by Lauryn April
It was refreshing to have a silly, lighthearted conversation with him. It almost made me forget that I was the only thing that stood between the school and its total destruction. Just before we parted to go our separate ways for the rest of the day, he smiled at me and it made me feel warm. It was one of those rare moments of true comfortable silence.
After class, I was walking to my car when I heard something that made me stop. Ahead of me, Christy’s hair flapped in the wind. She held her cell phone to her ear by wedging it between her face and shoulder and dug through her Coach backpack. She’d stopped walking in the middle of the parking lot. I thought about walking past her and just going home, but for some reason I stood there and listened in.
“Why can’t I just bring him to dinner tonight?” Christy said into the receiver.
I wanted to know who she was talking about so I listened in on her thoughts. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hear whoever was on the other line speak, but I tried anyway.
Because tonight we have to go shopping to get you something to wear to the Play in the Park. Organizing this event is really important, Christy. It was Christy’s mother’s voice that I heard. As Christy listened to her mother’s words, I was able to hear them in her head.
“I thought we were shopping next weekend?” Christy said pulling her datebook from her backpack.
We had to move the event up so there’s not going to be time next weekend. I’m sorry, Christy. I’m glad you have this boy you want me to meet, but you need to remember you have to keep…
“College in mind and make sure I get the grades and have extracurricular activities like community events and clubs on my application, and yeah, I get it Mom, I just…”
Just nothing, school and The Play in the Park first, we’ll talk boys later.
The Play in the Park was an event we had every year. Students in the Drama department at the local community college would put on a performance with the kids in the community in mind. Last year, they did Peter Pan. This year I heard they were doing Alice in Wonderland. Mom and Dad would take Sadie and me to see it every year. We’d go early to get a good spot and lay out a blanket in the grass then fill up on carnival food like corn dogs and cotton candy. They always hired kids from the high school to work the booths, selling tickets and food. Christy’s parents organized it. Her dad was a board member on the Community Council, so I always had Christy to hang out with when we went.
Now there’s going to be an assembly at your school on Friday the fifteenth and I want you to help your father talk to the kids at your school about working in the booths and getting their families to come. I want to have a better turn out than last year. Christy’s mom continued on the other line, but soon I heard Christy’s own thoughts louder than the echo of her mother’s in her mind.
God, sometimes I swear you ask me to meet these absurd expectations to keep me from having a boyfriend, Christy thought. All my friends are on the honor roll, we all play varsity sports… well except Ivy but who knows where she’s been lately. Now I finally find a guy that I like that meets all your requirements… I mean how many guys on the football team get a 3.8 GPA and go to our church?
Christy, are you listening to me?
“Yeah, I’m here, sorry.”
Her mother sighed. Alright, well I’ll see you when you get home. Love you, sweetie.
“Love you too, Mom, see you soon. Bye.”
I watched as Christy hung up her phone and put her datebook back into her bag. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath then walked to her car. I stood there watching her as she drove away. I always knew that Christy’s parents pushed her to succeed, but I never before realized how they expected excellence from her in every part of her life, including the friends she chose, the boys she dated, the way she managed her time. For the first time, I realized why Christy judged everyone around her the way she did. She had to surround herself by people who met her mother’s standards or she herself wouldn’t meet them.
I went home after that to meet my mom for our shopping date. She was already waiting for me when I walked in the front door. Immediately, I raced up the stairs to leave my school bag in my room and grab a light jacket. We left shortly after that. As we drove to the mall, I was glad to have a day with her. It would be just the two of us as Sadie was being babysat by the neighbor, and Dad, as usual, had yet to come home.
At the mall, we bounced from one store to another, commenting on what we thought was cute and what we considered total insanity in the world of fashion. We talked about which decade fashion would be replicating next, would we see more neon and black in an 80’s resurgence or were leather and metal studs making a comeback. Mom insisted that a good leather jacket never went out of style. I agreed and that was when she turned the conversation to what she really wanted to talk about-me.
“So how have Christy and Eliza and Tiana been? I’m surprised you didn’t invite them shopping with us.”
The shopping bag in my hand suddenly felt as if it had been filled with cement. I took a deep breath and thought about how to answer her question. It was hard to talk about some of the things that were going on in my life, being able to hear voices the hardest of them, but I felt like I’d been lying to my mom a lot lately and the urge to tell her the truth about some of those things was overwhelming.
“I’m kind of not really friends with any of them anymore.”
Mom almost stopped walking in surprise but managed to keep her cool. She had a way of carrying on a conversation in a normal carefree kind of way, even when someone had said something that should be cause for alarm.
“What happened?” she asked calmly.
“We just… I don’t know, I guess I just realized that they weren’t the best friends. I started hanging out with a new friend, this guy, Brant… and they didn’t approve.”
A boy, well that makes sense, “I see. Honey, I know you probably think this guy means a lot to you, but you shouldn’t ignore your friends because of him.”
