by David Hare
Isobel Oh, I see.
Marion Just to make your point. And now when Tom’s saying, all right, put that in the past, I’ll give you a second chance, you seem determined to throw it right back in his face.
Isobel smiles, unable to avoid answering, her patience going, but still with humour.
Isobel Well, no, I don’t think so, I mean, look, I’m not complaining, whatever’s happened is my own fault, I was out of my depth, no, I was weak, but putting that aside I have just been – what is the word for it? – I think I have just been asset-stripped. Isn’t that the term for it? ‘Objectively’, as you would say, I have just been trashed and spat out in lumps. And now Tom has a corrugated hut at the back of his factory between, as I saw it, the car park and the waste-disposal unit on an industrial estate in Welwyn Garden City. (She turns to Tom.) Forgive me, but I think even Jesus might have doubts about setting up a business in there.
Surprisingly Tom chuckles at this, but Isobel’s energy has unleashed all Marion’s incoherent fury.
Marion Now this is it …
Isobel I’m sorry …
Marion This is exactly it. You spoil everything you touch. Everywhere you go, there are arguments. God, how I hate all this human stuff. Wherever you go, you cause misery. People crying, people not talking. It overwhelms me. Because you can’t just live. Why can’t you live, like other people? (She stares at Isobel, distressed, in tears.) Irwin came in here. He’s in agony. He’s a nice man.
Isobel He is a nice man. Except to me. That’s the difference. He’s in the grip of an obsession. Which he can’t help. He’s furious because I’m no longer in love with him. He can’t accept that. And because I know him very well, I’m fearful. Because in a way I think he never will.
Marion Don’t be ridiculous. He’s just an ordinary person. We talked to him. He’s an ordinary man.
Isobel turns, ignoring this.
Isobel And so I decided, perhaps it’s irrational, all my life I’ve got on with everyone. But this one time, all my instincts say, ‘Do something decisive. Cut him off. Wake him up. Shock him. Make it final.’ (She turns, thoughtful now.) ‘Do what needs to be done.’
Marion Really?
Isobel Yes.
Marion Was flying off necessary?
Isobel smiles at the memory.
Tom Where did you go?
Isobel I took the first plane that came. Lanzarote, as it happened.
Tom How was that?
Isobel Paradise. I took all my clothes off and walked along the beach. Lanzarote was paradise. But unfortunately no use to me. (She laughs.) You can’t get away. You think you can. You think you’ll fly out. Just leave. Damn the lot of you, and go. Then you think, here I am, stark naked, sky-blue sea, miles of sand – I’ve done it! I’m free! Then you think, yes, just remind me, what am I meant to do now? (She stands, a mile away in a world of her own.) In my case there’s only one answer. (She looks absently at them, as if they were not even present.) I must do what Dad would have wished. (She turns, as if this were self-evident.) That’s it.
Marion You are insufferable. You are truly insufferable. Hide behind your father for the rest of your life. Die there!
Marion is suddenly screaming. Isobel looks down, undisturbed.
Isobel Yes, well, no doubt I shall.
She turns and goes out. Tom stands appalled.
Tom You went too far.
Marion No, Tom, please …
Tom I should never have done this. I didn’t see what would happen. I can’t believe it, I saw nothing at all. I’m going down to pray. I fear for her.
Tom goes. Marion is left alone, astonished by Tom’s departure.
Marion Tom. Tom. Please come back.
At once Katherine’s voice from the back as she advances towards us, the new scene replacing the old. We are back in the hallway of Robert’s house, which is bare and stripped-out. There is no electricity, only candles. Katherine is in trousers and pullover, calling towards an unseen Isobel.
SCENE SEVEN
Robert’s house.
Katherine I’m not going, I tell you. I don’t want to go. Why should I? What gives you the right? You’re so superior. Do this. Do that. As if you always knew. You don’t know. I’m not doing what you tell me. So leave it. Just leave it.
She sits down on a small wooden chair. Isobel comes in with a hot dish between oven gloves. She sets it down on the table. Isobel is even more distant, her hair wispy across her face, her manner detached.
