by Cecy Robson
We snake through three more halls before either of us speaks again. “What’s our situation going to be like?” I ask him. “This situation here. With us. At night.” I throw my hands in the air when he smirks and practically laughs at me. No, this gorgeous hunk of man has no effect on me. No, not at all.
“You know what I mean,” I add. The strain caused by our trip to court lifts a little. For that I’m thankful; I only wish it hadn’t come at my expense.
“Tess, relax. I’m only here to make sure you stay safe.”
I sigh. “It’s not that.”
“Then what’s bugging you?”
I glance around, worried who might hear me. “It makes me uncomfortable knowing someone is watching me all the time.”
“You’re shy. I get it, but—”
“I’m not shy.” He looks at me. “I’m not,” I insist.
“Then how come you barely spoke to me, back in you-know-where?”
He chuckles when my face heats. But he doesn’t understand that what he asks isn’t easy for me to explain. I don’t want to admit how much he intimidated me, or how hard it was watching him flirt with everyone but me—or that I pretended not to notice him and acted like I wasn’t attracted to him, because in truth, it hurt knowing I was the one girl he wasn’t drawn to.
I don’t remind him that those few times I did try to speak with him when we first met, his attention quickly drifted to those pretty girls who had more to say, who weren’t so awkward, and whose figures captivated his interest more than mine did.
So yes, I might have avoided eye contact, stayed quiet, and kept my distance, but that didn’t mean I was shy. It meant he had hurt my feelings…even though he probably didn’t mean to.
“I mostly keep to myself,” I manage, hoping it’s enough.
Curran’s attention stays ahead. “All right,” he says, although I’m not sure he believes me.
I pretend to search for something in my purse, only because it’s hard to keep my expression casual when I think about how hard things were for me then. “So, how will things work exactly? Will you be with me every day?”
“No. We’ll work in shifts. Me and three other badges. It’s my understanding the other two cops will always be different, but me and Lu will be your regular eyes.”
“Lou? Who’s he?”
“Lu’s a she. Her name’s Lucy McCarthy and she’s been part of the Philly PD for close to thirty years. Most of us boys in blue—and the women, too—we go by our last names. Lu’s always gone by Lu. She’s worked the streets forever and has taught in every academy from here to Harrisburg. Everyone with a badge knows her, and either loves or hates her. But one thing: we all respect her.”
I consider his words. “Why do people hate her? Because she’s a woman?”
Curran barks out a laugh. “Damn, Tess. You skipped right past the love and respect and dove headfirst into the hate. You haven’t changed a bit.”
I tighten my hold on my purse strap. “What’s that’s supposed to mean?” I ask, feeling myself grow defensive.
He offers me a sexy smile, which simply irritates the hell out of me. Truly it does. “Oh, nothing,” he says, keeping his grin. “Just that you’re still as negative and uptight as ever.”
“I’m not negative.”
“Yeah, you are.”
“Or uptight,” I insist.
“Yup. That, too.”
“I am not. I’ll have you know, I’ve done a great amount of research on sexism and know that despite the changes in our judicial system, laws, and increased awareness in our society, women continue to be oppressed and discriminated against in traditionally male-dominated fields—the police force being among the most guilty of such biases.”
And there’s that sexy smile again. “Believe it or not, not every guy out there is misogynistic,” he says.
“That’s a mighty big word for you,” I say, trying to ignore his grin. “I’m impressed you know what it means.”
“Of course I do. Not only am I good-looking, I’m pretty damn smart, too.” He spreads out his hands. “I’m the whole package, baby, standing right here in front of you. If you’d like, I’ll flex for you later. But only if you’re good,” he says, adding a wink.
I swallow hard, but then quickly clear my throat. “Officer O’Brien, you are truly unbelievable.”
“And you’re uptight, negative, and obviously convinced the world is out to get you and your sex.”
I slow to a stop. “I beg your pardon?”
He throws back his head, laughing. “Not sex sex. I meant womankind. Seriously, did you just go there?”
“I…”
Heat scorches me from head to toe as I quickly walk away. Of course, I can’t outrun this guy. In just a few strides, he’s right back beside me. “I’m not convinced everyone is out to get me,” I mutter under my breath.
“Sure you are.”
“I am not!”
“Then let’s get back to what you said. You’re assuming people hate Lu ’cause she’s a woman.”
“No. It’s just—” I take a moment to steady my voice. “As I was trying to explain, women make up a small percentage of the police force. They are not held in the same regard as male officers. They are often ridiculed and targeted because they are perceived as the weaker sex, weaker backup, and more emotional.”
“More emotional?” he asks, sounding appalled. “I don’t believe it.”
I gasp. “You—”
“Cad?” he offers.
I grind to a halt in front of the door leading up to the stairwell. This is the man who’s supposed to keep me safe?
Upon taking in my dumbfounded expression, Curran laughs into his shoulder. I slap my hands against my sides. Nice. Clearly I’m just kicks and giggles to be around.
It’s only when I try to open the door that his more serious persona returns. He holds out his hand, keeping me in place as he steps ahead of me and does a sweep of the stairwell.
“All clear,” he says, allowing me to pass.
