Anthony was right about one thing. If done correctly, lovemaking certainly did feel like sin.
“Amanda, to whom are you speaking?” Fitzwilliam was rapidly becoming annoyed. Why the little hoyden looked embarrassed to tears by her passion, even as sweet and as innocent as it had been. She had been all warm love and gentleness, completely surprised by the strength of emotions involved in physical love. At the height of her passion, she had gasped his name. Anyway, she had gasped someone’s name into his ear. Heaven knows he had been in no condition at that particular moment to comprehend anything.
You could not wait, could you, Fitzwilliam? No, you had to release the beast! What do I say to her now? How can I explain to her what I really had planned for us?
“You think I am an easy woman, don’t you?” She was watching his face, thinking how disillusioned with her he appeared. “I do not see how this will ever work out.” Her resentful reaction had been exactly what he had predicted it would be, but she loved him so much that she had tried to force herself into behavior that was against her principles. Maybe “forced” was too strong a word, especially since she seemed to recall entreating him for that second time. Eeeeh! Everything was ruined. She had shown her true wanton colors, and he was finished with her.
He threw off the covers and boldly stood before her in all his glory, grabbed his smallclothes, and leisurely began to dress. Amanda let out a gasp at his nakedness and turned her back again to him. You see, the disrespect has begun already.
“I am afraid you are right, dearest, this is not for us, and I shall attempt to restrain myself from saying I tried to warn you.” He smiled at her lovely back with all that soft white skin, and at her delicate sensibilities. She really was adorable. An easy woman! Ha! He almost began to laugh out loud at that. He was pulling on his boots within moments. “You know, Amanda, that I love you very much.”
He saw the back of her head nod. “No more than I love you, Richard.” Her voice was barely audible. She wiped at her nose with the back of her hand.
“All right, then. Let’s get you buttoned, and we’ll go out, shall we? I have a surprise for you anyway, dear. I was planning to show you earlier, but you kept removing your clothes, if you remember.”
“Richard!!”
“Yes, I know, you prefer to not discuss it.” He reached into his coat pocket and then handed her the packet of papers he had spent days procuring. She opened them up and began to cry.
***
Within two hours, the special license Richard had acquired from the offices of his dear cousin, the Archbishop of Canterbury, had been presented at the nearest church. Amanda Sayles Penrod and Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam became husband and wife, yet one more relieved bride clinging to her eager bridegroom within the morally ambiguous London social elite.
In her tearful joy and pride, Amanda struggled to suppress those misgivings and suspicions that nagged her, forced to the background fears regarding acceptance by his family, qualms that he would grow to hate the secrecy this deed would force upon them.
She had married in haste again—true, this time to a man she adored, but as before, a man she did not know. It was her grab for happiness, and so she managed to restrain the sense that her problems were just beginning.
Chapter 17
It was several weeks later, two days before Christmas, and Amanda was smoothing out the counterpane on the bed, her hair again pulled severely back into her braided bun, her dreary dress and worn shoes primly announcing her imminent return to the hospital. She was incredibly happy, her initial fears over the secrecy of their marriage now laughable. Her husband was warm, loving, and attentive, protective in the extreme.
Since their marriage, they had been meeting at the inn secretly, stealing precious moments of happiness. Smiling to himself, he watched her as she tended to this rented room as if it was their home, tidying the bed, dusting and straightening furniture. She sat suddenly on the bed, shaking her head and sighing.
“What is going on, Mrs. Fitzwilliam?” He crouched down before her, resting his arms straight out over her shoulders.
She was quiet for a very long while.
“Amanda, my legs are killing me. Please hurry.” Instead of speaking, she bent her head lower, pressing her hands together on her lap. “Tell Papa what is wrong, Amanda.”
She sighed. “We may not have the luxury of any more time together.”
He felt his chest tightening, and his blood began to boil. He found it hard to speak at first. “I’ll find you if you attempt to leave me. I will give you no peace at all.”
She looked up, surprised at his intensity, and then patted the bed. “Come and sit next to me.” When he sat, she took both his hands and held them tightly, her eyes beginning to tear up. She brought his hands slowly up to her lips.
“You haven’t noticed something, I’m afraid, dear,” she said.
“What?”
“We’ve been coming here twice a week for nearly a whole month now or more, and making love like randy little rabbits.”
“Did you think I was unconscious of this?” He smiled and hugged her tight, his pain easing a bit.
“Think about it, Richard. Access that wonderful brain above your waist for a moment. We’ve been meeting together for a whole month, actually, a little more than a month.”
He still looked at her questioningly.
“Richard, all women have a certain time when they cannot engage in this…” she leaned in toward him, whispering as if others were listening, “activity. When they…”
“Oh, for goodness sake, Amanda, I am a grown man. I have lived in both Copenhagen and Paris, so I do have a rudimentary knowledge of the female. What does that…?” He stopped suddenly.
She nodded.
“Oh, dear God, you haven’t bled, have you?”
