by M. C. Badger
Table of Contents
Title Page
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Copyright Page
MARCUS TINKLER lived with his two sisters, Mila and Turtle, in their flat on the thirty-third floor of number thirty-three, Rushby Road.
Marcus’s big sister, Mila, was full of ideas. Every time Mila sneezed, she got a new idea. Some of Mila’s ideas were good. Some were not so good.
This was one of Mila’s good ideas:
This was a not-so-good idea:
(She thought the hat was even better if there was a bird living in it.)
Marcus’s younger sister was called Turtle. Why was she called that? Because she thought she was a turtle. She had never seen a real turtle. But this is what she knew about them: They have shells. They eat lettuce. They growl. They like sticks.
Marcus thought that he was definitely the most normal of the three Tinklers. Maybe you think he was right. But let me tell you a secret. Come closer to the book so I can say it quietly:
MARCUS was NoT REALLY that NORMAL.
None of the Tinklers were.
For one thing, the Tinkler children lived all alone in their flat on the thirty-third floor of thirty-three Rushby Road.
The Tinklers lived alone because their parents worked in a travelling circus. Their father was a tightrope walker, and their mother rode a white horse. But she didn’t sit down in the saddle like a normal person would. Oh no. She stood up on the horse’s back and twirled like a ballerina, with one leg in the air.
When the Tinkler children were older, they could join the circus too.
But for now they lived by themselves. This meant that the Tinklers Three got to do things their own way.
One morning Marcus woke up with a dream stuck in his head. As I’m sure you know, most dreams turn into dust the moment you open your eyes. The dust comes out of your ears and falls to the ground. This is why it gets so dusty under your bed. At least, that’s what Mila said.
But this particular morning, Marcus’s dream stayed inside his head and turned into a question instead. It was this:
Marcus sat up in his bed and looked down at the floor below.
He and Mila had always wanted bunk beds. But they both wanted to sleep on the top bunk. Luckily, Mila sneezed and had a great idea. It was this:
That way they could both have a top bunk, and nobody would have to sleep on the boring old bottom bunk.
Mila was still asleep on her bunk. This was no surprise. Mila always slept in.
Turtle didn’t sleep in a bed. She slept in a green cardboard box. She said this was one of her shells.
Now, everyone knows that turtles only have one shell. And they can’t get out of their shells whenever they want to. But if you said this to Turtle she would growl at you. She might even nip your toes.
Marcus saw that Turtle’s shell was empty. This was also no surprise. Turtle always woke up very early. She liked to crawl into the lounge room to play with her stick collection.
Marcus pulled off his covers and wriggled to the edge of his bed. He was sure he could make it to the door without touching the ground.
Not far below was a chest of drawers. The Tinklers didn’t keep their clothes in drawers. Mila said that clothes should be kept on the floor where they were easy to find.
The chest was very sturdy. Marcus was sure it would hold his weight.
He dangled his feet out over the edge of his bed and then jumped down. Easy!
The next step was getting onto the bookshelf. This was not so easy.
Maybe you think that the bookshelf was a shelf FOR books. Wrong. It was a shelf MADE OF books.
Marcus knew the books might slip and slide away when he landed on them. So he was very careful as he put his feet down.
The bookshelf WOBBLED... The bookshelf ROCKED... But it did not fall.
Slowly, Marcus shuffled across the top of the books.
Hmm . . . the bedroom door was still a long way away, and there were no more bookshelves or chests of drawers left for Marcus to use. Maybe this idea wouldn’t work after all.
But then Marcus spied the mini-trampoline in the middle of the room. He had forgotten about it because it was usually covered with clothes. Marcus and Mila used the trampoline to get up onto their beds. It was just what he needed!
Marcus crouched on the edge of the bookshelf. Then he took a huge jump onto the mini-trampoline.
He bounced up in the air and grabbed hold of the light above him. The light cord was made from a bit of leftover tightrope so it was very strong. It was also very swingy.
Marcus used the cord to swing across to the door frame.
Yes! He had done it.
Then Marcus heard a sleepy voice behind him. ‘What are you doing?’
He swung around and saw Mila sitting up in her bed, rubbing her eyes.
‘I made it from my bed to the door without touching the ground,’ said Marcus.
‘That’s a very good idea,’ said Mila. ‘It sounds like one of mine. Maybe I sneezed on you.’
‘No,’ said Marcus. ‘You didn’t sneeze on me. It was my idea.’
