by Debra Kayn
"What about her old boyfriend?"
"She visits him at the prison." She ran her hand through her hair. "For the last several years, I thought she still loved him."
Merk let his head fall back and gazed up at the night sky. She curled her fingers into his shirt, wanting to touch his beard.
He brought his chin down and met her gaze. "She works for Moroad. We send her to the prison to get messages to our men inside."
"Then, she's not still hooked on her ex-boyfriend? I mean, she swears she's not, but I assumed she denied her feelings because she continued to go see him after his arrest."
"No. She belongs to no one and everyone."
Heaviness settled down on her chest. "She belongs to you."
"If I wanted her, yeah."
She expelled the trapped air in her lungs. "Okay...thanks for that added information."
Merk refused to let her pull away. Her breath hitched. A sudden fear she'd fall to her knees and lose her mind if she stayed another minute, she looked away from him.
Katie slept with Merk? She had sex with a man who also fucked her best friend? She covered her mouth. The pizza in her stomach revolted.
"Hey." Merk took both her wrists and held them to his chest. "Look at me. Nothing, and I mean nothing, has happened between me and any of the Moroad women in over a year."
Oh, a year? Poor him. She pushed against him, needing to leave. "Please, just take me home."
Merk shook her, until she stopped struggling against him. "I don't want Katie or any of the Moroad women. I want you."
"Why?" She slumped in his hands. "Nevermind. Just...just go be with someone who wants you. I don't."
"You don't get a choice." His hand slipped up her back, until he held her by the neck forcing her to pay attention.
"What the hell are you talking about?" She pushed, and this time he let her go. "God, you're making me sick. I can't do this right now. Can you please take me home?"
Her devastating day caught up with her. She couldn't fight. She couldn’t ask him any more questions. She only wanted to go home, climb into bed, and forget the world was out to make her suffer.
Chapter Nine
The shower shut off. Merk stretched out on Desi's double bed on his back. For the last three nights, Desi gave up arguing about him staying over after the bar closed.
In fact, she rarely talked.
It took all her energy and strength to go through the motions of serving customers, cleaning the bar, and skillfully avoiding all questions about Joe's death. He latched his hands behind his head. Not an expert on mourning, he had no way to ease her discomfort, except to stand back and let her figure it out on her own.
The bathroom door opened and Desi's footsteps stopped. He listened to her normal breathing pattern. Unlike the nights before, her hesitation merely gave her eyes time to adjust to the dark and had nothing to do with her reluctance to sleep beside him.
The mattress indented and Desi lay down on her side, facing away from him. Like the other nights, he rolled to his side and put his arm around her waist, pulling her over until her back touched his front.
A sigh of exhaustion flittered through her body. He closed his eyes. Almost three o'clock and he'd barely slept the last several nights. While she needed time to mourn, his dick wanted to pound the sadness out of her.
His cock hardened against her ass and she shifted. He sprawled his hand on her stomach, keeping her cushioned against him.
"Lay still," he whispered.
Several minutes ticked by and her breathing became deeper and spaced further apart. He forced himself to think about his next push forward with his plan and not her sexy ass snuggled against him. So far, he'd taken his cue from Desi and waited. He could wait. He had a lifetime of counting days, weeks, and years inside a prison cell.
"Have you ever lost anyone," whispered Desi.
His body tensed. After three days of not communicating, she wanted to talk now?
"Yeah." The last thing he wanted to talk about was Roni.
"How long does the awful feeling of being lost last?"
A lifetime? How the fuck was he supposed to know? He spread his fingers and moved his hand between her breasts, feeling her heart beating alive and safe. "Your head will know when you can start letting day to day stuff inside and you'll slowly begin thinking about other things. Right now, your body is protecting you. It's sort of how alcohol dulls your senses; your head is making it impossible to feel things normally."
Desi went still. He held her. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wanted to believe his staying with her helped.
She pushed against him to roll on her back. "Who did you lose?"
He left his hand on her chest, nestled between her breasts. It'd take several men to pry him away from touching her.
"My sister."
"What was her name?" she asked.
"Roni."
"Younger or older?" Desi's voice no longer sounded tired.
He exhaled. "Younger by four years."
"How'd she die?"
He gritted his teeth. "Heroin overdose."
"Oh." Desi paused. "When?"
"Three or so years ago."
"Were you in prison...?"
"Yeah." He kissed her forehead. "No more questions. You need to sleep."
"One more." She laid her hand on top of his. "Are you alone now, too?"
Jesus Christ. She wanted his life story and apparently wouldn't close her eyes until he gave her enough to appease her curiosity. He debated what to tell her. He could lie and tell her he had the Moroad MC. They were his family. Then, he decided to tell her the truth.
"I have a nephew. Cam and Christina are raising him."
Her head lifted off the pillow. "Jeremy?"
"Yeah."
She let her head fall back. "I never would've guessed. He looks like Cam. I figured Jeremy was his kid from a previous marriage or something, since Christina is too young to be his mother."
"Cam is his dad." He slipped his hand off her chest and rolled to his back.
"But you get to see him and I noticed he wears the Moroad vest, so he's part of your club. That's good that you have someone." She reached down and slipped her fingers between his. "He's a part of your sister that you'll always have with you."
