by Perez, Nina
I stopped to see my Vietnamese friends in the nail salon inside Wal-Mart. The owner, this man whose kids go to Kali’s school, came up to me with his hand out to touch my belly and I immediately grabbed it and... placed it there! It’s funny because I’m usually not a fan of people doing that, but when it’s people you know, and who have worked on your feet, it’s kinda okay. He rubbed and said, "That’s a boy." I told him he’d be seeing me in a few weeks before my baby shower.
Can we take a moment and talk about how Hannah Montana’s ass is ALL OVER WALMART? Every other step we took Kali could be heard squealing in glee. Donny said he saw her on a container of yogurt. I’m sure I saw her smiling up at me from a bag of flour.
We stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts and I got a Strawberry Breeze Blast and drove home with the windows down. It really was a lovely evening in a Georgia suburb. When we got home I made arroz con pollo and we ate together in the family room while watching TV and chatting. It’s been awhile since the three (four) of us had done that. Around 7:30 we all piled in my bed and watched TV still laughing and having a good time. Two funny things happened:
1. I was at Ain’t It Cool News, reading this message board for Battlestar Galactica that started on the 4th (the day the fourth season premiered) and some people were really excited early in the day that they could view the premiere online at noon without having to wait for the 10pm premiere on TV. One guy’s post said:
Subject: I have to wait till tonight...
I promised my wife I wouldn’t watch it without her. I hate that frakkin’ whore.
So I laughed and turned to Donny (who had sometimes been reading over my shoulder), "Did you read that?"
"Read it? I wrote it."
Oh, he had jokes last night...
2. The phone rang during American Idol and it was a local number that read US Government on the caller ID. Donny answered it and I heard him say I wasn’t available. Donny listened for awhile and then pretended to write down a number.
"Who was that!?"
"An Army recruiter."
"For me?"
"Yup."
"Why did you pretend to take down his number? Why didn’t you tell him I’m old and pregnant and I ain’t going into the damn military to be shipped off to Iraq for God knows how long?"
"He said he can help you with your future goals."
"Unless he can help me with stretch marks we ain’t got shit to discuss."
"That’s what you think. As soon as you pop the baby out, I’m shipping you off."
Is Daddy Going to Touch Me?
May 6, 2008
The other night, while Donny was downstairs playing Grand Theft Auto 4, Kali and I were in my bed reading and trying to fall asleep. She had put her book down and her eyes were closed and her breathing even when Donny came into the room looking for lotion. He complained that over one eye was really dry and itchy as well as the area around his mouth (like goatee formation) and a small patch on his arms. He wondered whether or not working in the backyard earlier that day could be behind it all.
"Do you think it's poison ivy?"
"Who has poison ivy?" Kali's head pops up.
"No one. Go to sleep."
She didn't look convinced and laid there with her head propped up in her hand, dippin' all in our conversation.
"You're not going to sleep in here are you?"
We were both looking at Donny with the same look on our faces. Looks that said, "I love you to death, but I ain't tryna catch shit you got." No wonder he's so looking forward to having a son. Donny offers to sleep in the guest room or bonus room just to play it safe. He's gone from the room a few moments when I turn off the lamp and Kali whispers, "I feel sad."
"Why?"
"Cause Daddy has to sleep all by himself downstairs."
"Well, he'll probably sleep up here with us... just in the bonus room."
"Yeah, but he's still alone."
Sweet, huh?
Last night, while Donny slept, before I turned in myself, I decided to tuck Kali in, check the doors, make sure the alarm was set, etc. I push open her door and not only was the light on, but she was in bed watching TV.
"Kali! It's almost eleven! Lights out. Go to sleep!"
I tuck her in and toss in one last parting shot, "You know, I may sleep in and that means Daddy will get you up for school and you know he doesn't cut you slack like I do in the mornings."
She looked up at me with fearful eyes.
"Is Daddy going to touch me?"
