by Karina Bliss
On the last green of the last hole, his father started to talk. “I devoted my whole life to the business. I wanted to build something to pass on, build a legacy. I missed so much of your lives to do that. When you joined Curran Consulting, well, the only thing that would have made me happier would have been Janey joining the firm, too, but she was never interested.”
He didn’t look at Seth, concentrating on making his putt.
“And out of the blue, you walked away from it. I thought you understood what I was trying to do, but you didn’t.”
“Dad—”
“Please, son, let me finish.” He struck the ball and it skirted the edge of the hole and rolled away three feet. “And then I got sick, and lying in hospital, I thought, ‘What the hell was it all for?’ I was going to die and what had I achieved? I felt as though I had lived my life to no real purpose…and I blamed you. It was wrong.”
He hit the ball again, and it clunked into the hole. “And it was very wrong of me to ask your mother and sister to keep my condition from you.” He retrieved the ball from the hole and stood with it tight in his hand. His eyes met Seth’s. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, Dad, that I didn’t understand that.” It would have made his father’s bitterness more understandable. “I didn’t leave to hurt you, I left because I’d finally worked out what I wanted to do with my life.”
“I still don’t get how you can choose the uncertain life of a musician over the security of a family business.”
“You don’t have to get it, Dad, you just have to accept it.” Seth carefully considered his next words. “But you will leave a legacy—Janey and I, your granddaughter. It’s not too late to make up the lost time. I know Janey really wants you more involved in Em’s life. And I want you and Mum to come see mine.”
They packed up their golf clubs.
“Guess I should come to one of your concerts one day,” Frank offered reluctantly.
He’d hate it. “Yeah,” Seth said ruthlessly. “You should.”
“You’re not going to let a man with high cholesterol off the hook then?”
“Nice try, but Ma says medication is keeping it under control.”
Not a stagnant silence this one, but as gently expansive as an incoming tide. Seth was the first to speak. “It’s a damn shame you never saw the stadium shows. It could be five years before we’re playing another.”
He’d told his family that Zander wasn’t able to return to Rage and he, Moss, and Jared would be forming a new band.
“That long?” His father looked surprised. “Janey said Dimity was going to be your manager.”
“Good point, make that three years.” Given the choice, he would have chosen love over money, but that was a musician for you, all about the emotion. He could almost hear Dimity’s incredulous snort. Seth smiled as he and his father walked toward the parking lot. “And don’t think you can weasel out of a concert by dying in the meantime.”
Frank gave a grunt of amusement. “I’ll do my best to stay alive.”
“I’d appreciate that.” He squeezed his father’s shoulder and dropped his hand. “I love you, Dad.” He heard a mumble that might have been, “You too.”
As they were packing their clubs in Janey’s car—Seth had picked Frank up en route—his father said gruffly, “If you need money while you’re getting the new band up and running…”
“I’m good, but thanks. Spend it on bringing Mum to visit…have you got time for breakfast?”
“I’ll make the time,” Frank said.
They walked back to the clubhouse. One door closes, another opens, Seth thought. The woman I love can’t love me, but I have my father again, so it’s not all bad. Given he fully intended to challenge Frank every time he overstepped his authority—small pleasures—they were bound to fall out again, but for now Seth enjoyed the moment.
“I was always pretty good on the accordion when I was young,” Frank commented as they found a table. “You get your musical talent from me.”
“The accordion is not in my musical genealogy,” Seth said firmly.
His father’s laugh boomed around the cafeteria. “You don’t have to get it, son, you just have to accept it.”
Chapter Twenty-two
“The End.” Dimity slammed the book shut and stared at the four year old who’d requested Sleeping Beauty as her bedtime story. “How can someone who sleeps in a dragon bed like this cra—kind of story. All the heroine has to do is wake up.”
“But she’s in a tower and she’s a princess,” said Madison, her round brown eyes shining. “An’ now they can go and get the bad Queen. With the sword. An’ the dragon.”
Dimity couldn’t recall any dragon in the story. “You mean the prince can,” she said dryly.
