by Alice Raine
Hearing voices in the kitchen, I walked in to find Nicholas making a pot of coffee. Perfect. Caffeine would help me deal with Nathan, who I noticed was looking just as well groomed as yesterday in a pair of tight-fitting black jeans and a white polo shirt. I could see just why Stella wanted to be with him; he was definitely an attractive guy. Seriously intimidating, but attractive nonetheless.
Nathan nodded to me in greeting as he saw me enter. Well, at least he hadn’t ignored me, so that was a good start; perhaps I hadn’t made a complete show of myself last night.
‘I need to speak to you,’ Nathan said abruptly, causing Nicholas to turn from the coffee maker with a frown.
‘Whatever you want to say you can say in front of Rebecca,’ Nicholas replied in a cool tone, perhaps thinking along the same lines as me, that Nathan might be here to complain about my attitude to his “relationship” with Stella.
‘Not you, Nicholas, I want to speak to Rebecca,’ Nathan said calmly. ‘In private,’ he added, turning his piercing blue eyes on me and causing me to take a step back in surprise.
Me? What did he want to speak to me about? Last night? Oh God …
Nicholas turned and leant on the counter, giving his brother a long, hard look as if assessing his reasons. ‘It’s nothing serious, Nicholas; I just want a quick chat.’ Nodding, Nicholas angled his head then loped over to me and kissed me firmly on the lips before releasing me, another example of his territory-claiming behaviour. ‘Five minutes,’ he said to Nathan firmly, ‘then I’m coming in.’ He turned back to the coffee.
Confused, but reassured that Nicholas would be interrupting us in five minutes, I went with Nathan into the downstairs lounge, where he paced in front of the fire impatiently before turning to me and catching my gaze with a ferocious one of his own.
‘You can’t tell Nicholas about this,’ were the first words out of Nathan’s mouth and they were said in a low tone that instantly set my defences on high alert. For several awful seconds, as he stepped closer and closer to me, I thought he was going to try and kiss me. Then he took me completely by surprise by stopping, averting his eyes, and speaking softly near my ear.
‘Nicholas told you about our past? Our father?’ he questioned almost urgently.
‘Um, yes,’ I responded, wondering where he was going with this.
Nathan nodded tightly. ‘Nicholas had it a lot worse than me as a kid. Dad used to hit me too, but I always thought he was trying to make me better, punishing me so I could learn, you know what I mean?’ He almost appeared to seek my approval of his words.
His eyes penetrated me, demanding an answer, but if I were being honest, then no, I didn’t understand his sentiment at all. If you loved someone, there were definitely better ways to help them improve other than giving them a beating. Not that I was going to express that out loud to a self-confessed dominant like Nathan, a man who by all accounts was tougher and rougher than Nicholas had ever been with me.
I recalled how Nicholas had said he thought Nathan idolised their father and considered saying something, but seeing as it was Nathan who stood glaring at me expectantly, I decided to avoid that topic for now and be casual in my response.
‘Oh, I suppose so,’ I said vaguely. My fingers had linked together in front of me and I was twining them impatiently to try and calm the nerves that Nathan seemed to spawn inside me. But then I suspected even the coolest person would have wilted under Nathan’s scrutiny.
‘My parents never expressed their love for one another; all I saw was my father’s dominance over the household, his unyielding strength. They were united in some strange way but never affectionate.’ Nathan’s eyes had clouded as if remembering certain scenes from his past. ‘Never loving,’ he finished with a frown and a shake of his head.
‘OK …’ I began hesitantly. ‘Where do I fit in to this, Nathan, what did you want to talk to me about?’ I had to ask, because it looked like he just wanted to unload his emotional baggage on me, and right now I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Not without showing the pity I felt for them both that I knew wouldn’t be well received.
‘I want what you have,’ he said simply, crossing his arms over his broad chest and staring at me.
What ? What could I possibly have that someone as rich as Nathan couldn’t get? Had he forgotten that I’d seen his luxurious apartment? Clearly, the guy had money by the bucketload, and would be able to buy whatever the hell he wanted.
