She was putty in his hands. She would do anything he wanted, anything he asked her to do. She would break her own heart, if it meant having him under his conditions. She had to be stronger. She should be stronger. Right? Unconsciously, she rubbed against his body, wanting to make him hard now. Wanting to give him whatever he wanted. Oh, and he wanted it. Realizing she hadn’t responded to him, she spoke, “Hard like you are right now?”
He kissed her lip, “mmm-hmm.”
“Do you want to go inside?”
He bit her lip, “mmm-hmm.”
“What makes you think you can come over here anytime you’d like?”
Gage let go of her lip. He didn’t pull away but kept his face against hers. He hated to admit, but she had a good-fucking-point – something he had thought only moments ago. He had made his intentions clear and what did he think? That she was just going to continue giving him whatever he wanted and he would never have to give her anything in return? What was it about this woman that made him have a guilty conscience?
“I don’t know. Will you let me give you what we both need? At least for tonight?”
She didn’t respond, instead she backed away from him and walked inside her house, shutting the door behind her.
Gage stood still for a moment. Did she just dismiss him? After the sort of day he had, that simple shrug-off made him so furious and without thinking, he stormed into her house behind her.
“What the fuck was that all about?”
Amber heard the door slam shut but jumped at the sound of his angry voice. She had just set her purse down and had her back to him. She was acting like an adolescent teenager, she knew. She wanted him so badly and she knew the terms and yet here she was mad because he wanted only what she knew he wanted? No commitment and no romance, he just wanted to fuck. Isn’t that what she did to men in the past? She was the one that never wanted a relationship, now she wanted one and my how the tables have turned.
“Excuse me for wanting more than just to be a fuck buddy, Gage.”
He shook his head. She knew this, he thought. Why was she mad now? Because he didn’t call her before coming over? Because it wasn’t on her terms? “Jesus, Amber, that’s what you want isn’t it? That’s what you wanted the first time around and that’s what you’ve gotten from the other men you’ve been with. You’ve told me that yourself. So what’s the difference here?”
He knew he was right. But what he didn’t get was why tonight bothered her as much as it did. It was just last night that they had an amazing time. He waited for her to speak.
Finally she turned around, tears welling her eyes. “You’re different. I want you, Gage. I want you tonight and in the future, too. But it hurts me to know that you don’t want more of me than just sex. Trust me, I am fine having sex but I guess I want you too much. It makes me feel terrible that I am going to put aside my feelings just to get the chance to sleep with you. Talk about feeling like the lowest man on the totem pole! And I know I said this was fine and I really thought I could do it, but after last night...When you make love to me, its like you read my body, my soul, you know what I want and you do it unbelievably well. It kills me to know that you want nothing else to do with me. There, I finally said it. It’s out.”
She watched Gage’s face for a reaction, a grin, hell she would take a frown at this point. But he just stood there and watched her with an unreadable expression on his face.
When he spoke his voice was low, “I want you too, Amber. More than I have wanted anyone in an awfully long time. In bed I can give you all of me but not outside of that. I wish that could be enough for you.”
“Why can’t you? Because you won’t or because you think I will hurt you like your ex-wife hurt you?
The fact that he showed up here unannounced, and she had turned him down pretty much cemented the fact that he couldn’t and wouldn’t put his heart on the line. He already felt foolish for showing up unannounced and she wanted nothing to do with him. That was all he needed - to fall in love with her and she change her mind. He couldn’t make the truth come out of his mouth.
“I am not looking for a relationship right now, okay? I have a lot going on with work. I enjoy being alone and living my life on my terms. If sex isn’t all that you want then I’m not your guy. I’m sorry.”
Amber felt all her hopes and fantasies fall out of her chest. This is not what she wanted him to say. She wanted him to tell her that he would at least TRY to make something work. Anything except for what he just said. Karma was a bitch. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t compromise her values just to have him in her life. Could she? She wanted to...she really, really wanted to pretend it wouldn’t matter as long as he was in her life. But it did. It mattered to her. It mattered that she could be good enough to be more than Gage Alexander, CEO’s sex toy.
“I’m sorry too. I thought I could do that but I can’t...and I won’t. I deserve more than that. It’s probably best if you leave now.” Why did this have to hurt so much? She wanted him to stay. Amber wanted to jump into his arms and hear him tell her that everything would be okay. That they could make it work and he would do whatever he could to at least try. But he didn’t. All he did was cock his head to the side as if he wanted to say something, looked at her for a long moment and turned around and walked out the door he came in through.
The minute the door slammed shut, Amber began to sob. She collected herself and dialed Marilyn. She waited for Marilyn to pick up her call.
“Hello?”
“What are you doing? Come over and have a drink with me please?”
“Of course. What’s wrong?”
“Uhh, it’s Gage. He’s what’s wrong. He is so wonderful and sexy and so stubborn! Why do I have to want someone who doesn’t want me for more than sex? And how come I was just going to allow that? Do you think this is Karma for all the times men wanted relationships with me and I cut them out of my life?”
