Abby’s face was a pink tint, and she let out a breath. “I couldn’t pay you back.”
“You don’t. You just help out someone who needs help in return.” Becca put a finger under Abby’s chin, lifted her head, and looked her in the eyes. “Is that what the doctor said to do, surgery?”
“He said we could do the endoscopy to see where the tumor is.”
“And then you’d decide from there?” Becca’s soothing voice visibly calmed Abby.
As Abby was about to answer, Jim coughed and his eyes flut tered open. He turned his head to the side and saw Abby. One of the machines whined, causing a nurse to come in. Jim pulled at the mask with his right hand. The left arm went rigid against his leg. He stared at Abby with wild pale blue eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t.
“We should go.” Joe took Becca’s hand. “We’ll wait outside.”
Becca stubbornly stayed still until Joe pulled her up.
“I’ll be back, Abby.” Becca reluctantly walked out the door, leaving Mose and Abby with the nurse and then the doctor who came rushing in.
Mose stood behind Abby, far enough back to stay out of their way, but close enough for Abby to know he was there.
“What’s happening?” Abby asked them, but they ignored her while they checked Jim’s vitals. The beeping slowed and Jim’s breathing became so shallow that his chest barely moved.
The doctor turned to them as the nurse continued to check the monitor. “I’ll need to run some tests to know for sure, but it shows all the symptoms of a stroke.” He bent over so he could make eye contact with Abby. “I know this is difficult. I’ll do everything I can to get a definite answer and get right back to you.”
“Danke.” After he left, Mose raked his fingers through his hair. Jim’s health seemed to be going from bad to worse. He took the couple of steps between them. Abby and Mose stared at her daed. His eyes were barely open and his lips were moving.
“What is he saying?” Abby seemed as paralyzed as her father, unmoving and unblinking.
Mose walked closer to Jim and bent over to hear what he said. His pale eyes were uncomfortable to look at, almost translucent. Mose turned his head sideways to hear the two words Jim was repeating.
“Get—” Only a whisper of the graveled words eked out on a breath.
Mose slowly moved back and stared at the old man who seemed to be breathing his last few breaths.
“Out!” He rasped as his eyes focused on Abby.
Mose was stunned that this man could be so bitter and hateful even in this condition—and that he held such a heated grudge against his own daughter who had come here to see him. It may have been that he couldn’t finish what he meant to say. That was the only way Mose could digest what he’d heard.
“Did he say something?” Abby’s red-rimmed eyes stared deeply into his. Would he be doing her a favor by telling her, or was this one of those times when it was all right to change things just enough to spare a huge heartache?
“I think he wants some privacy, Abby.”
She held up a hand. “Is that what he said?” Her pinched face and bloodshot eyes told him she couldn’t take any more, and Mose decided to spare her with a lie rather than let her hear what Jim had said. Mose could pretend it was harmless and misunderstood. But the look in Jim’s eyes told him differently.
“I’m not sure.” He took Abby’s arm and helped her stand and walk to the door.
She turned around once, but Mose quickly pulled her back.
This is what her daed wanted, so this is what he’ll have.
There would be no one to sit beside him waiting for test results or to talk with the doctors, someone who cared enough to be there. That person was turned away, and why? Because she’d left when he hit her? Took the horse that was hers? Came to the hospital to see if her daed was alive? What had Abby done that made him hate so much?
“Mose.” Abby was watching him, hurt and confused. If Jim hadn’t been a sick man, Mose would have been in that room telling him how much pain he’d caused his daughter. But Jim knew that, and he didn’t care. Mose let out a breath. That was the hardest part to swallow. How could her own daed turn on her for something she hadn’t done?
“I’m sorry, Abby. I guess he didn’t want visitors.” He tried not to look at her, to see her face that was confused and worn.
Becca and Joe saw them and came over. Mose glanced at each of them, plagued with worry. “Abby should eat something. And someone should take the buggy home.”
