Outside, the sharp sun makes my head throb. I pause to catch my breath, before bending double and puking into the grass.
“Let me go”, Jaxon says chivalrously, “you need to rest.”
Sweat clings to my skin like condensation. I push him away and stumble out into the street. I want to cry but I’m not going to show Jaxon how weak I am right now, how much I need him, how much I wish he’d always been there.
“I didn’t need you to rescue me”, I say spitefully, “I was doing just fine on my own.”
“I could see that”, he says. “You looked like you were just about to escape when I turned up.”
I make my way across the street in search of a cab, or a car, or anything to take me to Jessica.
“Whatever you are planning on doing”, Jaxon says, “let me help you. If you need to find your daughter, let’s go to her together. If someone else has her, I promise you I’ll do all I can to get her out, but you’ve got to let me help you. I get that you’re an independent woman and you don’t need anyone else helping you do the things you need to do, but look at you Ruby, you’ve got a broken rib, a swollen jaw and a you can hardly stand up straight. You’ve not eaten anything for the best part of three days, and you don’t even know where you are.”
I sigh, almost beaten. “She’s my daughter”, I say, feeling ridiculous that I can’t stop the tears coming.
“I know”, Jaxon says, coming towards me.
I wrap my arms around his neck and let the weight of the situation consume me. In the middle of this broken neighborhood, in the middle of the road outside the dive of a hotel I’ve just sweated out the last ten hours in, with a gun in one hand and a knife in the other, I cry waterfalls of tears against Jaxon’s back, losing myself in an embrace I hadn’t realised I’d missed so much until now.
“I don’t know what to do”, I say finally admitting I’m broken.
“Where is Jessica?” Jaxon asks, wiping the tears from my cheek with the thick swell of his thumb. I catch his hand because the flash of memory it produces in me I’ve spent the last five years compartmentalizing, and having him here, bringing up everything from the past, on top of everything else going on right now, is far too hard to process.
“The night I was taken, I took her to a friend on the other side of the city, as far away from me as I could. We need to go there now.”
I break away from him again as reality dawns on me, the urgency to find Jessica returning with a sharp stab of gut pain.
There are things I want to tell Jaxon, things I’ve wanted to tell him every day for the last five years but now is not the right time. I know I’m being ungrateful, and demanding, and he doesn’t deserve it after saving my life, but I’d long since come to terms with never seeing him ever again, and right now the last thing I want to do is open that sealed shut box of emotion because I’m scared of where it’s going to lead.
Jaxon and I have been over a long time, and no matter what he’s doing here, no matter how swept up I am in emotional overload, no matter how impossible it is for me to think straight and deal with any of this until I at least know that Jessica is safe, I can’t allow myself to forget that.
Jaxon may be back in my life right now, but he’s definitely not here to stay.
Chapter Ten
Jaxon
We take Carlos’s car. It’s above and beyond his remit as a private doctor, but the money I offer him makes the temporary loan worthwhile. Ruby sits in the passenger seat alongside me, nervously checking and rechecking the gun she’s taken from me.
Aside from the obvious differences in her appearance being a hostage for the last three days has caused, she’s still pretty much exactly the same as I remember her. She has a new tattoo running almost the entire length of her arm, her hair is shorter than I’ve ever seen it, she looks thinner and a little older perhaps around her eyes, but not much else has changed. If anything, she’s even more gorgeous than I remember her being.
The only thing that could have expanded in combination with her looks is her ego. Forthright and stubborn are two words that Ruby could rewrite the definitions for.
“Don’t”, she says, as she catches me looking at her. “Don’t you even think about it.”
I smile wryly, even though I know it’s likely to be considered out of place. There is a gravity to this situation I don’t want to undermine, but just being here with her, no matter the circumstance, makes it impossible not to.
“I’ve missed you”, I confess.
“Jaxon”, Ruby sighs.
“I’m sorry, I know now is not the right time, but I’ve missed you. I can’t help it.”
Ruby chooses to ignore me. “Drive”, she says. “Faster than you are already going.”
“Your father was the one who sent me”, I say. “He didn’t tell me you had a daughter.”
“It’s none of his business”, Ruby chides. She turns to look at me, her eyes searching out mine. “It’s safer that way.”
“I can see that”, I say. “Real safe out here.”
“I was doing just fine”, Ruby says sharply. “We both were.”
I don’t want to push it. There’ll be time for a conversation when Ruby’s calmed down about seeing me, when Jessica’s back in her arms, and she’s finally agreed to let me take her back to the States. If they didn’t kill Ruby because they wanted information, there’s absolutely no way they’ll kill her daughter. If she’s not where she should be I’ll have to do exactly what I’ve succeeded in doing just now with Ruby, and get Jessica out of wherever it is they’ve taken her.
I can only deal with one thing at a time, though, and until we get across the city to where Jessica is supposed to be, I won’t be able to think about anything else.
“She’ll be fine”, I say, my hand on Ruby’s knee briefly before she shakes it off.
“I appreciate you helping me”, she says. “But as soon as we find Jessica and she’s back with me, you’re going to take off again, right? Back to where you came from.”
