“Can I watch my hour of Disney Channel first? You promised.”
Marielle had bribed him into eating his broccoli by telling him he could watch a whole hour of television. She took a deep breath and guided him to the living room in defeat. Never break a promise to a six-year-old, especially if you ever want him to eat broccoli again. “Okay, but you’re going straight to the tub in exactly one hour, young man.”
She looked at her watch to make it official, and he hugged her hips before grabbing the remote and a pillow. “Will you sit with me?”
She took her spot on the couch, and he placed the pillow on her lap before making himself comfortable lying next to her, his head on the pillow. She played with his hair while he focused on the television screen. Not exactly what she’d planned, she thought, but at least she was finally sitting down, giving her sore feet a well-deserved rest.
Her thoughts went back to Sam. In the two weeks since their move, their relationship had taken another turn. She couldn’t decide if it was worse, but she knew it wasn’t better. Constant squabbling had turned into mostly silence. The uncomfortable, heavy, loaded-with-tension type of silence. It made her realize Sam must have been as deep in his thoughts as she was in her own, questioning their relationship in the same way.
She suddenly wondered if he was making a plan. She sure wasn’t. She was going through the motions, day after day, concentrating the best she could on the task at hand and on making Felix as happy as possible. What if he left her? The only answer she could muster was that it would be inconvenient. One thing they had going as a couple was the way they shared their duties. He took Felix to school in the morning; she picked him up in the afternoon. He went to Felix’s hockey games and practices in the winter and soccer in the summer; she went to his swimming lessons. She cooked and he helped with dishes. She cleaned the house, and he took care of the outside chores like mowing the lawn and shoveling snow. Like clockwork. She never needed to nag like most of the married women she knew. They could always count on each other to take care of their respective responsibilities.
Yes, it would be seriously inconvenient if Sam left her. And it would crush Felix, of course. She knew, however, that they would always find a way to do what was best for him. She had no doubt about that.
She closed her eyes and exhaled, shaking her head slowly. She then realized none of her fears and worries imagining a separation from Sam involved her own broken heart or the possibility she might actually miss him, not just for what he did for their family but for him as a person, as the man she supposedly loved. How freaking sad was that? She tried again to think of the last time she’d been intimate with her husband, the last time she’d felt as though she was in love with him. All she could remember was that she’d kind of enjoyed his touch at the beginning of their relationship. The way they made love used to be so natural. They would talk and laugh, and one kiss or one caress would turn into something more. It was easy. Never earth-shattering, but definitely pleasant. The kind of complicity that turned friendship into partnership. The kind of love she’d always wanted, knowing the other kind, the passion she’d read about in a few romance novels as a teenager, didn’t last in the real world. She tried hard to remember but was once more unsuccessful in pinpointing when that sweet intimacy had grown into a chore and when their relationship had become purely platonic. It just happened. Slowly, sex went from a couple times a week to a couple times a month, to holidays and birthdays, and finally, to nothing at all. They never talked about it. It just was.
Marielle wished she could at least talk to a friend about it, but she was too embarrassed, and besides, who would she talk to? Nathalie, her best friend since high school, was busy with her own family of four, and on the rare occasions when they found time for dinner or coffee, they mostly talked about their children and their jobs. Nothing deeper than that. The other nurses from the hospital were nice enough, and she even had a friendly relationship with Sophie and Nadine within the hospital walls, but that didn’t extend beyond work. At least for her. Sophie had opened up to her about her divorce last year. Marielle was a great listener, but she never opened up in return. She held on to the appearance of being a happy young woman, blessed with a charming husband and an adorable little boy. She’d always found talking about her own problems difficult. She didn’t want to feel judged, and she didn’t want to burden people. So she was left alone with her thoughts.
* * *
“Game, set and match! Take that, sucker!” Audrey playfully hit her brother on the shoulder with her closed fist, celebrating her win at the tennis video game they’d just played in her living room.