Becca turned her gaze to Abby. “I’ll stay with her.”
“Nee, you two go back and rest,” Mose insisted.
Becca and Abby embraced and then talked quietly as Mose talked to Joe. After a few minutes they returned to the room, which worried Mose. It seemed that something kept drawing Abby back.
Joe’s eyes locked on to Mose’s. “Is everything all right?”
“Nee. That’s why I’m staying. There’s more than just health issues at stake. That old man is a mean one.”
Joe drew his brows together. “Even now?”
“I’d like to think I misunderstood him, but I’m afraid I didn’t.” Mose pursed his lips and looked away, then back to Joe. “Pray for me, bruder. I’ll need strength to know what to do.” He thought back to Abby’s request that he keep her on the straight and narrow when it came to her daed, and now he understood why.
“Isn’t there anything I can do to help?” Joe’s concern made Mose back off a bit. This was nothing new with Jim, but it was more than he could take, considering the circumstances. Jim was dying but too stubborn to turn over a new leaf and accept the gift of his daughter’s presence at his bedside. A part of Mose wanted to draw the hatred out of Jim before he was gone. That’s what he should try to do, but the main thing on his mind was Abby and to protect her from Jim’s miserable ways. She’d tortured herself enough without Jim making it worse.
Mose knew his reaction to Jim wasn’t realistic. The man wasn’t of sound mind to have healthy relationships before his health failed. Mose couldn’t expect that to change now. It wasn’t uncommon for people to square things up while on their deathbeds, but he didn’t think Jim would be one of those.
Becca finally came out of Jim’s room and was ready to leave. “I feel a little better after talking with Abby. She has hope this might give her the opportunity to mend things between them, even if the worst happens.”
Joe’s eyes flickered over to Mose, waiting to take his lead.
Mose let out a breath and stared at Becca for a moment. “That’s gut of Abby to hope for the best, but I’m not sure Jim will reciprocate.”
Becca frowned. “I don’t understand this man.” She turned and glanced back at Jim’s room. Abby sat in a chair beside him looking out a window. “It’s as if he doesn’t know her.”
“He has a lot of anger in him. I’m not sure why, but it’s there all the same.” Mose shifted his stare to Jim. His chest lifted slightly, taking in small amounts of air then sank slowly.
“Maybe it doesn’t matter at this point. Just being here for him is enough for now.” Becca raised a hand to Abby when she looked their way. Becca grabbed Mose’s hand. “Take care of her, Mose.”
“You know I will.” As Mose watched Becca walk down the white tile floor over to Joe, he wondered whether what she said was true. Maybe no one needed to know just how hateful Jim was. But the knowledge of his harsh words was a hard secret to keep, especially if he became coherent and spoke them to Abby.
Mose woke and sat up in the chair, peeling his eyes open to see his daed sitting in a chair across from him. Turning, he saw Abby lying on a cot in the corner of the room. “When did you get here?”
His daed’s tight face conveyed his discomfort at being in these surroundings. He was one of the Old Order who didn’t appreciate hospitals. He’d have to be in dire straits to set foot in one. Mose was more than surprised he was there.
“Came into town to get some supplies and heard you were here, so I thoug
ht I’d stop in.”
They both looked over at Jim, the reason they were all there. Mose knew this was his chance to talk with his daed about the financial end of things, but this wasn’t the best place to bring it up.
“They might need some help with bills.” That’s all Mose had the energy for, and all that was needed. His daed would say yes or no, and that would be it.
His daed looked from Jim to Abby. “I’ve become fond of Abby. If I was told she was raised Amish, I’d have no trouble believing it.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “But this man here…” He stuck out his bottom lip. “It’s hard for me to forgive this man for all we’ve seen and heard he’s done.” He sighed. “But the gut Lord forgives me, so I’m called to do the same.”
