She smiled then and it almost touched her eyes. “You’re trying to get me to spill my emotions so you can write a song about it?”
He laughed and pulled her into his arms twirling them a bit and settling with a much slower and closer dance then downstairs. “Since I’ve met you all I’ve done is write lyrics about us.”
“You have?” She lifted her head.
“Why are you so surprised? You work in the music industry. Haven’t you noticed artists write from personal experience?”
“Yes.” She leaned back into him, but her arms moved from around him, up the front of his shirt and slowly around his neck. “As you already know I was Rusty’s first manager and he wasn’t by any means my first client. But he was the first client I dated.”
Avery wasn’t sure how ready he was to hear about her relationship with Rusty when they were just starting off, but if it was what she needed to talk about to move forward with him, he was willing.
“It was fast. Like us. We rushed into it when he was still figuring himself out in this industry. People change. Musicians change and I’ve witnessed firsthand how this industry affects people and what they become. Some can handle the strain this business has on your life and your career, while others can’t. Anyway, we were dating when Riley left, had been for a couple years, and it got really complicated. I had to stop managing and take over CEO. That meant I had to learn everything Riley hadn’t taught me. It was a lot. So much more than I understood or could figure out on my own. I hired professional people in to teach me. It was months of hard work and long hours. Every time I turned around there was a stack of papers to review. At the beginning I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I had lost my niece, my brother and...” Her voice softened so low he almost didn’t catch the name. “...Dani.” Avery felt her body stiffen as she said the name of Riley’s daughter’s mother.
“I know that my brother is dating your sister and Dani is kind of off limit talk, but she was the closest thing I had to a friend. Riley didn’t love her. Half the time I don’t even think he liked her. She was a bit wild, which I’m sure you know.”
Dani was from Willow Valley, not originally, but her mother, Mrs. Calvert had moved them both there when Dani was young. The shy, dark and wild girl, just like Cece said, had been a loner who didn’t befriend anyone, ever. She left Willow Valley right out of high school and moved to the city until a vehicle accident claimed the life of her and her daughter. Mrs. Calvert might be a close friend to the McAdams family, but she was also a private person who didn’t talk about her business around her little bakery. Avery didn’t know all that much about Dani. Only what Abby had told him and it was never in a mean, cruel or jealous context.
“I spent a lot of time with Dani and Jenny,” Cece said.
Avery knew better than anyone that Abby wouldn’t purposely omit Dani from being spoken, but he wasn’t so sure about Riley’s input on the Dani topic. It had been a hard time for him, a life changer.
“You can talk about her to me,” he told her, smoothing his hand up and down her back in a slow comforting motion.
“I lost everything in two months, but I had Rusty. Kind of.”
Kind of? What did that mean?
Cece paused and he waited quietly until she was ready to answer.
“He cheated on me.”
Cheated on her? No wonder she had reservations about pursuing her feelings with Avery, a musician. She feared repeating the same pattern as her former lover. While the experience for Cece was causing conflict in her, Avery was drawn closer to Cece relating to the same betrayal.
“Multiple times with multiple women.”
Multiple times? Multiple women! That tidbit of information shifted Avery’s feelings. Rage as a result of the turmoil and distrust Rusty inflicted on Cece was surfacing in Avery.
“I was too tired and drained to even care because at the end of the day he came home to me. When he wasn’t on tour.” She gave her head a little shake. “You know what I mean.” Avery could confidently say, he understood what she said, but didn’t agree with it. “He was there for me,” she added as though trying to convince Avery. Did she believe that bullshit now?
Cece let Avery’s hands go, as the look across her face changed. She slipped out of Avery’s arms, turned and walked away from him. He wanted to tighten his grip around her, but she looked like she needed to shake off whatever emotions she was triggering, so Avery gave her space.
Cece walked straight to the kitchen table and poured herself a glass of the chilled wine Avery had arranged to be waiting for them. He’d thought they would drink to themselves, not need it to calm down their nerves. Her hands trembled as she lifted the long stem glass to her lips, taking a long drink of the liquid. When she set the glass down three quarters was missing. She was in pain. Even now, after years, he could see how this topic bore deep in her emotions.
Avery didn’t want to push or scare her with a bombard of questions or the fury building up against a man he’d once idolized. He just wanted to listen. If Rusty was the only person she had to talk to back then, that meant when they’d separated he would have left Cece with no one to talk to about the pain Rusty had bestowed upon her. In turn, that meant she’d locked this part of her life in a safe all these years and was not only unlocking it for Avery.
It wasn’t like that for Avery or his siblings. His whole life all his sisters had been just down the hall or a phone call away and all of them willing to listen. His distance during the Ems episode was of his own choosing, not because there wasn’t anyone for him to talk to.
Cece’s fingers touched her lips and ran across them as her eyes slowly found his. “I know what you’re thinking,” she said, dropping her hand.
She couldn’t nearly comprehend what he was thinking. He hadn’t a clue that he’d been built with such an overwhelming sense of protection for a person until she bore her hurt. It was different from the protective feelings he had for his family. He would never let harm come to them and would protect them unconditionally, but with Cece he not only wanted to protect her, he wanted to heal her, hold her and take her sadness as his own.
