He went to his knees, crying out for Beth, feeling like he was losing her all over again.
A hand landed on his back. “Dante? What’s wrong?”
He didn’t answer; the grief too much.
“Is there someone I can call?”
“Beth,” he pushed out. “I only want Beth.”
She knelt down beside him. “What’s her number?”
He started rocking back and forth. “She’s dying. She wuz hit by a car. It wuz my fault, cos she ran onto the road after me. I hate myself so much, I wish it wuz me dying, not her. She deserves to live, I don’t...” He continued to babble, needing the stranger to know how much he loved Beth, how much he needed her to live, and that he would take her place in a second.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.” She put her hand in his jacket pocket.
He jerked back.
She lifted his wallet up. “Don’t worry; I’m just checking for a phone number.”
He snatched the wallet out of her hand and threw it at the wall, then lay down and curled up, his body shivering, his mind unable to handle reality anymore, insanity calling to him.
The woman retrieved the wallet and disappeared out the door ... leaving Dante to mourn Beth alone.
***
A hand stroked Dante’s hair. He opened his eyes and looked up at Kara. She stared down at him with those stunning pale blue eyes of hers, giving him a soft, “How are you feeling?” He glanced to his side, not understanding how he’d gotten home. Maybe he’d dreamt last night; the woman’s house just a nightmare.
“Dante, how are you feeling?” Kara repeated, continuing to stroke his hair.
Dante let her continue, wanting the comfort, even though he didn’t deserve it, since he’d done nothing but push her away. Kara had left his house a few days after Beth’s accident, Dante asking her to go. He couldn’t handle being around her after Beth’s accident. Although he loved Kara, living with her while Beth lay dying felt wrong. No, it was more than wrong, because he didn’t deserve to be happy with her—not after what he’d done to...
Beth.
He wiped his face, not wanting to think about her dwindling away to nothing, while her baby grew bigger in her belly. He now understood why her father had wanted to turn the machine off after they’d learned she was brain dead—because seeing her like that, day in and day out, used as a human incubator ... it killed him.
Not wanting to think about her, he turned over and pulled open his drawer, sifting through it, desperate to find an escape from his thoughts. He found what he was looking for, the white package good enough until he got his hands on some more booze. He opened it...
“What are you doing?” Kara said, running around the bed.
Dante quickly stuffed the pills into his mouth before she could take them off him.
“Dante!” She turned to the door. “Ash!!”
Dante went to get up.
She spun around and shoved him down. “You idiot! You’re going to kill yourself if you keep doing this shit. You have to stop destroying yourself.”
“It’s none of your business what I do.” He waved his hand. “So get out.”
“No! It is my business, you’re my business. Christ, Dante, Ash and his friend had to carry you out of some woman’s house at four a.m. in the morning. They said you were passed out cold, looking like you were dead. At first I was willing to let you do your thing, because you needed to grieve, but your behaviour has become dangerous. What you’re doing is destroying yourself one drink and pill at a time. You’re going to die if you keep heading this way.”
Dante sniffed. “It’ll be better for everyone if I do. I cause nuthin’ but pain and misery, even death. My mother died cos of me, now Beth is dying cos of me.”
“Stop blaming yourself, you caused neither of those things.”
“I did!” Dante stabbed at his chest. “I don’t give a fuck what everyone else says! I did do it, I fuckin’ do everything.”
“You’re not the centre of the bloody universe, Dante, so pull your head out of your arse, because I’m not going to baby you like Jade does.”
“You’re a callous bitch.”
“And you’re a weak bastard.”
“I’m also a toxic one, so if you know what’s good for you, you’ll walk out that door and never come back, cos all the women I love end up dying.”
“You don’t love me; otherwise you wouldn’t have slept with all those women.”
“I don’t give a fuck ’bout those women! I couldn’t care less if they lived or died, I don’t even fuckin’ remember them, but you, you’re different. I don’t want you ending up like Beth, which is why you can’t be around me. Bein’ with me is a death sentence.”
