by Brenna Darcy
“Damn it, why the hell can’t you stay and face something for once in your life, you’re such a coward.”
Dave was lashing out, and didn’t mean to be cruel, or so she liked to believe, but his words and accusations stung more than when Jason had slapped her repeatedly across the face. He was trying to pick a fight, to make his life miserable because it hurt more to be happy. Especially when he thought of the experiences Lacey was being robbed of. Anger was part of the grieving process, but she wished he’d direct his outbursts toward someone, or something other than her.
She’d come a long way since moving to the quiet town, but still wasn’t strong enough yet. She fought the tears, vowing not to react to his interpretation of a bad tempered teenage girl. This was not helping anyone. Mim had suggested being a shoulder for him to cry on, and not once mentioned the need to be his whipping post. That wasn’t part of the deal, or something she was willing to put up with.
“Okay Dave, say what you have to say, get it all out of your system, because I don’t need this bullshit from you. This is about you, not me. If my behaviour offends you so much, if the fact that I am still devastated that my little girl is dead and I can’t watch her grow up, or cuddle her, or hear the sound of her laughter ever again, if that bothers you, if I disgust you so much then do it, run away, get out of here and don’t come back.” Flic was shouting. The tears she swore would not be shown were wet and hot on her cheeks, exposing her. Her intention to stay calm, to try to understand was swallowed by hurt and fury. The humiliation of him turning the focus on her own flaws piled resentment atop the growing pile of negativity crushing her.
“I don’t have to go anywhere, this is my cottage.”
“You know what Dave, you’re right, don’t go.” She turned her back on him and marched to her bedroom. Grabbing an overnight bag, she began to fill it.
His presence in the doorway didn’t go unnoticed, but she ignored him. Let him watch. Flic opened draws, pulled items out and closed them again. Striding over to the wardrobe she removed a few garments, then shut the door with more force than necessary.
“What are you doing?”
“You would call it running, I call it removing myself from a toxic situation.”
“Same thing.”
Flic walked passed him, heading for the bathroom, but he got the better of her with his smug comment. Instead she spun back on him. “No it’s not the same thing. You have no idea what it’s like to get up every morning to know your whole reason for existing is now buried, permanently in the dark when that was the one thing she feared the most, and there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t be there for her. You say I’m running, but it’s in here Dave,” Flic stabbed at the flesh covering her heart. “It follows me, no matter how far, or fast I run, and all it takes is a selfish bastard like you to take a stab at my way of trying to cope to enhance the pain beyond anything you’ve ever experienced, and doubt you will unless you lose a child, which I hope you don’t.”
“Flic, I’m sorry—
“Save it Dave. I’m sorry Lacey is sick, but I can’t do this. We’re done.” Walking to the bathroom, Flic grabbed the toiletries she needed and her make up case. Returning to the bedroom she shoved them into her overnight bag. Snatching her handbag and keys from her bedside table she headed for the front door.
“I’ll arrange to get the rest of my stuff later.” She didn’t look back, and left before he could say another word.
Relieved she still had over half an hour before her shift started, Flic drove to the hotel that’d been her home for a month and booked a room for two nights. She needed time to cool down, to think. She was uncertain whether or not she wanted to go back to the cottage, or if she’d continue her search for a rental in the area.
Dumping her bag she tried to make herself look more presentable, and although she looked better than when she’d arrived, still didn’t look great. The excuse of not enough sleep was truthful yet farfetched. As reinforcement a phone call from her mother would be enough to explain the devastation clouding her appearance. The look she’d worn until settling in Margaret River was back, an unwelcomed return she seemed incapable of controlling. Old wounds having been slashed wide open threatened to consume her.
LACEY WAS MOBBED WITH customers when Flic arrived, allowing no time for questions. A school bus full of school campers, were buying souvenirs for themselves or as gifts for their families. Lacey was laughing and joking with a group who’d gathered around, wanting to know more about the waterfall. One girl was frantically taking photos to show her father when she returned home so he could build her one in her room.
“Unless you plan on becoming a mermaid, where will you sleep?” One of the boys tried to rationalise with her, but she was determined.
Flic noticed Lacey too looked tired and after putting her bag in the back room went to assist with serving the crowds, keeping them busy for the next half an hour. Completely drained by the time the last person left the store, Lacey collapsed into one chair and Flic the other.
“Would you like a cup of tea, or something?”
“Tea would be lovely, and bring yourself one too, we have things to discuss. Are you still sure you want to take this on? It can get crazy in here sometimes.”
Flic nodded, but didn’t want to think about it at the moment. Taking over the store meant Lacey would no longer be there. If the problems between her and Dave seemed too much now, she couldn’t begin to imagine what they’d be like in the future. Turning away she walked toward the back room.
The kettle had almost boiled when the door chime rang, Flic walked back into the store to assist the customer so Lacey could remain resting. As soon as she saw Dave in the doorway she took a few steps backwards. She had no interest in dealing with him again, so went back to making tea for two in a pot. Carrying it to the table where Lacey now sat with Dave she set the teapot and cups on the table in front of them, then turned to go back to the kitchen.