“Finally”—she smiled, nodding her head—“give this man a cheroot. No, I have not for seven weeks, and you would not know it, but this is the one area in which I am never late.”
He stared at her blankly, and they both exhaled. The future moment they had discussed, the moment God would decide their destiny, had already arrived.
“I wasn’t going to say anything yet. In truth, I should wait until another cycle is missed, but I believe I am. The brutal fact is that my breasts are very swollen and sore, and I vomit each morning like a drunken marine.”
An amazingly strong emotion surged through him. The enormity of the joy and exaltation filling him, alongside the fear, was a complete surprise. His eyes began to swim with tears, unmanly tears if they were before anyone but her. He pulled her tightly into his arms and kissed her passionately.
“I take it that you would be pleased, then, if this is true?”
“Yes,” he answered, trying to compose this rampaging emotion, his voice catching a little. “Forgive me if I find your tale of breast pain and nausea to be absolutely wonderful.” He had rarely thought about being a father before and found himself taken aback at the thrill it had brought him.
Amanda pulled from his embrace. “What about Harry, Richard? We still have the problem of my mother-in-law. This is the scandal for which she’s waited.”
He inhaled sharply, his soldier’s brain snapping into position. The war had finally begun, the enemy engaged. Calm settled over him. “Then we leave,” he said simply. “We will seize him and leave immediately, head for the Continent. Later we can discuss heading to America, possibly. I will find out about passages and timetables and then purchase a coach to drive us to a safe area. I want you settled in a location with the best of doctors well before your confinement. First and foremost is a secure house for you and Harry.”
Amanda patted her stomach. “You make it sound so simple,” she whispered anxiously. “What about your inquiries? Have you had any response from your solicitors about our regaining custody?”
Fitzwilliam shook his head. “But never fear, Amanda. I have hired new investigators and have browbeaten my solicitors. We are very close.”
He smoothed the hair from her face. “I have every faith that it will turn out well for us. Better than that, even, because now we have a child of our own on the way. If you’ve taught me anything, Amanda, it is that God has decided we are ready, He probably had this all planned long before we met. If He believes in us, who am I to argue? Get your cloak now, and I’ll call for our coach.”
***
It was nearly seven-thirty that evening when an exhausted Richard returned to the inn. He had sent a message to his father, contacted his solicitors, set into motion the purchase of a sturdy travel coach and horses, but he still had arrangements to make and needed to speak to the War Office, then have a long talk with O’Malley and see what he could set up for his old friend. He nodded his quick hello to the concierge who anxiously motioned him over.
“You’ve had a visitor, Colonel—a Grand Gentleman,” he said with feeling and pointed toward the overly crowded public dining room. “And might I say his is the finest Weston superfine with which I have ever had the honor to converse. He has been waiting for you, there at the table to the left of the fireplace, for several hours now.” As Richard looked in that general direction, he thought he saw a figure, a man relaxing casually in the corner. He thanked the concierge and cautiously entered the room.
His direct sight line was initially hampered by smoky candles flickering, by waiters running about and diners rising and sitting, by the numerous people milling about between the entranceway and the dining area. The overwhelming racket of chatter, laughing, and dining sounds distracted him while he bobbed his head around one person then the next as he moved forward.
About halfway into the room, the crowd finally parted, and he beheld the tall, dark, and exceptionally handsome English gentleman, his long legs crossed, his champagne-buffed black riding boots brilliantly reflecting the flames from the hearth. The dark green superfine coat (it really was magnificent) and subdued checkered waistcoat set off his brilliantly white shirt and cravat. One elbow was draped casually across the back of his chair while the other hand sensuously stroked the stem of a wine glass resting on the table before him. His eyes never left Fitzwilliam’s face.
He was the very essence of stylish nonchalance.
Except for his eyes. His eyes were the very black depths of hell.
“Why, hello, brat, fancy meeting you in this godforsaken place. Are you slumming with friends?” The colonel’s greeting for his cousin was accompanied by a cold smile, feeling as he was the wash of displeasure being directed back at him. “You’re looking well. Are those new boots?” God how he hated Darcy when he looked so pompous. He had an irrational desire to smack the back of his little cousin’s head. As he reached down to finger the magnificent, lapelled satin waistcoat, Richard shook his head. “By God, Darcy, you look nearly as fashionable as your butler. Well, aspire to greatness, boy. Who knows, one day you may equal the man.”
Darcy sensed his cousin’s belligerence, knew the man as well as he knew himself, and by the position of his jutting chin, realized they were dancing very near the battlefield at the moment. “Nice of you to say I am in good looks this evening. You, on the other hand, look like shit.”
Fitzwilliam’s gaze narrowed dangerously.
Darcy indicated the chair across from him. “Sit.”
His cousin yanked the chair back and settled heavily into it, crossing his ankle over his knee. “How terribly remiss of me to so offend you with my appearance. Apparently, however, my looks improve with frequency of contact, something to do with my famously charismatic personality.” Fitzwilliam’s counterfeit smile dissolved almost immediately. “Not to mention my heavenly blue eyes.”