She grabbed his hand like a teenage girl clutching her best friend, and he found himself squeezing and holding on to the lifeline she threw him. His chest pounded with pent up everything. Aggression, lust, confusion, and impatience.
"No more talking. Close your fucking eyes," he whispered.
Not another word came from her. He stared up at the ceiling in the dark, willing himself to relax. All he planned to do was comfort her, and she had him feeling guilty for the lack of a relationship with the only remaining family member he had left.
Hell, he'd stepped away from Jeremy and cut off all contact with the kid to make sure he had a better life than he and Roni had. He'd stand to the side, protect him through the club, and watch his back. Hopefully staying alert and on guard would keep Jeremy out of prison. Keeping his distance was the least he could do for failing his sister, who wanted nothing to do with Moroad MC. She'd planned to abort Jeremy to keep him away from Cam. She'd cut off all contact with Merk, the club, and never told him she'd changed her mind and had the baby. It took her dying for him to find out he had a grownup nephew.
Later, much later, Desi's body relaxed and her breathing grew heavy. He continued lying there, holding her hand, and thinking. Death gave a person a different outlook and broke many people. He'd make sure Desi walked away whole and content to keep living her life.
There was no time limit on his plan to collect on the years Desi owed him, and yet he found himself impatient. He wanted to take everything from her. Her pain, her joy, her thoughts, and force his way into her life.
Chapter Ten
Katie stood beside the bar flapping a package of Fun Dip in front of Desiree. The lull in customers gave her no excuse to avoid Katie.
She had more important things to do than skip out of work an hour before she expected the evening crowd to arrive.
If the customers showed. Business had slacked off the last two months and she had a feeling Pop's friends found it hard to come into the bar and relax knowing he wasn't here.
Desiree glared and walked around Katie. "I don't want to go."
"Oh, come on. It'll be like old times when life was fun and easy." Katie trailed her across the room. "Merk's here and he can watch the bar while we sneak out for twenty minutes."
"You're being ridiculous." She eyed the candy.
Merk caught Desiree's gaze and sat down at the bar. "Go ahead. Nobody is here. If a crowd comes, I'll call you."
Desiree crossed her arms. "You don't have my number."
Merk leaned back against the counter and dug in his pocket. "I got it."
"How?"
"I took it off your phone when you were sleeping," said Merk.
"God, you really need to leave or move out or stop doing whatever you're doing here all the time." Desiree grabbed Katie's hand. "Come on. I need to get out of here before he drives me insane."
Katie laughed, skipping along beside her out the front door. Desiree pulled to a stop on the sidewalk. "This is a bad idea."
"Oh, come on. Don't chicken out now. How long has it been since we've escaped and hidden away from everyone?" Katie walked backward on the sidewalk away from her, taunting her with the package of candy.
"Probably when we were fifteen years old and we thought it was cool to rebel and taunt the police." Desiree shook her head.
Katie laughed. "Nobody ever caught us and we never got arrested. It'll be fine. I'll give you the grape side of the package..."
Desiree started walking. Together, they strolled down Main Street and cut across the street to the sheriff's department. She crept along the building, keeping her back to the brick. The high security cameras moved slowly above her head, sweeping the area.
"We're going to get caught," she said, practically hissing out her prediction.
"Chill." Katie stopped, peeked around the corner of the building, and grinned. "All clear."
Desiree groaned, hurrying after Katie. She made it to the tower two seconds after her friend. Her legs burned and she climbed up the metal steps to the top without stopping, beating the sweep of the security camera.
The tower on the outside of the sheriff department provided an aerial view of the town and I-90 built above Federal. Occasionally, she'd spot a deputy standing guard searching the area, but most of the time the tower remained empty and unlocked. The perfect haven in the middle of the town for two girls to find privacy away from the mean girls, to de-stress from the uglier side of growing up, and to dream away their days.
Katie sat down on the bench and ripped open the Fun Dip package, removing the two white hard candy sticks. "Lick and dip, girlfriend."
"I can't believe you bought this. That's at least five more pounds on both of our asses." She took a stick, stuck it in her mouth, and dipped the moistened stick in the grape flavored powder. Then she returned the stick to her mouth and rolled her eyes at the sugar rush. "Okay, this was a good idea."
"Told you." Katie leaned over and bumped shoulders with her.
One after the other, they took turns licking and dipping. Desiree stretched her tired legs and crossed her ankles. As her energy returned, her body relaxed and felt steadier.
"Life is all about changes, but some things like the both of us staying friends should remain the same." Katie studied her red tipped stick. "I love you, Desiree."
"Are you going mushy on me?" Desiree smiled. "Don't do that. The only thing I can take right now is arguing. I seem to be doing that a lot with everyone and I'm making it through the day okay."
"Anger. It's one of the stages of grief." Katie inhaled loudly. "I loved your grandpa. You know I did, but his dying was bound to happen. He was getting older, and he loved his cigars. All grandpas leave us. You were lucky to have yours for so long."
"I never met your grandpas." Desiree bit off the end of her stick.
