“Sucks for you, then.” Vallon drags the woman toward the flight deck, and we all follow like lemmings.
Cold and sterile smelling, the flight deck is a beige octagon with a wall of windshield before us. The main attraction is a comfortable-looking black pleather seat with two control panels, one for each hand, I suppose.
Along the room’s angular edges, four more lesser chairs in various shades of tan, sit empty. Blank control panels with blinking green cursors wait for instruction.
Just how I imagined it. Aside from Marshall’s private living quarters, this is the only other place on the ship I’d dared not go. Until now.
Vallon releases the woman and disappears out of the room as the rest of the passengers file in. They all look to me for guidance and I’ve run out of any to give. I should have thought this through.
Thankfully, Vallon is back before anyone musters the courage to attack me. The few remaining soldiers form a tight perimeter.
“Here,” Vallon drops a thick manual into the woman with Penelope’s eyes’ arms. “Guess you’ll have to learn this the old-fashioned way. You have five hours.”
“Everyone else, let’s clear out and give our pilot some breathing room.” He turns to one of the soldiers, a woman slightly taller than me but much more athletic-looking. “You stay here in case she needs anything. You guys,” motioning to the crowd, “to the cafeteria. And for the love of humanity, nobody touch the slop.”
With that, Vallon pushes through the sea of people, which parts for him and follows behind. Not one person looks to me for confirmation.
Settling everyone into the cafeteria, and finding a central spot to stand, eats up half of one of our few remaining hours. Once the room quiets down enough for everyone to hear, Vallon gives them the quick and dirty version.
“Turns out, we weren’t supposed to leave when we did. Faulty orders, rogue captain, desperate people… any or all could be to blame. Regardless of why, we’re now about to land on Gliese, and they’re not responding. Haven’t said a word as far as I can tell.
“We don’t know how long we’ve been up here… floating in space. The former Sergeant figured out what was wrong and disabled hyperdrive, in his own misguided attempt to buy us some time. What that means for us, those of us left, is that we don’t know what we’re flying into.”
Quiet murmurs have slowly begun to grow to a low roar. Vallon raises a hand to calm everyone, and when that doesn’t work, slams it on the table next to him. This has better results.
“We woke you up to give you a choice. Anyone who thinks they can help in these final hours, any skill that might be necessary, please weigh that against your conscience. Everyone else, you can choose to watch your future unfold, or sleep through it.”
Vallon pauses to let that sink in and the low roar begins again. An older woman sitting at a booth near us wails uncontrollably. The one who tearfully asked about her son sits at her side, offering some small comfort.
“If,” Vallon speaks up over their voices, “if you choose to go back to STASIS, no judgment. We’ll thaw you back out if we survive.”
Poetry.
Another hour ticks by as people make their decisions and huddle into two near-equal groups. I’m mesmerized by them all. One pair, husbands I think, plead with each other from opposite sides of the room to change their minds, but neither does. The old wailing woman is incoherent by now, but since the group of ‘Sleepers’ formed around her, I guess that’s her choice.
The woman who had been sitting with an arm around the old woman stands and cries under her breath about not living without her Resike. She joins the ‘Watchers’ at the back of the room.
One man, who looks to be Marshall’s age — this new older, grayer Marshall — paces between the two groups. He talks to himself, deciding he’s seen enough of this world and if it’s his time it’s his time, then calls himself a coward and returns to the ‘Sleeper’ wall.
Standing in the middle, watching them pass by, I hear their angry, mournful, wistful, solemn, agitated, sad mutterings and thoughts. Not a few of them would rip me to shreds if not for fear of Vallon’s wrath. Others lay blame on Comier, who isn’t here to defend himself. If I were a stronger person I’d point out that one, he couldn’t have poisoned the food, he was a nice boy, and two, the food doesn’t matter at all now. We’re just as stranded with spoiled slop as we would be with caviar. Both of those options make my stomach turn.
Others, the ones with clearer heads in crisis, work themselves into a lather about President Theoda and the Sister Nations. My ears hone in on that conversation. Founding Mothers my ass.
“…treating us like cattle. I had my chipectomy. I was supposed to be safe. I allowed my son to join the militia. What have I done?”
“How long have we been drifting? Is there even a planet to land on? What if they turn us away? How do we survive somewhere else? We can’t turn back.”
“My dear Syan told me it was too soon to come. But I just had to try. I miss him so.”
“My brother worked at the capital and he said she was behind Sturn’s ‘suicide.’”
“Yes, I heard that, too. At first I thought it was just Truther conspiracies, but…”
###
I gasp as Vallon saunters in from placing our few volunteers at key posts around the ship. He tries to get my attention, casting his eyes from one group to the next in question. I can’t see him. All I can think about is how Theoda managed to fake President Sturn’s suicide. I mean, we all saw it, on repeat for days after.
//Rat!//
I snap to attention. “Sorry, I —”
“Who goes where?” Vallon motions for the last of my guards to come here.
“Sleepers and Watchers,” I say, pointing to each.
//You alright?// Instead of turning to leave with the Sleepers, he stays put.