A bass beat throbbed through the bedroom wall as someone in the living room jacked up the speakers. Jared’s impromptu party to celebrate his Grammy nomination was becoming raucous, even separated by several rooms. A few seconds later the volume dropped. Most of the attendees were Rage family, and conscious of his kids sleeping down the hall.
“No, that’s why the prince kisses the princess.” Madison was looking at Dimity as if she was stupid. “So he can wake her up an’ give her the sword.”
Dimity suspected the prince had the presentation of a different sword in mind, but she preferred Maddie’s version. “I’ll buy you The Paper Bag Princess for Christmas. It’s got a cool dragon and a kickass princess.”
The little girl scrambled for her present list on the bedside table and gave it to Dimity with a pen to write it down. It was a big list, and included many Barbies under her baby brother’s name, which was remarkable considering Rocco couldn’t yet talk.
Dimity glanced over to the port-a-cot where the eleven month old was sleeping, wearing headphones to keep him that way, a baby monitor beside him if they didn’t. The receiver was being passed between the responsible party-goers. Last she’d seen, Seth had it. She took a big careful breath.
“I’ll stay here ’til you go to sleep, okay?”
Madison stuck out her lower lip. “I’m a big girl.”
I’m not. “Oh, sure, I get that, only I need a rest from dancing.”
It was hard enough seeing Seth when they were both in work mode; on personal time it was agonizing. And she couldn’t leave the party because she’d organized it. She stood up and picked up tiny clothes, folding them awkwardly, trying to look useful instead of a big scaredy cat.
“Okay.” Madison relented and burrowed into her dragon bed. “You forgot to give me a kiss.”
Dimity hedged. “Kisses only wake people up.”
“Silly, that’s just in stories.”
Madison was nearly five and almost domesticated, so Dimity bent reluctantly to do her duty, and was shocked when small arms wound around her neck and held tight. She returned the hug, needing the comfort she couldn’t ask of friends or they’d know something was wrong. Neither she nor Seth had divulged their brief affair to anyone on their return to LA two weeks ago. Not by a glance or a comment did he act as though they’d ever been more than friends and colleagues. He was doing everything she’d asked him to, and sometimes she thought she’d explode with the agony of wanting and not being able to have.
“Want Mommy,” Maddie murmured sleepily.
“I’ll send her in the moment she’s home,” Dimity promised. Kayla didn’t know her house was full of party-goers; she’d left Jared with the kids for a mommy’s day out. She and Dimity had shared lunch earlier and Dimity had almost confided her trauma—which would have been the stupidest thing ever. This is what you wanted, remember? Deal with it.
She switched off the main light and the soft blue glow of the night light came into focus, spiraling stars on the ceiling. Noticing Rocco had kicked off his blanket, she replaced it gingerly. The talcum baby smell was so lovely, she sat beside the cot, her back against the wall—for a few minutes taking a time out on being strong. Trying to be tender with herself.
&
nbsp; Unfortunately, her cell was in her bag in the living room. That left her with nothing to do but wonder who was hitting on Seth in the next room. Sooner or later he’d take up one of the many sexual invitations from women assuming he was a free man. Because he is.
She banged the back of her head against the wall—gently, so as not to disturb the kids. Reminded herself fiercely, And so are you, free. She’d tried to prove it a few times by going to The Comfort Zone. A hookup would prove she was getting over Seth. Once, she’d even got as far as the manager Antonio’s apartment before realizing that she’d be punishing herself with impersonal sex. It wasn’t her thing anymore. Unconsciously, she sighed. Most likely she’d end up having a civil union ceremony with her vibrator.
Madison gave a slight snore. Asleep. Still Dimity didn’t move to rejoin the party.
It felt as if she spent all day catching and containing feelings, only to have them attack her the moment she opened her eyes the following morning. Sadness, loss, doubt. It was getting so she didn’t want to sleep, as attested by the dark circles she had to cover with concealer. She yawned, achingly tired. Maybe Sleeping Beauty had the right idea…go to sleep for a hundred years and wake up when the world’s moved on.
