by Ivy Jordan
I knew he was right, at least partly. I wasn’t convinced that what Bailey and I had wasn’t real, wasn’t powerful. This was an unusual circumstance, one that wasn’t in any of the psychology books Liam read—or one that he’s experienced before—so it was still unknown what was real and what wasn’t.
Frozen branches that had fallen from the trees during the strong winds of the storm cracked beneath my feet as we made it to the path. The clearing of trees over the path had allowed the sun to burn through the ice, melt most of the snow, and leave what appeared to be a safe path down the mountain.
“I mean, we could go now, but I figured you wouldn’t want to,” Liam voiced.
I nodded, looking back at my friend. I turned back to the path. He was right. We could go now. And he was right that I didn’t want to.
Bailey wasn’t pleased about the news of the path when we made it back inside, but she smiled politely and did her best to cover her disappointment. We agreed that we would start down the mountain in the morning, and from there, we would deliver Bailey to the police station so she could get answers and find her way home safely, to whoever waited for her there.
“Are you okay?” I whispered in Bailey’s ear as I snuggled in behind her in the bed.
I was grateful for nightfall, and for my last night of nightmare-free sleep, but my heart was crushed at the thought of losing her, for possibly forever.
“I’m going to miss you,” she sulked.
I kissed her gently on the cheek. “I’m gonna miss you more,” I smiled.
“I’ll just come back,” she giggled.
“Come back here?” I asked, surprised that she would suggest that.
“Yes,” she smirked.
I squeezed her tightly in my arms, taking in the scent of shampoo in her red hair, the sweet aroma of hormones rising from her smooth skin, and kissed the tiny freckles on her shoulder.
“The woods are no place for a woman. Besides, you probably have a life in town, people who love you,” I sighed.
“I’ve done fine out here,” she snarled, her beautiful lips curling into a cocky smirk.
“Yes, you have. But you’d grow tired of it, of me,” I warned playfully.
“Never,” she vowed.
Liam was shuffling his bag around, probably packing for the trip. I hated that he hadn’t fallen asleep, giving me the chance to have one last night with Bailey in my arms, tasting her sweet arousal on my lips. I pressed my cheek against her shoulder and pulled her into my chest. Within a few minutes, Bailey was asleep, probably dreaming of what awaited her in the morning.
My own eyes closed abruptly, too heavy to fight to keep open, and no reason to with Bailey already making sweet sleep noises. The darkness filled my mind like a black blanket over my eyes, sending me into what I expected to be another peaceful slumber.
Sweat poured down my face, my hair wet and slicked back as I shot up from the mattress. Bailey didn’t budge, still asleep, but restless instead of sound. The blasts from the attack were back, and even with my eyes open and awake to my cabin, the flashes still shot through my mind, and the explosions could be heard from a distance.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, so I laid back down beside Bailey, watching her struggle with her own demons of the dark and wondering what they could be.
Chapter Twenty
Bailey
An old hand gripped onto mine tightly, veins, age spots, and wrinkles all so clearly it was as if it was real. I knew it wasn’t. I was rustling to wake from the imagery that saddened my soul. Tears streamed down my cheeks, burning the skin, and I knew instantly when I heard the voice, “Bailey, you make me so proud.”
I shot up from the bed, Xander wide awake beside me, his eyes filled with concern.
“Did you have a bad dream?” he asked.
“It’s my dad,” I uttered, still shaken from the memories that continued to flood my mind.
“He’s sick. I’m caring for him—I was caring for him,” I shoved my face into my hands, feeling the devastation of letting him down.
I was the only one, the only child, and there was no one else. I’d been gone almost two weeks. My heart filled with panic as I stood from the bed.
“I have to go,” I gasped, searching desperately for warm clothing.
“Hold on,” Xander gripped my arm, pulling me back to the bed. “Are you sure?” he questioned.
I nodded.
“I’m sure. Jackson Martin, Jack, he retired from the Navy, his cancer is in the final stages, and I’m the only one he has,” I sobbed, pushing my face back into my hands.
Xander’s arms wrapped around me as he rocked me gently to calm my tears.
“I have to go. I have to get to him,” I cried.
“Okay. We’ll leave right away,” Xander promised.
My mother, so young in the memory I’d had of her, had died that year. I remembered standing on a wooden stool, barely able to reach the stove, preparing Sunday fried chicken for my dad to cheer him up after her death. He was alone and had always been alone. My mother was the only woman he’d ever loved, and the only one he ever could, besides me, he’d told me once when I pushed for him to date again.
His strength left him so quickly, barely seventy, and he was already so frail. The cancer tore him apart, even more than losing my mother.
Liam and Xander were preparing for the trip while I gathered clothes, layering them on me as I searched the room for anything I might need.
“So you remember?” Liam asked, his smile sincere, but still somewhat irritating.
I nodded. “I’m a school teacher,” I mumbled.
Shit!
“It’s winter break, isn’t it?” Liam asked, instantly calming my nerves.
“Yes. I remember taking off for a hike the first day after the break. It was supposed to be clear,” I sighed, sitting back on the mattress to catch my breath.
