“Asshole”, Ruby seethes.
Rachel ignores her and picks up the phone. “Michael, could you show our guests to their rooms please.”
Chapter Sixteen
Ruby
Our ‘room’ turns out to be a small office that has a couch and an office chair in it. Michael manages to find a blanket from somewhere, but it’s barely enough to cover Jessica. At the lack of a reasonable alternative we have to make do. Rosa and Emilio take to the couches in the corridor, their lives in even more of a mess than my own. I feel let down, humiliated and absolutely sick to the stomach with what’s just happened. Everything I’ve spent the last four years fighting for has just been taken from me in the cruelest possible way. Everything I’ve risked over that time, everything that’s happened over the last seventy two hours, has been for nothing. I’m absolutely furious with the world, until I catch myself tucking Jessica into bed much more strongly than I need to and reality brings me thudding back to the ground.
“I love you mummy”, she says as I dig the blanket around her. “You don’t have to cry, we’re safe now.”
And in that moment, as though finally the clouds pass over and I see things clearly for the very first time, I realize just how much I’ve risked, and how lucky I am that not only am I still alive, but Jessica is too. “I love you too, sweetheart”, I say, and hug her tightly, crying even more now than I was before. “I love you more than anything else in this world.”
“Are we going to go back home now?” she asks.
“Soon”, I tell her, “we’ll be home really soon, I promise.”
She’s asleep five minutes later, one half of the couch more than enough to accommodate her. I sink into the other part, my mind spinning but my body exhausted.
“She’s a good kid”, Jaxon says. “I can see she got my looks.”
I feel a stab of guilt part of me hoped I would never have to experience. “I should have told you”, I admit. “I’m sorry.”
“Damn right you should have told me”, Jaxon says. “Just think how different the last few years could have been if I knew.”
“It hasn’t always been like this”, I say.
“I wasn’t talking about you necessarily”, Jaxon says. “I deserved to know, and I’m not the only one either.”
“We’ll talk about that”, I say. “I promise. I thought I was doing the right thing by Jessica.”
“You left me”, Jaxon reminds me.
“You gave me no choice.”
“When did you find out?”
“After”, I say, telling the truth. “I’d have told you if I knew before.”
“You could have sent a message, anything, we could have talked.”
I sigh. I’ve gone over this conversation a million times in my head but I never expected to have it here. “It was the only way I could leave you”, I admit. “You don’t know how difficult it was for me. You don’t know how difficult it is seeing you again.” I can feel myself beginning to cry again. “I was so in love with you, Jaxon. You were my entire world.”
“You’re not the only one”, Jaxon says with a wry smile and the slightest of color flushing into his cheeks. “When you left, my life turned upside down.”
“You had your job”, I point out, but the time inbetween has made me realize how weak that argument is.
Jaxon shrugs, “Not anymore”, he says.
There is a moment of silence that passes between us during which we do nothing but look at each other, deep into each other.
“Jaxon?” I finally say.
“What?” he asks.
“Can you please come over here and give me a hug?”
Chapter Seventeen
Jaxon
I could get used to business class. Champagne on tap, lie-flat bed, giant TV screen with thousands of different movies, great food and impeccable service all round. With hardly any sleep over the last three days this is exactly what I needed. The mission hasn’t gone entirely as planned - escorted out of the country by the American embassy, finding out I have a four year old daughter, not eating a single quesadilla - but at least I’m bringing Ruby home in one piece, and despite everything that’s gone on between us to lead up to this, she doesn’t seem to be mad at me.
It’s a five and a half hour early morning flight, and almost everyone else in the cabin is dressed for a business meeting apart from us. Jessica is already sound asleep, Ruby and I have our seats flattened out and a glass of champagne in our hands, and we look more like refugees fleeing a war than the typical American business commuter.
“Going to miss it?” I ask Ruby, across the aisle. She’s in the centre console with Jessica alongside her, while I’ve been given the solo seat next to the window.
“Like you wouldn’t believe”, she says. “I still can’t believe we are here with you. I never thought I’d set foot in the States again.”
“I’m sorry for messing up your plans”, I say.
Ruby shrugs. “Maybe it was time after all.”
“You did almost get killed”, I point out. “More than once. Maybe Mexico’s not the best place for you after all.”
Ruby rolls her eyes. “Yeah well, I haven’t got much of a choice now.”
“You can always expose the rife corruption in Boston”, I say. “There’s got to be just as much juicy material for you to work on.”
“It’s not the same.”
“It’s not as exotic”, I say. “I’ll give you that. There’s less chance of you getting kidnapped.”
“Boston isn’t my home anymore”, Ruby says.
An air steward passes by and refreshes our glasses. “Any idea what you’ll do?” I ask.
Ruby gives me a look that tells me she hasn’t thought past her next glass of champagne. “You?” she says, sending the question back at me.
“The same as I was doing before”, I say. “Relaxing into retirement.”
“And how’s that working out for you?”
“I’m getting really good at daytime quizzes”, I say. “And building things.”