Mose wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but one thing about his daed, he was a God-fearing man, and that would work to Mose’s advantage in this case, although it brought up the bile in his throat to be asking for help for Jim. “It’s hard to figure sometimes.”
His daed tapped on the brim of his hat, where it lay in his lap. “What’s that, son?”
“Right from wrong.”
“In this situation, it’s best to err on the right. No use dwelling on the wrong, even if it is. Gott takes care of the rest.”
The longer he thought about Jim, the harder it was to see his daed so easily help him unconditionally. Jim surely wouldn’t do the same for his daed if the tables were turned. “You mean vengeance is the Lord’s?”
“Jah, son.” He turned and stared at Mose straight in the eyes. “Let it go.” He stood and patted Mose on the shoulder. “You’re a gut man, Mose.”
Mose tried to respond with the same thought about him, but he was too choked up to speak.
Chapter Thirty-Two
ABBY SAT STARING at Jim. He had opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a second or two before closing them. This had just happened again, and Abby didn’t want to miss the opportunity to say something to him if she had the chance. She was also waiting for Mose. After spending the night alone this time, she found herself missing him even when she was sleeping. She drew comfort from knowing he was there with her. But he had chores to help with, and customers were beginning to come to him to make furniture.
She looked out the hospital window. The parking lot was full, and people were walking in and out at a steady pace. Abby could see some of their faces filled with sadness, others with a smile. Abby wondered where she would be when this was all over. Jim seemed closer to death than life, but a part of her wondered if that was what he wanted. He led a bitter life, and he’d come to hate, not love those around him. And then there was the farm that was close to demolished. There was no life for her there. But did that still give her reason to stay with the Amish?
The hospital Bible on the bedside table caught her eye. She took it in her hands and looked up at Jim. If there was any way to forgive him, now was the time to try. Abby realized she hadn’t been good about lifting up her transgressions toward Jim. She had made herself the martyr, overlooking the need to look inward.
She glanced over at Jim and then opened her Bible and spoke the words from 2 Corinthians out loud. “And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!”
Jim stirred, then stopped, dead still as before. She wondered what state of consciousness he was in. Could he hear her? Did he even know she was there? She kept reading through the morning hours, speaking with a thread of hope that Jim could hear her. Even if he did, he would most likely be bothered by her reading to him, and not to mention from the Bible. For once she had the upper hand and he couldn’t stop her, so she continued until her mouth went dry and her stomach growled.
“Your mother…stop…”
The sound was but a whisper, but Abby clearly heard the words. Her head snapped up and she turned to Jim. He was staring straight at her. Their eyes locked. If she even blinked, he would be gone again, so she sat stock-still. He didn’t say another word, challenging her with his unblinking stare. But why? To stop reading? Stop the machine that was keeping him alive? Tears drifted down his cheeks. She didn’t know if it was because he didn’t blink or if it was an emotional response.
“Mom, my mom?” Abby moved closer and watched his eyes drift to the Bible she clutched in her hand. “Do you want me to stop reading?”
His head moved. Abby didn’t know if it was a gesture telling her yes, no, or nothing at all. “Amish…she stopped…”
“She stopped what, Dad?”
When she said his paternal name, tears flowed down his cheeks. Then his eyes closed again. His face relaxed, and his breathing slowed. She stood over him, waiting to see if he would open them again. One thing she knew for sure was that he wanted to be with her mother. Abby’s only hope was that he would be, that he had a quiet faith with God in some way, somehow. All she could think of to help with that thought was the Good Book.
“Morning. Or should I say afternoon?” The doctor twisted his wrist to look at his watch. The dark bags under his eyes showed his exhaustion, but he smiled despite the fatigue. “Have you thought any more about what to do?” He moved forward and checked Jim’s chart.
Still shaken, Abby forced out the words the doctor needed to know. “He opened his eyes just now, and he spoke.”
The doctor studied his chart and then the monitor. “I don’t see any change.”
He looked up at her with concern. “Could you understand what he said?”