‘Well, can I try it too?’ asked Mila.
‘Of course!’ said Marcus.
Mila jumped from her bed to Marcus’s bed. She dropped down to the chest of drawers, and stepped across the bookshelf. She leapt from the bookshelf to the mini-trampoline, then swung on the light cord.
Soon, there were two Tinkler children hanging from the doorframe.
‘That was so cool,’ said Mila. ‘Let’s keep going. Should we try to make it all the way to the kitchen?’
Marcus smiled. This was definitely one of Mila’s good ideas.
MARCUS AND MILA swung from the doorframe onto their rocket ship made of ice-cream sticks in the hallway.
From there they leapt onto an upside-down metal pot. From the pot they hopped onto the rabbit hutch. From the rabbit hutch they climbed onto a crate full of Turtle’s sticks. Then they jumped up and caught hold of a model solar system hanging from the ceiling, and swung over to a lump of space rock, which they had carried home from the park the week before. From the space rock it was easy to hop onto the kitchen table.
Turtle was under the table, eating a lettuce. ‘Mine,’ said Turtle, growling. Then she tilted her head to one side. ‘Did you know that lettuce belongs to the sunflower family?’
Marcus was never sure if Turtle was very smart for a little kid or very not-smart for a little kid. Maybe she was both.
‘I didn’t know that,’ said Mila. She turned to Marcus. ‘It’s your turn to get the cake down from the top shelf.’
It was
Saturday, and the Tinklers knew:
Even though the Tinklers Three lived alone, they knew that it was important to have rules. Luckily, Mila knew lots of rules. She knew:
She knew:
She knew:
Sometimes Marcus wondered if Mila had the rules quite right. Sometimes he thought she just made them up.
But they all agreed on one rule:
This was because breakable things make a much louder noise when they fall from up high. Bad-for-you food was kept up there too. This was because bad-for-you food tastes even better when you have to climb up high to get it.
When the Tinklers didn’t feel like climbing up the shelves they used their special grabby hand. Are you wondering what a grabby hand is?
It’s a long stick with a grabber on the end. It is very useful for getting things down from high places. It is also very useful for feeding bread to birds as they fly past the window, for drawing on the ceiling, and for squeezing the noses of people from far away. The grabby hand was one of Marcus’s inventions.
Today Marcus didn’t use the grabby hand. Today Marcus felt like climbing. He got the cake and climbed back down onto the table.
Mila had a dreamy look on her face.
‘What are you thinking about?’ asked Marcus.
‘I’m thinking about how fun it is not touching the ground,’ said Mila. ‘Do you think you could make it to the front door of our flat?’
‘No problem,’ said Marcus. He knew that would be easy.
‘So could I,’ said Mila. ‘What about to the ground floor of our building? Could you make it that far?’
‘Yep,’ said Marcus.
‘I could too,’ said Mila. ‘And could you go all the way to the corner of our block?’
‘Of course!’ said Marcus. ‘And so could you. We’re circus children, don’t forget.’
Secretly, Marcus was not so sure they really could do it. But he was not going to tell Mila that.
‘I am not a circus child,’ said Turtle from under the table. ‘I am a circus turtle.’
But Marcus and Mila didn’t hear her. They were busy thinking.
Marcus looked out the window. From the kitchen, he could see right across the city. He could see all the buildings and television antennas and chimney pots. And far, far off in the distance he could see the city’s clock tower.
‘I bet I could make it all the way to that clock tower,’ he said. ‘By dinner time.’
Mila jumped up. She forgot she was standing on the table and put her foot right in the cake. But she didn’t notice.
‘Me too!’ she shouted. ‘I could get across the WHOLE CITY without once touching the ground.’
‘It won’t be easy,’ said Marcus slowly.
‘No, it won’t,’ agreed Mila.
‘It will probably be dangerous,’ said Marcus.
‘Very dangerous,’ said Mila.
‘And we will probably get dirty,’ said Marcus.
‘Yes,’ said Mila. ‘Dirtier than we have ever been before.’
Marcus shrugged. ‘Well, I guess that decides it then.’
Mila nodded. ‘Exactly! Let’s go right now!’
MARCUS AND MILA got dressed. They combed most of their hair and brushed almost all their teeth. They packed their backpacks full of useful things. They did all this without once touching the ground. Then they met up by the front door.
‘Right,’ said Mila. ‘Let’s go!’
‘Hang on,’ said Marcus. ‘What about Turtle?’
