by Karen Anders
He watched her fuss over her child, removing the elastics from her braids and unplaiting her hair, loosening the shirt the girl wore and tucking the blankets around her. The tightness in his chest changed to an ache so powerful he had to turn away. He made his way back through the house, gathered up his hat and coat, then exited the house, unable to bear seeing what he could never have.
He would leave as he promised himself he would. All alone, he could still feel Ellie’s sJight body in his arms. Damn, what would it be like to hold a child of his own? What would it be like to have a life he created call him Daddy and look at him with eyes full of love? The thought twisted his gut with pain. He would never know. He would never father a child.
He sensed Jennifer’s presence even before she touched his arm. Suddenly there was light and heat, and he jumped from the sizzling contact. She must have felt it, too, because she backed up slightly as if he were some kind of wild animal she must be wary of. And maybe he was.
Chapter 4
He turned around and she gasped audibly. Hunger, heat and loneliness stared back at her. She recalled his hot seeking mouth, so soft and demanding, and she remembered her response. Just as hot, just as demanding. Huskily, his voice full of need, he said, “Darlin’, come here.”
Panic clutched her heart. If it was a battle of wills then she had an uncomfortable feeling she would lose. He could crook that little finger at her and she would melt into a marshmallow. She wanted to run, she could feel the need to flee inside her. But when his face came into the light, she couldn’t. His eyes glowed a pure aching turquoise so full of loneliness and need she felt as if she could cry. She took a step forward and he made no move. None whatsoever. He was so still he could have been a statue. She took another, and when she was close enough to him, she stopped.
Very slowly, as if he knew she was frightened, he reached out and pulled her close against the lean hard length of him. Jennifer began to tremble, and she wanted so desperately for this man to be hers. That thought scared her down to her toes.
His eyes gazed deeply into hers as if he was searching desperately for something there. Something that his life depended on. She could feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest, her breasts crushed against him.
She thought he would kiss her. She was so sure that what he wanted was her body. But instead of taking her mouth in the hungry way he had this morning, he just moaned softly and laid his forehead against her shoulder.
Her chest filled and burned. This tenderness was unexpected. It was easy to say no when she believed that he wanted something physical. The way he held her spoke more clearly than his words could.
For a full minute he held her, just held her in the soft hushed night. It seemed as if the bugs were awed by his magic, for even the chirping grew silent. As awed as she was by his heartbreaking charm. It felt so good to be cradled in his arms, so warm and safe. He smelled so good. So musky, so male.
Softly, almost a whisper of sound against her ear, he said, “Can I touch your hair?”
“M-my hair?”
“Yes, darlin’,” he said patiently. “I’ve wanted to from the moment I saw you.”
“Why?”
“It’s like fire in the sun and so silky-looking. May I?”
“Oh, God,” she whispered on a breath of air. Not meaning to say yes out loud, she did, anyway. “Yes.”
Gently he reached up and threaded his fingers through her hair, letting it flow through his hands like cascading streams of burnished liquid.
“Where the hell is your husband?” he asked suddenly, harshly. He leaned closer, breathing deeply of her scent, and placed soft, warm kisses on her temple.
Jennifer was so surprised by his question, she couldn’t speak for a moment. She didn’t want to talk about Sonny with this stranger, this man who had come to her rescue out of nowhere. A guardian angel in a rough, dangerous package. Trust came hard where men were concerned. She wasn’t just going to open up to him. He was leaving. What could her answer possibly matter to him?
“I don’t know you. That’s a pretty personal question.” She evaded out of necessity. Out of self-preservation.
He nodded, bringing his face closer to hers. Her eyes dropped to his mouth and she couldn’t seem to stop the overpowering need to feel him beneath her fingers. Gently she traced the outline of his lips, touched his mouth, and the contact fulfilled something basic and female inside her. The potent need to touch a virile powerful male. Yet, there were other things about him that she liked. His integrity. His gentleness. His honesty.
He closed his eyes, and his voice was thick with desire and longing when he spoke. “Believe me, Jennifer, if it was only hot, mindless sex involved, I wouldn’t hesitate for one minute.”
Hot, mindless sex. She couldn’t breathe. This man stirred feelings in her that she never knew she possessed. Heated thoughts of Corey stripping her, straddling her, taking her, rushed through her mind. The powerful attraction was unwanted, stunning in its potency, and so frightening. And all she had to say was, “Yes.”
“I want to get to know you, too,” he offered, instinctively answering her unspoken thoughts. Grabbing her hand, he pressed her palm to his mouth then moved it to his face.
She swallowed convulsively and he watched her throat move, wanting to put his mouth there and feel her swallow against his tongue. “Intimately,” he added, his eyes moving from the soft column of her throat to her face. “I want to know what you’re thinking behind those deep green eyes. For the first time in my life I want to explore a woman emotionally as well as physically.” He felt her stiffen against his body. He was baring a part of himself uncharacteristically, but he was so tired of running.
Was he trying to scare her off? Most likely. He didn’t want to explore his feelings for this woman, but already the attraction was so strong he thought seriously of seducing her right here in her driveway, and once a physical tie was established he could then garner an emotional one.