“I thought we could all go on vacation together”, I say sarcastically. “I’ve heard the beaches in this country are out of this world.”
At any other moment, Ruby might have laughed at that. Instead she gives me a look of utter incomprehension.
“Don’t fuck this up for me, Jaxon.”
“I’m not fucking anything up”, I say.
“I didn’t ask you to come here”, Ruby reminds me. “I didn’t ask anything of you. You shouldn’t have come.”
“You’d be dead if I didn’t”, I say. “I couldn’t allow that to happen.”
“I would have found a way out”, Ruby says unconvincingly, her head turned towards the window so she’s speaking away from me.
“Like you did five years ago”, I say.
“Drive”, Ruby insists again, her face thunderous. “Ignore me and concentrate on your work. It’s what you’ve always been the best at, after all.”
I try my best not to get heated. “You could be at least a little bit grateful”, I say. “I didn’t have to come here.”
“Then why did you?” Ruby snaps at me. “It’s been five years, Jaxon. Five fucking years.”
“The hostage thing”, I remind her. “You strapped to a chair with a hessian sack over your face.”
“You can't just walk back into my life”, Ruby warns. “You don’t get that right.”
We’re skirting the edge of the city, whipping past traffic as fast as we can but the sheer density of the population makes progress slow. The last thing I want to do is draw attention to ourselves and waste half an hour bribing a traffic officer, but it’s a risk we’re taking just to get to Ruby’s daughter as fast as we can.
“So, you’ve got a daughter”, I say, “how’s that going for you?”
There a million and one other questions I want to ask, and in a much more direct fashion, but Ruby’s got a gun in her hand and is already agitated enough. Thankfully, all she attacks me with is a scowl.
“I kno
w you may not think it, or want to admit it or be able to come to terms with the fact that not only can someone survive without you, Jaxon, that life is actually a million times better.”
I have to laugh a little at that because I know she’s joking. “Come on”, I say, “don’t tell me you haven’t missed me.”
Ruby shakes her head. “I don’t miss anything from back home.”
“Now I know you’re lying”, I say. “I’ve been here less than twenty four hours and I’m already a little bit homesick.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Ruby says.
“You can’t tell me it’s not safer back home”, I say. “Cleaner, quieter, much more organized. I mean, our police force isn’t exactly the best in the world but at least they don’t pay gangs to take journalists hostage.”
Ruby spins in her seat towards me and I can almost feel the heat of her anger. “Let’s just get one thing straight”, she says. “This isn’t some vacation away catch up on old times thing going on here. My dad sent you to rescue me, which you have done, and you are now helping me make sure my daughter is safe. After you have done that you’re going back home, regardless of whatever it was we once had five years ago.” I’m about to speak when she holds up her finger to shush me. “I am not going to let you waltz back into my life like you think you own it or me again, and I’m definitely not going to let you convince me to come back to America with you. My life is here, and it’s going to stay here, no matter how dangerous you think it is.”
I wait to speak until I know she’s definitely finished. “Let’s talk when we get Jessica”, I say, “there’s a lot we’ve got to catch up on.”
Ruby folds her arms across her chest protectively. “There’s nothing we’ve got to catch up on”, she says.
I let silence swell around us for a while, the GPS monitor in the central console indicating we are getting near our destination. When it’s been silent for just the right amount of time, I turn to her again.
“You’ve got to admit”, I say, “regardless of what happened afterwards, the sex was pretty amazing.”
Ruby shakes her head but refuses to look at me. I could be wrong, but I guess it’s because she’s hiding a smile. “I might have enjoyed it more”, she says finally, “if your dick was as big as your ego.”
I feign hurt and let my mouth drop open theatrically. “We’ll see”, I say vaguely.
“No we won’t”, Ruby says. “Not a chance.”
“For old time’s sake”, I say.
Now Ruby’s mouth drops open, her face twisted into a fair representation of disgust. “For no sake”, she says.
“That’s not what your body language is telling me”, I say, mostly just to tease her. “You’re giving me signs.”
“Right.”
“Like you did in the bar that first night”, I add.
“You’re even more delusional than I thought.”
“I’ll make a bet with you”, I go on, while I expertly guide the car in and out of traffic.
“You can do what you like”, Ruby says, “it’s not going to make a single bit of difference.”
“There’s no point in denying what you want”, I say. “Our natural urges are way stronger than our ability to resist them.”
Now Ruby laughs, her mind finally off her missing daughter and the danger that could be awaiting us. “You are insane.”
“I’m just saying out loud what I know you’re thinking too”, I say. “I’ve missed you, Ruby, and I think you’ve missed me too.”
“Don’t tell me, you can see it in my eyes.”
“I can feel it”, I say. “It’s written all over you body.”
“You think I’ve spent the last five years thinking about fucking you?” Ruby says. “You think I’m that shallow?”
“If you think fucking me is shallow-”, I say.
“I think you’re shallow”, Ruby admits. “And I already made that mistake once.”
“The only mistake you made once was turning around and walking away”, I say. “I’m giving you the chance to change that.”