“He said stop, I think. And something about my mother.” She didn’t know how much she wanted to tell him. He obviously thought her dad was too far gone to even believe he had responded.
“I understand. It’s hard to let go.” He looked at the monitor again. “But it would be helpful for us to have a plan of action in place.”
“I’ve been hoping I wouldn’t have to decide.” This had thrown her off, but only for a moment. She looked over at Jim’s worn-out body and knew what she would want if she was in his place.
He handled the chart and set it down. “You don’t have any other family?” He frowned in question, confused over the fact she didn’t.
Abby looked down at her hands in her lap and felt very alone. “No, I don’t.”
He grinned. “I’m used to the Amish saying nee instead of no.”
She looked up at him, bewildered for a moment, and then realized he thought she was Amish. She was dressed in the appropriate attire and was with others who were. She opened her mouth to explain but then changed her mind. She not only didn’t want to clarify, but she also felt comfortable with the faux identity. Even though she wasn’t truly Amish, she liked the idea of it.
He crossed one foot over the other in thought. “When I said I’ve seen miracles, it didn’t always mean the patient was healed. I meant the answer was given to the surviving family, clearly enough for them to feel they’d made the right decision.” He looked up, waiting for her answer.
“He’s not been the same since my mother died.” She glanced at her dad again. “He’s wanted to be with her for a long while.” In thinking back, his anger had gotten worse when they knew her mother wasn’t going to survive. It didn’t make sense, it wasn’t right, but that’s the only logical way she could figure things out.
The doctor moved closer. “It sounds like you’ve made the decision.”
“I just can’t see putting him through this anymore.” She searched the doctor’s face for a trace of confirmation. Although he didn’t say a word, she found solace in his presence.
He walked over to write on the chart again. “He has a Do Not Resuscitate, so that might make things a little easier.”
Abby nodded her acknowledgment. Her emotions kept her from speaking, so she kept her head down, digesting what they’d just decided. She knew this doctor was going out of his way to help her, and he couldn’t know how much she appreciated it.
She stood and offered her hand in th
anks, but impulsively gave him a hug. She quickly moved away. “Thank you.” It was all she could say without breaking down. But a part of her felt a sense of relief.
“I would have expected a ‘danke.’” He smiled and turned to walk out, but stopped short.
Mose stood in the doorway. His eyebrows drew together and his eyes flickered from the doctor to Abby.
“Excuse me.” The doctor walked past them and Mose watched him go.
“What just happened?” Mose slowly turned his head to look at her. He walked into the room, closing the door partway.
“He woke up.” She looked at her dad, watching his chest rise and fall.
Mose’s stern eyes softened a little. “Were you able to talk to him?”
“I’d been reading him the Bible all morning, and I thought that maybe that was what he wanted to stop.”
Mose shook his head. “He’s still stubborn, until his last breath.”
“He mentioned my mother stopping, something about her stopping the Amish.”
“Is that possible?” They were quiet for a moment, and then Mose took her hand. “Maybe you broke his spirit enough for his stubborn heart to concede.”
Her eyes moistened as she took in Mose’s words. Abby blinked through the tears to see her dad’s eyes blink then shut again. She took quick steps to him and bent over, lending an ear his way. “What? Tell me, Dad.”
Mose sat with her, and within moments her dad’s machine rang and the nurses and doctor came in. Abby didn’t understand where the thoughts came from, but she found comfort in hoping that her heavenly Father took her earthly father, and he was with her mother again.
Mose sat waiting for Abby at the hospital. There was paperwork to fill out that he couldn’t help with. They’d already agreed on selling her farm. That would hopefully pay for the medical bills, and if not, his community would pitch in. Now was a time of mourning and healing, and Mose planned to be with her every step of the way.
When she’d finished, they drove the buggy back to the community.
“What’s all that?” He pointed to a folder filled with papers, brochures, and a Bible.
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