by Perez, Nina
Jack's poor booty hole.
His fever had already gone down and I felt kinda foolish. And sleepy. I really wanted to go back home, but I figured I might as well wait since I was already there. I wasn't called back to see a doctor until 4:30am. I'd nursed Jack while were in triage and he'd fallen back asleep in his car seat while I watched The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air repeats once back in the waiting room.
A very handsome, bald, Indian doctor examined Jack. He would ask me questions and while I answered, cooed and played with Jack so loudly I wasn't sure he could hear the information I was trying to give him. At one point he said, "I'm so jealous of all your hair, Jack!
Um, okay.
Turns out Jack has a very slight ear infection in his left ear. At 4:55am the doctor told me he'd be back with a prescription for antibiotics and I could go home. I called Donny and told him I should be home shortly and that he wouldn't be that late for work. At 5:20 I was still waiting. How fucking long does it take to write a 'script on a notepad? At one point the doctor walked by and assured me he was going to fill out the prescription. He returned a moment later to confirm it was the left ear and then walked away again.
I'd noticed no one from Admissions had come to check our insurance, but I figured we were in the system so maybe they didn't need to. As I paced in the exam room I left the curtain open so people passing by could see how annoyed I was getting. Jack was getting sleepy and cranky again and he kept spitting up all over my shirt. I was tired, hungry, and starting to get shaky. A big fat black dude down the hall sat behind a desk sipping coffee, chit-chatting occasionally with nurses and a father of a sick child.
He finally looked my way, looked down at his desk, and looked at me again. He picked up a clipboard from the desk and waddled his fat ass towards me. Then my suspicions were confirmed: the doctor was waiting for the Admissions people to get payment information and the Admissions dude was sleeping on the job. I was pissed.
"Did anyone get you to sign these?"
Motherfucker, do you see my signature on there? That clipboard has been in front of you for God knows how long. Did you think I signed them when you weren't looking and returned them to your desk? Oh wait, that would be impossible since your big ass has been sitting there for 40 fucking minutes!
"Uh, no" I said instead.
He gets me to sign and initial a few forms, confirms my address and such in a computer in the room. I glance at the clock and finally ask, "Is this what the doctor was waiting for? I mean, he told me almost 40 minutes ago all he needed to do was get my son's prescription."
"I don't know."
Fat fucking liar. I wanted to karate chop him in his hot dog package looking neck with the clipboard. After he waddled his ass outta there, a nurse returns within three minutes with a printout prescription for Jack. It was 5:55am. I was beyond pissed. They all ought to be ashamed of themselves. A sick child waited there for almost an hour for no real good reason other than, someone wasn't doing their damn job properly. Then his ass tried to be all extra helpful when I was walking out, carrying the heavy car seat (with Jack in it) in one hand and his diaper bag in the other - he hits the button for me to open the door to the exit and wishes me a safe ride home.
Fuck off, big boy.
It's still dark and cold out. I hurry to get Jack into the car and lock up as soon as I'm safely inside. I call Donny and vent. Then I bitch as I drive by a bunch of closed pharmacies. What happened to 24-hour pharmacies?
When I reached the entrance of my subdivision I pulled over across the street near the scene of the accident. It's still dark out. At this point I didn't know the details of what had happened. All I knew was that around 2am Friday night/Sat. morning Donny heard sirens. When we went out Christmas shopping the next day there were a bunch of people (mostly teens) standing around a big tree with stuffed animals, cards, and candles around it. A big chunk of the wrought iron and brick fence that separated the tree from the road was missing. We couldn't find anything on our local news all weekend.
I got out of the car this morning and went for a closer look. The skid marks from the road continued into the brown grass and disappeared into the tree. It was too dark to see the picture taped to the tree from where I stood and the lone lit candle provided insufficient lighting. I didn't want to leave Jack alone in the car any longer to investigate further so I got my ass back in the car, U-turned, and then drove across the street to my subdivision.
There was a group of high school students waiting for the school bus at the first intersection of the subdivision. I stopped, rolled down the passenger window, and asked the group as a whole if they knew what happened across the street. Three black girls told me that a 19-year-old boy, who didn't live in our subdivision, had run off the road and hit the tree and died. I thanked them and continued to my house. It wasn't until I was pulling into my garage that I realized two things.
1. High school kids are going to school way too damn early!
2. One of them heifers was smoking!
Donny helped me bring Jack in and then went out immediately to fill the prescription and get me some coffee. I crawled in bed with Jack, nursed him, and then we both fell asleep. I was vaguely aware of Donny entering the bedroom at some point with coffee I could smell, and a bag of medicine I could hear as he placed it on the bedside table. He left and ten minutes later the alarm went off. I had to get up to get Kali ready for school.
I filled her in on what she'd missed throughout the night. We kissed, exchanged "I love yous" and "have a nice days" and she left for school. When I crawled back in bed with Jack, I found myself thinking about the boy killed in the accident. Actually, Donny and I had been thinking about him since Saturday when all we knew was that his name was Tyler (one of the signs on the tree.)