“Oh shut it! There is no way you would beat me on a real tennis court. You probably practice on this machine every damn day!” Dennis let himself fall onto the sofa and sink into the soft, caramel leather. He was out of breath, and Audrey smiled at the beads of sweat above his thick brow.
She set the controller on the coffee table and sat sideways on the same sofa to face him with a smug look. Ralph immediately joined them, relieved that the out-of-the-ordinary activity taking place in his living room had finally ceased.
“Sore loser. You’re just out of shape, sitting on your ass all day long,” she teased as she wiped the sweat off his forehead and snickered. He granted her a half grin and grabbed a throw pillow next to him to fling it at her.
“Oh and what are you doing up there eight hours a day? Running a marathon?” He jerked his head up toward the loft where he knew her home office was set up.
“No, but I walk this little beast for at least half an hour twice a day while you go from sitting in your truck to sitting on your couch or mine,” she answered, her fingers threading through Ralph’s hair at her side.
“All right, you got me there. I’m getting old and soft.” To demonstrate his point, he grabbed his belly with both hands, making his sister laugh. She looked at him with tenderness. He might have grown a tiny bit of a belly, but her little brother was still as handsome as ever. With fair skin, short, blond hair and blue eyes, he still managed to look rugged with a square jaw, wide shoulders and a five-o’clock shadow she knew actually took him a few days to grow. She’d often been forced to pull him from the grip of her straight girlfriends when they were growing up, much to his chagrin. He was four years younger, and she’d always been so proud and protective of him. One of the greatest benefits from moving up to St. Georges was being just a short detour from his trucking route between Maine and Quebec City, along which he carried heavy loads of lumber. He stopped by regularly and always unannounced for coffee or dinner, or even to crash for the night once in a blue moon. Today they’d shared grilled cheese sandwiches and chips and played video games, just like when they were kids.
“So any sexy French girlfriend yet?” He tapped her thigh with the back of his hand, dragging her out of her nostalgia.
“No, you’d be the first to know. What about you? Got Theresa pregnant yet?”
Her attempt at getting his focus off her social life failed miserably. “You know Theresa and I are waiting for her to get her tenure. Besides, don’t try to change the subject. I worry about you, sis.”
How her trucker of a brother had ended up marrying an assistant professor of English literature at Bowdoin College was still a mystery to Audrey. His obsession with her love life was also somewhat of a puzzle. It was touching, but oh so annoying. “Come on, Dennis. I’m fine by myself. How many times do I have to tell you?”
“Until I believe you, I guess, but that will never happen. You’re young and beautiful, and you deserve to find love. It doesn’t help that you isolated yourself in this little place where people don’t even speak English, you know. Not that I’m not happy I get to see you more often, far from it, but since you could work from anywhere, I don’t understand why you just don’t come back to Brunswick. Theresa and I have women lined up that would be a great match for you.”
Moved by his concern, Audrey felt her annoyance melt away, but she still tried to li
ghten the conversation. She grinned mischievously. “Oh really? And what exactly makes you think these women would be a good match for me, Dennis? They just happen to be lesbians?”
He blushed and she knew she had him. He knew it too. “Well…Yeah. That’s a good start, isn’t it?”
They both burst out laughing, and Audrey thought she was safe until she saw his blue eyes grow serious again, filled with worry. “I just want you to be happy, Audrey. And we would love to have you closer too.”
She put her hand on top of his. It was larger and stronger, of course, yet just as soft as her own. She spoke with calm and warmth. “I know. But I would be closer to them too. And you know I don’t want that. I’m sure I’ll meet someone here, eventually. But Dennis, you must believe me when I say I really am happy. I have my little house, my dog, nature and most of all, peace. I am truly content. I promise. Okay?” She finished her appeal in the tone of a reassuring mother, squeezing his hand gently.
There was no need to repeat all the reasons she didn’t want to live in the same town as their parents. He already knew. Their acceptance of her sexuality was polite at best, and their relationship had been distant for years. Mandatory family gatherings at Christmastime were all she could take. She was no longer angry at them, though. They were good people—good people who just didn’t know what to do with a gay daughter, and she couldn’t bear making them uncomfortable anymore. So she stayed away. Dennis would have to understand that once and for all.