"What?!"
She either repeated or clarified her question, but I'll never know which because I couldn't hear her over my own thoughts of, "Oh, great. Now I gotta go cut Donny's dick off." I had to ask her twice more what she said, mainly because her TV was so damn loud, when finally...
"Does he still have poison ivy?"
I laughed and sighed with relief. "No, he never had it."
She gave her own sigh. "Oh, good, ‘cause I was going to say tell him not to touch me when he wakes me up, just call my name."
As I got into bed, Donny woke up and raised an eyebrow at the smile on my face. I explained what just happened in Kali's room. He just shook his head and rested his head on the pillow once more.
"Don't shake your head. That's how rumors get started. Kids mess around and say the wrong thing around the wrong person and next thing you know you got The People at your house investigating. 'I don't want Daddy to wake me up because he touches me.'"
Baby Busy
May 14, 2008
Lots of things going on. I warned you last week that I wouldn't be writing as much. I could feel it coming on. Blogging proves a nice distraction in between studying and taking exams, but now that the semester is over and my free time is truly that: free time, I am less inclined to spend that time on MySpace. Not that I don't have things to say because I do, but what usually happens is that I'll think of something interesting and funny and then end up writing the blog in my head, imagining the same responses from the same people, and then it's done. While not as satisfying as writing a blog, it certainly requires less effort. And being seven months pregnant, let me tell ya, you appreciate anything that requires little to no effort.
Yes, I'm now in my 7th month. Where did the time go? The baby’s bigger which means I'm bigger, but apparently not big enough because he's constantly kicking, punching, rolling, and wiggling, as if he wants to get out. Long gone are the days when movement was sparse. He moves all the time, especially at night, and especially at night when I would normally be sleeping. I am awakened anywhere between 2 and 5am by kicking and wiggling. And there's no going back to sleep immediately. I just gotta ride it out. Of course, I'm hungry at those times so I end up snacking which means I'm pretty sure this third trimester will find me blown up and swollen. Sigh. I don't care. As long as he's healthy. I'll worry about weight loss later.
I find myself worried about all the things I forgot since having Kali. Everyone says it will all come back to me. I sure hope so. One thing I never forgot was the discomfort that comes with this stage of pregnancy, especially trying to roll over from one side to the other. Since you can't roll side to tummy to side, you have to roll side to back to side. And that's a bitch and a half. As I shift to my back I can feel the baby, the fluid, and everything else sloshing around in there shift with me and it's like a great wave moves upward and presses my already lifted internal organs even harder and closer to my lungs. Then I eventually roll to the new side only to have the baby and company roll with me. It's a chore.
Though the worst is when I'm lying on my side reading or watching TV and then suddenly I can't breathe. I don't feel him move, but I know he must have shifted in some way that is causing all kinds of pressure on my lungs. Depending on my mood I'll either ride it out or give him a little shake. When I go with the latter, he gives a little wiggle and finds a new spot. I'm sure he's thinking, "What up with that?"
He doesn't like the doppler. Every now and again Donny will say, "Can I listen to my boy?"
And I never say no. I'll lie on my back and pull up my shirt and let Donny use the device to find the heartbeat. The moment he finds it, and it's nice and strong and loud, the baby starts kicking and wiggling. This usually causes a loud ugly noise on the machine. Then he moves to another spot. Relentless, and some might say annoyingly, we find him again and try to listen. And once again he gives a hearty, "Fuck you! I'm trying to sleep!" kick before wiggling away. We usually don't have the heart to try and flush him out a third time. Donny says he gets that attitude from me.
We've become obsessed with what he's going to look like. I've had dreams about him, but I learned from Kali that they never look like you imagine them to be. Donny says he hasn't dreamed about him once, and if he has he doesn't remember. Donny says he doesn't dream or never remembers them. I find that kinda sad... and weird.
Apparently, I waddle now. I caught Donny staring at me as I walked towards him the other day.