“And you’re not wrong. I was weak. I was pathetic. I was the girl who stayed with the cheater because she was afraid of being alone.”
Her defiant words hadn’t even entered his head. “I don’t think any of those things.”
“Why not? They’re true. And I knew it would happen with Rusty. Deep in the back of my head, from the first time he winked at me, I knew he would cheat on me and that I would never be enough for him.”
Watching her struggling with Rusty’s betrayal and the blame she was hammering into herself made Avery wonder if that’s what she saw when she looked at him and their future. It was so far from the truth. Avery only envisioned Cece in his life. It was fast, almost too fast, but the knowledge that Cece was the woman for him, the only woman, successful or not, was dominant.
“Once we started dating, how could he end it? I was his manager. His source of income. In a way I forced him to stay with me. In a twisted way it was my fault.”
Avery was shaking his head and stepping toward her. He could no longer let her stand before him, blaming herself, comparing that lying, cheating bastard to him and not touch her. His eyes focused in on her. “No man should ever make a woman feel like their actions were her fault. It wasn’t your fault.” He didn’t allow the anger he was feeling to lace his words, even if he was so damn angry with Rusty that every step he took was strained. But he did make sure his voice was stern so she understood it wasn’t negotiable.
She stepped back and held her hand up. Her eyes bore sadness that swept through the distance between them and pressed into his heart.
“Stop. Please,” she begged.
He stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn’t quite put his finger on the tone of her voice. The anger he felt for Rusty fell to the floor as he tried to evaluate the strained pain in her voice. He would have time later to hate, despise, and even loat
he that son of a bitch. Right now, he had a wonderful woman in front of him that he needed to prove none of this was her fault and that he sure as hell wasn’t Rusty Towns.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her hand remaining partially lifted, flat palm at him.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for.”
Tears formed in her eyes and he hated it. “This is a beautiful gesture. All I’ve wanted to do all day was be alone with you,” she said. “Now, I feel like I’m ruining it. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even want to talk about all of this until we were back in Oakston. And now I feel like I can’t stop.”
“You don’t have to.” If this is what it took to get them past this road bump in their lives then this is exactly where, and what, he wanted to be doing.
She continued and with each declaration her smile began to return. “Your touch makes me forget all my worries. Your kiss leaves me craving more. And your voice...” Her smile almost reached her eyes and lit them up. “Convinces me that we will be different.”
We will be different. Her words were beautiful, deep, and from the heart. From her healing heart.
Avery smirked then. “There are your lyrics,” he said to her.
The edges of her lips rose a little more and he could see she was beginning to relax again. “I’m going to copyright those,” she joked.
“Maybe we should do a duet.”
“You’ve yet to hear me sing. There’s a reason I manage bands.” Her face lost her humor. “I am scared of falling back in that path with a musician. I’m terrified. But with you...” She took a deep breath that seemed to give her a push to take a step toward him. “I feel safe with you. That might sound weird, safe, but I do. I feel like you would never hurt me in all the ways Rusty did.”
His feet drummed to take a step but he didn’t dare. “I would never hurt,” he promised. “Not all men or musicians cheat. Rusty chose his own path. He chose to cheat on you and put you in a path of pain. I am not Rusty.” There was no way in hell he would ever put Cece through the sorrow he’d witnessed in her eyes tonight. “I don’t know Rusty like you do so I can’t compare myself to him. But, I promise you Cece, that I will never hurt you. I will guide you through paths of petals and pull you from paths of thorns. Hell, I will step in front of you and protect you from those paths. Forever.”
“Forever? We don’t even know what we are doing yet.”
“I know what I’m doing and exactly what I want. You’re scared and I understand. I am not trying to rush you.” He took another step, but only one. “I have never been surer of anything in my whole life. Not about my band, my music, my lyrics. There’s something about you Cece Boyd that prevents me from seeing a future without you in it.” When she didn’t say anything he asked again, “What do you want?”
This time her smile reached her eyes relaxing the lines tugging her face. She sent him a look mixed between shy and provocative and that combined mixture caught the breath in his chest.
“You,” she said.
He smiled and the wind came out of him swiftly. That was exactly what he wanted to hear.
“I want you. I don’t want any other girl. Ever. That might be blunt and fast. Cece, I know to my deepest core that you’re the woman for me. Forever. I will always be straightforward and honest with you and you can trust me.”
He held his hand out and hoped she could find it in herself to trust that he wasn’t anything like the man he wanted to pound into the ground.
Chapter Sixteen
SWALLOWING HARD, CECE stared at Avery’s hand, wanting to greedily accept it and lavish in the wonderful future he was promising her, but she had nothing to offer him back. Avery didn’t fully understand her stalling and the simple contact of his touch would lead to a kiss that would blind her. That wasn’t fair to him. Everything was happening so fast. She hadn’t anticipated having this conversation with him, not tonight. But how could she ignore it when he was proclaiming Cece was the only woman for him and promising her the honesty and straightforwardness she craved? To ignore her truth would be misleading him. Cece wouldn’t do that to him.