I laughed a short laugh.
“It’s not like that at all, Mom. They stopped being friends with me because I was hanging out with him.”
Mom sighed. Girls can be so cruel. God, if I could see those girls now…
“It’s okay though,” I said. “I’ve met some new people.”
“I’m really sorry.” She paused for a moment.
The sugary, sweet smell of cinnamon rolls drifted through the air as we rounded the corner to walk past the Cinnibon. I stared at the pastries through the window in the shop as we walked by.
“So who are these new people you’ve been hanging out with?” I really hope they’re not the reason why she was skipping school.
“Well there’s this girl Charlotte I met in the library. Mostly I’ve just been hanging with her and Brant.”
“Brant? Is he your boyfriend?” She was trying to keep the conversation casual, but worry was slipping into the tone of her voice.
“No, Mom, we’re not seeing each other. Just friends.”
She sighed, possibly in relief. I, however, was running over my own words in my head. It was the first time I’d actually called Brant a friend aloud and the word felt right. We were friends. What was bothering me was that I was starting to wonder if we were something more.
“And, don’t worry,” I continued, shaking the thoughts of Brant from my mind, “neither one of them are the reason why I skipped school on Tuesday. Actually Brant was walking me back to school when I got caught.”
“I really wish you’d tell me why you skipped class.”
I looked at her, painfully aware that she was more concerned for me than she’d ever been in my entire life. I wanted in that moment to tell her everything, tell her about my ability, about someone wanting to blow up the school, about Dad’s affair, but I couldn’t. That was still something I didn’t know how to say.
“I was just going through something, I needed some time to figure some stuff out, that’s all. I promise you that you do
n’t have to worry about me.”
She reached over to me and pulled me against her as we walked. She gave me a tight squeeze then let me go.
“I love you, honey, and I’m glad you told me about all this.”
“I’m glad too, Mom,” I said, and I really was.
19
Everyone has Something
Saturday morning, Mom made waffles. Sadie and I sat at the breakfast counter to eat and Mom turned cartoons on the small TV in the kitchen. I smiled, watching as my little sister completely missed her mouth with a forkful of syrupy waffle because her eyes were glued to the screen. Dad came down the stairs. He was in his workout clothes and had a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and tennis shoes in his hand. Sadie jumped in her seat as he entered the room.
“Dad!” she shouted, her breakfast forgotten.
“Hey, kiddo.”
“Can we go to the park today, please?” She dragged out the ‘e’ in her ‘please,’ begging with the best of her ability.
Dad smiled at her and ran his hand through her hair, ruffling it on her head. “Maybe later, ask me when I get back from the gym.”
“Okay, I will.”
Dad smiled again then grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge. He glanced at me.
“I love you girls, both of you,” he said then started to walk out of the kitchen.
I thought about the awkwardness that had been between us lately and, just before he was out of the kitchen, I swung around on my stool to face him.
“Dad,” I said and he stopped and turned around. “I’m sorry.”
He nodded and offered me a soft smile. He looked happy to hear my apology, then I could see something resembling pain or regret enter his features, his eyes squinted and his jaw flexed. It was just a moment, a flash, like when you catch the cue mark in the upper corner of a film at the movie theater. That tiny black dot that’s there one minute then gone the next. I wasn’t listening to his thoughts, but I knew him well enough to read the emotions on his face, he felt guilty.
“I’m sorry too, kid,” he said. Then he turned and left.
The rest of my morning and most of my afternoon was fairly uneventful. I watched cartoons with Sadie, helped Mom fold laundry, finished all my homework. A little after two, Charlie called me to see what I was up to. As it turned out, we were both rather bored and so we decided to see a movie. She met me at my house around four, and pulled up in a baby blue Chevy Lumina that was at least ten years old but appeared to be running well. Charlie made her way up the steps and Mom took a break from washing the dishes to come to the front door when she knocked.
I opened the door to greet Charlie. With Mom hovering behind me, I knew she wanted to be introduced so I invited her in.
“Come on in,” I said. “This is my mom.”
Mom stepped forward and said hi. Charlie grinned politely.
“I’ll be just a minute,” I said. “I’m just gonna grab my purse.”
I was quick running to my room and grabbing my bag. When I came back down the stairs, Mom was in full parent mode as she asked Charlie about where she was planning to go to college. I heard Charlie tell her that she was planning to apply to UCLA but that her dad wanted her to go to Berkeley. Mom seemed pleased with her answers.
Seems like a nice girl, though she really should dye her hair all one color, Mom thought.
“Well we’re gonna book,” I said and then Charlie and I were out the door.
“Have a good time girls,” Mom yelled as we walked to my car, and I waved back at her.
We picked a suspense thriller entitled Crash, and after it ended, we discussed the overdone CGI as we walked back to my car. The sun was beginning to set and the horizon was growing dark as the sky was cast in shades of red and purple. The shadows were reclaiming the sky, and slowly the last shimmering rays of gold melted into the abyss like a man’s dying breath dissipating into the air. It was then that I felt the vibration of my phone ringing. I pulled it from my pocket and noticed that I had a text message. It was from Brant. I clicked it.