Everything was flooding over me so fast, so violently. I couldn’t handle the shock of being blasted with a lifetime of memories at once.
“It was supposed to be clear that day,” Xander chimed in, breathless and showing his own signs of shock.
His eyes were staring into mine, so lost and filled with pain. I knew there were other questions he wanted answers to, and I was happy for once to give them to him.
“There is no one else, just my dad. I moved back home after he fell ill,” I told him, smiling warmly in his direction.
The relief falling over his face made my heart swell. His feelings were true; they were real. I still couldn’t stand the thought of leaving him here on the brutal mountainside alone. I knew I couldn’t stay with him. I couldn’t leave my dad.
“Come with me,” I urged.
Liam glared at me, and then stared at Xander, who remained frozen in his spot. It was obvious I’d shocked him once again, and it was also obvious that he wasn’t planning on leaving his secluded place in the woods.
“I can’t do that,” he grumbled, lacing up his boot.
“Liam, tell him, he can’t stay out here alone,” I pleaded with his friend to reason with him.
“I can’t tell him that. Xander’s able to take care of himself and able to make his own decisions,” Liam replied.
If he was so able to take care of himself, why the fuck did you rush out here, climb a mountain in a blizzard, and ruin my last few days?
“Xander, please,” I pleaded.
Liam moved away from us, walking out the door and leaving us alone. Xander’s eyes were narrowed on mine, and it was clear he was growing frustrated. I didn’t understand. We were happy together. I knew he hated for me to leave just as badly as I hated to go.
“Why can’t you go?” I questioned.
“I can’t handle living in town. People every day, the hustle and bustle, no thanks,” he sighed.
“Not even for me?” I asked.
He looked like a deer in headlights, his eyes wide and unable to blink. I couldn’t believe he was being so stubborn. If it
weren’t for my dad, I would’ve stayed with him. Maybe he didn’t want that either.
“It’s not you,” he stammered.
“Then what is it?” I demanded.
“I told you, I’m not cut out to live in town. I like it out here,” he paused.
“Alone?” I finished his sentence with a huff.
“I wasn’t going to say that, but yes, I do prefer to be alone,” he snapped.
I knew I’d pushed him, maybe a little too far a little too soon.
“So, these last two weeks, that was nothing?” My eyes welled up with tears.
“You know that isn’t true,” he growled.
I wasn’t sure I knew anything.
I shrugged, realizing talking to Xander was like talking to a brick wall. He was set in his ways. As fucked up as they were, I couldn’t change them. Maybe this time we had together did mean something, maybe it didn’t. All that mattered was my father and getting back to him.
Xander moved towards me, his arms opened and inviting me into his warm, hard chest. I turned, quickly dismissing his invitation for consoling.
“Just get me down the mountain,” I snapped, moving towards the door.
Tears warmed my cheeks as the cold air blasted ono my face.
“Are you okay to get down the mountain?” Liam asked.
“I’ll be fine,” I sighed, wiping away the tears before they froze to my skin.
“Are you sure you don’t want to wrap your ankle?” he pushed.
I shook my head, moving past him and towards the clearing that I assumed led to the path.
“Wait up,” Liam called out, rushing up beside me. “Xander’s a good guy. I know his feelings for you are genuine; he just isn’t cut out for that stuff,” Liam offered.
I sniffled, wiped my face, and turned to the man who I’d once hated. He was kind and sincere, and I appreciated him offering me condolences. I knew he didn’t have to, that if he truly just wanted me gone, he would have shoved me onto his back and ran me down that mountain.
“What stuff, life?” I sassed, rolling my eyes in Xander’s direction as he walked out of the cabin.
“I don’t think he ever thought he could love anyone,” Liam whispered.
I looked over my shoulder at Xander, his face filled with grief and remorse. Love? Did Xander love me? I knew I’d fallen for him. Even if it was too quickly, I loved Xander. If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t let me leave like this.
“I’ll let you guide, brother,” Liam patted Xander on the back as he walked past us.
“Stay in the middle,” Liam instructed me as he dropped back to take the rear.
The first few steps were nice and clear, but once we reached the path, things got a little slick. The sun had melted most of the snow into a slush, but the drainage from the melted ice created a mudslide.
Liam held on to my back as we carefully made it down the steepest part. Xander turned to me several times to offer assistance, but I refused to give him the satisfaction.
About a quarter-mile was fairly flat, just a hint of an incline. Once we hit the rippling creek, things were downhill for a couple more miles. Liam held on to me, kept me steady when I started to slip, and guided me down the path with only one slip. The mud was cold, clinging to my pants and seeping through to my leg, but I wasn’t going to let it, or anything else, stop me from getting down that mountain.
That familiar sadness filled me as we got closer and closer to the end of the path. What if he didn’t make it? What if there was no one to care for him and he died all alone?
My heart sank hard into my chest, making it tough to breathe as I took that last step.
“I’m sure you’re dad’s fine, just worried,” Liam offered.