He turned his hand to hold hers in return and sighed as a smile slowly took shape on his face, waving the proverbial white flag. He stood up, took a deep breath and declared, “Well, I better get back on the road. I need to make it to Quebec City tonight if I want to unload this truck first thing in the morning and make it back to my wife at a reasonable hour tomorrow.”
She followed him to the door, sorry to see him go but knowing better than to argue with his schedule. “Okay. Any idea when you’ll get a chance to stop again?”
He turned to hug her, and she let him envelop her in a tight embrace. “Come on, sis. You know I like to surprise you.”
Audrey laughed into his shoulder and he let her go. She followed him outside with Ralph, thinking the dog could use a potty break and wanting to see her brother drive away in his red semitrailer truck.
* * *
Marielle woke up with a start and began rubbing her stiff neck. She’d dozed off in the middle of Handy Manny. The television was still on, but Felix was nowhere to be found.
“Felix?” She checked her watch, wondering how long she’d slept. It was just past seven. Felix hadn’t even made it all the way through the whole hour he was allowed. That worried her. “You better be in the tub.”
She knew better. He must have taken advantage of his mother sleeping to get into something much more interesting than television. When there was no answer inside the house, she slipped on her Crocs sandals and stepped outside. She didn’t have to look very far. There he was, in front of the neighbor’s house, chatting with her and a tall, blond man while the little white dog ran back and forth between all three of them. She also noticed the semitrailer truck parked on the street—it was kind of hard to miss—and understood Felix’s curiosity had simply gotten the best of him. How could she expect a little boy to resist such a large truck, after all? Marielle chuckled internally and started walking toward them, fluffing her mass of dark hair with her fingers and thinking she should probably have gone back inside to check the mess her little nap had caused. She hoped it wasn’t too horrific. Audrey’s faded blue jeans and a black V-neck T-shirt resembled her own jeans and pink top, but Audrey wore it so much better, with her long, athletic legs, her small waist, and her perky breasts looking so damn perfect in the snug cotton.
Marielle suddenly felt so heavy in her frumpy clothes. Then Audrey laughed at something the tall man next to her said, and she couldn’t help but smile. There was something inviting in her face. Her sky-blue eyes, maybe, or perhaps the dimples that showed up when she smiled or laughed. Something made Marielle feel as though the way her own clothes or hair looked wouldn’t matter at all to this woman. The feeling made her relax and breathe easier.
The tall man had the same dimples, blue eyes and blond hair, making her think he was family, not a boyfriend or lover. The first to notice her approach was the little white dog, who ran toward her. She bent down to greet him with a pat on the head. “Hey there, little guy.” When she stood back up all eyes were on her.
Audrey and the man displayed matching smiles while Felix ran to her. “Mom! Dennis let me sit in his truck!”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, and I pushed buttons and turned the steering wheel and everything! It’s huge, Mom!”
She couldn’t bring herself to scold the bright, wide eyes staring at her with such trepidation. He ran back toward the truck with Ralph on his heels, and Marielle and Audrey simultaneously warned, “Not on the street!”
The boy and the dog both stopped in their tracks and started playing on the lawn by the street while all three adults laughed at the scene.
“I see we have two very protective mommies here,” Dennis said through his laughter.
Marielle walked a little closer to stand in a loose circle with him and Audrey. “Yeah, well, they’re always getting into some kind of trouble, aren’t they?” She winked at Audrey in collusion, surprising herself.
“Always,” Audrey agreed with a wink of her own. “Marielle, this is my brother, Dennis. Dennis, my new neighbor, Marielle.”
Marielle extended her hand and caught a glance between the siblings that made her wonder if they’d been talking about her until Dennis spoke. “You didn’t say anything about a beautiful new neighbor, sis. Nice to meet you, Marielle.”