“Me?” Ruby says, practically slapping her chest. “You’re giving me a chance at what? Commitment?”
“At doing what you should have done in the first place”, I say, one eye on the GPS map, the other on the road ahead. If this thing is anywhere near as accurate as it thinks it is, we’ll be there in less than a couple of minutes.
Ruby lets another laugh escape her lips. “Jaxon Conner talking to me about commitment, that’s rich.”
“I was always committed”, I say. “You just didn’t realize it.”
“To your job”, Ruby says. “You were committed to your job.”
“And you”, I say, “but that’s all changed now anyway. I don’t do this anymore, I’ve retired.”
Ruby takes a long look at me before she realizes I’m telling the truth, before she realizes the car has stopped.
“This is it”, she says, the smile fading quickly away from her face. “We’re here.”
She’s out of the car before I can tell her to be careful, moving way too quickly towards the door for someone who should be resting. I’m out as quickly as I can to back her up, but before I can get to her the door of the house we’ve arrived at swings open.
“Mommy”, comes the terse cry from the shadows within.
Chapter Eleven
That last night almost five years ago...
Jaxon
“It´s my job”, I say, “I´ve got no choice, I´ve got to go.”
“What about me?” Ruby says, her eyes fuzzy with tears.
“Don’t do this, Ruby”, I plead, on my knees now to comfort her. It was the same before Belize, the same on the first trip to Afghanistan. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
Ruby sighs. “It’s not working”, she says.
“What’s not working?”
Ruby pushes my hands away and paces to the end of the bedroom. “This”, she says dramatically. “You being away all the time, and my work, it’s...”
“It’s what?” I say, after Ruby pauses.
“It’s not working out”, she says guiltily.
“Come on, Ruby”, I say. “Everything’s going fine, better than fine. What’s not working out between us?”
Ruby pauses again, deliberately avoiding eye contact. “I’ve been offered a job”, she says. “In the city.” She looks up to see how I’m going to react. “It’s well paid”, she adds. “I know it’s early days but we could make a go of it, both of us.”
“I’ve got a job, Ruby”, I say, knowing what she’s really saying to me.
“A job that doesn’t have the potential to kill you every weekend”, she says, pacing again. “I can’t cope with it, Jaxon. It’s hard enough you leaving me here on my own, let alone the fact that you’re going to war zones.”
“And I’ve always come back”, I say.
“So far.”
I catch her arm mid pace but she won’t let me comfort her. Instead she snaps it away again and wraps it protectively against her chest. “What if we have children?” she asks. “What then?”
“We’ve been together for less than three months”, I say, a little tired we’re here again.
“So what?”, Ruby says, getting angry. “So this is just another fling for you is it?”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it”, I say, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut in the first place.
“I can’t do it, Jaxon”, Ruby says. “I thought I’d be able to but I can’t. I dread you getting the call in the first place, and then when you’re out there I can’t sleep until you come back. It’s stressful for me.”
“It’s my job, Ruby”, I say again. “I’m good at it and I like doing it. I don’t tell you who to interview or where to do it or stop you if I think it’s dangerous.”
“And for how long is it going to stay that way?” Ruby asks. “Until someone blows you up, or a kidnapper shoots you, or your helicopter crashes or one of a thousand o
ther possible things that end up with me waiting all night for you to come home and then someone calling me to tell me you never will.”
My smile tells her I think she’s exaggerating but her tears tell me her fear is real. “I’m sorry this is difficult for you”, I say. “But we’re all professionals. You can come into my office and meet my coworkers if you think that’s something that might relax you.”
“You taking early retirement, spending more time at home with me and doing a normal job is what’s going to relax me.”
Ruby leans against the back of the bedroom door, tears puffing out her cheeks. It’s always like this before a mission, no matter how chilled out she seems beforehand, when the time comes she can’t keep a handle of her emotions. I should be flattered really, because it mean she cares about me, and even though I didn’t think it possible three months ago, even when I saw her all alone in that bar and our incredible story together began, I can see myself with this girl for the rest of my life. Ruby’s definitely the one, and I don’t need another second to decide it, I just wonder how much I can sacrifice in making sure I don’t lose her.
“I don’t see that happening, Ruby, you know how important this job is to me.”
“And me?” she asks.
“Come on, that’s not fair. You know how important you are to me.”
“Just not enough, huh?”
“You’re asking me to give up everything I’ve ever worked for”, I say, “my dream job. What if someone said you weren’t allowed to investigate the things you wanted, or write the stories you put on your blog?”
“My job doesn’t come with a risk factor of absolute, one hundred percent death”, Ruby says. “If something goes wrong in your job, you die. If something goes wrong in my job, I press backspace and start again.”
The comparison makes me smile, but it does nothing to lift Ruby’s mood. “Come on, you’ve got to admit you’ve got a really good way with words.”
“Fuck you, Jaxon”, Ruby says scathingly. “I’m serious about this.”
“So am I”, I say. “My job is just as important as yours, and I have every right to continue doing it.”
Prime: A Bad Boy Romance Page 5