Ruby smiles. “I can’t imagine you being retired. All that time I wanted you to give up your job and it turns out it was as easy as waiting a couple of years. What happened?”
“Someone died”, I say. “Two people actually. It was my fault and I haven’t been able to forgive myself. I took leave to clear my head and I never went back. That was over two years ago.”
“And this?” Ruby asks.
“This was different”, I say. “I was given an impossible choice.”
“And it hasn’t changed your mind?”
I shake my head slowly. “I can still see her face”, I say. “A little girl, just a bit older than Jessica, crouched over her dying mother. I was a second away from saving her, from snatching her away from the path of the bullet, but it wasn’t enough. The intel was bad, we went in outnumbered and we were lucky to get out at all, but neither of those two people should have died.”
I roll up my sleeve to show Ruby where the bullet tore through my bicep. “I get reminded everyday”, I say. “I’m done with that world. I’m done being responsible.”
“You can’t save everyone”, Ruby says, “no matter how much you want to, no matter how much you try. You’re not invincible, or infallible, I always used to tell you that.”
“I should have done more”, I say, the image of the dead girl crumpled against the corpse of her mother, embedded into my brain.
“You did all you could”, Ruby says, her hand stretched out across the aisle to comfort me. “Think of all the people you’ve saved. Jessica and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. We owe our lives to you.”
“When are you going to tell her?” I ask, deliberately changing the subject.
“When we’ve decided what we’re going to do”, Ruby says. “Your mission is already over, ours is only just beginning.”
“She’s my daughter”, I point out. “Or did you want to forget about that part?”
Ruby sighs. “
Of course not”, she says. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that we are going to have to find our way again. This is a big change for us. Listen, I want you to be part of Jessica’s world and I want her to be a part of yours too.”
“And us?” I ask.
“And us, what?”
“Where do we fit into that?”
“Let’s just work out how we handle the sharing a daughter part, before we think about anything else”, Ruby says. “I’m just coming to terms with the fact you're suddenly back in my life, it’s going to take me a while to adjust to the fact that because of Jessica, and whatever else, you’re here to stay.”
“What’s whatever else?” I ask.
“The last four years”, Ruby says without hesitation. “All the feelings I thought I’d dealt with and would never have to deal with again. The sleepless nights, the not knowing, the skipped heartbeats and the fever dreams. The wondering whether I could live with myself for what I’d done and the wondering whether I’d actually made the right decision of not. That’s a huge amount of whatever else I’d locked into a chest and thrown away the key for you coming out of nowhere has inadvertently opened. It’s a lot to deal with and it’s not going to get dealt with over a five hour plane ride, a couple of glasses of champagne and a welcome back dinner with dad. And why are you smiling?”
I am smiling and I can’t help it. “Because you’re being positive”, I say.
“I’m being positive?” Ruby asks, confused. “I’ve just given you a garbled summary of a pantheon of different emotions, I’m about as confused and as tired as you can get, and you think I’m being positive.”
“Yes”, I say, “believe it or not, I think you are. You could have told me you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“I might still tell you that”, Ruby says. “I might decide that hidden in these recent heroics to save me you’re harboring a deep depression and a dangerous death wish. I might consider you self destructive and a bad influence on myself and our daughter, I might discover the real you, the you without an outlet for your energy.”
“Or you might fall in love with me again”, I cut in.
Ruby smiles awkwardly. “I see your confidence didn’t take a hit.”
“It was always quite strong in the first place”, I say, “and I can read you anyway.”
Ruby casually sips her champagne. “Whatever happens between us”, she says. “I have different priorities in life now.”
“So do I”, I point out. “But that doesn’t mean-.”
“Slow”, Ruby says, cutting me off. “If you’re going to win me over at all, it’ll be like that.”
“Do you know what I think?” I ask. “I think this is more about you resisting me than it is about me winning you over.”
Ruby lets her mouth drop open theatrically. “That’s not going to work this time”, she says.
“Alright. We’ll see”, I say. “I give you a week.”
“A week?”
“A week”, I repeat. “In a week you’ll be begging me to sleep with you.”
Ruby’s high pitched laugh is louder than she expects it to be, and momentarily disturbed, Jessica stirs in the seat next to her.
“We’ve already been there once”, Ruby says, “I’m not that same girl anymore.”
I can tell from her body language, the expression on her face and the look in her eyes that she’s lying.
“I think you’re horny right now”, I say. “In fact, I think you've been thinking about me in that way since the first moment I saw you.”
“You’re crazy”, Ruby says. “Or drunk, or both of those things.”
“Deny it if you want”, I say. “It’ll just make it sweeter for me when you finally admit it.”
Ruby can’t help but laugh. “And I thought you’d changed”, she says. “Four years on and you’re the same countdown guy who came up to me in the bar.”
“And you’re the same girl who needed to be rescued”, I say.
“I never asked you to come”, Ruby says. “And I never asked you to take me away either.”
I pull back because I can tell she’s getting heated. “I didn’t mean for this to happen”, I say. “I know your entire life was back there, I’m sorry.”