“Don’t leave on my behalf, I’m not staying. I just wanted to check you came to work.”
Flic didn’t bother to stop. She had no interest in hearing anymore of his insults. He was practically insinuating she was unreliable. That was something she’d never been nor would she, but knew better than to defend herself. He’d made his mind up about her and no matter how much he’d hurt her, she was sure he’d never admit to being harsh.
Cross checking stock against the invoice, Flic was grateful to be busy. Dave entertaining Lacey saved her from having to think of something to talk about. She didn’t want to discuss her problems—Lacey had enough of her own without the added stress. At times she wished she could shake Dave, so maybe he would think before burdening Lacey with the volatile relationship they shared. It wasn’t healthy for her.
Lacey was so patient, smiling with approval and scolding him, as she would Ty, when she thought him in the wrong.
The sound of the door chime was either Dave leaving, or someone entering. Knowing she should confirm, she put the fairy she was holding down to investigate. Dave was still sitting in the chair with Lacey, and so Flic knew it was a customer. When she walked around the corner and caught a side glimpse of a little girl, Flic gasped. “Ellie,” she breathed. The little girl turned to look at her, but instead of bright blue eyes, she looked into liquid amber.
The shock must have registered on her face because Dave was beside her in a flash. Lacey walked around the waterfall in the opposite direction to greet the family who had entered the store. The little girl smiled at Flic. Smiling back she waved, and turned away, shrugging Dave off as she went.
He followed her into the back room, but didn’t approach as she leaned over the kitchen sink, and splashed her face with cool water. Haunted, the resemblance incredibly similar, but the eyes, the eyes were not hers. How could she have been so stupid? She said her name loud enough for Dave and Lacey to hear, what must they tbe thinking.
“Are you okay?” Dave stepped up behind her, speaking quietly so not to cause
a scene.
“Does it look like I’m okay?” She hissed through clenched teeth. “What do you care, you did this. I was getting so much better, and then you shatter my world all over again.” Flic didn’t care if she sounded like him, blaming others for her own grief. The truth was, he’d brought so many wounds to the surface, ones she’d been trying to bury for so long in order to cope with everyday life, and now she had no defences left. She was raw, and vulnerable, and scared. How she would cope now, she didn’t know.
“Flic I’m sorry, I should never have said what I did, if I could take it back—”
“Well you can’t.”
“I didn’t understand before.”
“Oh, so now you do. Now that you’ve broken me, you understand?” Flic had to make a conscious effort to keep her voice down. She didn’t want to alarm the little girl more than she probably had already.
Dave shook his head. He walked over to her and rubbed her bare shoulders. “I want to help you.”
Flic laughed, she sounded crazy even to herself.
The door chimed again and a few moments later Lacey joined them in the back room. “Well, I’m pleased the two of you had enough sense to keep your voices down, and held off killing each other until after they left. Now who’s going to tell me what’s going on?” Lacey sounded like a school principal and Flic hung her head in shame. She never should have allowed her private life to interfere with her work, but it was a bit difficult when he was always around.
“I’m sorry Lacey, I’ll pull myself together, that’ll never happen again.”
“I’m not talking about that Flic, I haven’t seen you look as you do since the first day I met you, now I want to know what’s caused this stress to return.”
Dave was quiet, and his frown was back deeper than ever.
“Don’t you clam up, I know you’re involved in this somehow, what happened Dave?”
Dave wedged his hands deep into the pockets of the shorts he’d been wearing the day before. Flic noticed he hadn’t changed since she left him and imagined the only thing he’d done was pace before heading over to the shop.
“Come on, out with it.”
“Okay, so I slept with her last night, a couple of times. Okay, three times.”
Flic looked at him in disbelief, Lacey laughed. Not the usual musical chuckle, but the loudest belly laugh that gurgled up from the pit of her stomach and projected from within.
Flic wanted to sink beneath the carpet and never show her face in town again. She looked over at Dave who grinned so wide she almost smiled herself.
“That’s not what you were talking about, was it?”
“Not exactly,” Lacey continued to laugh, but had gained a little control, probably because she could see Flic was uncomfortable with her brother’s confession.
“And, then this morning, after Flic made me the best breakfast since before Mum and Dad died, I proceeded to tear her heart out.” Dave’s voice broke and Flic knew he regretted his words. It was done and nothing could change what had been said. No matter how wonderful the night they’d spent together had been the damage was done. She wanted to trust he wouldn’t keep resurrecting the past each time he was angry at her, but it wasn’t the first time he’d brought up her grief to shift the focus from his.
With so many odds against them she couldn’t see a positive relationship ever forming a solid foundation. Flic was tired of drama filling her life and reason she’d relocated. The pathway to Dave had warning signs and disaster zone written all over it. All she longed for was contentment, and didn’t believe she’d find it with him.
“Okay, so a lot more than sorry can make up for. Well, all I can say is, Dave you better think fast how you can fix this because I haven’t seen Flic so sad for a long time and I don’t ever want to see it again. Believe me, I’ll be watching night and day.”
The door chime saved them from a further lecture. Flic suspected Lacey still had plenty to say, but the short speech was enough to invoke tears now running down her cheeks. Wiping them away Flic moved to attend to the shop.