What the hell was he thinking? He could only hurt her. Hadn’t he promised himself he would never get involved with a forever kind of woman? Jennifer was the type of woman he’d always steered away from, and with an unreasonableness that astounded him he wanted her. “But you’re a conservative little cowgirl, aren’t you? You don’t sleep around. Certainly not a one-night stand with some drifter moving through town. That would be—” he leaned down and whispered in her ear “—reckless.”
A quivering tingle trickled through her whole body, striking a chord deep down. Reckless. That was what she’d been with Sonny. Sonny, who’d cared more for the rodeo than for her. Sonny, who’d taken any woman he could seduce into his trailer. Into their trailer, into their bed where her daughter had been conceived.
Anger hot and burning hardened her heart, and she erected barriers for sheer protection. She couldn’t trust him. Ha, she couldn’t trust herself.
She raised her chin and met his molten green gaze.
“Why are you doing this?” she challenged, dropping her hand and narrowing her eyes.
“Because I like torturing myself. Or maybe because a sweet, beautiful, rich—” his eyes shifted from her face to look up at the house, where he could see the patio and the pool “—Anglo woman wouldn’t be interested in a man like me, so I’m safe.”
“Don’t put words into my mouth and thoughts into my head. You’re only doing this to unnerve me. Why don’t you just get on your bike and leave? That’s what you want to do, so go ahead. Stop.baiting me.”
“I’m leaving so you won’t get a chance to be reckless.” With his fingers buried in her hair he cupped the sides of her face. “I just want to know if he’s dead. Only a fool would ever walk away and leave you.”
“You’re leaving,” she said more contemptuously than she felt, trying to ignore the distracting movement of his thumbs that left a tingling fire over the skin of her cheekbones. It was frightening, this sense of wanting a man she didn’t know. Frightening and powerful. Yet, looking into his tortured e
yes, she almost felt closer to him than anyone else.
“I’m a fool,” he said simply, with a shrug of his impossibly broad shoulders.
The thought of him leaving brought back the unreasonable panic. God, she didn’t want him to go, but she surely wouldn’t let him know that. This was crazy, and she thought she’d put her crazy days in the past. Crazy days when she had let Sonny woo her and use her and throw her away.
No matter how much she wanted this man, no one was going to throw her away again.
Her anger at the remembered treatment by her husband lent her the strength to step away from the dark seduction of Corey. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know you.” She clenched her fists, her nails digging into her flesh. She would not touch him. She would not.
His arms dropped away from her and he smiled without humor in the darkness, his face in shadow beneath the brim of his hat. All she could see was his beautiful mouth, and all she could think was that she wanted it pressed against hers,
He sighed a mournful sound that went through her like a sharp biting arctic wind leaving in its wake a sudden aching emptiness. She tightened her resolve. She couldn’t let her heart sway her mind. He was leaving. Yet another man who didn’t want to make a commitment. Yet another rodeo rider who would break her heart and she’d only known him for one damn day. You can really pick them, Jen, but good, she chided herself.
His mouth was on hers before she could fend him off. The kiss spoke volumes, the aching sweetness almost unbearable.
Then he hugged her hard and close for a few agonizing minutes.
When he pulled away, his face was ravaged with pain. Without looking at her, he straddled his bike. He sat there for a few moments as she watched him war with himself for composure, for control. It made her feel powerful that he would have to fight himself. Just as she fought herself.
Abruptly he turned and looked at her. “Thanks for the delicious dinner. I haven’t had a home-cooked meal in a very long time, and never by a beautiful woman with fiery hair.”
His words released the heartache that had just begun to stir, and she bit her lip, tasting the intoxicating essence of him.
She didn’t know what to say. She wanted to ask him to stay, because standing here in her driveway she realized how terribly lonely she was.
But one night with him wouldn’t be enough. She would want more and that want would turn into a raging river of want. An insurmountable river that would only swell and grow with time.
She would want a commitment. She had to have someone who would stay around and be a father to Ellie and a husband to her. No, he should leave. Better never to know how much he could make her feel.
Her resolve was hard-won. Thirteen years of fending off amorous advances would not go for naught. She needed to consider everything in the equation. What would one night of lovemaking cost her?
Too much. Too damn much.
Sonny had hurt her, but this man could bring her to her knees. She knew it inherently. One taste of his passion, the feel of his body, the possession of that body and she would be lost. All the independence, all the pain she had endured would go flying out the window and she’d have to fight to get back what she would lose in him.
“You’re welcome. Have a safe trip to wherever you’re going.” Her voice came out bitter and cutting.
He smiled again that sad, heart-wrenching smile. “I’m going nowhere. You take care, darlin’.”
Her heart twisted at the tired, defeated bitterness in his voice. Her chest filled until she thought it would burst. Please, don’t look so damn neglected and forlorn. He looked so lost that it pulled at something deep inside her, stirring all her nurturing and protective instincts. She had the overpowering urge to take him in her arms and hold on to him until that look went away.
He’s running.