Nodding, I take a deep breath. It’ll all be over soon, either way.
//Got that right.// Vallon smiles, before commanding the attention of the room again.
“Sleepers, come with me. Uh — what’s your name?” he asks the female guard beside me. It’s the first soldier I woke from cryo.
“Jundi,” she says with more authority than I can ever dream of. The name falling from her perfectly shaped supple bronze lips like lyrics of an ancient love song.
“Pretty,” Vallon has the nerve to wink at her, right over my shoulder. “Jundi and I will tuck you in nice and cozy.”
Jade fire engulfs me before I can close off my link to Vallon. That monster inside me has more than just green eyes. After everything we’ve been to each other.
//Pull yourself together,// he chips to me, and soft classical music rises up from nowhere inside my head. It chases the forest flames away. //That’s the one you always play on the table when you space out, right?// Vallon asks.
My chest swells and my back straightens. Clearing my already sore throat, I address the remaining passengers. “Everyone else, come with me. We have three hours to prepare.”
There isn’t much we can do at this point, but I make a big show of barking orders and doing my best Vallon impression. Best to let them feel useful in their last moments.
I’d already cleaned the debris from Marshall’s room and boarded up the door. It was my second task when I couldn’t sleep this morning. Still, checking it is my first order of business before we get started. The new door — a nonessential section of wall from the rec room — is damaged. Just as I suspected. There are jagged vertical slashes in the metal and the edges are pried away.
Some open areas are large enough to see through, into the putrid darkness. The rotten blood-ink stench slithers out of the holes. I wonder if it was enough to drive Vallon away from his quest. Or if he realized that’s the last place I’d hide Marshall.
The crew and I stow or strap down loose cargo around the ship. We check for sharp items, possible airborne missiles that could break free during a rough landing.
One of my men finds the courage to speak
up at the two hour mark. One to go. Apparently, he was a fire inspector in his former life and just now willing to take charge of his own destiny. He and a handful of people spend the final hour testing all the fire safety equipment, paying the most attention to those near our seating area.
Unable to think of another busy task, I usher the remaining Watchers into the cabin and do a quick demonstration of how to buckle themselves in. Since I spent the morning practicing this speech, I let my mind wander.
//Howie?// Just in case.
Then, //Vallon?//
//Demoted back to second place?// His lecherous grin flashes before my eyes.
//Never promoted.// I send back a blank stare. //It’s almost time.//
//Uh, yeah I know.//
//So get in here and find a seat.// Stone he can be so —
//I’m staying put.//
//What? No. Come on. Get your ass over here.// Now I project a wall of angry red his way.
//I knew you loved me.// The wall changes to pink with flower swirls around the edges and I slam it away. Vallon’s laugh echoes in the void. //I have work to do here.// I can feel his nervous energy sparking between us.
//What’s wrong?//
//I don’t know what experimental aircraft this lady’s been flying, but… you just strap yourself in extra tight, OK?//
//But —//
He gives me a big fake stage-mom smile. //Put on a good show.// And he’s gone.
Adjusting my own smile, I turn my focus back on the passengers. They’re all staring uncomfortably at me. How long ago did I stop talking? I shake it off.
“Looks like we’re about ready. Flight crew is making some final adjustments to the landing process to account for slightly higher temperatures on the surface.” I have no idea where that came from but it sounds official.
I make my way over to my seat, the one from however long ago, but it’s taken by a man in an Oceanic jumper. Howie looked much better in his. I smile politely at the man and walk past, pretending not to smell urine.
//Howie? Now’s the time. If you’re alive out there, please.//
Strangely, I notice as I make my final sweep, most of the Watchers are not watching. They’re all sitting with heads pressed to the back of their seats, eyes closed. Some have their hands gently clasped in their laps, many grip the armrest for dear life. All move their lips in a silent, synchronized verse. When I reach the inner circle, I hear it. One elderly man in a black silk robe stands before his seat… reciting a poem.
A prayer? Yes, some archaic verse that sounds oddly familiar and utterly peaceful. I nod solemnly and leave him to his flock.
There’s an open chair in the dead center of the room, with hopeful faces circling it, all looking to me. As if by proximity alone, they’ll be saved. They could have a point. Without permission, my mind equates every person in the outer rings to shock absorbers.
As I buckle myself in, I heed Vallon’s warning and double check each strap. Belts click and cushions groan as everyone around me does the same. The console before me flashes green, accepting my pin, and disappears at my feet.
The timer in my chip counts down from eight minutes. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, which does nothing to calm my nerves. So I try again. Slightly better.
Stale warm air blows in my face from every direction as my copycats follow suit. If we had longer than seven and a half minutes to live, that could get old quick.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
‘Impossible’ is a word only to be found
In the dictionaries of fools
- Napoleon Bonaparte
I hope it was all worth it. I hope you’re happy, well-adjusted, finding your place on Gliese. There are so many things I want to say to you, want you to know. But… how do I find the words?
Words. They don’t mean a thing in the end. Would you even remember them in the long run? We’ve said so many horrible words to each other over the years. Our few short years together. Do those hold more weight than the nice ones? They’re the ones I’m remembering now.