As I stroked Jack's hair while he slept, I cried. Losing a child at any time is unacceptable, but right before the holidays just seems extra wrong. I found myself wondering if his parents had already purchased presents for him. I kissed Jack's cheek and wondered how many times Tyler's Mom had done the same. How many times had she been a good Mom and driven him in the middle of the night to the hospital because she worried about a fever? Did she also blow in his face to get him to swallow medicine and then laugh when he dribbled it out with a "what the hell is that, woman?" look on his face? Or was Tyler one of those babies that liked to take his medicine?
If someone told you that you had to work on a job for 19 years that might seem like a long time. It is a long time to wait for money or a long time to see yourself married to someone. But if someone told you, when you were caressing their newborn hair, that you were only going to get 19 years with your child, you'd say that wasn't enough.
I drifted back to sleep grateful that while on the road at 2am with my boy, I made it where I was going and home again safely and my biggest complaints were a minor ear infection, closed pharmacies, and a fat man who didn't do his job properly.
As always, life could be a lot worse.
While pregnant with Jack, I began to title some of my blogs under the heading, Blog It Out, Baby. This was done so that my readers who weren’t interested in tales of morning sickness, stretch marks, and lactation could easily skip over them and not accidentally find themselves reading about leaking boobs or episiotomies. Much to my surprise, most people really enjoyed these blogs and I received many emails from women who said they helped them laugh through their pregnancies. Here are those blogs.
Blog It Out, Baby
Strawberry Banana French Toast
December 17, 2007
Clue 1: For two weeks I couldn't study for more than 30 minutes without falling asleep on my textbooks. I'm talking passed out, drool stains, sleeping on the books.
Clue 2: Large, achy breasts.
Clue 3: I almost threw up in Wal-Mart.
Clue 4: I would only think about eating because it seemed I should. Like, hmmm, it's been four hours since I ate last, I may wanna do something about that. But then I wouldn't because the though
t of actually eating made me ill. So, I'd wait until the hunger pains were so severe I thought my stomach was touching my back. Then I'd eat like a mad woman only to think about dying as soon as I was done.
Clue 5: Saturday morning at IHOP I just had to have the Strawberry Banana French Toast. And I HATE French Toast. I resisted. I had the T-bone steak with scrambled egg whites, three buttermilk pancakes and a side of bacon with a large orange juice.
Sunday morning I couldn't take it anymore. We agreed to take a home pregnancy test on Monday morning (today), but I just had to know. Sure, there were clues, but I felt like my period was coming at any moment. So, I tip-toed out of bed and went into the bathroom. I locked the door and turned on the water so Donny wouldn't hear the wrapper of the home pregnancy test left over from our days of trying years ago.
I peed on the stick and within ten second saw two pink lines. I knew it. I'm not pregnant.
I check the instructions to be sure. The picture on the front of the box has two pink lines. "Hmmm, why would they advertise their product with a negative result? That's dumb," I snort. I unfold the directions and the first thing I see is an illustration with one line in the indicator window. Below that it says, Not pregnant and No esta embarazada.
"God. If one line means not pregnant, then two lines must mean... really not pregnant."
‘Cause, you know, I'm sure I'm not pregnant.
"Two lines must mean, like, I broke my uterus or something."
My eyes travel to the left and there's an illustration with two pink lines that says Pregnant and Esta embarazada.
So I check the stick again. Each line is brighter than the last time I looked.
I am pregnant. After I told Donny, he immediately went to get my strawberry banana french toast.
"I don't even like french toast!" I exclaimed for the tenth time that morning... as I chewed a mouth full of french toast.
The three of us, Kali, Donny and myself, sat on our bed eating away. "Well, I like french toast, and apparently he does too," Donny reasoned, already deciding it's a boy.
"According to the pregnancy calendar, his or her inner ear is forming today. I doubt he or she already knows if they like french toast or not."
"Mommy, are you scared?"
"Umm, I'm kinda afraid of..."
"How much it's going to hurt?"
"Actually, no. I'd kinda forgotten about that part, but thanks for reminding me!"
What you can expect over the next nine months in Blog It Out, Baby:
The Ick Factor: For the past week I've been walking around in a constant state of ickiness. Now I know why. Just like that, you realize that your body will not belong to you for the next two years… at least.
The Sleep Factor: Pregnancy sleep is the best sleep ever! When it hits you, there's no fighting it. Don't even try. Just give in and sleep.
The Big Sister Factor: According to Kali, you know what sex the baby is when the doctor "pulls it out" at least that's what she learned on Family Guy. And she's hoping for a little sister so she can put her hair in pigtails when she goes to Pre-K.
The Name Factor:
"Mommy, what are the names you like for a girl?"
"Isabelle."
"And for a boy?"
"Gaius."
"What?"
"GUY-US"
"Spell it."
"G-A-I-U-S."
She's quiet for a second then turns to Donny. "Daddy, do you have any boy names?"
Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go pee... again… for the sixth time in the past three hours.
It’s Official
December 18, 2007
I'm pregnant.