She must not forget that. But she couldn’t help the rush of tenderness that moved through her or the thought that if he would just stay and let her get to know him, she could get him to stop running. Save the outlaw mentality, Jen, she told herself sternly..
He tightened the bead on his hat and kicked the motorcycle into life. She stepped back out of his way and he had to look over his shoulder at her. His hand raised to his hat and she felt that stab of awareness surge through her again.
And regret. Deep, deep regret. She saw the same emotion in his eyes and her heart ached. She would probably never meet a man who would stir her like this and she’d just lost her chance to explore the attraction. Lost the chance to have a precious memory.
For only one night.
It would not be enough, she thought greedily.
It would be a night that would probably haunt her, a more reasonable voice said. One that she would never get out of her mind. She would unconsciously compare him to every other man she met. She was better off never knowing, she reminded herself.
Then she was watching his red taillight disappear into the darkness. The loneliness seemed to settle on her like a fine blanket of mist. The regret like a lead ball in her stomach.
Walking into the house she didn’t feel the least bit sleepy. When Two Tone scratched at the door, she let him in and he happily trotted up the stairs, his hooves clicking against the hardwood. She knew he would curl up with Ellie and fall asleep, the way he did every night. She went into the dining room, picked up the pie plates and silverware, put them in the dishwasher, then turned it on. Upstairs in her bathroom she stripped and got into the shower. She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. She’d sit in her window seat and look out at the night.
Suddenly, without warning, a small sob shook her. She leaned against the wall, her tears mingling with the spray from the shower. No man had ever touched her so gently. She remembered the way he’d touched her hair when she thought for sure his interest in her was purely sexual. The way he’d looked at her, the barely concealed passion in his eyes. They shared something that went deeper than lust.
She covered her mouth with her hand and turned her face up to the spray to stop the cries issuing from her tight throat, but still the tears fell. She wanted desperately to help, to erase the loneliness from his face and find out why he looked so heart-wrenchingly sad.
She closed her eyes tightly and leaned her face against the cool tiles. It would have been so easy to console him with her body. The thought of enfolding him in her arms and giving him pleasure made her cry harder, her whole body shaking with the effort.
She wasn’t looking for a temporary answer, she reminded herself. Sleeping with him would have been reckless and impulsive, and she couldn’t afford that kind of behavior now. She couldn’t think about herself and her needs. She had to think of Ellie and permanence.
But all those rationalizations did nothing to stern the tide of need that rushed over her.
She thought back to the evening, to the way he’d been with her child. Ellie was just as taken with him as she was. Her daughter had never had a father. After the divorce, Sonny had acted as if he’d never fathered a child. He’d told her she could “keep the brat” and even insinuated that the child probably wasn’t his.
That had been the one and only time she’d ever hit a man until this afternoon when she’d hit Jay for taking liberties.
She stood under the water until she was shivering, then wearily she turned the faucet off, dried herself with quick angry strokes and put on a light cotton nightgown.
She towel-dried her hair, went into her bedroom and sat down on the window seat, feeling sick with despair, marveling that she’d never cried so hard and so long over Sonny.
Tears were precious and she chose who she shed them over. Sonny hadn’t deserved them, but Corey did. She guessed that he deserved a lifetime of tears.
She didn’t want to close her eyes and sleep, because then she would remember. She would remember his kiss and she would relive it, and all the painful desires and all the things that could never be would rise around her as ghosts.
She looked out the window, but didn’t see the nig
ht—only a pair of hot aqua eyes and a battered, wounded soul.
He stopped the bike just outside her fence, everything inside clamoring for him to turn around and go back to her. His eyes closed tightly, his hands gripped around the handlebars until they hurt, he fought the urge. He wanted to go back and strip those soft silky pants off her, pull that blouse over her head, run his hands over her body, straddle his motorcycle and have her straddle him. Hot skin against hotter skin. Silk against steel.
He groaned low in his throat thinking about her body moving over his, him deep inside her.
Hormones. Nothing but the long-denied desires of a man. Hell, it had been too damn long since he had a woman. He sat in the darkness, his body pulsing, his blood hot in his veins.
Yeah, hormones. Lust. Need. Want. All of those.
He questioned his motives. In his dreams, where all things were possible, why, when he’d brought her to fulfillment and taken his own, did he want to wrap her around him and sleep with her against his heart? Why did he never want to let her go? Because there was more than lust to his hunger.
But he couldn’t explore that hunger, he told himself. He was a man with baggage and Jennifer Horn was a woman he’d only dreamed about and that was where she had to stay—in his dreams.
Corey pulled away from the fence, then opened the throttle when he reached the road, the powerful bike fishtailing in the gravel before it righted itself once it hit the better traction of the blacktop. He fought the bike for control while the wind pulled at his hat and coat and tangled his long ebony hair.
He pushed the throttle higher, wanting the wind to take this feeling away. Believing that if he went fast enough, he could outrun the desire throbbing through his blood. He moaned softly into the wind, his fingers remembering the silky fire of her hair.
Why did it feel as if he’d left half of himself back in her cozy house? Why did it feel as if he’d left his heart in her soft, warm hands? Because there was an emptiness in his chest.
