Chapter Eighteen
NICOLE DRESSED FOR the afternoon in white shorts and a blue T-shirt, but assembled a tote bag with warmer clothes since she already knew evenings could be chilly in the Seattle area, no matter how warm the day had been.
Of course, she could just text Jordan to forget it. Or ask him to say straight out what he wanted without needing to eat dinner and take an evening sail. Logic suggested that he couldn’t be expecting his “talk” to be upsetting or he wouldn’t have proposed going for a sail after. Then again, some men didn’t have a clue what could upset a woman. Not that she had to show it, no matter what he said. There had been plenty of times when she’d acted one way but had felt something completely different.
Through the curtains, she saw his car pull up the driveway. He was also dressed in shorts, his rugged vitality stirring the desire that simmered so close to the surface.
She brought her bag when she answered the door.
“Looks like you’re all set.”
“Offer me a sail on Lake Washington and I’m good to go.”
The traffic cooperated and they got to the marina quickly. Not wanting to accidentally kick her purse overboard, Nicole took it down to the cabin. Her gaze lingered on the bunk. It was wide enough for two, if the two in question didn’t mind being friendly with each other. Jordan had said he’d spent a few months living on The Spirit and she couldn’t imagine anything more symbolic. That was the life he wanted, to sail free on the wings of the wind.
After dropping her purse and tote bag in a corner, Nicole climbed back up to the deck. A familiar figure was approaching along the dock, delivering a large bag and beaming as he saw the size of his tip.
The food was excellent, though she had little appetite. She ate enough to be sociable before sitting back to focus on where the city hugged the lakeshore. Sunlight poured across her legs and the water was an amazing blue.
The conversation remained casual, and after he’d eaten, Jordan tossed a large manila envelope in her direction.
“I wondered if you’d like to read my initial draft of the articles. There’s a printout inside.”
Slowly she pulled out the neat, double-spaced pages and began reading. The articles had Jordan’s quick wit and sometimes sardonic point of view, but they also included a thoughtful examination of the differences between her two careers, the choice to become a talent agent, and the challenges that were part of it. He wrote honestly about his own difficulties in being objective, giving a sanitized version of their history and a brief mention of having a relative employed by Moonlight Ventures.
She kept her gaze on the printout for a while, pretending to be reading while she thought about the contents. Now she knew what Jordan had wanted to discuss with her and it was almost anticlimactic. There were no decisions to make or awkward conversations. This was a proper lead-up to a dignified goodbye. Tears threatened and she blinked them back before they fell. Not for nothing had she been a professional model.
“Finished?” Jordan asked finally. “Tell me what I got wrong.”
“Nothing that I can see,” Nicole assured. She grinned as if there was little else on her mind except teasing him. “It’s possible that you aren’t a born reporter after all. Imagine getting the facts straight.”
“I’m not sure everything is accurate. In fact, I told Syd that there might be a few corrections or additions.”
“Really? It looks complete to me. What part bothers you?”
“The section on being objective.”
Thumbing back to that part, she skimmed through it again and shook her head. “You’re vague about Chelsea’s role, but I assumed it’s to protect her privacy and rightfully so.”
“No, that isn’t the part that’s bothering me.”
“You don’t want to be more explicit about our parents, I hope.”
He shuddered visibly. “Not on your life.”
“So what’s the missing part?”
“The part that hasn’t happened yet. It’s the moment I suggest we get married and raise peas and cucumbers and kids together.”
Blood rushed to Nicole’s head while the air grew hard to drag into her lungs.
Finally she forced a smile. “I didn’t know you had such a peculiar sense of humor.”
“I’m not joking.” His face appeared utterly serious.
“That’s difficult to believe. An old dog doesn’t learn new tricks and a leopard can’t change its spots...or something of the sort. You’re a confirmed bachelor who loves a carefree life as a columnist. It lets you fly off for as long and as far as you fancy. I’m committed to my home, dog and business in Seattle. We’re basically on separate freeways that cross but don’t go to the same place.”
“That’s direct.”
“There’s no point in being anything else. Look, Jordan, you’ve got great accomplishments in front of you. I’m sure there’s a Pulitzer in your future or something equally splendid. You need to be happy and fulfilled, not tied down and constricted.”
* * *
JORDAN WATCHED AS Nicole dissected the situation as calmly and rationally as she might evaluate a recipe. There was a time he would have believed she was indifferent to what she was saying, but he saw a hint of emotion in her eyes that suggested something deeper.
Then another realization struck home. She hadn’t said she loved him, but all her arguments against marriage had to do with what she believed was best for him. Was she being the talent agent now, working to help someone else succeed? Or was she trying to give up something she wanted for someone she loved?
Then it struck Jordan...he’d failed to say the most important part.
“By the way, there are a few words I left out of my earlier pitch. I love you, Nicole.”
The emotion in her eyes was now unmistakable, yet she still shrugged casually.
“Most guys lead with that,” she agreed.
“So I’m an original. How about you? Do you have any crazy warm feelings going in my direction?”
