if that’s what you’re getting at.”
I can remember at least a dozen other instances when Simone’s words have cut right through someone, exposing their rawest nerves. My suspicion turns to certainty. I know I’m right. I grin now, unable to hold back my discovery. “But it IS a superpower, Simone. An amazing one.”
I can see her trying to hide her hope. I can feel her pushing it back down inside her, too afraid to let herself feel it.
“Simone. You can determine someone’s worst fears. You can sense their weaknesses.”
Chapter 53
“Do you have any idea how useful this ability can be?” I ask Simone as she stares numbly into space.
“Hey!” I whistle and wave my hand in front of her face. “Earth to Simone! Do you read me?”
She blinks a few times and looks at me. “Do you really think it’s true?”
“I do, and I think we should test it out. Have you ever been in a fight?” I ask, surprised that I don’t know the answer.
“No.” She looks embarrassed and ashamed. “I went out into Chaos once, for field training. It didn’t go well.”
“Maybe things will be different now. Since you know what you can do, maybe it’ll be easier to fight.”
Fear creeps into her eyes and she shakes her head back and forth. “I can’t. I can’t do that again.”
I try not to show my disappointment. We’ve all been counting on the benefit another fighter could bring us out in Chaos. I try to make her see how vital her role could be.
“If you come out with me into Chaos on a mission and the Elder Shade attacks—” The blood drains from her face at the thought of it. “Simone, you could see his weakness, his fears. It could tell us how to destroy him.”
I let the gravity of my words sink in for a few moments.
“But what if I can’t do it? What if you’re wrong about me? I don’t think we can survive anothe
r encounter with that demon. No. I’ll get someone killed.”
I sigh inwardly. Just when I thought I had the answer, it slips away from me. But then I have an idea. If Simone won’t budge, if she refuses to go to the Elder Shade, maybe I can bring the Elder Shade to her.
“I want to try something,” I say excitedly, my hope renewed. In response to the nervous look on her face, I guarantee her, “You don’t have to do much for this. Just observe. Now, close your eyes.”
I reach out and attach myself to Simone’s mind.
“I’m going to show you everything I have on this Elder Shade. What he looks like, sounds like, feels like. Everything. Even most of what I saw in his mind.” I decide to try and spare her the worst parts. “I’m not going to lie to you. This will be very disturbing, but you’ll be safe. And if there is a chance this will help us defeat him, it’ll be worth it.”
I sense her apprehension but can feel her struggle to squash it down with her desire to prove herself.
“Here goes.”
I show Simone, in perfect detail, all of my memories of the Elder Shade. Her mind instinctively recoils from the very first sight of him, but I don’t let her escape from it. I make her experience all of the same feelings and thoughts I went through. It’s essential if she’s going to have a complete idea as to who and what this monster is.
I feel the wave of nausea that hits her as she sees the Shade’s flesh for the first time. She whimpers when she feels his cold fingers wrap around her throat as I did that night. I share her pain as we endure the screaming migraine his presence created in my mind. And lastly, I feel her triumph at the panic and dismay I caused the Shade when I discovered his memories and desires.
When it’s over, I withdraw and find Simone looking at me as though it were for the first time. She’s visibly shaken, but I’m surprised to see a deep respect in her gaze.
“I can’t believe you lived that. That was the most horrible thing I’ve ever experienced.”
“I’m sorry.” I give her a minute to recover then ask, “Did it work? Where you able to get a sense of him?”
“Yes.” She shivers. “Ugh, that was so disgusting.” She’s still pale so I give her some time.
Finally she continues, “You were right, Addy. I could see his fears as plain as day. It was so easy.”
“What were they?”
“There weren’t many—only a few, in fact. For one, he’s afraid of failure.”
“Makes sense, I guess. Who isn’t?”
“No. He’s not afraid of disappointing anyone. He’s afraid of what the Circle of Elders will do to him if he fails.”
I picture the council of demons inside the top cavern, their ancient evil dripping from their very pores. I imagine whatever punishments they have in store for those who fail them are extremely unpleasant.
“But more than that, more than anything, Addy, he fears you.”
“No,” I insist, “that can’t be right.”
“I’m telling you,” she grabs my face in her hands and looks directly into my eyes, “you are his biggest weakness.”
“But I can’t be!” I say, exasperated. “I’ve tried everything I know! I can’t beat him.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.” She drops her hands in her lap. “Other than thank you.” She smiles self-consciously. “You didn’t give up on me, just like you said. I owe you one.”
“Really? Because I know how you could repay me.”
She laughs out loud and the sound is remarkable. “Well, that didn’t take long.”
“Do you think you could keep this from everyone? Just for a little while?”
“Keep what? My ability?”
“No, of course not. That’s important and you should get to share that with everyone. Could you just not tell them that last part about the Shade? You can tell them he’s afraid to fail if you like, but …”
“You don’t need the added pressure,” she finishes for me.
“Does that make me an awful person? Asking you to lie to everyone for me?”
She laughs again. “You’re asking ME about being awful?” She sighs dramatically. “Maaaan, I’ve got a lot of awful to make up for. Anyway, I’m sure they’ll understand in the end.”