Ruby sighs. “It’s not that”, she says. “It’s, I don’t know. It’s seeing you again. It’s this, it’s everything I thought I was doing, where my life was going. It’s four years and Jessica and it’s that smile and those eyes and everything else I’d made myself forget about.”
“There’s always mile high”, I say.
Ruby shakes her head but she’s not upset, she’s laughing. “Maybe next time hotshot”, she says. “Unless you want to go ahead, and spend the rest of the journey waiting for me.”
“Since when did you start playing hard to get?” I ask, my tone making it clear I’m joking.
“A girl who doesn’t want to be got is not necessarily a girl playing hard to get”, Ruby says.
“Yet”, I say, “you missed a word”, and before Ruby has time to respond, I make it clear the conversation is over for now by stretching out and settling into my bed.
I can practically hear her tutting, before I sneak a look over my arm rest and catch her staring at me in warm disbelief. It’s a look that tells me no matter how much she tries to deny it, there isn’t a single person on this earth she’d prefer to be with right now.
As the plane begins its descent to Boston, I know that my real mission to get Ruby back has only just begun.
Chapter Eighteen
Ruby
Being back in the States feels overwhelmingly bizarre. Ruby and I share the same look of confused disbelief as the popcorn world of bright colors and electric pace descend on us both like a bad dream. Mexico City has it’s own kind of rhythm, but compared to this, it’s like going back in time. I’m not prepared for the assault of questions at border control no matter how much Jaxon tries to prepare me, partly because I’d forgotten what coming into this country was like, and partly because of the nature of our arrival, which is supposed to be under guidance from our own government.
I get stared at, like a walking contemporary art piece, examined and then taken to the side for further questioning. Jessica doesn’t have an American passport, which causes a delay of almost two hours, before border control can get hold of Rachel Harp or one of her assistants and the whole thing gets cleared up in a matter of minutes.
I feel like a hostage coming home after four years in the wilderness, except there’s no-one waiting for me at the airport with outstretched arms, no TV crews or journalists waiting to shove microphones in my face to get a statement, no old friends or family members to guide me back into a life I once used to know.
We didn’t have time to get word to Dad, and there’s hardly anyone else from my old life I’m in contact with regularly enough to care. Besides which, although I may have had a difficult last few days, I certainly haven’t been kept against my will for the last four years so imagining myself in that role, which my brain is clearly doing because of how exhausted I feel right now, doesn’t seem to be all that fair.
Once through, past the customs agents, the passport control, the security checks, the endless adverts, the conveyor belts and luggage trolleys and swing doors and handbag shops, I make my way to the restrooms with Jessica, to prepare myself for the next part of our journey. I still haven’t introduced my little girl to her father, which means that she’s going to meet her father and her grandfather in the very same day. I could go anywhere - I’ve still got money saved up from before I left - but the right place right now is with Dad.
I sit Jessica up on the counter and take a look at my reflection. The bruises are coming through where the swelling has gone down, which means that I look a lot less like the elephant man and a lot more like a domestic violence victim. I wash my hands, wash my face, and then try a few different poses, holding my head at a few different angles, just to see which one of them makes me look the least frightening
.
While I do this, Jessica watches me avidly and it makes me smile.
“Ugly, right?” I say.
Jessica shakes her head defiantly. “Does it hurt?” she says, pointing towards the bruising, just in case I might have misunderstood what she was referring to.
“A little”, I say. “Not much anymore.”
I take a deep breath. “Mommy?” Jessica asks.
“Yes sweetheart?”
“Is Jaxon going to be my daddy now?”
I frown. “Where did you get that idea?”
Jessica shrugs and lifts up the palm of her hand in that cute way she seems to have developed over the last year or so. It reminds me of Emilio. “I don’t know”, she says.
“Listen, honey”, I say. “I know this is all really difficult for you, and you’re being such a brave girl already and-”, I pause, thinking carefully about how to proceed. “Nothing”, I say instead. “You’ve always wanted to meet grandpa haven’t you? Do you remember me telling you about him?”
Jessica nods. “Is he the one with the big house and the grey hair and the funny leg?”
I nod. “That’s him. We’re going to stay with grandpa for a while until we find our feet again, okay? And you’ll see more of Jaxon too, would you like that?”
“What about ‘Melio and Rosa?” she asks.
“Emilio and Rosa are back home in Mexico, but we won’t be able to go there for a while, okay?”
Jessica nods. She’s a bright kid, but this must be so difficult for her to understand. One minute she’s having dinner, the next her Mom shows up battered to shreds and practically carried through the door by a complete stranger who happens to be her dad, then the house blows up, people die in front of her and a day later she’s on a bed in an aeroplane and someone’s giving her as much juice smoothie and ice cream as she can fit in her tiny little belly.
“Can they come here?” she asks innocently.
“I don’t know honey, not for a while. Let’s just concentrate on getting everything else sorted first. I lift her off the counter and we head back out into the melee of the airport to find Jaxon.
Prime: A Bad Boy Romance Page 8