“I’ll go. As much as I love you, I don’t want you to scare the customers away.”
After she left again Flic went to her bag, pulled out her compact and tried to fix the mess she’d made of her face, with no luck.
Lacey came back as soon as she dealt with a steady stream of customers. “Flic, I want you to go home, Dave can help me in the shop and I will call in later for the chat we were going to have.” Flic began to argue when Lacey cut her off, and insisted she was no use like she was.
“What about Ty?”
“He’ll be back a little later, he’s cooking with Mim over at the restaurant.” Lacey beamed at Dave. “You’ve created a monster in the kitchen.”
Flic smiled at the mention of Ty’s latest passion.
“Now go, I’ll be over at about four, so have a pot of tea waiting for us.”
Dave raised his eyebrows. “They have tea pots at the hotel now do they, or haven’t you told her you abandoned the cottage?”
“You didn’t give me much choice, I asked you to leave and you said it was your cottage so wouldn’t, what was I supposed to do?”
Dave shrugged and glanced at Lacey who glared back at him.
“Don’t worry about the tea Flic, I’ll bring the spare pot from here and we’ll make it when I get there.”
“Thanks, I’ll cook dinner for you and Ty.”
“That’d be lovely, thank you.”
Lacey looked pointedly at Dave, something he seemed to understand, but went over Flic’s head. Sometimes she felt like she was in the middle of a married couples dispute, they knew each other so well eye contact was enough to understand what the other was thinking.
Lacey left the room, leaving Flic to feel awkward in Dave’s presence. When Lacey was around she neutralised the uncomfortable atmosphere. Alone with Dave, Flic wanted nothing more than distance between them, she couldn’t think rationally, or function properly in his presence. This had always been the case, now only amplified.
“Look Flic, I know you’re angry with me right now, and I deserve it, I get that, but please consider coming home. I’ll give you time and space if that’s what it takes for you to cool down—
Flic shook her head and moved away from him. “I’m not angry Dave, so there’s no need for me to cool down.”
“Why move out then?”
“If you can’t figure it out, then this,” she pointed between the two of them, “is a complete waste of time.”
Picking up her handbag she left.
LACEY WAS SITTING IN the tea area, her eyes closed, but Dave knew she wasn’t asleep.
“Sorry Lacey, I know you don’t need this at the moment.”
“Neither does she.” Lacey’s eyes remained closed.
“What’s that supposed to mean. I said I was sorry, but she’s just so damned angry.”
Lacey opened her eyes and stared at him. “Are you serious? She’s not angry, Dave, you got it right the first time. She is shattered, maybe beyond repair for you.”
Dave looked down at his feet. He knew she was right. Probably what Flic had been referring to before she left.
“You know the first time I met Flic, she saw a little girl walk into the shop with her mother for the first time. You know the look they get that I love, well Flic saw it too only she would have seen it as something she was missing out on. Dave, the look on her face and her body language had me feeling her pain. Never have I seen a woman so defeated. She’s been good since then, I think the meditation has taught her to relax and, not having constant reminders, has been a good thing for her.” Lacey took a deep breath. She hoped her memory here wouldn’t bring everyone she cared about such sadness. “I don’t know what went on between the two of you, except for your little confession back there.” She smirked at her brother. “But that look is back Dave, and I hope she has the strength to pull through again.”
Dave thought about it for a moment before responding. �
��Look there is no way to sugar coat what I did, I took all my frustrations and turned them around on her, but the fact she’s running away from her past instead of dealing with it isn’t helping her.”
“How is she running? She carries that trauma with her, and always will. Of course she will have to find ways to deal with it, but it doesn’t matter where she goes, it will be there ahead of her. That I can guarantee.”
“She said pretty much the same thing.”
“Of course she did.”
Dave gazed into the shop. Lacey’s comment needed no response. He wished it possible to rewind time. They’d shared an amazing night together, and he hoped it wouldn’t be the last.
“I’ll have to take a raincheck on dinner tonight, if that’s okay.”
Dave had guessed as much, but nodded in response.
HAVING THE DAY OFF was like a punishment for Flic. Being at the shop gave her something to do, be there customers, or not. The continuous turnover of stock saw the new items in need of being price marked and shelved. There was even dusting if she was desperate. Whatever the task, it sure beat sitting around dwelling on what had gone wrong in her life.
Offering to cook dinner for Lacey and Ty with no facilities saw her having to make a trip to the store. She was tempted to go to the cottage, cook, and bring it back to the hotel, but it’d be her luck Dave would nip home to get something and see her. There was no way she was going to give him the satisfaction of knowing she was inconvenienced by her choice of residence.
Chicken salad, quiche and chocolate cake for dessert wasn’t the greatest meal she’d ever served. Most of it had come from the local bakery. She was yet to buy something from there that wasn’t delicious. The small town establishment certainly knew how to entice customers, the homemade style food so much more appealing than the city bakeries she’d been used to. The spinach and ricotta quiche, one she’d tried when she first arrived, and the chocolate cake that oozed sinful on sight, were irresistible. Ty loved chocolate desserts and Flic couldn’t help but spoil him.