Seeing my obvious confusion, he elaborated. ‘I want to be like you and Nicholas. I can see he’s happy, genuinely happy, with you, Rebecca, and you with him. When you sat together last night, I could literally see the love passing between you; it was amazing. I’ve never witnessed that before.’ Shaking his head, he looked rather bemused now. ‘I’m not sure I’m capable … but I want it.’ His eyes were on my face again: not directly on my eyes, but close enough that, for whatever reason, I couldn’t look away from his inquisitive blue gaze.
‘With Stella?’ I wondered out loud, amazed and surprised by the emotional sentiment in Nathan’s statement.
‘Yes. I … I … like her a great deal, but I don’t know how to proceed,’ he admitted with difficulty. His eyes that, seconds ago, had been piercing and cold were now firmly fixed on the floor, cloudy and hesitant, and I realised he felt uncomfortable – he liked to be in control but this was something new to him, something beyond his control. It was quite an interesting experience to watch the mix of emotions playing on his strong features.
The combination of adrenalin and confusion in my system nearly made me laugh out loud; somehow, I seemed to have managed to turn into a relationship trainer for ex-dominants. Although looking at his hooded eyes and intense posture, I wasn’t sure Nathan would ever completely stop being a dominant. He was just so frigging intimidating that I struggled to draw an image in my mind of him having a softer side.
‘Tell her,’ I said simply, with a shrug.
‘No.’ He shook his head defiantly. ‘Words mean very little to me. When we were children, my mother would always say she loved us but then whenever Nicholas was hurt by Father, it was always me tending to his injuries, not her. Deserting your child? How can that be love?’
A pained expression filled his face and I almost hugged him for support, feeling sick at the thought of a young Nicholas, hurt and unloved.
His words made another piece of the jigsaw fit and helped me to understand a little bit more about the Jackson brothers. This distrust of spoken sentiments was no doubt why Nicholas always felt the urge to touch me, and why physical demonstrations of love – sex – were more potent to him than verbal statements. Shaking my head, I let out a breath as, once again, I realised just how lucky I had been as a child.
‘I need to show Stella that I want to be with her. What do I do?’ he demanded softly.
Thinking on the spot, an idea popped into my head. ‘Well, I’d start by ripping up any “submissive” contract you have with her, if I were you. That would make it less of a formal agreement and more like a relationship.’ I remembered Nicholas mentioning that Nathan always drew up some sort of document with his live-in submissives, which sounded positively weird to me. ‘Take her out for a meal in public, hold her hand, kiss her, make her feel special, make her feel like an equal,’ I replied, vaguely aware that five minutes was nearly up and Nicholas would be charging in here at any moment.
I wanted to add, “Don’t beat the living crap out of her”, but decided not to push my luck with Nathan until I knew him better. If he really was similar to his father, as Nicholas suspected, then I needed to tread carefully. Besides, he might not punish her; I had no idea what he did to Stella in the privacy of his bedroom, and neither did I want to know, for that matter.
‘Touch her like you and Nicholas last night?’ he asked, frowning. ‘When he held your hand and you kissed him?’ Wow, he really had no clue, did he? Then I thought back to his description of their childhood home life and wondered if they’d never experienced or witnessed
affection, how could they possibly know how to display it?
‘Exactly like that,’ I agreed with an encouraging nod. Nathan was going up in my estimation, I decided with a smile.
‘Do you think she likes me?’ he asked next, self-doubt clear in his tone as the lines at the corners of his eyes deepened.
I had to fight the urge to grimace – the thought that Nathan was living with a woman, sleeping with her, and didn’t actually know if she liked him or not was disturbing to say the least. Did that mean originally Nathan hadn’t cared what Stella thought and would just do with her as he pleased? Against her will, perhaps? A small shudder almost escaped me but I pushed it down. Nathan was trying to change and I needed to help him, I reminded myself firmly.
‘Well, obviously I’ve only met Stella once, but yes, I think she likes you, Nathan. In fact, she told me she wants to be with you,’ I confirmed, remembering my kitchen conversation with her. ‘And when she looked at you, her eyes lit up; that’s always a good sign,’ I added with a small smile, feeling myself start to relax with him.