He shook her hand, and she felt herself blush as she answered, “Nice to meet you too, Dennis, but please, who are you kidding? I’ve been up for sixteen hours. Beautiful is the last thing I feel.” She giggled and turned to Audrey, amazed to see a blush on Audrey’s face that matched her own, as though she was embarrassed.
“Oh no, poor you. You must be so tired. But I swear it doesn’t show at all.” Audrey’s voice was low, almost a whisper, and the timid compliment deepened the blush on both women’s skin.
The honesty in the blue eyes watching her made Marielle believe Audrey’s words, and she smiled softly, suddenly calm, almost serene. “I’m sorry about Felix. I hope he didn’t interrupt you guys.”
Dennis jumped in before Audrey could answer, breaking Marielle free of the blue stare. “Oh no, not at all. I was on my way out anyway.” He looked at his watch and continued, “Actually, I really have to run. I’m a little behind schedule. It was a pleasure meeting you, Marielle.” He shook her hand again and began walking backward, away from them and toward the street.
“It was nice meeting you too. And thank you for letting Felix sit in your truck and push buttons and everything.”
“My pleasure. He’s a cool kid. Audrey, I’ll call you.”
“I’m sure you will. Drive safe, now.”
He finally turned around and kept walking toward the truck. Both women watched as he stopped to pat Felix on the back and bent down to quickly scratch the top of Ralph’s head before he finally climbed into his truck and turned on the engine. Marielle brought her attention to her son, amused by his fascination with the enormous machine that was slowly getting into motion. When Dennis blew the air horn, Felix jumped at the loud noise and turned to her with his brown eyes wide open, mouthing “wow” with such enthusiasm she couldn’t keep herself from sharing his grin and being grateful to Audrey’s brother. Dennis waved at them and slowly disappeared like a superhero on his iron horse.
Without turning to Audrey, Marielle declared, “Your brother just made a little boy very happy.”
“It looks like it, huh?”
Marielle finally looked at Audrey and instantly got caught in her blue eyes again. They smiled and Marielle reluctantly called Felix. “All rig
ht, young man, you are so overdue for your bath. Let’s go.” She turned her head to see the boy playing with Ralph, ignoring her. “Felix Pomerleau! I said let’s go!” Her voice wasn’t as authoritarian as she meant it to be.
She felt a soft hand on her forearm and was surprised when she didn’t wince at the touch. “I really don’t mind if you want to let them play a little longer, you know.” Audrey’s voice was gentle, and when Marielle looked at her again, she saw the smirk of a naughty teenager on her face. “Actually, my brother has the wonderful habit of bringing me an excellent bottle of wine every time he visits, even though he can never drink it with me because he has to get back on the road. This time he brought this cabernet sauvignon from the Napa Valley that I’m dying to taste, but I hate drinking alone. So you see, you’d be doing me a huge favor if you had a glass with me. What do you say? I’m sure you could use one after the long day you’ve had.”
Marielle’s smile broadened, and without taking her eyes off Audrey, she shouted to Felix, “You have twenty minutes, boys. Be good and try not to get into too much trouble. We’ll be inside.”
Audrey opened the front door of the cabin with a satisfied air, and Marielle walked in, thinking she could definitely become friends with this woman, which made her feel more cheerful than she’d thought friendship and the simple promise of a glass of wine ever could.
Audrey closed the door behind them and invited Marielle to take a seat in the living room while she got the wine in the kitchen. Marielle didn’t move from the entrance as she took in her surroundings. The cabin was small, but the two-floors-high ceiling and the open floor plan made it look larger than it was. On her left, the L-shaped kitchen was modern with dark granite countertops, stainless steel appliances and light wood cabinets. The island was just big enough to accommodate two tall barstools, and a small, round dining table surrounded by six chairs stood in the middle of the room. The living room was on the right, where a large stone fireplace served as the focal point, its chimney expanding all the way to the top of the cathedral ceiling. A spiral staircase climbed to a loft Marielle imagined was Audrey’s office. Behind the staircase, a narrow hallway led to more rooms tucked underneath the loft. She guessed there was probably just enough space for a bedroom on one side and a bathroom on the other.
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