Katie shrugged. "Never knew them. They were dead before I was born."
"That sucks." Desiree pointed her stick toward the window. "Look, Miller and Bud are going in the bar."
Katie snuck a taste out of the grape pouch. "Real names?"
"Gerald Towns and Kenny something, I forget."
Katie leaned over and pointed at the 'Taylor's a bitch' carving on the wall. "Remember when I did that?"
"Yeah. Taylor's still a bitch. I saw her last summer and she stuck up her nose and totally ignored me." Desiree sighed, looking out the window. "Another person went into the bar."
"Do you need to go back and help Merk?"
"Nah. He can handle three customers." Desiree swallowed the sweet taste out of her mouth. "Without going into any details about Merk's sex life or yours, how well do you know him?"
"Not as well as most of the other Moroad members. I've been with the club for seven years and—"
"Shit. You were eighteen years old when you started hanging out with them. Why didn't you tell me?" Desiree popped the last bite of her candy stick in her mouth and held it in her cheek. "Now I feel like I don't even know you."
"You know me better than anyone." Katie leaned over, nudged Desiree with her arm, and held out the package. "Do you want the rest of my powder?"
"No. I'm probably going to get sick or go into a diabetic coma."
"You're not a diabetic."
"How would you know? We barely know each other despite having met in kindergarten and claiming to be best friends ever since." Desiree leaned her head back against the window wondering when Katie started keeping secrets.
"I get it. This is the angry and bitchy Desiree that I'm supposed to hug and tell her everything will be okay after a while." Katie crumbled up the package and tossed it in the small trashcan under the bench.
"No." Desiree looked at Katie. "I'll survive. I know I will. Sometimes, I think maybe this was the best thing for Pop. The more I think about it, I believe he knew he was going to die or maybe he believed his heart wouldn't last much longer. He was slowing down. I don't know, it's just a feeling I have after thinking about everything and how he acted before...well, it happened. He would've hated it if he couldn't work the bar. It was his whole life."
"You were his whole life." Katie stood and held out her hand, pulling Desiree off the bench. "We better get out of here before Sheriff Colby finds us."
Back on the sidewalk, safe from getting caught trespassing on the county's private property, Desiree remembered Katie never answered her question.
"Tell me what you know about Merk," Desiree said.
Lately, the only thing on her mind was Merk. She never knew whether to be angry with him or happy he stuck around to help her out.
"Short version? He's only been around for a couple of years, maybe three. Before that, he served time in prison. Whatever crime he committed sent him away for a long time, so when he got out was the first time I met him." Katie stopped outside the bar. "About ten months ago, he and Cam got into some kind of fight and tension was high around the club. Then Merk went away to prison again, but I'm not sure if that was because he shot Cam or —"
Desiree grabbed Katie's arm. "He shot Cam? Why?"
"I don't know. Honestly, no one discusses club business with me. The bikers keep their mouths closed, unless...well, you know. Anyway, one day Cam almost died from a gunshot wound and Merk went back to prison."
"But if he shot Cam he wouldn’t be out now. You said it was ten months ago?"
"Maybe a year. I can't remember."
"So, how did he get out of prison if he tried to kill Cam?" she asked.
Katie blew out her breath. "Merk was only in prison for a few weeks and then he came back to Federal. I have a feeling Cam got him out. He needed help finding Jeremy...that's Cam's son."
"Jeremy is also Merk's nephew." Desiree stuck her hands in her back pocket.
&n
bsp; "I keep forgetting that." Katie shrugged. "As for what I think about Merk, he's quiet in a scary way. He keeps to himself and even keeps his distance from the other Moroad members. He had a drinking problem for a while, but I haven't seen him drink since he shot Cam."
Her stomach sank the more Katie shared information. She'd slept with a man who'd shoot his president, spent time in prison numerous times, and failed to have relationships with the bikers in his club. She chewed the corner of her lip. "He's like the black sheep of a very bad family."
What she failed to understand was why having him in her life felt right when so many other things about him set off warning bells ringing in her head. She pursed her lips. Merk was often bossy and unbending, and other times he had more patience than she did. She wasn't the easiest person to live and work with lately. Yet, he held her every night as if she hadn't been a bitch to him.
"What are you thinking?" Katie looped her arm under Desiree's elbow.
"I think I'm in trouble," she whispered. "I don't know whether to kick him out for good or ask him to stay with me longer. He scares me."
"Has he forced himself on you or hurt you?"
She shook her head. "There's just this feeling I have that he's holding something back from me and I don't think he'll ever tell me what his problem is or why he's helping. I thought he wanted a one-night stand. I was all for going all the way with him to purge myself of the stupid fantasy I was having about him. It's been two months since he walked into the bar and stayed."
"Maybe now isn't a good time to think about the reasons why if he's not hurting you. Take what he's offering and deal with it later." Katie gave her a hug. "I need to get going. Okay? Will you call me if you need me?"
"I will." Desiree kissed Katie's cheek. "Thanks for sharing your Fun Dip with me and forcing me to go with you. It was stupid, but I needed that a lot."
"Anytime, girlfriend. That's what I'm here for." Katie smiled and walked away going in the opposite direction.