Isobel I only said it would be nice to go for a walk.
Katherine Well, it wouldn’t be nice.
Isobel No, plainly.
Katherine What’s this?
Isobel Shepherd’s pie.
Katherine looks up at her.
Katherine Are you out of your mind?
Isobel Eat.
Katherine Your cooking is unspeakable. It’s all good intentions. Fuck shepherd’s pie. It sums you up.
Isobel takes no notice, just helps herself to some. Katherine watches with distaste.
Katherine All right, let’s go out. Let’s go to a French restaurant.
Isobel Don’t be ridiculous.
Katherine Why not? Why not, for God’s sake?
Isobel does not reply.
Sell the house.
Isobel No.
Katherine Then you’d have some money.
Isobel Not much.
Katherine Mortgage it.
Isobel It’s already mortgaged.
Katherine It’s just sitting here. Like us. (She turns away impatiently.) I’d rather be a drunk. Why don’t you let me have a drink? At least when you drink you’re alive. (She gets up.) What’s life for? Jesus! Life means getting out there. Having some emotion. Is that right? When I went to all those terrible AA meetings, they kept saying people drink because they’re angry. When you get angry, they tell you, count to five before you reply. Why should I count to five? It’s what happens before you count to five which makes life interesting.
Isobel looks at her a moment. She has been eating automatically, in a trance.
Isobel Mmm.
Katherine What does that mean?
Isobel takes no notice.
This is the worst. This feeling we’re just avoiding life. Look! Look!
She snaps her fingers in front of Isobel’s face but Isobel does not react.
You won’t even fight.
Isobel I don’t want to. (She pauses a moment, fork in hand.) If you ask me, then I will go.
Katherine Go.
Isobel gathers up her supper, her plate, the dish, the fork, the knife, the salt, the pepper and goes out. Katherine stands a moment, not moving. Then Isobel returns, gets her big blue overcoat down from a hook, puts it on without saying anything.
Please don’t leave me. Please, Isobel. Just stay for tonight.
Isobel stops a moment, then walks over to the mantelpiece where there is a packet of cigarettes. She lights one. She stands, still in the big overcoat. Katherine speaks quietly.
I don’t know what to do. It’s all such an effort. Like at school one term I worked really hard. I came fifteenth. I thought, this is stupid. Other people come second without trying. Why has God made me so fucking mediocre? The first boyfriend I had, it was the same. I adored him. I gave myself over. I couldn’t get enough of him. Then one day he just stopped sleeping with me. Bang. Just like that. No warning. It happened again, the next three boyfriends I had. I thought, oh I see, there is something about me which is actually repulsive. After a while men don’t want me. (She thinks a moment.) Well, that feeling is hard.
Isobel just listens, smoking her cigarette, not reacting.
Then I thought when your dad died – get out in the world. That night in the restaurant, I knew I couldn’t do it. I just looked at them. I could see what they were thinking. She is not confident. I do not want to do business with her. They said, ‘Oh, of course, you can’t have a drink, can you?’ It made me so angry. I thought, count to five. It’s like the
y have to say it. Just to make you feel worse. So they all start drinking vodka. In these really posh surroundings. They really get into it. And they laugh all the time, very loudly. They keep drinking more. And I think, oh God, you as well. Please give me a break. Just look at me as if you trust me. As if there were a little goodness in me. Then they say, ‘Well, of course, you never really thought we’d give you the contract, did you? This can hardly come as a surprise.’ (She smiles.) What do you do? I just want to hurt them. The managing director is eating a little bird. He keeps picking little bits out of his teeth. And drinking more vodka. And laughing. He says, ‘No hard feelings.’ I start counting to five. I don’t even get to three. I suddenly yell out, ‘Yes, there fucking well are. There are hard feelings. Because you have all the power. And you love to exercise it. And oil it with vodka. And smile your stupid shiny smiles. And you have just ditched me, you have just landed me, right back, right back into my terrible un-confidence …’ (She shakes her head.) You know what happened. I reached for a drink. A few minutes later I picked up my knife. (She shrugs slightly and turns to Isobel.) It wasn’t so wrong. Was it? At least I was alive. Not like now.