“Being without you is the death sentence, so stop this destructive behaviour.”
He pushed out of bed, intent on getting the hell away from her. “I can do whatever the fuck I like and you can’t stop me.”
“But I can,” Ash said.
Dante turned his head, finding his brother standing in the doorway, with his muscular arms crossed over his chest, looking like a mean motherfucker. “Piss off, Ash, I don’t need more lectures. Just go back to your happy li’l family.”
“The family isn’t happy with the way you’ve been acting. We’re all worried ’bout you. And after I had to pick you up from another random woman’s house, we had a talk—”
“Better not bloody be about me.”
“Who the fuck else would it be about?” Ash shook his head. “You hafta stop drinking, but knowing you, you won’t, which is why you’re goin’ to rehab.”
“Like fuck I am!”
“So, you’re gonna die cos of that woman?”
Dante stalked up to Ash. “You better not be talkin’ ’bout Beth, cos you don’t have a right to say shit ’bout her, you heartless cunt. You treated her like crap.”
“She cheated on me.”
“Why can’t you just fuckin’ put things in the past, instead of dragging grudges around? She’s dying, for Christ’s sake.”
“Just cos she’s dying doesn’t change a thing. Death doesn’t automatically make her a saint.”
“Just fuck off, you uncaring cunt!”
“I care enough to be here for you.”
“If you cared, you’d leave me the hell alone.” He went to move past Ash, but wobbled, his mind going hazy, the drugs finally kicking in.
Ash grabbed him.
Dante shoved him away. “Don’t touch me.” He took a few steps back, his eyes going to Kara. “And get outta my room.”
Kara shook her head. “No, Dante, just listen to us. Jade’s willing to pay for a private rehab clinic—”
“So he can get more of this.” Dante grabbed his crotch. “That’s why I’m ’ere, and why he gave me that recording contract. He wants me, like you want me. Well, get in line, cos it’s a fuckin’ long one.”
“Stop pushing me and everyone who loves you away.”
“I told you it’s for the best.” His eyes went to the door as Jade appeared, his face looking puffy and red. Dante barked out a false laugh. “Look, he’s here ready for me. You wanna pay me again? This chick last night wanted to pay for me.” He pulled off his shirt and threw it at Jade, then started unzipping his pants. “You want me to fuck ya, don’t cha?”
Kara rushed forward, yanking his hands away from his fly. “Stop it!”
He turned to her. “Do you want some Rata cock too?” He leaned down and kissed her.
She shoved him away. “I can still smell the booze on you.”
“No you can’t, but I can rectify that.” He strode to his bed and went to his knees, sifting through the empty bottles underneath it. He let out a whoop, finding a half-filled one. He opened the lid, chugging some down.
Kara yanked it out of his hand, spilling some whiskey over the floor. “This stops now.” Her eyes went to Ash. “Do it.”
“Do what?” Dante’s head whipped around to Ash and Jade as they near
ed him. They grabbed his arms and yanked him up. Dante shook Jade off and tried to pull free from Ash’s grip, but couldn’t, his brother too strong. “Get your fuckin’ hands offa me!” He pushed out at him, getting shoved onto the bed. He went to get up, but got pushed back down. Ash yanked him onto his front, twisting his arms behind his back. “What are ya doin’?!” Dante yelled, unable to get free.
“Stop fighting me!” Ash snapped.
Dante continued to struggle, his panic growing, those words, those fucking words.
Stop fighting me.
Stop fighting me.
Stop fighting me.
Someone else had said them a long time ago ... no, not someone ... his stepfather.
‘Stop fighting me, Ash,’ Chaz had said.
“I’m not Ash!” Dante continued to struggle, his mind losing control, fear taking over, gripping him so tight it hurt, because he didn’t want to remember how his stepfather had fucked the life out of him, or how the freak was still fucking his mind and soul, killing him one day at a time. He couldn’t handle what had happened, the drugs and alcohol, and his fucked up mind, helping him to forget.
“Please stop, Chaz, you’re hurting me. I promise I won’t tell anyone, just stop, I’m not Ash.”