I smiled at the man who I had a deep respect for now. He was truly genuine and a great read on people. I hadn’t even voiced my concerns about my father, he just knew, sensed it, read it on my face. It was an amazing gift, and in the moment, very appreciated.
“Thank you,” I smiled. “I’m really sorry I was such a pain in the ass to you,” I added.
He chuckled, opening his arms and pulling me into his chest for a hug. I was almost taller than him, but his strength was obvious by his grip. I looked past his shoulder to my car, half-way iced over and partly melted. I sighed at the thought of going back to my life, forgetting about Xander. I wasn’t sure I could forget about him. I loved him.
“Let’s get you home,” Liam said, patting me on the back as he released his grip.
I turned around to find Xander standing there, speechless, expressionless, and offering no invitation of a hug.
“Thank you for everything,” I smiled.
He nodded. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, if anything at all. Was he holding back his emotion, or did he have none? I knew Liam knew, but I knew he wouldn’t tell me. That was his brother, and brothers don’t rat on one another.
“You be safe,” he winked and started to turn back towards the path.
“You’re not going with us?” I questioned.
“No, you’re in good hands,” Xander assured me, nodding at Liam.
My eyes welled up with warm tears that quickly fell to my cheeks. Xander turned away, walked through the brush towards the path, and within seconds, disappeared from my sight.
My heart ached at the thought of never seeing him again. Liam put his arm around me and guided me towards his truck. He opened the frozen door, helped me inside, and then let himself in the driver’s side. It didn’t start at first, or on the second try. I wondered if Xander was watching from a distance, ensuring we made it out okay, but no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t see him out there.
Finally, the third attempt was successful, and the truck started. We sat there for a few moments while it heated up, and once the warmth of the heater started to blow, I began to feel happy about going home.
Chapter Twenty-One
Xander
What was she thinking asking me to go to town with her, to what? Live? She knew that wasn’t my lifestyle. I thought she understood why I lived out in the woods alone.
I leaned against a tree, watching her walk across the parking lot in Liam’s arms. I knew he was comforting her, and I hated that she was upset.
A day in the life of Bailey Martin. My thoughts drifted to that the entire trip down the mountain. She had her sick dad to care for, a teaching job, students, friends, an entire life. She would forget about me just like Liam said. This was just a matter of convenience or circumstance. Once the circumstances changed, and it was no longer convenient, well, we just wouldn’t make any sense.
The pain in my chest was unbearable. What was it?
My heart raced when the truck wouldn’t start. I thought for a moment I would be able to rush out there to help, to become her hero again, and not the man that let her down, but it started.
Black smoke poured from the exhaust pipes as it warmed, and what I knew was only moments waiting for it to warm up felt like hours. I just stared out into the parking lot, watching them drive off, that painful knot in my chest growing harder and larger as they disappeared from my sight.
Without Bailey and Liam, the trip back up to the cabin was much quicker than the trek down. My gut ached as I opened the door, looking around the empty place, wishing Bailey’s smiling face would’ve greeted me. This is what I wanted?
I peeled off my coat and my gloves, and then kicked off my boots. The fire was growing small, so I tossed on a log, and then sat on the bed I’d shared with Bailey. I could still smell her and sense her presence. I fell back on the pillow, taking in the sweet scent of the shampoo from her hair and closed my eyes.
There would be no way to fit into Bailey’s life. I imagined her arriving at the police station with Liam, greeted by hundreds of desperate people who searched night after night for the missing school teacher. She was an important part of the community, one that mattered. I was the man who lived on the mountainside, the recluse, the hermit, the nobody.
I tried to find a way to be happy for Bailey, happy that she’d made it home safely and that she had such a wonderful life. But, that nagging part of me, the selfish part that wanted to keep her, still wished that she was running from something, that she had nowhere to go and would’ve stayed here with me.
My head was spinning with emotions that I wasn’t used to feeling, and that heaviness in my chest was growing heavier. I finally drifted off to sleep, knowing that the woman I found on the path that fateful day, the one who couldn’t remember anything, I wouldn’t forget a thing about her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Bailey
Liam pulled his truck into the small police station parking lot. It took over an hour to get there with the roads so bad outside of town, but once we hit the main roads, things looked clear.
My hand shook as I opened the door, and my knees nearly buckled as I stepped out onto the pavement of the parking lot.
Liam immediately rushed to me, holding me in his arms as we walked inside.
Sheriff Michaels. I immediately recognized him from the talks he gave to my students. He was a large man, round and cheerful with a long white beard and bright blue eyes.
He stood from his chair, leaned over his desk to get a good look as we walked in the door, and his mouth nearly hit the floor. “Bailey?” he asked.
I nodded, tears instantly falling from my eyes.
He rushed past his desk, gripped my arm, and guided me to the seat next to his. “Do you want some coffee, some hot cocoa, something to eat?” he fumbled over me desperately.
“No, I’m fine,” I assured him, taking the seat and wiping my eyes with a tissue I grabbed from atop his desk.
“We’d searched everywhere for you,” he told me, his eyes still wide with disbelief and shock.
“Thank you,” he said, directing his glance to Liam.