She moved restlessly. “What I feel isn’t important.”
“It’s important to me.”
Jumping up, she went to lean against the mast and gaze across the water. Her face wasn’t serene any longer. He stood and slipped his arm around her waist...and felt the trembling in her slender figure.
“I didn’t expect to fall in love with you,” he said with quiet intensity. “I can’t even pretend it’s what I wanted. If someone had asked me a month ago if it was possible or desirable, I would have said they were crazy. You’re right that I had my life mapped out as a bachelor, free to stay or go as I wish. But then I fell in love and now that seems less and less meaningful.”
“That’s an odd way of phrasing it.”
“It’s just the truth. And I imagine many guys have said the same, made lots of fancy speeches. Have you ever loved any of the men who gave them to you?”
“Nothing that turned out to be real.”
“Even with your fiancé?”
“I thought it was real at the time. Then I realized it was the glitz he wanted, not to wake up with the real me.”
Jordan let out a painful breath, recalling Nicole’s explanation about why she’d slipped out the morning after they’d been together.
“I want to wake up with you,” he insisted. “I don’t want to keep going the way I have. A vacation with my wife looks much more attractive than drifting into the future without being connected to anything genuine.”
He tugged her closer.
“But it’s nice the way you were trying to give me up for my sake.”
Jerking away, Nicole turned to face him. “Excuse me?” she asked in an icy tone.
“Uh, for my writing and my happiness.”
“Being snide about my so-called nobility isn’t going to win you points.”
“I deserve that
, except I wasn’t being snide. I’m truly grateful you’re a generous, caring person, but right now I want you to be selfish. Please grab hold of me and never let go.”
Nicole stuck her chin in the air. “I wasn’t being unselfish, either. I’m simply aware that no one can be truly happy if they give up their dreams.”
Hmmm. She was in an awfully prickly mood. Maybe she needed a distraction.
* * *
NICOLE’S HEAD SPUN as Jordan’s mouth closed upon hers. Giving up the struggle, she slid her arms around his waist and explored his lean muscles. When his hands surrounded the curve of her buttocks and gently squeezed, the pleasure was intense.
A wolf whistle and shout of “Go, man!” intruded into her consciousness. Jordan must have been aware of it also, because his movements changed and softened. He held her no less snugly, but now his embrace seemed tender and protective.
“You realize,” she said, “that someone could have taken a picture of us and be planning to sell it to a newspaper or magazine. Even if they just posted it to their Facebook page, your editor could see it.”
“That wouldn’t bother me,” he answered promptly. “In fact, I’m going to propose another article to Syd about how a man can look at dozens of pictures of a gorgeous woman and never feel attracted to her. Then he finds out that in person, she fires his body and imagination in a way he hadn’t believed possible.”
“Oh?” Her chest was tight, breaths shallow.
“Right. Then he discovers she’s just as beautiful on the inside—smart, logical, caring, hard-working, funny, strong and complex in ways he’ll be happy exploring for a lifetime.”
Jordan dropped his head for a long, sweet kiss.
“Maybe we...we should sit down,” Nicole suggested. “You talked about going for a sail.”
“I think we need to talk more first.”
Her legs were wobbly, so she pulled free and dropped into her chair. Jordan sat close, his gaze fixed on her.
“I know we’ve been on separate paths,” he said. “I know our lives don’t look compatible and we’ll have to make compromises. I still want to travel some of the time, but you’ve talked about wanting to travel more, too, once your partners are on board. We couldn’t jet off to the Bahamas or something on a whim, but it’s fun to plan ahead as well.”
“Studies show anticipation is part of the pleasure,” Nicole murmured, shocked that Jordan was talking about compromise.
“Exactly. Now, in some of your old interviews you talked about wanting kids. Do you still want them?”
“I...yes.”
“Me, too.”
“That’s new.”
He laughed, though with a sad air. “Since I didn’t want to get married, having a family wasn’t in the picture, either. But maybe I’ve also been afraid that I’d be a lousy dad. Now I’ve decided I don’t have to repeat the past. I’m the one who decides what kind of husband and father I’ll be. Besides, aren’t children an adventure that never ends?”
Nicole grinned. “That’s true, though there are dynamics I don’t want to repeat from my own family.”
“Such as the different ways your parents treated you and Emily?”
She nodded. “That’s one of them.”
Jordan made a face. “Me, either. We should talk about that as we go along, track each other, help each other be good parents. We can even talk to child psychologists for guidance if it seems advisable, though I’m sure we’ll still make mistakes.”
Nicole cocked her head. “I wonder if perfect parents make boring kids.”
He chuckled. “I don’t think we have to worry about boring children. We just have to hope that when we’re old and gray they won’t publish a memoir about our mistakes and that they’ll visit with the grandkids. That’s when we’ll get really boring, except I’ll still be chasing you around, leaning on my walker as you hobble away on your bad knee.”
It was a strangely sweet image.