Shaking off her self-pity, she forced her thoughts to work. Zee and Elizabeth would arrive next week, providing a welcome distraction. Zander would be breaking the news to his core people and signing a renegotiated insurance claim. In the meantime everyone was following Plan B, which included Dimity ‘playing’ at a managerial role.
The bedroom door opened, and Kayla stuck her head around the jamb to check on her kids. Putting a finger to her lips, Dimity pushed reluctantly to her feet. Party time. She followed Kayla into the hall, mentally donning her Dimity-ness en route. By the time the dark-haired woman pulled the door closed, she was even able to smile when Kayla grabbed her hands and danced her around in an excited jig.
“My husband’s a Grammy nominee!”
“And we’re going to do everything we can to capitalize on that.” Loosing her hands, Dimity began outlining her plans. “First, we want to set up some exclusive interviews. I think—”
“Tomorrow you think.” Catching her hand again, Kayla began pulling her along the hall. “Tonight we’re having fun.”
“Sounds great.” You are Dimity fucking Graham and you do not surrender to feelings, not now, not ever.
And then Kayla said, “Seth’s lined up some shots,” and Dimity stopped dead.
“No.” Alcohol. Seth. Fun. “I can’t do this.”
“Don’t worry, there are non-alcoholic ones for drivers and teetotalers.”
“That’s not it.” She racked her brains for an excuse. “I’ve got terrible cramps…period pains.”
“You poor thing, I’ll get you some Advil.”
“No…I’ll…can I go home?” Sooner or later she’d have to woman up and cope with spending time with Seth socially. Later sounded do-able.
“Of course you can. Are you okay to drive? I’ll—”
“No. I haven’t been drinking. You stay. This is a big night for you and Jared. I’ll just sneak out.”
Somehow she got to the door with her bag and her phone without seeing Seth. A win.
Kayla hugged her goodbye. “I’ll phone in the morning, and see you on movie night.” Since Dimity had instigated it, Girls’ Night In had become a social highlight of their friends’ calendar. “How about we watch—”
“I’ve already picked Gone with the Wind,” Dimity said. Last week it had been Casablanca.
“Hmm, I was kinda hoping for something this century.”
“You can choose next time,” she promised.
There was a hoot of laughter from inside the house. Jared yelled drunkenly, “King of the fucking world!”
Chuckling, Kayla shook her head. “He has the baby monitor. I’d better confiscate it.”
“Good idea.”
As Dimity unlocked her car, she glimpsed Seth through the kitchen window, playing bartender. Unable to resist the chance to stare at him unobserved, she paused. A carton of juice in one hand, a bottle of tequila in the other, he was filling shot glasses and laughing with Moss and Jared. Biting the inside of her cheek, she got into her car. Even if she had been having second thoughts, Seth clearly wasn’t.
Literally and figuratively, she’d missed her shot.
* * *
“So, I have to ask.” Zander settled into one of the studded leather couches in the library at his Calabasas home and chinked cognac glasses with Seth. “Why did you wimp out with Dimity?”
Pouring tea from a fine china set, Elizabeth cleared her throat. She sat next to Seth on a couch opposite Zander’s. The three of them had enjoyed a quiet dinner before retiring to her favorite room for after-dinner digestifs. Although Zander and Elizabeth had arrived home a few days earlier, this was the first time Seth had seen them privately.
“Doc, we’re guys,” said Zander. “This is how we empathize.”
“He’s right,” Seth reassured her. “And to be honest, it’s a relief to talk about it.” These two were the only ones who knew he had a hole the size of a bass drum in his heart.
“I had two choices when Dimity said she wanted to revert to friends. I could beg her to love me, or man up and respect her decision. I manned up. Not that it’s done me any good. In fact, I’m not sure we can keep working together.”
Zander put down his cognac glass. “What do you mean? What’s happening?”