I chew my lip nervously. Simone sees me and continues, “And if you’re worried about Boss, don’t be. He’d probably forgive you for cold-blooded murder. I know I said you were Mikhail’s weakness, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret,” she leans forward and whispers, “you’re Sam’s weakness too.”
“Oh?” I try to look surprised but she sees right through me. Her expression falls flat.
“You already knew.”
“Um. I had an inkling.”
A steely glint flashes in her eyes, and I remember what Ember said about Simone having a crush on Sam.
“So, you two are together or something?” She looks dangerous. We were finally starting to get along and now she’s going to be right back to hating me. She reads my hesitation and nervous expression to mean “yes.” Here it comes.
But she doesn’t explode. She merely slumps forward, defeated, her face that of a child’s whose favorite toy’s been taken away.
“Figures.”
I reach out and awkwardly pat her knee. The look she gives me stops me in my tracks. Not wanting to push my luck with her any further, I decide it’s the perfect time to leave and slide down off her bed.
“Well, I should probably go. I’ve got a lot of things to think about.”
“Don’t hurt yourself.” She’s sarcastic but I can hear playfulness in her voice too. All is well.
As I’m leaving, something occurs to me. “Hey, Simone?” I turn around. “What are my weaknesses?”
She cracks a sideways grin and asks, “How much time do you have?”
“Hardy har har. Seriously though.” Her face turns thoughtful as she examines me. For a moment I’m intensely embarrassed, as though I’m standing naked in front of her.
“Hmmm,” she muses. “You have a few of them, though they aren’t all that serious. I’d say the one that could get you into the most trouble would be your failure to act on your instincts.”
“Huh,” I say, confused. My thoughts immediately turn to Mikhail. “I thought I was doing a good job of that.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t. Only that it could be very hazardous for you and everyone around you if you ever stop.”
Chapter 54
We need a lift. We’re overworked, downhearted, and dispirited. Like a runner at the starting blocks, poised in the “set” position, muscles taut, adrenaline pulsing, waiting for that familiar, resonating CRACK of the starter’s gun, we’re all on edge. Every time I feel that tugging sensation in the back of my mind, I know that somewhere out in Chaos, the threads of reality are beginning to come loose.
It’s the same every time. Drop everything. Rush to Chaos. Get to the weak spot as quickly as possible and pray the Elder Shade doesn’t get there first. The stress of constantly maintaining that high level of readiness has been taking its toll on the Walkers.
When they aren’t scrambling around trying to seal up tears, they’re slaughtering Lesser Shades by the dozens. Our theory is kill them all now so that none are left to defend the Elder Shade when the time comes.
Everyone’s been pulling their own weight. The Walkers who normally stay in the Calms, like Ben and Faye, have been out fighting and risking their lives. Even Simone has found the courage to step out into Chaos, and her confidence grows with each new venture.
The unending labor and its ill effects have turned my friends gloomy and irritable. Some are outright cranky. On my own shoulders I carry not only the stress the others feel, but also the additional weight of guilt and frustration because I can’t go out into Chaos and personally help them. The last thing we need is for me to draw the attention of the Elder Shade directly to a weak spot. That’s what we’re trying to avoid.
So now I sit in the passenger seat of my car. Ember a
nd Crank bicker in the back seat, and next to them, staring darkly out the side window, is a brooding Lang-hao. The tension in the car has grown over the last twenty minutes and everyone’s irritable mood has brought it to a breaking point.
“Enough you two! Please.” Sam grips the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turn white. The light up ahead turns yellow and he brakes harder than necessary, as if to emphasize his rebuke. “Remember, this is supposed to be a fun trip.”
Crank grips the back of Sam’s seat and pulls himself forward. “Well, maybe it would help if you told us where we’re going. At least tell us how much longer we’re going to be in this car. I hate not knowing!”
“It’s a surprise. Trust me—you’ll be happy once we’re there. Which will be any minute if you’d please let me drive in peace.”
I see the effort Sam’s putting into maintaining his calm. He’s been playing referee lately as he seems to be the only Walker unaffected by the stress of our plight. He senses me watching him and turns to look at me. I smile as cheerfully as I can. The tightness in his shoulders seems to ease and I feel his agitation start to abate. I love that I’m able have this effect on him. It makes me feel useful and needed.
Sam turns into a parking lot along the side of a large, low brown building. Once parked, everyone pours out of the car, eager for some space and curious to see where we are.
“No way,” Ember says, brightening instantly. “I should’ve known!”
“What? What?” Crank bounces in place.
“We’re at the animal shelter. Look.” She points to a sign that reads “Los Angeles Animal Services.”
“Awesome!” Lang cheers in a complete reversal from his previous mood.
“I get to pick!” Crank shouts and darts off toward the door.
“Oh, no way!” Ember yells as she and Lang take off, pushing and pulling each other out of the way. Crank’s almost to the door when Lang throws his arm out toward him, hand clutching the open air. Lang’s telekinesis abruptly stops Crank although his arms and legs remain in motion, cartwheeling around as he tries to gain momentum. The effect is comical. He looks like he belongs in a Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner cartoon.