“What the hell?” someone gasped.
The pressure lifted off Dante, leaving him lying on his front, not yet registering he’d been let go.
“What did you say?”
Dante turned over at his brother’s voice, seeing Ash staring down at him with wide eyes, a touch of fear colouring them.
“Why did you yell for Chaz to stop?” Ash asked. “And why didja say you weren’t me?”
Dante rubbed his eyes, still seeing the images behind his eyelids, and still feeling the weight against his body. But it was only in his mind—no more than a memory. No, it wasn’t a memory; it was just a nightmare, not real, not having happened.
“Dante?!”
Dante looked up, seeing his brother’s upset expression.
“Did Chaz touch you?” Ash asked.
Dante shook his head, again reminding himself it was only a nightmare.
“Then why didja say that?”
“Because Chaz did hurt him,” Kara cut in. “L told me that Dante confided in him about being raped.”
“It’s true,” a soft voice said.
Dante’s eyes shot to the redhead standing in the doorway. “You know nuthin’ ’bout me, so don’t go spreading shit around.”
L pushed her long hair behind an ear. “I know more than you realise, Dante. Do you remember talking to me at Claydon Beach?”
He shook his head. “I only saw you at my house.”
“And at the beach.”
A vague memory of drinking by the water came to mind, and of the sweet redhead sitting next to him. He shook his head again, needing to push it back into its box, where he could make it disappear like all his other painful memories.
“When did Chaz rape you?” Ash asked.
Dante’s focus shifted to his brother. “It didn’t happen.”
“When?!”
“It didn’t happen!” Dante pushed up and headed for the door, stopping in front of L. “Get the fuck outta my way!”
Although she was shaking, she didn’t budge. “You won’t be able to move forward if you keep denying your past.”
He glared at her. “You know nuthin’ ’bout me, you li’l bitch, so stop pretending you do.”
“I’m not the one pretending. You need to stop lying to yourself, Dante, or your secret will kill you, like mine almost killed me. What happened to you wasn’t your fault; it was your stepfather’s. You were too small to fight him. You couldn’t have stopped it anymore than I could’ve stopped Ant from raping me.”
Dante clenched his hands. “It wuz just a dream, a fuckin’ dream!”
Despite looking scared, L kept her ground. “Dreams don’t leave scars on your soul, and your soul is riddled with them.”
A hand touched his shoulder from behind. “Tell me the truth,” Ash said.
Dante spun around, his hands going to his head. “Why do you all want me to remember? Why can’t I forget?! I don’t wanna say it, it’ll make it real, and it’s not. It’s not!”
Ash pulled Dante to him, wrapping his arm around him in a bear hug. Dante struggled to get free. Ash held onto him tight. “I’m so sorry.”
Dante stopped struggling, not understanding why Ash was apologising. He’d caused Ash’s pain by not speaking out about his own, by keeping his ... rape a secret. A breath shuddered out of his body, like a demon was escaping, his acknowledgement of the rape making it real, taking away the block in his mind. Pieces of that night swirled around in his head, no longer confined, his thirteen-year-old self begging for his stepfather to stop. He started shaking, making Ash grip onto him tighter. Dante buried his face into Ash’s shoulder, his heart broken, knowing he’d let everyone he loved down. Ash, his mother, Beth, and now he was doing it to Kara. God, he was even hurting Jade, the man like family. He was hurting them all, because he didn’t want to admit what had happened ten years ago in his bedroom.
Like ripping a bandage off a festering wound, Dante began talking, blurting it all out before he could bottle it up again: “Chaz wuz so drunk he didn’t even remember what he did, didn’t have a fuckin’ clue why I hated him so much after that night.”
“When did it happen?” Ash lowered his face onto Dante’s shoulder, both of them taking comfort from one another, both crying for all they’d lost.