Isobel No.
Katherine Living here.
Isobel Mmm.
There is a short silence. Isobel’s thoughts are unreadable. She moves.
I think perhaps we should both go to bed. (She has gone to the main door.) Look. The lock. Katherine. It’s not enough. You must also put the bolt on. I told you.
Katherine I know.
Isobel Somehow Irwin’s got a key.
Katherine Well, I didn’t give it to him.
Isobel looks at her a moment, not believing this,
Isobel No. It’s on. All right? Where do you want to sleep?
Katherine Oh, I’ll take the bedroom.
Isobel is just about to leave the room when Katherine speaks suddenly.
Isobel.
Isobel What?
Katherine I never know what you think. I wish I knew what you thought of me.
There’s a silence. Isobel smiles, before leaving.
Isobel I’ll tell you one day.
Isobel goes out. Katherine does not move. Katherine goes to the door and undoes the bolt Isobel has just put on. She stands a moment, quite still. She is still by the door as Isobel returns, now in pyjamas with a book in her hand.
Help me with the bed.
They go to the sofa. They fold it down. Isobel throws a duvet on top. Katherine moves round to her side. Isobel looks at her a moment. Then embraces her, kissing her on the cheek.
Katherine Good night.
She turns and goes out. Isobel alone. She goes and picks up a book from beside the bed. She lies down and begins to read. Almost at once there is a sound from outside the door. She blows out her candle. There is absolute darkness. Then the door opens. Irwin stands in the lit doorway, a silhouette, as Marion was in the opening scene. Then he closes the door. Darkness. He clicks at the main light switch. Nothing. There is a pause.
Irwin I know you’re there.
Isobel relights the candle. She stands quite still beside it.
Isobel You’re wrong to do this.
Irwin Do what?
Neither of them moves.
Isobel Who let you in? I bolted the door. (She calls through to the other room, not moving.) Katherine! Katherine!
There is no noise.
She goes to bed with a Walkman.
Irwin She knows I phone you every day. She feels I’ve been badly treated. She wants you and me to make up.
Isobel Well, that’s very good of her.
Irwin is very quiet.
Irwin May I just sleep with you?
Isobel No.
Irwin Why not? Please.
Isobel It’s over. If you sleep with me, it’ll be worse. It’ll make you unhappy.
Irwin I can’t be more unhappy.
Isobel It’s still better you don’t.
She is looking at him fearfully, still not moving. He walks into the room, she watching.
I’d make you some tea, but there’s no milk.
He has moved to the table. He takes out a small handgun and lays it on the surface.
What’s that?
Irwin I bought it to kill myself.
Isobel You won’t kill yourself. Is it loaded? Please. Give it here.
She takes a couple of steps towards him. But he is still right next to the table and the gun.
Irwin You’re not frightened. Why aren’t you frightened?
Isobel I don’t know. I take what comes.
Irwin Make love to me.
She is looking at him, very quiet. Very open, as if she has already imagined his presence.
Isobel Force me. You can force me if you like. Why not? You can take me here. On the bed. On the floor. You can fuck me till the morning. You can fuck me all tomorrow. Then the whole week. At the end you can shoot me and hold my heart in your hand. You still won’t have what you want. (Her gaze does not wander.) The bit that you want I’m not giving you. You can make me say or do anything you like. Sure, I’ll do it. Sure, I’ll say it. But you’ll never have the bit that you need. It isn’t yours.
Irwin Don’t say that.
Isobel It isn’t.
There is a pause.
Irwin It’s you. You’ve destroyed me. I don’t sleep. I can’t make sense of life. Everywhere I go, there’s nowhere to hide. I can’t rest. One day I tried to work, people said, ‘Oh, where’s that nice girl who used to be with you?’ Now I don’t even work. I’m powerless. I only want one thing. To go back. To go back to where we were.