Standing straighter as he absorbed this news, he stepped even closer to me. ‘Her eyes lit up. Explain what you mean?’ he mumbled, sounding confused. His voice was low but there was still an edge of demand to it, and I unconsciously shifted myself back a few steps, rewinding my previous feelings of relaxation.
‘People can smile but you know it’s genuine if it reaches their eyes, and when Stella smiled at you it reached her eyes,’ I explained simply.
Seeing the look of utter confusion on Nathan’s face, I sighed. This was like explaining something to a child. ‘OK, watch me smile,’ I instructed, before turning my mouth up in a small fake smile. ‘Now watch again and see if you can see a difference,’ I instructed.
I took a second to think about Nicholas in the kitchen, and how good it felt when he wrapped his arms around me, and a genuine smile spread across my face. I felt it crinkle the corners of my eyes and even sensed my heartbeat speed up a little.
Nathan’s brows rose. ‘Yes, I see it …’ Cocking his head, he looked like he wanted to touch my face and explore the emotion I was showing, but thankfully, he refrained. ‘Your cheeks have flushed and your eyes are … twinkling,’ he said, sounding bemused. ‘When did Stella look like this?’
‘As soon as you told her that eye contact was permitted.’ I shrugged. ‘And at the dinner table when you whispered something to her, she looked genuinely thrilled.’ I thought back to my curiosity from last night. ‘Can I ask what you said to her?’ I blurted out without thinking.
Frowning, he looked away. ‘She doesn’t usually socialise with me if I have company but I was very intrigued by your relationship with Nicholas and wanted her to see it too. That was the first time she’s joined me for dinner with guests and she was nervous so I said she was doing very well,’ he admitted, but I could see from Nathan’s face that there was more. ‘And I told her –’ he paused awkwardly ‘– I told her she looked very beautiful.’
A grin broke across my face; maybe there was a romantic hidden inside him after all. ‘Do more things like that, she’ll love it,’ I encouraged him, stepping forward and patting his arm reassuringly. ‘Girls like it when men express their emotions, so don’t be afraid to tell her what’s in your head,’ I advised just as Nicholas opened the door and disturbed us. His eyes instantly hardened as they settled on where I was touching his brother’s arm.
Nodding to me, Nathan moved toward the door. ‘I will, thanks, Rebecca. I gotta go.’ Evidently, he was keen to get home and try out his new techniques straight away.
As Nathan was leaving, it suddenly occurred to me what I’d just said, and more importantly, who I had been addressing, and after thinking about some of the twisted things that were probably in Nathan’s head I quickly clarified my final point.
‘The good stuff, Nathan – only tell her the good stuff!’ I called, and I think I actually saw him grin as he closed the door behind himself.
Turning back to Nicholas, I realised his expression was about as far from a grin as humanly possible. His eyes were shuttered and his lips drawn together in a thin line as his shoulders hunched defensively. Possessive really should be his middle name.
I shook my head in exasperation and clucked my tongue. ‘Chill out, Nicholas, he just wanted some advice from me,’ I chided, slipping my hands around his waist and tugging his reluctant frame toward me.
‘He’s only just met you, Rebecca, what could he need advice about?’ Nicholas’ tone was still low, concerned and wary and his body was tense beneath my hands.
‘Girl stuff,’ I replied briskly. ‘He doesn’t want me to tell you just yet, but you have nothing to worry about, Nicholas, trust me.’ Rubbing smoothing circles on his back, I could still feel tension in his muscles; apparently, Nicholas wasn’t convinced yet.
‘Is the coffee ready?’ I decided to ignore his sulk and he nodded silently in response to my question. A plan of how I could relax him formulated in my mind and I ran one hand gently around to his hipbone and slipped it into the front pocket of his jeans, wiggling my fingers provocatively against the upper area of his pelvis, a spot I knew he found particularly ticklish.
‘In that case I think we should take it up to bed and continue with our lie-in,’ I suggested, using Nicholas’ pocket to pull him in the direction of the kitchen. ‘Except I’m not tired any more, so you’ll have to think of something else for us to do in bed for a few hours. Any ideas?’ I asked in a similarly salacious tone to the one he used on me so often.