I hurry through, only for him to clasp my elbow to keep me in place before I can take the first step. “Hold up,” he says. “I want to explain some things to you.” The door slams shut and he drops his hand away. “Remember the hazing that goes on when you pledge—you know, like at the college we went to together that I’m not supposed to talk about?”
I tilt my chin, wondering where he’s going with this. “Yes?”
“Well, it goes on at the academy, too, but it’s a lot worse—and meant to take you to your breaking point. The veteran cops there mess with your head. They purposely piss you off, screw with your mind, and stress you out. You’re maced. You’re thrown to the ground. And you’re sent to run until you swear to Christ your leg muscles are going to rip from the bone.”
I place my hand over my chest, feeling ill. “That’s…awful.”
Curran responds with a one-shoulder shrug. “It’s not meant to hurt, Tess. It’s meant to prepare. Because no matter what they do to you in the academy, it won’t compare to what some strung-out asshole waving a gun will do to you if he catches you alone. Won’t compare to the real pain you’ll feel when an abused woman cracks you in the head for arresting the man who knocked her teeth in. So the seasoned cops prep you any way they can. They’re not there to be your friend, or to hug you, or to tell you it’s going to be okay. Because if you’re a cop, chances are, it’s never going to be okay.”
Sadness overtakes me as trickles of Curran’s anguish find their way into his tone. Something happened to Curran—something terrible. Had he been harmed in the line of duty? Had he lost one of his friends?
“Are you all right?” I ask him, carefully.
He forces a smile. “Yeah. It’s all good.”
No, I don’t think it is…or was. “I’m sorry,” I tell him, honestly.
His mouth purses as if whatever happened to him had no effect, but it’s clear that it did, even as he continues speaking. “Like I was saying, those seasoned cops
—they do what they do because they need to do it. They’re there to separate the weak from the strong and help those who graduate stay alive when it’s their turn to hit the streets.”
“So Lu was one of the trainers who took you to your breaking point,” I say, wanting him to know that I’m listening, and that his words are affecting me.
“Yeah. She was. To give you an example, my group was given a scenario with a bomb threat, armed perps, and a bunch of civilians. I was the only one who didn’t shoot an innocent bystander. The only one who kept his head, and the only recruit who got the job done the right way. Can’t say the same for the rest of my group. That didn’t stop Lu from macing all of us and making us run five miles while repeating the Miranda out loud.”
My mouth goes strangely dry. “But why were you punished? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Curran’s voice takes on a force I never knew, and one I can’t quite place. “It’s not about being punished, Tess. It’s about learning that once we put on the badge, and take the oath to protect and serve, we’re all in it together. Despite our differences in hair, skin color, and ability, we’re all brothers and sisters. We don’t share the same blood, but we will bleed as one. And when one of us falls, we fall with him.”
As I take in his stance, his clenching fists, his pained features, and his words, I realize exactly how much Curran has changed. He may be as strong and as imposing as ever, but just then, I catch a chink of vulnerability in his tough-as-steel persona.
I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him close—to thank him for his sacrifices, and those of his brothers and sisters who share the oath he’s taken. God, never have I felt so insignificant and useless. I may know the law, but I will never enforce it—not to the degree Curran does. And, Jesus, not with my life!
I force myself to speak. “I never realized how intense law enforcement training is—or what it must take to graduate. This Lu woman sounds hideous.”
He nods, knowingly. “Yeah. But even though the other two male trainers present were the ones who devised our punishment, she was the one we were all pissed at. So yeah, we are a bunch of chauvinistic pricks.” He slaps my arm playfully and grins. “Come on, let’s wrap up and I’ll take you home.”
I watch him jog up the steps with my mouth dangling open. Oh, my God, this ball-busting frat boy hasn’t changed one bit!
I groan. Well, apparently neither have I, seeing how my stare locks on his ass, and my hands long to spank it.
Chapter 4
Curran
I wait for Tess to button the top of her plaid coat before we step out onto the street. Day two of Guarding Tess is well under way. I spent the last few hours escorting her back and forth to court and watching her race around the office getting Declan everything he needed. For the most part, she ignored me. That didn’t stop my grin, or the occasional wink I tossed her way when I caught her glancing at me. Both caused a deep blush to creep up her neck, something I enjoy more than I should.
As I speak, my breath becomes visible in the frigid air. “Okay. Where’re you parked? In the lot?”
She shifts nervously. My question has made her uncomfortable, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. When we returned from court yesterday, the boys from Internal Affairs were waiting in Declan’s office to grill me yet again about Joey. But she didn’t know who they were or why they were there, and she didn’t bother asking.
The interrogation took over a fuckin’ hour. When I stepped out of the conference room, Tess was long gone, and I was fit to be tied.
Declan had wrangled me into his office and tried to calm me, assuring me it was all just procedure. “Bullshit,” I told him.
He didn’t push it, just passed on that the captain wanted me to take the night off and arranged for two other badges to take over bodyguard duty. Lu and I are officially on watch starting today.
I know Declan and the captain only meant to help. What they don’t understand is that being alone is the last thing I need. It gives me too much time to think about everything that went wrong.
