by Dannika Dark
Finn was awake. Logan, on the other hand, was passed out cold.
“Do you want some company?” I closed the door behind me.
“I think your friend likes me,” he said with embarrassment in his cheeks.
“Take it as a compliment; it’s just his way. How are you feeling?”
I brushed a strand of hair from his forehead. They cleaned him up nice and dressed him in a cotton shirt. It was about five sizes too big, but he looked great.
“Better.”
The silent stretched between us.
“Why did you come back?”
“I keep my word, Finn. We had a search warrant, but it looks like they were prepared to tear it all down. Maybe Nero got spooked; he knew we were looking for him. Lucky I found you when I did.”
“Yeah.” He nestled his face into the pillow. “Did you really carry me up those stairs? He told me,” Finn said, nodding his head towards Logan.
I squeezed his hand and smiled. “I’m just glad that you watch your figure. I don’t know what I would have done if you had one too many Happy Meals.”
A line of confusion etched in his forehead. “What’s a Happy Meal?”
I was angry that Finn had never had a taste of a normal life. Why wouldn’t his leaders have protected him? Was this type of violation of so little importance? Breed law focused on the big fish and didn’t seem to look out for the little guy.
“I made you something.” His eyes lit up, watching my reaction. “Look in the pocket on the lower left leg.”
I lifted the flap from his baggy cargo pants, reached inside, and pulled out a small piece of wood.
“It’s a little wolf!”
Finn had a natural born gift, and it showed in his art. The object fit in the palm of my hand—an intricate carving, down to the last details.
“Carving is my hobby, and I like to give them away. You left before I finished it. I had never carved a wolf before; it was hard getting the snout just right.”
I treasured it in my hand before showing him my gratitude with a kiss on the cheek. He turned red and shrank from my touch as a child might. By his reaction, affection was not something he was used to.
“Anyone ever tell you how special you are?”
Logan lifted his head, attempting to throw off a jealous gaze through a storm of blond hair. He peeled away from Finn, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning wide.
Finn combed his hair over his ears. “They found the guard chained up, but he was—you know—naked. I’m sorry I left you, I should have found a way to get you the key—”
Logan flipped over and my heart skidded to a stop. Finn stared wide-eyed at his incisors, but avoided his gold rimmed eyes. The throaty growl was how I imagined a saber tooth tiger might sound.
“Finn, I haven’t really talked about all that,” I warned, flicking my eyes back to Logan. “It wasn’t as bad as you think.”
“But Diego is strong and—”
“Diego.”
Logan spoke as if summoning an enemy. The word rolled off his tongue, tasting each delicious syllable like blood from a fresh kill.
I shot Logan a nasty glare that filed him down like an emery board. Finn needed to feel safe, and I was not about to start this shit.
“Finn, you’re free now. You don’t belong to him. Do you understand?” I sat on the edge of the bed, signaling Logan with my hand to calm down.
“I’ll never go back to my father. What am I supposed to do?”
“Stay with me,” Logan replied as a fact, not a suggestion. “My home is yours and you are welcome to live there for as long as you want. We take you as a brother.”
Finn stretched his wide eyes to Logan.
“That’s right, little wolf. We’re not the same, but you’re family to us now. You cared for someone I…” He looked at me sideways, “…respect. You eased her pain and I thank you for that. You’re a free man. Paper is paper,” he said, leaning forward and placing his hand on Finn’s chest. “But they cannot chain you here… or here.” Logan touched his forehead. “As long as your mind and heart are free—no man owns you, no chains can hold you. The key to your freedom has always been in your own pocket.”
I squeezed Finn’s hand and left the room, allowing him the dignity to spill tears without an audience.
“Follow me,” Justus said, and led me to his bedroom from the hall. He shut the door behind him and I crossed my arms nervously as his room was always off limits.
“I want to speak with you. Sit.”
I took a few tentative steps towards the sofa and seated myself.
His voice was stern, and I wrung my hands together. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Certain things need to be said.”
He sat on his heels before me and found my eyes. “It’s my responsibility to see that you are taught to fight, educated in our history, and given the laws. I took a vow when I offered my services for this role. It’s not a position I can easily walk away from without it becoming a mark on my honor. Time and time again, you have disobeyed my orders.”
My heart sank. A lecture was one thing, but I wasn’t sure where this conversation was heading.