Tasting the sweet wine on her tongue, that he’d arranged waiting for them, and standing under the dim lights, her heart saddened that she was about to ruin any possibility of a romantic night with Avery. His emotions weren’t something she wanted to play with. He deserved the truth like he had offered her.
Cece breathed in the unfamiliar smell of old wood, preparing herself for his rejection.
“Do you want a family?” she asked, when she gathered enough strength.
Avery’s face changed at the question. He watched her like he wasn’t sure how to answer.
Straightforward and honest, Avery.
“Eventually. Yes, I do.”
Of course he did. Wasn’t that what all couples wanted...eventually? A family and children and this man came from a family of five siblings. Five! That was huge.
“Children?” Cece knew the answer before she asked, but she needed to hear it from his lips and not second guess her decision.
“Yes.”
Her exhaustion caught up to her and no longer was she able to keep her emotions from the surface. Cece’s tears let go and fell down her face. It amazed her that Avery stayed rooted in his spot. He was a toucher like Abby. Yet, even with Cece standing before him, crying, he didn’t move, respecting her earlier wishes not to.
Cece craved his touch to swathe the sadness growing inside her. This moment could be the very last time she had the opportunity to touch him, or the last time he would want to touch her. Once she told him, once he knew, it would be over.
Cece took the steps he’d been longing to take and grabbed the sides of his face. She didn’t pause to acknowledge his five o’clock shadow as it tickled her fingers. She kissed him.
He kissed her back without the hesitation that he’d been maintaining. It wasn’t a soft, tender kiss for the emotional moment they were having. Their tongues met open mouthed and the warmth of his stroked hers with firm pressure, taking in her entire mouth and it felt like he was trying to seal his promise of only wanting her...forever. As his arms travelled around her middle it felt like he was already protecting her. When he squeezed tightly, pulling her against the length of his body, she knew he didn’t want to let go. The way his words and his actions melted together formed a protection spell that she never wanted to be released from.
Maybe he will protect me forever and the truth won’t matter.
It was an enlightening thought, but she knew the truth. He would end this. If it wasn’t now, it would be tomorrow when the reality of what she was about to tell him sunk in. She wanted to let this kiss become more and encourage him to carry her to the bed so they could each explore the depths of one other as they’d been doing in the hallway. That wouldn’t be fair to him.
Cece pulled her lips away, but his grasp kept their bodies together.
One of his gentle hands touched her cheek and wiped her tears away. Again, he was putting her first, not rushing to take her to bed, but just wanting to take care of her.
“Thank you for today,” she said. It had been a long time since anyone put effort into doing something special for her. “For everything. Sightseeing this morning and planning this thoughtful romantic night.” If only her past wasn’t so serious. She stroked the edge of his vest. “You are one of the good guys, Avery.”
“I’m glad you know we are out there.”
He slid a piece of her hair away from her face, and kissed the open area like a delicate flower before returning to look at her with a half smile.
“Avery...” You can do this. No one knew. Rip off the bandage. “I can’t have children.” The words tasted like tar, thick and sticky, unable to peel away the layers from her broken heart.
The confusion layered on Avery’s face was even more heartbreaking.
“I was pregnant. Four months pregnant. It was right after Riley left and I hid it from everyone. I just wasn’t ready to share it when eve
ryone was already looking at me like I couldn’t fill Riley’s shoes. Anyway, one night I fell down a flight of stairs. It was bad. I didn’t just slide down gracefully. I completely lost control. I hit my back hard and...I lost the baby.” She breathed in more courage. “I’ve never told anyone that before. There were complications at the hospital, and I had to go into surgery and they ended up removing my uterus, making it impossible to have a baby.” Cece couldn’t believe she had told him. “I can’t give you the family, the children, that you want.” Her body stiffened, waiting for him to release her and to yell at her...write lyrics about the pain.
Instead, Avery hugged her, catching her rigid body off guard, and clutching tighter than before, flexing the firmness out of her. He held her for what felt like forever and she couldn’t help but soak up his compassion. She softened against him. His chin dug unknowingly into her shoulder and she overlooked the pain fearing it might be the last time she got to touch him or have him hold her. That thought was soul crushing. You’ve lived through Rusty, you can live through this. Why did it feel like she couldn’t.
When Avery moved away from her, she braced herself for his broken connection, expecting him to walk out the door. He surprised her again, by cupping her tear-stained face and moving close to her. “I’m sorry that you can’t get pregnant.” Here it comes... “I can’t even imagine how that makes you feel, and my heart breaks for you.” But, I can’t be with you... “There are other ways to have children, if that’s what you want.”
Adoption. Who would want to go through the formalities of adoption when they could find a woman who could give them their own?
“It’s not that simple,” she said.
“It is that simple. Do you want children?” he asked her, once again reminding her how much he cared about her.
Cece nodded.
“I will go down this road with you. I’m not saying that I’m ready to have children right now, but when we are, we will look at our options together. We can debate the alternatives and decide what works best for both of us.” Us, us, us! It was always about them as a team.
Lakeshore Lyrics: The McAdams Sisters (By The Lake Series Book 5) Page 14