"What are you staring at?"
"You. You're waddling."
"Shut up!"
"No, I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it." And he wrapped his arms around me as I tried to wiggle free. Last night we were laying face to face about to go to sleep when I asked him once again, "What are you staring at? My fat face? Wondering how much fatter it's going to get?"
"No, I was thinking you're beautiful. And sexy. You're glowing."
I didn't feel glowy. I felt bloated and sleepy and knew I'd only get a few hours of sleep before the baby, literally, kicked my ass awake.
The big question of late is, "Will he have the Nina Lip?" My aunt brought it up on Sunday. She was saying that the baby will have lots of dark curly hair, Donny's dimples, and the Nina Lip. In all fairness, it should really be called the Cookie Lip because I got it from my Mom (that's her nickname) and then promptly passed it to Kali. And upturned top lip may be cute on girls, but on a boy... not so sure the Nina Lip will work. We'll see.
So, what else is going on? When we're not wondering what it's going to be like to have him here, we're getting the house ready for the baby shower next week. My mom gets into town a week from today and she’ll go with Donny and me to our 29-week 3D ultrasound. We're very excited about that. We'll get a sneak peek at what he looks like. The next two weeks will be busy, but fun. We're expecting about 30 people to attend, my mother-in-law is flying in, and we're all really excited to see everyone and celebrate our baby.
Kali’s List
May 20, 2008
When I got laid off back in 2005 I knew it was coming and made sure I stocked up on as many office supplies as I could. Don't judge me. For the past few weeks I've been using a small, lavender (that's how I roll), legal pad to keep track of, well, everything. Guest list for shower, to do's for school, the shower, Jack's room, July, etc. Kali came in my room one day and asked,
"Oooh, what's that?"
"My note pad."
"For what?"
"To keep track of stuff. My to-do lists and stuff."
"Oh. It's pretty," she said eyeing it longingly.
Last week, I was in bed when my mother called with a question about the shower. I went to consult my note pad, but couldn't find it. I'm at that stage in my pregnancy where if something isn't within arms’ length of my bed in either direction, it ain't gettin' got. I told my Mom I'd have to get back to her. A few days later I was on the phone with Sophie and worried that I was disturbing Donny, who was in bed watching TV, so I took the call into Kali's room. As we are chatting, I spy my lavender note pad on her bookshelf. I snatch it up and find that she has began to use it for her own purposes.
There are pages of long division problems. She learned it this year in third grade and says it's her favorite kind of math. She will sometimes come into our room with a pencil and paper, toss them on our bed, and say, "Give me some division problems. Make them hard. I'm talking remainders."
There were two pages titled To Do List. The list read as follows:
1. Go in bonus room
2. Watch TV/play Sims
3. Go downstairs
4. Make food
5. Eat food
6. Go upstairs
7. Go in bonus room
8. Watch more TV
9. Get in PJs
10. Watch Juno
11. Go to sleep Watch Alvin and the Chipmunks
12. Listen to music
13. Go to sleep
14. Wake up
15. Choose clothes
16. Get dressed
17. Brush teeth
18. Go to school
19. Do stuff in school
20. Come home
21. Play.
At this point there's the word CONTINUE with a little arrow indicating you should flip the page.
22. Do the same thing all over again
Someone should tell her that To Do lists don't need to be so detailed. Then I flipped through a few more pages and found a page titled, REPORT! and it reads:
Did you know that the black people were slaves about 50 or 56 years ago? The black people were slaves to the white people. Also, if a black man would even look at a white woman they would be killed!? They would also be hunged in trees! If a black person tried to run away they would get caught and die! Or they could be sold to people like farmers and the slaves would for the farmers!
So, um, yeah... she may have not fully understood our conversation on slavery, segregation, the Civil War, etc. I can just imagine the look on all her little white friends' faces when she went to school with that little morsel of info... and their parents' faces when they went home with the news.