“Is this the part where you disown me?” I asked in a fragile voice. “I’m not making excuses, but this life was not my choosing. I’ve accepted it, but it’s hard to let go of my human life, and it doesn’t help when you start imposing unreasonable rules. I’m struggling with this and doing the best I can to acclimate. You may not approve of Logan, but it’s not your choice. I don’t know where that’s going—if anywhere—but I still have a life to live, and some decisions are mine to make. I screw up. A lot. I know this… but it’s been a difficult adjustment for—”
“Will you shut up?” he said, laughing with a shake of his head. “Or should I hand you a spade for deeper digging?”
I chewed on my thumbnail. I couldn’t pretend that what Justus said to me didn’t matter.
It did.
“Novis was right when he said we can learn from your example. You saved lives of lesser value than your own; you are a reminder that immortality is more than self-preservation. We all want to bring in Nero, but some men we chase for years.” His voice softened. “You may never have closure. Are you willing to accept that?”
It was a poignant question that led me to believe he was speaking from personal experience. My heart wanted to say no, but my mind knew he was right. Not everything wraps up neatly the way we’d like. If I didn’t look beyond Nero, then he would consume me and remove any chance of leading a normal life. Well, as normal a life as a Mage can lead.
“But I want him. What was the purpose of all of this,” I said, waving my arms in frustration, “if I couldn’t catch him?”
He caught my wrist, and lowered my hand. “You granted freedom to those who did not have it. Is that not purpose enough? Perhaps it’s not in the fates for you to find Nero.”
“I don’t believe in fate.”
The muscles in his face relaxed, and the tips of his short hair seemed to absorb the light in the room.
“Some things do not need us to believe in them. Don’t pursue something with a vengeful heart, or it will destroy you. Hate wraps a cold hand around your heart and hollows you out. You’re young; live your life. I don’t want to see you get hurt,” he said with an uncomfortable pause. “You cannot continue to put yourself in harm’s way. Time will give you the wisdom you need to make better decisions.”
“What decisions have I made that were so bad?”
He popped a knuckle. “Your trip to Hell? You shouldn’t have bartered flesh for knowledge. That is something Simon would do. He tries to guide you, but don’t be like him. He’s more broken than you realize.”
“I understand.”
And I did. Sacrifice only means something when you’re willing to give up everything for a greater purpose. Finding Nero was nothing more than a thirst for revenge, and I knew it.
“This is not a free pass to disobey me,” he
said firmly, “but know that I am honored by your actions.”
Justus placed his hand on mine and pulled away. That simple gesture was the most profound thing he could have done. He didn’t like to be touched, and I could tell that it was hard for him as he averted his eyes. “You’re just lost. No one should come into their creation the way you did. But remember that you are more than Samil’s progeny.”
My heart swelled because deep down, he wanted to do right by me. He fumbled just as much in his attempts as I did.
“Do you like the Chitah?”
I half smiled. “Yeah. Actually, I kind of do. Logan was a twist in the road that I didn’t see coming, but I like being around him. He understands me when I don’t understand myself. He gives me the space I need, and respects my opinions. Maybe I’m not supposed to pair up with someone outside of my Breed, but I need to figure that out for myself. I didn’t much like you when we first met,” I added, watching a smirk rise on his cheek, “but I trusted you. I don’t know where that comes from, but I think maybe I need to follow my instincts for a change.”
I glanced down as he slid a ring on one of my fingers. I wasn’t a big fan of jewelry, and searched his eyes for understanding.
“What’s this?” The ring was smooth and black with a silver lining.
“You mutter and moan that I spend money foolishly. I purchased that for a dollar,” he said proudly, rubbing his chin. “The lady said it was a mood ring.”
I twirled it between my fingers, watching the darkness change. It was a tender moment and I didn’t want to spoil it with jokes. Justus was a proud man, but quiet about his feelings. In his own way, he cared for me. He treated our relationship like a car: constantly tuning it up and improving the parts, but every so often, he gave it a good polish. What developed between us was natural, and something I never knew in my life. Justus was like a father I never had. We were both stubborn and would always have our arguments, but at the end of the day, he was my compass.
I stroked his brow with my thumb and he flinched, moving out of reach.
“Why don’t you accept kindness?”
His jaw clenched. “I’m a hard man, and that’s just the way it is.”
The only touch he allowed came from strangers—women at the bar—that he wanted for nothing more than sex. But when a touch meant something, Justus would push away.
“I don’t have a nose like your Chitah friend, and my telepathy is a little rusty these days,” he said, changing the topic. “Maybe this will tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“It’s perfect.”
Damn if I didn’t see that man blush.
The bristles of his short hair made a scratching sound as he rubbed a hand across it. “Teach me what the colors mean. What is your mood?”
A deep shade of violet bled through the darkness, and I peered into the reflective band and saw that time stretched before me like an infinite road of possibility.
I lifted my chin and smiled.
“Optimistic.”