“It’s been over a month since she ended the affair and she still can’t relax around me.” She wasn’t home tonight—out Christmas shopping with Kayla—which was why he could be here. Outside business hours he avoided incursions on her home turf. “I told her I wasn’t going to make her uncomfortable. I’ve bent over backward to show there’s no hard feelings, and she acts like she has to put a couple of people and five chairs between us every time we’re in a room together.” He couldn’t keep the frustration out of his voice. “Even Moss and Jared have noticed it. We’ll be talking band business and Dimity will be her usual snap-chat self, throwing out half a dozen ideas and then she’ll look at me, get self-conscious, and suddenly it’s awkward.”
Neither of his friends said anything. They were letting him rant and he appreciated it. He’d held this in too long. The cognac trailed fire from throat to stomach and did nothing to warm him. “So, I’m wondering…despite my best efforts to play it cool, am I leaking emotion? Does she sense my heart aches whenever she enters the room and I embrace it because it’s still better than the numbness when she’s not there?”
He shrugged, slightly embarrassed by his raw romanticism, so far removed from his Kiwi bloke roots. Glancing at Zander, he saw a slow grin dawning. Fuck, make that really embarrassed.
“Oh, Seth,” Elizabeth said softly. Watching her add milk to his teacup, it occurred to him that his countrywoman was literally dispensing tea and sympathy. Zander on the other hand was still smiling. Yeah, thanks mate. Got the message. Tough it out.
He accepted the tea from Elizabeth. “It was a mistake to ever sleep together,” he said brusquely. “We can’t seem to get past it to the easy friendship we had. Dimity’s doing great things for the band, but she clearly hates working with me.”
Thoughtfully, Elizabeth chewed her bottom lip. “I’d suggest reassuring her again, but it might make her more twitchy. She hates discussing personal stuff.”
Zander laughed and the two of him stared at him, incredulous.
“That,” Seth said, pissed, “is not sympathy.”
Still grinning like a Cheshire cat, Zander shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m the emotionally savvy one here. It’s so obvious that Dimity’s in love with you.”
Seth groaned. “Not you, too. I’ve had it from my sister, my mother.” Even Mel, when they’d shared a coffee before he’d flown to LA. “It was a fling for Dimity, always was. She made that clear on Waiheke when she dumped me.”
“Did she?” Zander said thoughtful
ly. “Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.”
“Not to me.”
“Because you don’t think like us. By any chance did you tell her you loved her?”
“I was about to, but she shot me down before I even got off the ground.”
“Of course she did.” Zander nodded sagely. “That would be the scariest thing you could say to her. Then she might have to admit she loves you back, and where would you be then?”
“Happy?” Seth said, confused.
“On a wonderful new adventure?” Elizabeth offered. Seth saw she was smiling at Zander as if he was a genius. Which left him the only person still in the dark.
“You’d be in a relationship.” Zander was clearly enjoying playing relationship guidance counselor. “Virgin territory where scary beasts like commitment and compromise roam freely. And the unprepared run a very real risk of dying from exposure. I avoided that border crossing for years.”
Seth got a glimmer of the big picture, then a glimmer of hope. He wanted to believe, but… “No, that can’t be right. Why would she agree to work with me if she’s so relationship-phobic?”
“Because she wants you to be successful and she’s your best shot at getting there.”
“We could have had both,” Seth said, incredulous. “How could she not have seen that?”
“Dimity doesn’t expect to find true love,” Zander explained patiently. “She thinks she’s unlovable. I felt the same way when Doc first came into my life.”
Seth turned to Elizabeth. “How did you change his mind?”
“I dropped a bomb,” she said cheerfully. “Blew away every choice but one. Me—yes or no.” She sipped her tea, a fragrant Earl Grey. “That could be your way forward with Dimity.”
“Did you know he loved you when you detonated this bomb?”
“Yes.”
“And I tried so hard to hide it,” Zander commented ruefully. “I wanted her to be sensible. Thank God, she ignored me.”
“I don’t have your certainty,” Seth said to Elizabeth. “I’m not convinced Dimity feels that way about me.”