Right now you're probably thinking, "Yeah, we know. You told us yesterday." But today it's official official. You see, I secretly had been having moments of panic yesterday. "What if I'm imagining the whole thing?" You know, the symptoms of pregnancy are very similar to those of getting your period. "What if I'm just really late?" What if the symptoms not related to my period (constant queasiness, sleeping a lot, peeing constantly) were all in my head? "What if I'm having a hysterical pregnancy?"
Since I can't get in to see the doctor till after Christmas, I made Donny go get another home pregnancy test last night. I told him to make sure it was different than the first one I used.
"What did you use the first time?"
"First Response with the one or two lines."
"So what should I get this time?"
"Anything but First Response."
Duh.
They have some where the smiley face means pregnant and a frowning face is not pregnant. Which is funny 'cause they're assuming everyone peeing on the stick wants to be pregnant. I bet there are many women staring at that little indicator window making deals with Jesus to see one of those unhappy faces.
Donny brought back and E.P.T. kit. Two for one, in fact. This test has two windows: a small rectangular one that will display a vertical blue line to show the test is working properly, and a larger circular window that will display a plus sign (pregnant) or minus sign (not pregnant.) Of course I didn't know this when I peed on the thing 'cause I didn't bother to read the instructions. I don't do instructions. The only time I read instructions prior to using something is when I'm about to play a board game or the item in question is very expensive and to break it due to incompetence and laziness would cause me great financial pain. For everything else, I'm a wing it kinda girl.
I've started referring to the baby as "Peppercorn" or "Baby baby." Whenever I'm hit with a wave of icky I just take deep breaths and say over and over again, "Oh, baby, baby, baby, baby," until it passes. Peppercorn comes from reading that the baby is currently about the size of one. When I think of it in terms of size, I'm amazed that something so small can be wreaking such havoc. Then when I read what is happening inside of me exactly, I'm amazed that women don't just go into some deep hibernation-like coma for the first few months of their pregnancies. The fact that we still function while a mini brain, heart, liver, kidneys, pancreas, eyes, ears, skin, etc., grows inside of us is amazing.
As I journal the changes, thoughts, and emotions taking place I've noticed an immediate change in my sleeping pattern. I explained it to Donny last night in this way: We were lying in bed when I felt drowsy and my eyes began to droop.
"What time is it?"
"Seven-thirty."
"Oh yeah, it's about that time."
"What?"
"This is usually around the time when the baby is like, 'Mommy, it's time for sleep.' That is until 2 or 3am when the baby is like, 'Mommy, get up and go pee.' I usually stay up for an hour or so. Then around 7am I'm like, 'Ok, baby, it's time to get up and put your sister on the bus.' And the baby is like, 'Oh no it's not.'"
And that's exactly how it is, too. The moment you know it exists, the baby dictates your every action and decision. And that's fine by me.
In related news, my sister shared with me a website that really helped her during her pregnancy: Baby Fit. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that it is the sister site to Spark People. I've begun tracking my exercise and diet over there. The only difference is that I'm allowed more calories per day to compensate for all the nutrients going to the baby. Right about now I'm saying a big hallelujah to losing 20lbs before getting pregnant.
Morning Sickness & Pregnancy Diet
December 20, 2007
I'm sure you all know that morning sickness doesn't just occur in the morning, but what you may not know is that it can occur all the damn time! All day, every day, I feel tired, queasy, and gross. Donny bought me some Preggy Pop Drops from Babies 'R' Us yesterday, but I think they're more for mouth nausea than tummy sickness. It's not like I feel like I'm going to throw up, because you'd actually have to eat something for that to happen, but more like my stomach is hosting its very own rock concert.
The worst part is that it's recommended that you eat to make it go away, but eating is the last thing I want to do. Now I see why so many women lose weight in the
first few months of their pregnancies. Of course, not eating is not an option so I find myself going through the motions. It's probably no surprise that Donny has completely restocked the fridge and pantry with LOTS of the following:
Apples, pears, bananas, mangos, oranges, calcium fortified orange juice, chicken, pork, broccoli, tomatoes, lettuce, avocado, whole wheat pastas and breads, yogurt, bottled water, eggs, and shitload of other veggies.
He's been grilling all my meat and steaming all the veggies. Not only that, but he's refused to let me lift anything heavy and has been doing the lion's share of the housework in preparation for my friend Emily’s visit tomorrow. But above all, he's been putting up with the worst side effect of the early stages of pregnancy: flatulence. Sweet mother of God. What's up with that?! Like swelling breasts, heartburn, and constant urination aren't enough?
Here's what's going on with the baby:
The changes to your growing embryo are not quite as drastic this week as they've been in the last few weeks. Growth is now largely focused on their little head, which is starting to develop much more rapidly than the rest of their tiny body. This is because their amazing brain is undergoing some very crucial and rapid development in order to effectively regulate their heart rate, blood circulation, and other vital functions. As for the rest of their miniature body, what were simple limb buds last week are limb flippers this week and the tail is more expressed. Amazingly, within a mere five weeks your little miracle is already developing the rudimentary forms of their liver, pancreas, lungs, stomach and nasal pits while their little heart is already increasing its circulation. Your baby is now a whopping 4-6mm in length.
In other news, Donny and I have allowed ourselves to dream ahead. We usually have these conversations at night and they all start the same way:
