“No, it’s not weird,” Kat cut in. “You just have a crush on a guy and you think he doesn’t like you so your subconscious just supported that conclusion by creating this whole thing where he kills you.”
Lucy’s eyes went wide.
Kat continued, “I mean, apart from the detailed nature of the dreams, this is your subconscious letting you get closure. Your mind wants to be over him, so, even though you didn’t consciously create the scenario, your brain did in an attempt to get you over him. It’s called a catharsis.”
Lucy sat stunned at Kat’s explanation, her mouth dropped open.
“What? So I liked that quarter of psychology,” Kat said, a little embarrassed.
Lucy shook her head. “No, that makes so much sense. It’s like I was trying to cleanse myself of him.”
“Yes, that’s exactly it.”
Lucy gripped the steering wheel. “I feel kind of stupid.”
“Why? I told you, this is normal … sort of.” Kat smiled humorously.
“That’s why I feel stupid.”
“If you don’t tell anyone, I won’t tell anyone.” Kat leaned over and hugged her friend.
“Thanks, Kat. I really needed this.”
“I know,” Kat responded knowingly. “I love you, too.”
Lucy took a deep breath and started the car.
***
The following day, the school grounds were overflowing with teens heading off campus for lunch.
“I’m going to ask him.”
“What? Who? What are you talking about?”
“I’m going to ask Mark out to the dance. I’m not going to wait. I’m doing it now.” Lucy turned her attention in the direction of a group of boys standing around Mark’s blue Nissan.
“You mean now, like right now? Right here, right now? You’re going to walk over to him and ask him out?” Kat asked incredulously.
“Yep,” Lucy responded as she pulled Kat closer to the group.
“Are you sure you want to do that?”
“You told me yourself, Kat, that he likes me. Let’s find out.”
Kat just blinked as she let go of Lucy about ten feet outside the circle of rugged boys.
Lucy firmly forced her way through the circle and went straight up to Mark. She looked him in the eyes and Kat froze in terror outside the circle.
“Hey, Lucy!” Mark said, his face lighting up.
Lucy stood right in front of him, capturing his gaze with her pale blue eyes. “Why haven’t you asked me out yet?” The words came out before she could think about them.
Mark stood stunned for a moment then looked around at his friends, who were equally shocked.
“I… uh … I don’t know.” He blinked once, then smiled widely and his face turned slightly red. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve wanted to ask you out since at least the fourth grade. I just didn’t know if you … I mean …”
“I do, Mark, trust me.”
Mark ran his hand through his hair and laughed. “Okay, then. Would you like to go out tonight?”
“Yes, I would love to. Pick me up at my house around six. I want ice cream.”
“I would love to take you out to get ice cream.”
“Then I’ll see you at six.”
“It’s a date,” Mark replied.
Lucy pulled his hands down bringing his face closer to hers and she kissed him on the cheek. Before he could say anything else, she walked out of the circle and approached a silently stunned Kat, hooking her elbow.
Once out of sight of the boys, Kat pulled Lucy to a stop. “What was that, Lucy? That was amazing!”
“I don’t know; I thought it was time to take matters into my own hands.”
Lucy’s eyes looked past Kat for a moment and Kat turned to see what she was looking at. Walking away toward one of the buildings of the school were the flowing locks of Samantha’s red hair attached to Benjamin’s unmistakable figure. Kat turned back around with a suspicious look on her face.
“Is this because of him?” Kat threw her arm toward Benjamin and Samantha.
“No,” Lucy said indignantly.
Kat suddenly looked scandalized. “Yes it is. You’re just mad because Benjamin picked Samantha over you.”
“No I’m not. I’ve had a crush on Mark for years. It was time to do something about it.”
Kat took a deep breath. “Just make sure you did that for the right reasons, Luce.”
“I did, I promise. I really like him. You know that, Kat.”
Kat smiled, conceding to her friend. “Yeah, I know.” She looked at Lucy and suddenly felt the thrill of a new relationship. “This is so great, Lucy. I’m excited for you.”
Lucy couldn’t help but feel Kat’s excitement. “I know, right? I might have a boyfriend after tonight.”
***
The doorbell rang at five minutes to six. Lucy jumped in anticipation as she finished putting on her mascara. She immediately opened her phone and texted Kat.
Lucy: he’s here.
As usual, the response was instantaneous.
Kat: so xcited 4 u. have fun. call me
l8r
Lucy shut her phone and went to the door. She could hear voices downstairs. Her mother laughed and invited Mark in. Lucy couldn’t quite see the bottom of the stairs from her door, but to her shock and horror she heard the loud panging sound of her father’s diesel truck pull into the driveway.
“Oh, boy,” she said nervously as she took one last look in the mirror.
Chapter 6
The fresh blast of air slapped Lucy in the face as Kat got in the car. It was a new day, and the new year had just begun for her.
“Well, since you didn’t call last night … tell!” Kat said as she situated herself.
Lucy smiled knowingly. “It was great. We had so much fun, I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Start from the part where you got out the door of your house.”
“Well, in terms of events, there weren’t that many, it’s just that he was so perfect. We talked about everything. We had ice cream, and then we went bowling. I mean, it sounds boring, but it was so much fun.”
“That doesn’t sound boring at all. I’m so jealous.”
“Why are you jealous? You’ve never been without a date.”
“Yeah, but the first date is so magical.”
“I know, isn’t it?” Lucy agreed. The two girls stared dreamily at each other, then laughed. “Things are going to be a lot different from now on, that’s for sure.”
“That they are, my dear.” Kat responded, and both girls beamed all the way to school.
Looking out over the lot as she got out of her car and Kat ran to Dave, the first thing Lucy saw was the strong, chiseled jaw of the boy she could finally call her own. Mark was walking toward her with a grin on his face that lit up the entire outdoors. Her heart fluttered as she shut the car door and returned his gaze with a smile.
“Let me get that for you,” Mark said, taking Lucy’s backpack from her.
“Wow, I didn’t know gentlemen still existed. I thought chivalry was dead.” she said, smiling longingly up at Mark.
“I figured I’d be the first to bring it back. That way I could be a chivalry hipster.” He winked and the two laughed.
As they turned toward campus, Mark took Lucy by the hand. A chill went up her spine and she moved closer to him. It’s official, she thought, I have a boyfriend.
Lucy stayed in a euphoric daze all the way to English. As they approached the door, Lucy’s heart died just a little bit. Not only did that door mean that she would be faced with her first real encounter with Benjamin since the stabbing, but it also meant that she wouldn’t be seeing Mark for at least four hours.
Lucy groaned into Mark’s arm. “Do I have to go?” She looked up into his smiling face.
“Hey, we can skip. Maybe go to the beach or something.”
“Really?” she inquired hopefully.
Mark laughed. “I wish,” he said. “But, I�
�ll tell you what: let’s meet at lunch and we’ll plan what we’re going to do this weekend.”
“You mean after the dance, like Saturday?”
“Yeah, let’s go somewhere or do something.”
Lucy’s face lit up. “I’d love to; that sounds great.”
“Okay, then. We’ll talk later.”
“Yes, we will.”
Without warning, Mark reached one hand up to Lucy’s cheek, tilted his head toward her, and kissed her gently on the lips. She closed her eyes, gasped, and was instantly lost in silence and warmth as a tingling sensation filled her entire body. His lips were surprisingly soft and felt so perfect on hers. In the darkness, she could see all colors splashed against a black background. She was paralyzed; her arms hung loosely at her sides as Mark’s strong hand held its position on her cheek. But, as all good things do, it had to end. Mark gently pulled away and Lucy’s eyes opened as she slowly let out her breath. She just stood staring at Mark. He slid her backpack from his shoulder and walked her into the room. Slowly, she found her seat by the window and sat down. The backpack was placed gently next to her chair.
“So, I’ll see you at lunch, then.”
“Yeah,” Lucy responded. “I’ll see you then.”
Mark smiled at her, then turned and walked from the room. If Lucy had been aware of anyone else in the room, she certainly didn’t show it.
***
The day passed too quickly for Lucy, but by the end of it, she felt she was definitely getting more used to having a boyfriend. At lunch they decided that they—Lucy and Mark, and Kat and Dave—would all go north to Florence and hang out at the north jetty, get some good clam chowder, and just hang out. It was a perfect plan, and Lucy expressed numerous times how much she couldn’t wait.
The drive home from school was pleasant as Lucy basked in the euphoria of her new relationship. She pulled into her designated part of the driveway and killed the engine. Grabbing her bag, she headed to the door. As she crossed the driveway, dismay gripped her body when she saw a bird lying on its side under the tree in the front yard. Dropping her bag, she kneeled next to it. The tiny bird was so beautiful, with its yellow head and small gray feathers that lay delicately in place.
The bird’s eyes were open, and Lucy was disheartened to find that it was obviously dead. The sadness of the scene welled up in her, and she felt almost ridiculous for her emotions. She actually felt like crying for the small animal. Picking it up, she could feel that it was cold and stiff. She didn’t know how long it had been dead, but she had her suspicions as to how it had died.
There was a new family that had moved into a newly built home at the top of the hill whose seven-year-old son was a terror with a BB gun. Having shot out one of the Higgins’ garage windows shortly after arriving on the block, there was no doubt who was responsible for the poor bird’s demise.
Lucy held the small bird in her hand and rolled it over, looking for the fatal wound that she was sure would be the size of, and probably still contain, a small copper ball shot from a seven-year-old’s personal firearm. It didn’t take her long to find the hole. It was easily identified by jagged, torn feathers on the neck and spotted in dark blood. Her heart sank at the thought that the small creature had been carelessly and thoughtlessly murdered. She was visibly upset as she began to stroke the bird’s tiny head.
Oh, little bird, I’m so sorry this happened to you, she thought, holding the inanimate creature in her palm. I wish I could help you.
Lucy sat down against the tree, still gently stroking the bird’s soft feathers. She felt it ridiculous that she was reacting so strongly to something she had seen before. Dead animals were not a new occurrence in her life. There was always a dead cat or bird lying in a road somewhere in Coos Bay. She never gave those much thought. She chalked her sorrow for the bird up to the emotional roller coaster she had been on for the past few days. She had simply reached her emotional limit and the poor bird was the recipient of the bulk of it.
Tilting her head back against the tree, Lucy closed her eyes. Holding the bird in her hand, she imagined she could see him standing; he was alive in her mind, bobbing his head and pacing up and down a branch high in a tree. She imagined him still enjoying his life and feeling the freedom that being a wild animal provides. Relaxing, she let herself go with the freeing sensation of being a bird. There was peace in the darkness of her eyelids and the brightness of her thoughts.
The moments passed like gusts of wind until Lucy felt something that made her freeze and reassess the level of reality she was experiencing. Dreams had been so real for her that she didn’t know if she had actually felt something small gently hit the outside of her thumb and roll down her wrist. She stayed still with her eyes closed and performed a mental inventory of her senses to make sure she was actually awake when she felt it.
It didn’t matter what her conclusion might have been because, only seconds before opening her eyes, in the center of her palm, Lucy felt warmth begin to spread from the inside out. The bird was radiating warmth somehow; and then she felt a rapid tapping on her skin that forced her to finally open her eyes and look down at the creature in her hand. It looked back at her. It was alive.