You were just a baby. You were robbed of Mom and Dad’s best years. My best years. Things were so much better before. You didn’t get to be a part of it. My only good memories of them don’t have you in them. It’s not fair. I feel like I have to choose.
Here I am facing almost certain death and I have to choose whether to think of you or them. I suppose by telling you all this, I’ve made my choice. I think they would understand. You were all that mattered, to all of us. Keeping you safe, fed, alive. Getting you off Earth. That was my life’s mission.
I don’t want to die wondering if I failed. So I won’t. I have to believe that you made it. One of those twinkling pods in the sky belonged to you. I can almost picture which one, too. There were so few dim yellow lights up there. But only one blue light. Your favorite color. You.
I hope you have a long happy life on Gliese. I’d give anything to be there to see it. There’s still a chance that I will, and I’m going to hang onto that chance. But…
If something happens to me, just know that I believe in you. I watched you survive through the unimaginable. You can make it without me now. You’ll grow up, find the love of your life… your Howie… You’ll have kids and grandkids and great-grandkids.
Do me a favor, though. Name them whatever you want. Don’t saddle them with such responsibility from birth. Name them anything. Hell, give them two — three — names each. Live!
Please live.
//Howie? I know you’re listening. Please, when you see Brooks, please give him that message.
And you… hold on. If I make it out of this, I’m coming for you. As soon as I find Brooks and see for myself that he’s alright, I’ll find you. Just hang on. I can’t lose you, too.
If… Stone, shouldn’t we be synced up right now? Meld with me dammit!
If I don’t make it, take care of Brooks. I don’t know how, and I’m sorry to saddle you with this. But please, for both of you. In this vast black shitty universe, you two need each other. And I need to know you have each other.
I love you. You know I do. Always have. I know it goes without saying but I need to say it. I should have said it more freely when I had you in my life. I should have showed you. I wasted so much time fighting the inevitable, not wanting to admit to myself that what I needed in my life was always there, waiting for me to see it.
I wish things could have been different for us. For you. All the pain you had to go through alone, in that hole. And now, you’re more alone than ever, and I can’t reach out and touch you. I can’t bear the thought of never feeling you next to me again.
Please let it be me. Let me be the one you turn to for help. I know you’re out there. You have to be. So don’t shoulder this alone. You’ve been my rock, now let me be yours.
I want to survive this landing for so many reasons, but most of all so I can spend the rest of my life making up for everything I was too scared to say or do on Earth. I promise to never let fear rule my actions again. I hope you know everything you’ve meant to me, my entire life. It’s always been you.
We’re going to grow old together. Well, you’ll grow old. I’ll always be the younger, hotter one. But we’ll have beautiful babies with bright green eyes, and it won’t matter anymore that they’re different. Things will be better on Gliese, or wherever we end up. We’ll make them better.
We’ll give our children the life we never had on Earth. All the things we were supposed to have. Life, love, peace. All of it. Whatever it takes.
Our children will not suffer the mistakes of our parents.
###
//Vallon!// My eyes fly open in a panic.
//I’m here, Rat.// He sounds unimaginably calm.
//What was that?// The ship shakes again and people cry out for each other, their gods, their parents.
//Turbulence.//
//Turbulence? This isn’t a —//
//Space turbulence.//
Belatedly, I realize he’s pulling th
at out of his butt. Still, it works. My breathing slows along with my heart rate. Until my counter chimes the one minute mark.
It’s at that moment I can tell which passengers didn’t remove their chips either. A moan of many voices echoes throughout the chamber.
Scientists always said you don’t feel yourself cross the event horizon, but now I’m not so sure. Funny what things stick with you from school. Howie would get a kick out of that.
I wish Vallon was here.
//We’ll explore that thought to the fullest extent when this is over.// Even his vanity is a comfort in our possible last forty-seven seconds.
I find myself smiling against all rationale.
With a warm glow of need, Vallon adds, //How about you, me, and miss Jundi here get to know each other a little better?//
The smile falls heavily. Her? Last minute adjustments my ass.
//Now now,// he placates. //There’s plenty of Vallon to go around. You’d know that first hand if you hadn’t shut me down.//
Fire crawls across my skin and explodes through my cheeks and ears. I shut him down? He was the one who —
There’s a violent rumble as the ship lurches forward, or down, I can’t tell anymore.
//Last night was for you,// Vallon continues, as if he’s immune to the chaos.
//Liar.// I finally find my words and they want to spew forth like venom. Especially after his next retort.
//I told you what you wanted to hear. What you needed, what every girl needs on her last night alive… possibly.//
How can he be so flippant about it? What we shared was… //You can deny it all you want, but I know… I felt how much it wasn’t just for me.//
As a final insult I hurl my sense memory at him. His rigid need pressing against my back.
//As I said,// Vallon continues, not missing a beat. //That was all for you. And so was this.//
What? //So was what?//
Then I hear it. I open my eyes and see, hear cheering. Passengers are already dropping out of their harnesses left and right, falling to kiss the steady floor beneath their feet.
Exodus Page 16