Hearing a growl from Nicholas as he followed me, I finally felt him relax as his hands wrapped around my waist and roughly tugged me backwards into his waiting arms, my favourite place to be.
Chapter Twenty-one
The following Saturday, Nicholas had another charity concert: this one was to raise money for a children’s home in one of the outer London suburbs. I have to say I’m actually rather proud of just how much charity work Nicholas does. Who’d have thought that you could be a kinky pervert in the bedroom and still want to help others elsewhere?
After spending several hours in the new library room – a place I found myself quite often now – I wandered over to Nicholas’ music room and saw he was engrossed in his practice. Propping myself on the edge of the white armchair by the huge window, I watched him finish playing. His skill was simply breath-taking.
Once he had drawn the piece to a close, Nicholas turned to smile at me, and I couldn’t help but shake my head at how different my life was in comparison to just a few months ago. I’d gone from being single and relatively boring to practically living with an exceptionally talented, handsome, caring man in his beautiful Victorian house. OK, so he was a tad on the pervy side too, but no one was perfect, were they?
‘What?’ Nicholas asked, obviously noticing my whimsical expression.
Pushing off from the sofa, I grinned and made my way across to him. I dropped a kiss on his shoulder. Nicholas’ skin was warm through the cotton of his shirt and I could smell his delicious pine scent mixed with fresh laundry powder, which only made my smile even bigger.
‘I was just marvelling at how fortunate I am,’ I replied cryptically, not wanting to give him a big head by blabbing about just how marvellous I thought he was. ‘That piece was beautiful, Nicholas. I won’t disturb you for long as I know you’re busy, but I thought I might head back to my flat for the night. You’ll be out until late anyway and I really need to get my post and check for any bills.’ As I spoke, my cruel mind flicked back to the last time Nicholas had played a concert, and I inadvertently shuddered.
Mid-pout at my mention of leaving, Nicholas saw this reaction and frowned. ‘What is it, Becky?’ he asked, instantly rising from the piano and taking hold of my shoulders in concern.
‘Nothing,’ I murmured. Seeing his probing look, I sighed. ‘I was just remembering the last time you performed at a concert … afterwards, you called me up and finished with me,’ I mumbled, suddenly feeling rather f
ragile and leaving the rest of my thoughts unspoken. Then I came to your house and you beat me with a cane …
Pulling me into his arms, Nicholas held me tightly to his chest and planted several kisses in my hair. He obviously knew what I was thinking, but didn’t want to mention it again either. ‘Come with me tonight,’ he requested suddenly, leaning back to look at me. ‘There’s a dinner afterwards; I never usually stay for them but I could tonight. I’m allowed to take a guest – would you like to come?’
Out in public with Nicholas, that would be … interesting. Not to mention new. We’d not exactly been trying to hide our relationship as such, but he was sure once the press latched on to the fact that he had a girlfriend – a first as far as the journalists were concerned – they might be a bit more persistent in their hounding of him, so we’d kept everything low key and mostly stayed at home when we met up.
‘Do you want me to? I know you never go out with women in public …’ I didn’t want Nicholas to feel pressured into anything and freak out on me again. Sometimes dating him was like walking over broken glass – you had to tread really, really carefully.
‘I’ve never been out in public with a woman because, to be honest, you’re the first proper girlfriend I’ve ever had,’ he admitted with a shrug. Cupping my face and circling my cheek with his thumb, he gazed down at me with an expression of uncharacteristic openness. ‘I love you and I want the world to see it. I would be incredibly proud if you would accompany me tonight, Rebecca.’
Wow. I had been about to get nervous about the response of the journalists but his last statement made me feel quite a bit better. What a heartfelt sentence. From Nicholas, no less. Plus, he would be the main focus of the press, not me, I thought, to reassure myself as I smiled up at him.
‘OK, I’ll come,’ I agreed, before a small grimace crossed my face. ‘God, I have no idea what I’ll wear, though. How posh will it be?’