Dante’s mind went to that day almost eleven years ago. “You and the others went up north for Baba’s birthday,” he said, mentioning their grandmother. “I wuz too sick to go, so Chaz stayed home to look after me. He came into my room when I wuz sleeping, calling me your name. I couldn’t tell anyone what he did to me, I couldn’t. No one would’ve believed me, especially since I lied so much. They would’ve thought I wuz lying to get rid of him. I tried to pretend it wuz a bad dream. After all, I wuz sick and had a high temperature. I forced myself not to believe it, gettin’ it into my head that it couldn’t have happened—not to me. Then he hurt you, and it all came back. I couldn’t handle it, wuz tormented with guilt. Just to get through the day I pushed it further back into my mind, too scared to tell anyone, cos I could’ve stopped you from bein’ hurt if I’d just said sumpthin’.” A sob escaped. “I don’t wanna remember, I don’t, I can’t, it hurts too much. Why does everything hafta hurt? Now more people are gettin’ hurt. Beth.” He let out a shuddering breath, wishing he could forget again, to forget everything.
“This isn’t your fault,” Ash said. “Others are responsible, not you. Stop blaming yourself for everything when you’re the victim.” Ash pulled back and cupped Dante’s face. “Also, don’t blame yourself for what happened to me, you were a kid. Christ, Dante, you’ve had no support like I have. You’ve lived all these years with this debilitating secret, blaming yourself for sumpthin’ you didn’t cause. Please don’t do this with Beth’s accident, too.”
Dante dropped his gaze, unable to let it go.
“Look at me.”
Dante shook his head.
Ash lifted Dante’s chin, forcing him to look up. “Stop. Blaming. Yourself.” He pulled Dante into another hug, holding him tight. “I can’t stand seeing you like this. You’re killing yourself, which is killing me. I love you, brother. I need you to live.”
Dante felt someone else wrap their arms around him. He turned his head, seeing Kara, his woman in tears. His eyes moved to a different person’s touch. Jade’s. The small guy was crying too, nothing but sorrow in his eyes. Instead of yelling at him not to touch him, Dante buried his face into Ash’s shoulder again, feeling another hand settle on his back. He knew it was L without even looking. Everyone was here for him, and he needed them all, because without a doubt, the next few months were going to be some of the hardest he was ever going to face, and he wasn’t strong enough to survive them alone.
29
Corey
Three months later
Corey’s father pulled the bed sheet up to Beth’s neck, Corey’s once beautiful sister looking deathly thin. Her cheeks were hollowed, while her belly was flat from the caesarean, Beth having given birth to a healthy seven pound baby girl.
Corey’s mother handed Beth’s baby over to Ash, who took the little bundle into his arms, the normally rough man gently cradling his newborn child to his chest. He straightened and looked down at Beth. “I will be the best father I can be for our daughter.” His gaze moved across the hospital bed to Dante, who was sitting next to Corey, holding Beth’s hand. “Lily is your child as much as mine, brother. Just remember that.”
Dante nodded at Ash, his face grief-stricken. The birth of Lily Beth Rata wasn’t a day of celebration, because they were going to lose Beth. One life entering the world—another leaving it.
Ash turned to Beth’s mother and father. “My grandparents are very important to me; I would like you to be just as important to Lily. If you want to visit her, don’t hesitate in coming over. You’re now part of my family.”
Corey’s mother reached up and touched his arm, tears flowing down her cheeks. His father nodded at Ash, then turned back to Beth, taking hold of her other hand.
Ash left the room, whisking Corey’s niece away, leaving behind Corey, his parents, Dante, and Josie, along with her own parents. Corey’s uncle and auntie were framing his cousin, both of them holding one of Josie’s hands. She had her shoulders hunched over, looking so frail and tiny. She’d lost a lot of weight since she was viciously attacked by the man Saul had killed. Not only that, she had a prominent scar running down her right cheek, which right now was covered in tears. Josie’s attention moved to him. He nodded at her, even more determined to testify against Ant Torres, wanting the psycho to pay for everything he’d done to his family. He just needed to keep lying to Ant until the trial, making sure the psycho didn’t know he was going to take the stand...
Behind the Secrets (Behind the Lives #4) Page 28