Anyway, today I've decided to eat as much as I can. I know it won't make a bit of difference when the baby wakes me up at 4am and I can't drink a glass of water or eat some buttered toast, but it makes me feel better mentally. See, I can't eat after 11pm tonight because tomorrow I have my glucose test at 8:30am.
After a Donny-made breakfast of scrambled egg whites, toast, bacon, and decaf I was hungry an hour later. "Can you get me a slice of strawberry cheesecake, one cold drink, and one hot drink?' He returned to the bedroom a few minutes later, placing a cup of coffee and a can of Sprite on the bedside table, and handed me a plate with a slice of cheesecake. My eyes lit up and I clapped and squealed with glee before accepting the cake.
"What am I going to do with you?"
"Love me," I responded, putting a spoonful of cheesecakey goodness into my mouth, "And feed me. What else can you do?"
Empty Nest
June 11, 2008
I don't know how parents who don't live with their kids do it. No judgment here. Well, I'm definitely judging the no-good deadbeats who aren't with their kids by choice. But I'm really talking about those parents who don't live with their kids due to break-ups and divorce. That has to be tough. It just seems so unnatural (and maybe that's a strong word) to go to bed at night, lock-up, and not have your babies in the house with you. Even when they're teenagers. So, yeah, I'll be that Mom who doesn't go to bed until Kali meets curfew.
When you're a city kid you don't mind your curfew as much 'cause there's always something to do, you're close to everything, and there's always a NYC train within a few blocks that can get you where you need to go, or a yellow cab if you're so inclined. But poor Kali. I don't know what she's going to do with us living out here in the 'burbs. I remember going to live with my Dad and Stepmom in Queens as a teenager and hating my 10pm weeknights - 11pm weekend curfew.
I had to walk like three or four blocks from their house to the bus stop. And I'm talking long blocks. Then wait for the bus, ride it to the subway station, catch the train into the city, and most likely transfer to another train that was taking me where I needed to go. By the time I got there, it was time for my black ass to turn right back around just to be home in time. It sucked. Hanging out closer to home wasn't an option ‘cause there wasn't shit to do and all my friends were in Brooklyn or Manhattan.
I'm trying to imagine the kinds of teen trouble Kali will get into living where
we do. I'm comparing it to the way I grew up and what I was exposed to. I'm not feeling like one is better than the other. When I grew up, I was dancing and partying in NYC nightclubs at seventeen. I was eating and hanging out in restaurants and bars with "grown folk" and celebrities. I was attending record release parties and movie premieres. I had an Oscar nominated heartthrob asking me back to his place cause I had the most beautiful lips he'd ever seen... this after he followed me to the ladies room. I would sleep on the train with my head on my friend's shoulder at 5am as we headed back to our apartment in Brooklyn, as most other riders were on their way to work. We had on last night's clothes smelling like last night's tequila. Once, I was courted by a female porn star.
I live in a different world now. I imagine Kali's teen years resembling a Lifetime movie. I have images of house parties in the suburbs where I gotta worry about little Matt slipping something into her red plastic party cup and not taking no for an answer. Then Grandpa has to go bust a cap in little Matt's ass.
When I think back to the way my friends and I just traveled all over New York City without a care in the world, wearing whatever we wanted, it's a wonder I'm alive. And yet the thought of Kali driving as a teenager scares me to death. The thought of her riding with a teenage friend scares me even more. Kids are stupid and it seems like every time we turn around there are reports that some kids around here were killed or seriously injured in car accidents that were their fault.
This isn't even what this blog was supposed to be about. I'm sitting here all mopey because last night my father and stepmother came to pick up Kali so she could sleep over and go with my stepmom and her kids at work to see Kung-Fu Panda. I thought I was over this, but every time they come to take Kali for overnight trips I get all... weird. You would think I was packing her off to war. I make sure to kiss her and tell her I love you a bunch of times before she leaves 'cause you never know, you know?