I square my shoulders, waiting for Tess to answer. Instead, she huddles deeper into her coat when a gust of wind slams against us like a solid force. For as tall as she is, she seems so small now. As much as I bitched to Declan yesterday, it was probably better someone else had had her back. As it was, I spent the night reliving Joey getting shot and counting all the ways I screwed up.
“Wassup?” I ask her when she stays quiet.
She doesn’t look at me when she answers. “I don’t have a car. I walked here.”
“You serious? What happened to the badge watching you?”
“He followed me in his vehicle.” She glances around when I narrow my eyes. “Traffic was slow; he kept up just fine,” she insists. Her lips part when I practically growl. “It’s only ten blocks.”
“What do you mean it’s only ten blocks?” I ask. “It’s goddamn January.”
“I walk fast. You can call it an opportunity for exercise.”
“No, I call it an opportunity to freeze your ass off. Come on, I’ll take you in my squad car.” I pause when I catch sight of her horrified expression. “Relax, baby. It’s not like I’m going to cuff you or anything.” I dance my eyebrows at her. “Unless you want me to.”
Her mouth pops open. “Officer O’Brien. Do you really think this is an appropriate way to speak to me given our roles?”
I lean back on my heels, pretending to be all offended. “It was just a joke between friends.”
“Friends?” she repeats, grasping the collar of her coat tightly against her.
“We’re not—what do you call it?—BFFs. But come on. It’s not like we’re strangers. We know each other.” I make a point to glance around before leaning in close, acting as if I’m sharing some top-secret info. “From college, remember?”
Although she tries not to, she laughs. And damn, doesn’t that totally change her face. She goes from all business to, yeah, all kinds of hot. “Very well, bestie,” she says. “Take me home in your vehicle.” She clutches my arm when I take a step forward. “I am riding in the front, right?”
I grin. “Don’t you think it would be more fun to ride in the back? I can read you your Miranda rights and pretend you’re under arrest for streaking or some crazy shit.” She tightens her jaw and releases my arm. “Okay, okay. You can ride in the front.”
We cross the street and walk into the parking deck, where a couple of skate punks are racing down the ramp, hootin’ and hollerin’ like they’re at Disney World. “Wait here,” I tell Tess. “Hey, assholes.” The kids skid to a stop, their eyes wide. “Can you read?” They look at each other. “I asked you if you could read, shitheads.”
The kid with the greasy hair hanging to his shoulders answers. “Yeah.”
I point to the NO SKATEBOARDING ALLOWED sign. “Then read and get the fuck out of here.” I shrug at Tess when they scatter. “Just kids having fun.”
She takes a hesitant step forward before hurrying to catch me. “Then why did you speak to them that way?”
“So they won’t do it again,” I say, as we cross the low-lit area to the ramp where I parked my patrol car. “Their kind of fun can bust their heads open.” I glance over my shoulder. “Ever seen a busted head?” I grimace. “It’s not pretty. The skin is so thin on the scalp and forehead you bleed like a stuck pig.”
Tess makes a face. “I can imagine.”
I open the passenger door for her. She slips inside and glances around the interior when I shut the door behind her. “Don’t worry,” I say as I slide into the driver’s seat. “I’m supposed to sub this car out for my own tomorrow.”
“Thank you. That’s probably best.”
“Where to?” I ask her.
“Right out of the lot and then two blocks down to Juniper,” she says, keeping her attention straight ahead.
“Did you mean what you said back there?” she asks after a moment.
“Yeah. The blood pours right ou
t. It’s real nasty when it gets in the eyes—”
She holds out a hand, looking a little squeamish. “I mean about you considering us friends from college.”
“Yeah. Why not? We hung out all the time. Well, at least my frat and your sorority did.”
“But we didn’t speak much.”
“Sure we did. I always said hi to you when you came over.” I cut my eyes her way. “Even though you’d look at me like you wanted to smack me upside the head.”
She adjusts her position, bringing her giant purse close to her chest. “That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“No it isn’t. I was—” She sighs. “It’s just that I didn’t always approve of your behavior.”
“You mean the keg stands?”
“Yes.”
“And the drinking games?”
“Yes.”
“How about the body shots—were they offensive, too?”
She raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms. “You mean the ones you did on my half-naked sorority sisters? If you must know, yes, I did find them offensive.”
“You did, huh?” She didn’t seem to mind the night I licked her all over, but I keep that memory all to myself. “You call it offensive. I call it age-appropriate activity. We were in college, after all.”
“Would it have bothered you if I’d done that?” she asks, quietly.
“Licked a shot off one of your sorority sisters? Hell, no.”
Oh, and there’s that pissy look again. “I meant if I’d done that to one of your frat brothers.”
“No.” Maybe.
“No?”
“No.” Okay, probably.
“Oh,” she says.
Maybe it’s me, but she sounds disappointed. I glance over at her, noticing the way she seems to shrink inward, like she used to do all those years ago. For all that she’s changed physically, on the inside, I’m not sure she’s changed much at all. She’s still that same girl, appearing to watch life from a distance.
I nudge her, hoping I can somehow draw another smile.