“Amber, chill. I’m on my way and I will answer your questions when I get there, okay?”
“Kay, peace out!”
Amber paced her living room waiting for Marilyn. She thought of her parents and she thought of Gage and his ex-wife. She found it ironic that somehow, all of these events that happened in their lives, directly affected the two of them right now. She didn’t think it was fair. Couldn’t there be a way for her to get past the feelings she had about being responsible for her parents’ wreck? Winning the competition made her feel good. It made her feel like a huge weight had been taken off her shoulders, but did it make her feel like her parents’ death was no longer her fault? Simply because she had won a dance contest? No, it didn’t.
Needless to say, Gage’s wife had hurt him pretty badly. That much was obvious. He wouldn’t let any female close to him because of her. What kind of woman left without an explanation?
Marilyn came barging into the foyer, her purse and keys in one hand and a bottle of white wine in the other hand. “I had a bottle already chilling in the fridge. Here take this.”
“Thank God, you are a life saver. Thanks for dropping everything you were doing to come and listen to me vent.” Amber hugged her best friend.
“That’s what friends are for. Oh, and did I mention Gabriella and Brandi are on their way? Are you going to pour us a glass or what? And start telling me, what is Gage’s problem?”
Amber got out four wine glasses and filled two for her and Marilyn. She took a long swallow and smiled, “Better already. I might as well wait until the girls get here so I don’t have to repeat myself. How are all of the wedding details going? Blake isn’t running scared yet, is he?”
“No, he isn’t running scared. He’s driving me crazy. He wants everything perfect for me so he insists on asking over and over how the planning is – if I’m getting what I want. And if I hired the right caterers for the food and if I’m going to be happy with them. He’s really just being a sweetheart. It’s all coming together so well, Amber. I can’t wait to be Marilyn Monroe Bryant. I really ca
n’t,” she jumped up and down like a child.
“Hello, anyone home?” Gabbie and Brandi came through the front door. “Are we too late? Is she back in bed with tall, dark and handsome?”
All the girls laughed, “Unfortunately, not yet. Wait, are you trying to talk me in his bed or out of his bed?”
Brandi spoke loudly, “Well, if you are getting out, I could be talked into getting in. I saw a picture of him on the credit union website, and my oh my.” She fanned her face with her hand.
The girls all laughed again, “I don’t think so. He is all mine. The problem is neither one of us has agreed to that yet. Ginger, you look amazing! It’s about time I see you.” Amber gave her a big hug. Brandi was average height, like Marilyn. She had curly red hair that was too-die-for, hence the nickname Ginger. She had appeared in many magazine articles posing as a model. A short model, which is why she never made it any further than a few layouts here and there – because her face was stunning. She had a dark mole right above her lip and her eyes were something fierce. If people thought eyes only came in shades of blue, green, brown and grey (like Gage’s), they had never seen Brandi’s. Her eyes were bright turquoise, exactly like the Caribbean. Ginger was downright sexy.
“Okay! Let me pour you ladies some wine and I can tell you all about Gage Alexander, CEO.”
“Yeah, tell us the good stuff. Like, how is he in bed? Has he changed since you did your ‘thing’ with him way back when?”
Amber seriously considered Gabbie’s question. “He is much more...reserved? That first time, he held nothing back. He gave it all to me, physically and emotionally. Now, although he gave it to me physically,” they all laughed, “he was much more reserved on an emotional level. That is thanks to his ex-wife. She really messed with his head when she left. Five years and not so much as a goodbye.”
“Poor guy. But how long has it been? You’re talking at least eight years, right? He’s not over being dropped after all this time? Blake doesn’t say much of anything about this stuff. But that’s a guy for you. I even try for details and I still don’t get anywhere with him. You know he’s going to be in the wedding, right?”
“No! You are just now telling me? Is he the best man?”
“No, Blaze is the best man. Sorry sugar, he’s walking with one of these girls.”
“I’m still thinking he may not be a guy to waste your time on, Amb. Its been this long and he is still avoiding commitment – he will never change.”
“Gabbie, I know you don’t like him but Mother Nature has already made it clear to me that this is fate. What are the chances that I would ever run into him again? Especially since I never knew his name.”
“Amber, I don’t dislike him. I dislike the crap he’s putting you through. In his defense though, Logan told me they are having problems over there and he’s been pretty crabby. Maybe after whatever is going on gets straightened out, he will come around.”
“I wish he’d come around sooner. And therein lies my problem. I want him so badly but I keep pushing him away. At some point, he will move on whether it’s only sex or not.”
“Then let him. You deserve the best and if he can’t see how amazing you are, then he doesn’t deserve you,” Ginger told her.
Amber and the girls all took turns asking Marilyn about the wedding. She pretty much had everything ready. The girls decided to meet at Brenda’s Bridal Boutique over the weekend to try on and buy their dresses.
“Have you met Blake’s brother yet? Does he look just like him?” Gabbie asked.
“I haven’t met him yet. He will be here for the wedding and Blake said he’s been thinking about moving his business here – says he wants to relax, that he’s burnt-out.”
“What does he do?”