Turtle was still under the kitchen table eating lettuce.
‘You’ll have to carry her,’ said Mila.
‘Me?’ said Marcus. ‘Why me?’
‘Because it’s Saturday,’ Mila shrugged. Mila said the rule was:
Marcus had never heard this rule before. He wasn’t even sure that it was Saturday. But he was keen to start their mission.
‘Maybe we can take it in turns,’ said Marcus.
‘Maybe,’ said Mila.
Marcus grabbed the can of circus glue that his mum had sent him. She used it to stick herself to the horses.
Marcus sprayed the glue all over Turtle. He didn’t want to drop her.
The Tinklers’ building had a lift, but today it was broken. ‘Uh-oh,’ said Marcus. ‘How do we get downstairs without touching the ground?’
‘We can slide down the banister,’ said Mila.
‘Of course!’ said Marcus. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’
‘There’s just one problem,’ said Mila. ‘How do we get across to the banister from here?’
Marcus and Mila were standing on a giant pumpkin near the front door. The banister was too far away to jump to.
Marcus opened his backpack. Right at the top were two pairs of stilts. He had made them from empty tin cans.
‘Great idea!’ said Mila. ‘We can use those to walk without touching the ground. Why didn’t I think of that?’
It is hard to walk on stilts. But it is even harder when your sister who thinks she is a turtle is sitting on your shoulders.
Finally they reached the banister. Now came the fun part!
The banisters in the Tinklers’ building were very wide, very smooth and very twisty. In other words, they were PERFECT for sliding down.
Mila slid down first, and Marcus followed close behind, with Turtle on his shoulders.
On the floor below the Tinklers lived grumpy old Mrs Fitz.
‘Slow down!’ she yelled, but she was smiling as the Tinklers WHOOSHED past.
To tell you the truth, Mrs Fitz was not really grumpy. She was not even very old.
But the Tinklers knew that it was important to have a grumpy adult living nearby, so they asked Mrs Fitz to pretend to be cross with them.
To keep the Tinklers happy, Mrs Fitz banged loudly on the ceiling of her flat with her broom at least twice a day.
She huffed crossly at the Tinkler children whenever she met them on the stairs. And every Sunday the Tinklers went down to her flat so she could give them a good ticking-off.
The Tinklers knew that children needed a good ticking-off once a week, and Mrs Fitz said she didn’t mind doing it. Afterwards they would all eat cake together.
But today there was no time to stop and chat with Mrs Fitz. There was no time to be ticked off or eat cake. The Tinklers were on a mission!
SO FAR, everything was going well. Very well. And then the Tinklers slid down to the level where the Splatley family lived.
In the Splatley family there was Mr Splatley, Mrs Splatley and their three children: Sarah, Simon and Susie. Sarah Splatley was the same age as Mila.
Simon Splatley was the same age as Marcus. And Susie Splatley was the same age as Turtle.
It is lovely to have fun and friendly children living in the same building as you. But the Splatley children were not fun and friendly. The Splatley children were absolutely AWFUL.
Here are some of the things the Splatle
y children liked to do:
Pinch babies.
SMACK PUPPIES.
Cut off girls’ ponytails.
Spy on their neighbours.
Most of the time their faces were all scrunched up like paper bags. The only time they smiled was when they saw someone getting into trouble.
See how awful they were?
As well as being awful, the Splatleys were terrible stickybeaks, so the Tinklers always tried to go past the Splatleys’ floor without making a sound.
Maybe they won’t hear us, thought Marcus. We are sliding very quietly.
But just as the Tinklers got close to the Splatleys’ front door, it sprang wide open. Mr and Mrs Splatley leapt out. Their children stood behind them.
‘WHAT are you doing?’ boomed Mrs Splatley.
‘Get off that banister at once!’ squeaked Mr Splatley. ‘You’ll fall.’
‘We won’t fall,’ Marcus told them. ‘We have circus blood.’
The Splatley children smiled, but not in a nice way.
‘You’re in trouble!’ Sarah said in a sing-song voice.
‘BIG trouble,’ giggled Simon.
Susie just stuck out her tongue.
‘Why don’t you three come inside?’ said Mr Splatley. ‘We’re playing Ludo.’
Marcus opened his mouth to say no. Firstly, the Tinklers were on a mission. And secondly, playing Ludo with the Splatleys did not sound like fun.
But before Marcus could say no, Mila sneezed.
Phew! thought Marcus. Mila must have an idea.