‘If ur not doing anything u should come over, bring Charlie if u want.’
“Who’s that?” Charlie asked.
“Brant, he wants to know if we want to go over to his place and hang out.” I was suddenly nervous that Charlie wouldn’t want to go.
Charlie thought it over for a moment. “Sure, if you want to.”
“Yeah, why not?” I said casually, but inside I was tingling with excitement.
After that, I called my mom while we made our way over to Brant’s house. She must have been impressed with Charlie since she barely even asked what we were up to when I said I’d be out later. She tended to be a lot less concerned about what I was doing when she liked the people I was hanging out with. She just said that she expected me home before midnight and to have a good time. We got to Brant’s not fifteen minutes later.
I checked my hair in the rearview mirror before getting out of the car, frantically trying to flatten all the frizz. After parking in Brant’s driveway, I felt unexpectedly nervous, as if maybe I’d swallowed some uncooked cornels of popcorn at the movie theater and they were now popping in my stomach. There was another car in front of mine that I didn’t recognize and I wondered who all was here. Was Brant planning to have a party? I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was excited to see him nonetheless. Charlie followed me around the house and we let ourselves in through the sliding glass door.
“Brant?” I called out as I started to walk down the stairs to the basement.
He didn’t answer but I could hear voices. I rounded the corner coming out of the stairwell. The room was void of smoke, but the smell still lingered like it was made up of burrs. The hooks of the smoke seeds clinging to the fabric and walls and getting stuck in your hair like little balls of Velcro. I saw him then, sitting on the black leather couch. Skyler was at the other end of it and Jason was sitting on the floor. A bottle of Jack Daniels sat on the coffee table. It was open but little had been drunk from it thus far. Brant’s eyes locked onto me the second I came into view. He smiled and then he stood up.
“Ladies, come on in,” he said.
I glanced back at Charlie and she and I walked into the room. Brant gave us his spot on the couch and leaned up against the wall as we sat down.
“Hey, I’m Skyler,” Brant’s friend said, giving Charlie a wave.
“I’m Jason.”
“Charlie.”
“And we all know you, Ivy,” Jason said. Brant’s been spending a lot of time with you lately.
“Hi, guys,” I said, feeling my cheeks blush slightly.
“We, uh, we were thinking about playing cards or something,” Brant said. I’m glad you came.
I smiled. “I’d be up for some cards.”
“Great.”
“I vote for a drinking game,” Jason said as he grabbed the bottle of Jack off the coffee table.
Charlie cast me a nervous glance. “I-I don’t know…”
“Oh, no worries,” Jason continued, “there’s no pressure, I’m fine drinking by myself if you’re not feeling like it.” He took a swig from the bottle and smiled at us. Let’s just have some fun.
Charlie shrugged, seeming a little more at ease.
“I say either Kings Cup or Circle of Death,” Skyler said.
Jason rolled his eyes. “They’re the same thing, numbskull.”
Brant was laughing as he grabbed the deck of cards. It was the same one that he and I had played Rummy with nights ago. He shuffled them in his hands and I watched as his fingers moved with precision as they bent the cards into an arch then let them fall back down in a crisscrossing pattern.
“How about poker?” Brant asked.
Skyler’s eyes brightened. “Strip poker?” he asked.
“No, come on, Skyler, don’t be a dick,” Brant said then glanced at Charlie and me.
“Kidding, I was kidding.” Jeez, lighten up.
“I don’t know how to play poker,” Charlie said.
“How about Crazy Eights then?”
She smiled and Brant shuffled the cards one last time.
“Crazy Eights it is.” He dealt out the cards and took a seat on the floor across from me.
The game was started in relative silence. We focused on the cards in front of us, planned our strategies. I laughed as Jason decided that every card he had to pick up constituted him needing to take a drink. After he had to pick up five cards in one turn, which translated into five swigs of whiskey, I heard Brant think that he was an alcoholic. The thought was joking but it also seemed to have some truth behind it. He set the bottle down after that and didn’t pick it up again for some time regardless of if he had to pick a card or not.
Jason looked a little sick. Ugh, that stuff burns. I really should mix it with Pepsi next time.
Skyler shook his head at him. “That’s what you get for drinking too fast.” He grabbed the bottle and took a sip himself but set it right back down. I wonder if I should offer them any. He glanced over at us.
I softly shook my head ‘no’ and he didn’t say a word.
I don’t know if I knew exactly why I wasn’t drinking. Maybe it was because I knew Charlie was uncomfortable with it and I didn’t want her to feel singled out or alone. Then again, Brant didn’t seem to be drinking either. Maybe it was because I was driving home, even though that hadn’t stopped me in the past. I’d driven home after drinking at Nicolette’s party only about a month ago.