“He does security. Right now, he is in New York City working for this wealthy family by providing bodyguard services for their two kids.”
“Does he look exactly like Blake?” Amber asked.
“From the pictures I’ve seen, yes! So much so that I hope I don’t mistake him for Blake ever!”
The ladies laughed. They embraced their rare time together and Amber said goodbye to all of them close to ten o’clock. They all had jobs they had to be at in the morning and Amber had to deliver newspapers – one of many things she did as a side job. She had a restless sleep. She tossed and turned all night and once she finally slept, she dreamt of her mother.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Gage sat at his desk. He was stuck in a rut. He couldn’t seem to dig himself out of it no matter how hard he tried. Echo called in sick again, promising him that she would be in at some point this afternoon to retrieve the files he needed. Brian neglected to mention yesterday that he would be out of the office attending a much-needed workshop in downtown Denver. Honestly, what kind of employees did he have? They had all seemed competent enough, up until the point the auditors needed the invoices for this fucking crisis and then miraculously no one was around. Even Lisa, through no fault of her own, had the flu and went home. Amber’s closing had to be postponed because the appraisal for the building she was buying didn’t appraise high enough. Which meant she would have to either back out of the whole deal, bring more money to the closing or ask the sellers to lower their listing price. Aside from that, he still had all of the minor details of running the credit union on a day-to-day basis.
As if all of these problems weren’t enough, Gage had Amber to deal with. She wanted more from him than he was willing to give her, yet the idea of never seeing her again had him regretting that choice. What the hell did that mean? Did he think he could try to have a relationship or something even resembling one with her? A major consideration to think about was, did he want one? He definitely enjoyed her company – she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on and when they weren’t arguing, they got along great. In all honestly, she held a small place in his heart, somewhere his ex-wife had never reached.
Their night at the Saloon had meant a lot to him, more than he admitted to Amber. It was true; in the beginning he was worried about his business reputation. He thought he could tell that wild animal what to do? Now, he laughed out loud at the absurdity of that. But she had made him feel good about himself that night – giving him something that was missing in his life. Not just the sex, but something else...self-confidence? He wasn’t sure what it was. It had held a special place in his heart though.
He knew he was a coward. He had avoided relationships for years now. He had easily dated women and made his position on a relationship clear from the beginning – which they all agreed upon. But usually around the fourth or fifth time they went out, the women had always approached him for more. More togetherness, more...just more. More than he had ever wanted to give them since he had gotten divorced. Usually that was about where Gage had ended it.
Reflecting on his options, he realized how much he did want Amber in his life. Leaving the other night didn’t sit well with him. One, he felt foolish putting his heart on the line by showing up unannounced. Two, when he left after their argument, it felt so unsettled – like they still had so much to figure out.
“Hey Gage, here are those reports you wanted. Sorry about the awful timing,” Echo dropped the papers onto his desk.
Finally.
“Thanks. It’s alright, you can’t help the flu. It’s going around. Lisa went home sick today.” Gage picked up the papers and began leafing through them. “Thanks again for these, I need to send them over to Logan and Jay to review. They will have to start doing an inventory making sure we have everything that’s been purchased.”
“Sure. No problem. Let me know if you need anything else.”
Finally. Gage sprang to action. He called Jay and Logan letting them know he would fax the invoices immediately. The both agreed to meet tomorrow at the Fort Collins location to begin taking inventory. The auditors that were at Gage’s branch would inventory the items there. His day was beginning to look better. He sat at his desk and began reviewing the items.
There were quite a few items he didn’t know they had ordered or needed. However, there were items all the time that he didn’t necessarily know about. For example, cell phone cords, new cables – those were petty items that he wouldn’t know they needed or if they had been ordered. A few employees had needed new computers, which he saw on the report, but until they did the inventory he couldn’t remember exactly how many.
The bottom line was it was going to be a tedious process.
Next up, Amber.
He called her phone but she didn’t answer. Where was she? He had to speak with her and figure this out once and for all.
Gage got in his car and drove to her house. He knocked. No answer. He rang the doorbell but still no answer. He got back into his car and headed to her dance studio. As he parked his Range Rover and approached the studio door, he experienced déjà vu. A little different this time though, was he wanted her – he didn’t want to avoid her like he had before. He wanted to want her.
He opened the studio door and the déjà vu in the parking lot didn’t compare to the déjà vu that hit him now.
There she was dressed in black leggings that hugged her bottom perfectly and the tiniest white tank top he had ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. Exactly like the first time he came here, the lights were dim and her music was blasting. This song he was familiar with - Lay Lady Lay, but it wasn’t the original version sung by Bob Dylan. Still slow in tempo, Amber’s hips swayed side to side in time with the music.
God, she made his dick hard.
He watched her for a few seconds more before his body took over and he inched toward her.
He came up behind her, grabbed ahold of her hips and began grinding into her bottom, matching her tempo to the song.
“I was wondering how long you were going to watch.”
“How did you know I was here?” he asked, surprised.
Trigger Happy (Girls with Guns, #2) Page 13