Darcy never broke his stare.
“Are you drunk?” Fitzwilliam asked pleasantly.
“No, although I have been sitting here for hours, drinking and waiting, watching the time slowly tick on by.”
Darcy could outstare a corpse.
Fitzwilliam could not, and his color began to rise. He turned as a waiter passed behind him, unapologetically grabbing a tankard of someone else’s ale from the tray, enjoyed at least two large swallows, and then slammed it onto the table. A nearby woman screeched in alarm and threw her napkin over her head.
“Have you been enjoying your little holiday here?” The gentlemanly manner was ice cold.
“Oh, one cannot complain, really. The bathwater can be slightly tepid; however…” He was stopped in midsentence by Darcy’s incredulous bellow.
“Damn it, do you realize that the whole family is worried sick about you? Everyone has been frantic—your father, friends, even Wellington was alarmed!” Darcy’s fury had nearly pulled him from his chair, and he desperately attempted to regain his composure.
Fitzwilliam managed to control his temper by counting to twenty. Then he exploded. “Forgive me, brat; however, I am a grown man, answerable to no one, and I prefer not to speak of this!” His voice rose with every word until he was shouting. “Where I have been and what I have done is no one’s concern but my own!”
Darcy kept watching him, his ire growing more impossible to squelch with every silent moment that passed. Of all the inconsiderate baboons! Of all the self-centered, egomaniacal…! Fitzwilliam’s expression remained stoic as he tossed back another swallow.
“Has it something to do with Amanda?”
It was an insightful shot in the dark that showed immediate results. The comment snapped Fitzwilliam’s attention back to his cousin. “Tell me what it is in the phrase ‘I prefer not to speak about this’ that is escaping you?” Fitzwilliam’s eyes were dark and furious.
The tension between them was suffocating, intense enough to begin alarming surrounding tables, but Darcy was not going to retreat this time. For all of their lives, it had been the older and livelier Fitzwilliam leading the younger and more reserved Darcy, guiding him through life’s adventures. Darcy had always idolized his cousin, never crossing him or trying to harness his free spirit. However, now he realized Aunt Catherine was correct. Perhaps they had all let his cousin drift unchecked for far too long.
“Who was that veiled woman you left with earlier?” Darcy’s question was contemptuous.
Fitzwilliam almost choked on his drink.
“How dare you question me, you half-formed pup!” he shouted. “How long have you been here spying on me?!”
“Long enough to see you leave with your latest conquest. Is this another war widow, or are you back into opera singers? Or was this the wife of some dear friend?”
“Bloody hell!” Fitzwilliam roared, slamming his fist on the table and sending their glasses clattering across the table. “I don’t have to answer to you or to anyone!” The waiter, who had been approaching, quickly spun around to retreat back out the door.
“Oh, I understand now. You’ve been shacked up with some bit of muslin you found, is that it? This place is too expensive for a street whore, or was there more than one? I suppose if you drink enough, any behavior is acceptable.” Darcy was pushing his cousin as hard as he could.
“I should call you out for that, damn you to hell!” Fitzwilliam’s voice shook with rage as he slowly rose from his seat.
“Again?” Darcy’s bark of laughter was rife with scorn. Suddenly standing, he leaned over, his fists on the table. “Well, what is it then?! Who are you holed up with here? I know there’s a woman. The concierge said you were here with your wife!”
“Damn you to hell, Darcy, I am!” Fitzwilliam bellowed back.
Oh dear, this could not be a good sign. Darcy’s head shot back in confusion. It appeared Elizabeth’s wifely accusations were correct, and his hearing was going. His cousin had just said s
omething that could not be, something that made no sense whatsoever. Quite humorous, really. No, no, no. Hell had not as yet frozen over, to his knowledge.
“Sorry?”
Fitzwilliam sank back into his chair, his fury spent. He rested his elbows atop the table; shaking hands raked through his hair. “It’s true, absolutely true, man. I am staying here with my wife. Amanda and I were married a little over four weeks ago. No one knows except you now, a half-deaf priest, and my batman. Oh, yes, and the entire office of the Archbishop of Canterbury.”
Darcy stared unblinking at his cousin for several moments then smoothed down his waistcoat and straightened his cravat before summoning the trembling concierge over to the table. “Pardon me, my good man. I find that we are going to need a truly remarkable amount of alcohol brought to us, and also perhaps a private room and some food please…” When Darcy looked about, he was surprised at the empty dining room. “Well, damn my eyes—I guess this room will do fine. Where is everyone?”
***
“Aunt Catherine has her footmen everywhere, looking for you. She is that frantic, imagining you have done some grievous harm to yourself. I had to talk her out of calling in the Bow Street Runners.” It was very late evening, and they sat alone in the darkened dining room, the room illumined only by two table candles and the blazing fireplace. Moonlight reflected from snow newly settled on the garden outside the windows.
Darcy and Fitzwilliam: A Tale of a Gentleman and an Officer Page 25