Isobel It isn’t possible.
Irwin Why? (He is suddenly passionate.) All that time we were together, then once only, I do one thing, one thing which you think is wrong. That’s it. I’m tipped out the window, like I’m rubbish. Because I’ve broken one rule. Katherine breaks a thousand rules. She breaks the rules all the time. All she does is betray you, day after day. Tonight, for God’s sake, who do you think let me in? And why? So she can listen to me beat you round the head. And yet you go on taking care of her. Tell me, where is the justice in that?
Isobel smiles at the phrase.
Well?
Isobel I’m staying with Katherine. Someone has to take care of her. She has no resources. It isn’t her fault. It’s just a fact.
Irwin is suddenly quiet.
Irwin I have no worth. I can’t feel my worth. When I was with you, it was there. Now it’s as if you’ve withdrawn your approval. And I feel worthless.
Isobel I know.
Irwin Well? (He waits.)
Isobel What?
Irwin Why don’t you help me? Come back to me.
Isobel No.
There’s a pause.
Irwin Why not?
Isobel It wouldn’t be honest.
Irwin Honest? Are you honest with her?
Isobel She’s different.
Irwin Why? I was there when she landed on you. You didn’t even want her.
Isobel No. She came my way. It was an accident, really. But I made a commitment. Why should I drop it just because the going gets hard?
Irwin is impatient.
Irwin You could say the same about me.
Isobel Yes, but you’re an adult. And we were in love. And you have this idea that I can’t accept.
Irwin What’s that?
She looks hard at him a moment.
Isobel You want to be saved through another person.
There’s a silence.
Irwin And?
Isobel It isn’t possible.
Irwin Isn’t it?
Isobel I don’t know. I don’t think so. (She pauses a moment, then she begins to move.) Now I’m going to bed.
Irwin Don’t move.
Isobel I want you to leave.
Irwin I told you, don’t move. (He has begun to raise his voice, in panic.)
Isobel Don’t move? Good Lord, that will make life pretty difficult.
Irwin
Please, I’m not making a joke.
Isobel Oh, really?
She moves towards the table where the gun is lying. He is still standing next to it. Now he screams.
Irwin I am telling you.
She stops.
Isobel Are you threatening me? What? (She holds her hands above her head, in a little parody. She is very quiet.) Will you hit me?
Irwin Isobel, please, don’t make me … (He stops, ashamed.)
Isobel What? Make you what, Irwin?
He looks down, not able to answer.
No, please tell me. Go on.
Irwin No, nothing.
Isobel Please say.
He looks down, not able to answer.
If you kill me, will that be my fault as well?
At once Katherine comes in from the bedroom. She is fully dressed, now taking in the scene between them, but not yet seeing the gun on the table.
Irwin Katherine …
Katherine Oh, shit. I heard something.
Isobel Irwin, are you going to leave?
Irwin Not just now.
Isobel Then I’m sorry. Katherine, can you get the police?
Isobel is capable, clear. Katherine frowns.
Katherine Don’t be silly.
Isobel I want Irwin to go. But he won’t.
Irwin Please, Isobel …
Isobel I’m serious. He’s threatening me.
Isobel is watching Irwin and the gun all the time now, not moving. Katherine makes a small move.
I want you just to walk out the door.
Katherine frowns.
Katherine Isobel, look, I don’t get it.
Isobel It doesn’t matter. Find someone in the street.
Katherine Are you sure? (She smiles at Irwin for approval.) Well, I mean …
Isobel Tell them we have an intruder up here.
Katherine He’s hardly an intruder.
Isobel Katherine, just do it. I’m telling you. Just get on with it now.
Isobel has raised her voice. But Katherine, as she is about to accept this and move, sees Irwin reach out and pick up the gun. She stops dead still.
Katherine Lord.
At once Isobel moves towards the bed.
Isobel Then I’ll go. Wait for me.
Irwin Isobel. No.
She has picked up the big blue coat from the bed and now puts it on. Irwin has called out to her in panic. Now she smiles down at her bare feet.