But mostly it was bizarre to be talking about this with Jordan. No matter how much she loved him, it hadn’t seemed possible that he’d want any of it. Her abortive engagement had been the final straw, the wound convincing her that when it came to romance, she’d always be nothing more than a shallow cover girl to the men she met.
* * *
THE UNCERTAINTY ON Nicole’s face made Jordan ache. She had no particular reason to trust him. After all, his plan for permanent bachelorhood was common knowledge; he had only himself to thank for that since he’d put it into his column on a regular basis.
Would she reject him? She’d implied she had feelings for him but hadn’t actually said the words outright.
“You realize that it’s okay to show if you’re upset or sad, angry or whatever,” he said, trying not to sound desperate. “I’ve seen how you try to keep what you’re feeling inside, maybe because you always had to project a certain facade as a model.”
“After a lifetime of practice, I’m not sure I can change that much.”
“Then I’ll have to look for subtle signs and hope you have mercy on me when I guess wrong. But I also need to be clear about something. I fell in love with the real Nicole, not the image on a magazine cover. I fell for the woman digging in her garden with dirt and perspiration on her face. I’m crazy about the person who determinedly painted her living and dining rooms, even though she could have hired someone else to do it for her. I get choked up when I think about how much you hate turning someone down who needs encouragement.”
She was silent, staring away from him, across the water. With all his might he wanted to grab her and hold her and never let go. But he couldn’t get what he hoped for that way. It had to be a gift.
“So, can you love me back, Nicole? With all my faults and missteps? God knows, I’m a long way from perfect.”
“Yes,” she said softly.
* * *
NICOLE FELT AS if she’d thrown everything she had into the pot. If this fell apart, she’d find out if hearts really could break.
“I love you more than life,” Jordan promised and she didn’t doubt he was telling the truth. “Will you marry me? Will you love me through mistakes and dirty diapers and the kids squabbling? Will you love me when I can’t sail this boat any longer because arthritis won’t let me hold the tiller? Will you still love me when our hair is gray and we’re waiting at the hospital for news that might mean a daunting challenge for us both?”
“Those things don’t frighten me. Well, not much.” It was mostly the thought of facing them alone that made Nicole shiver.
He smiled. “We’d be idiots if it wasn’t scary. And foolish, too, to think it’ll be easy. There’s a reason that wedding vows include a promise to be there in sickness and in health, for better and for worse.”
“As you said, there aren’t any guarantees.”
“But it helps when two people love each other and share the load.”
The evening breeze blew from behind her, as if pushing in Jordan’s direction. Silly, since it could also be seen as pushing him away. The thing that would bring and keep bringing them together was what Jordan was offering—love and genuine commitment.
And it was what she’d always wanted.
Nicole put her arms around Jordan’s neck. “I’ll love you forever,” she promised with all her heart.
Epilogue
JORDAN DROPPED ONTO the grass next to Nicole and she leaned against him.
Rose, their daughter, grasped a low branch of the larger apple tree as she pulled off a piece of fruit and handed it to her cousin. Then she grabbed one for herself and plonked onto the ground.
“Told you I could do it,” she announced smugly, her dark eyes gleaming in triumph.
Scott, who was Barton and Chelsea’s oldest and a few months older than Rose, was a little disgruntled.
“Mom says boys don’t grow as fast as g
irls,” he grumbled. “That isn’t fair.”
Jordan chuckled and felt Nicole’s body shake with suppressed laughter.
Having Chelsea and Barton as next-door neighbors meant less privacy, but their kids were growing up more like siblings than cousins.
Jordan eyed his own son. Blond and determined, even as a toddler, Jeremy was making strides in digging a hole for the new cherry tree he wanted.
Nicole grinned at Jordan. “Never underestimate a kid with the Masters stubbornness.”
“Yeah, mix it with George genes for planning and we’ll have cherry pie in a few years.”
Breathing deeply, he savored the scent from their yard. Chicken was on the grill and fruit was ripening on the tree. They still hadn’t caught up with yard work after spending ten days in England, so a few tomatoes had dropped off the vines and split on the ground.
“Getting adjusted to being back in this time zone?” Barton asked. Chelsea lay on a blanket nearby, drowsing next to their baby daughter, Evelyn.
“Slowly,” Jordan answered. “It was a great trip, but it’s good to be home again.”
Chelsea and Barton had kept all the kids while he and Nicole were away, something Nicole claimed was heroic, considering Evelyn was only two months old.
Jordan sometimes wondered why he’d ever thought the single life was so wonderful. Married life had its challenges, but he was happier than he’d ever been. He and Nicole were even discussing the possibility of having a third child.
Toby suddenly dashed through the yard, scrambling over their legs as Spike chased him.
“Spike, how did you get out again?” Barton roared.
Chelsea giggled drowsily. “How do you think?”
Jordan tried to look stern as he eyed his daughter, the usual suspect when it came to Spike getting out. “Rose?”
She smiled back innocently. “But, Daddy, Spike and Toby like playing together.”
“I have a feeling we’re going to have trouble with her in the future,” Nicole murmured.
“You think?” he asked in a dry tone.
Moonlight Over Seattle Page 26