Somehow, the bird that had been cold and dead was blinking its eyes at Lucy as it turned and cocked its head to look around. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She held it up as it stayed fixated on her. Rolling it over, she looked on its breast for the wound she knew she had seen, but it was gone. There was no blood, no jagged feathers. She gently examined the full circumference of the bird’s body and found no trace of any lethal damage. It was alive in her hand and she could feel its little heartbeat pounding like a motor against the fleshy palm of her hand.
Lucy leaned over and gently placed her hands to the ground, opening her fingers. The bird hopped to its feet and leaped gingerly down and immediately started bobbing around the base of the tree. She was stupefied and confused. The dark blood of the fatal wound on its feathers had been real only minutes before, yet the bird was alive and well and pecking at the tree. In stunned disbelief, she watched as it made its last round in the bark mulch, looked at her, and then swiftly flew away.
Lucy leaned back against the tree, closed her eyes and stroked the side of her face with her hand just to make sure she was still awake. She felt real and there was no proof to the contrary, so she opened her eyes and stood up. As she got to her feet, something in the dirt caught the sun just right and flashed a beam of light in her eye. Looking down to where the glimmer had come from, she found the culprit and picked it up. It was a single copper ball, a BB, and as she rolled it over in her hand, she saw it was stained with a tiny spot of dark crimson blood.
***
Life with a boyfriend was starting to feel blissful as the week progressed. She was having the time of her life, and she had almost fully erased Benjamin from her mind. Even though she could somehow feel when he was around, she didn’t care. It was the life that everyone talked about in books, relished in movies, and sang songs about. It was love, or at least the closest thing Lucy had ever known to love, and she was in love with it.
Her mornings were spent in the quad, sitting at the planter under the shade of the oak—having commandeered it away from Samantha and her entourage—talking to, holding hands with, nuzzling up close to, and stealing small kisses from Mark. But the best part of the last three days was that in only one of them had she dreamt, and it wasn’t about the rainforest or Benjamin with a sword. It was about taking a boat ride over a sea of lava rock while trying to avoid half-eaten gummy bears being shot at her from a BB gun the size of a bazooka by her seven-year-old neighbor. Lucy decided she would take the land of make-believe in her dreams any day.
Not once since her discussion with Kat did Lucy focus more attention on Benjamin than was necessary. For that matter, as she walked onto campus on Friday morning, she was quite positive she hadn’t even seen him in two days; but then, it’s difficult to see someone you’re not looking for
. Lucy was casually walking across the parking lot when she heard footsteps rush up behind her and felt two warm, familiar hands reach around her and cover her eyes.
“Guess who?” Mark’s voice melted like honey over her morning and covered it in liquid joy. She felt playful and childlike.
“How many guesses do I get?” she asked.
“I’ll give you three.”
“Okay. Are you the President of the United States?”
“Nope. Too smart.”
“Hmm,” Lucy hummed as she thought about his answer. “… smarter than the President. Are you Stephen Hawking?”
Mark laughed at the probability of her guess. “Nope, not that smart.”
“Well, that leaves only one other person.”
“Well, who’s your third guess? It should be easy by now.” The sound of his voice brought her back to where she wanted to be. She took a deep breath and felt herself smile.
“Well, if you’re not the President, and you’re not Stephen Hawking, that must mean you’re … Santa Claus!” Mark laughed loudly and Lucy spun around to face his strong smiling countenance. She faked a look of surprise that she had lost the game. “I guess that means I lose.” She pretended a frown.
“That means I get a prize, then. So what is it, what’s my prize?” With a single motion, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his. They were warm and soft, everything she had come to know in a kiss over the last three days. It was perfection in a finite moment. His breath tasted of spearmint gum and his cheek held that smell that only Mark had. The moment lasted a second and an eternity all at once, and then eternity, in the very impossibility of itself, found an end. The two slowly parted and Lucy took a deep breath.
“That was nice,” Mark said, obviously pleased with the kiss.
“I aim to please,” replied Lucy in a soft, but still playful tone. Mark reached out his hand and Lucy took it.
Immortal Light: Wide Awake Page 8
