James gulped and shook his head. Christ almighty, rich people were weird.
‘Well let me tell you, you need to do a helluva lot of Bikram to even think about it. And I was thirty-nine at the time and hadn’t long had India, which was a ventouse birth. Like someone putting a toilet plunger to your twinkle. Sheer madness, sweetness, to bend middle-aged legs that far, but I was in love.’
James said: ‘Ah right,’ in a small voice and swigged his coffee.
‘No, let me tell you two things about Anna—’ Fi clicked her fingers at the waiter. ‘Hot water? Marv. You’re a treasure. Firstly, none of us have ever seen you as relaxed as you were at the fifth birthday party.’
‘Really?’ James was genuinely surprised.
‘You are a fabulous boy, James, but you can look a little … tense sometimes. You positively lit up around her. Everyone noticed it. You wore this look where you couldn’t wait to hear what she was going to say next. The James Dean pose is all very well, but laughter is important. Trust me, it’s what a relationship needs, more than double-joints.
‘Secondly, she is silly infatuated with you. You’ve not lost her yet, but be quick about it, because women like her don’t stay single for long.’
Despite Fi being wrong in nearly every single respect, James was intrigued.
‘You honestly think she’s that into me?’ he asked, not knowing if this question was acting or real. Both, he decided.
‘Darling,’ Fi put a Chanel nail-polished hand on his arm. ‘She’s utterly smit-swoo. You should’ve heard her on the phone to me saying that sending the file was a crime of passion, and she’s normally the most level-headed woman in the world. You bring the special crazy out in her … and I mustn’t punish you for her mistake. I said, dear heart, I thought it was funny. If we all had our pillow talk on tape, none of us would come out well.’
He felt deep gratitude towards Anna, goodwill aided by his unexpected reprieve. She might’ve helped incept this drama, but she’d certainly put aside her dignity to dig him out. It couldn’t have been easy to say those florid things. Anna wasn’t a natural fake.
‘And let me tell you something else, as someone who’s got twenty years of living on you …’
Arf, more like pushing thirty, James thought. Though right now he’d be prepared to agree Fi was the correct age for cheerleader try-outs.
‘You don’t meet many Annas. How old are you now? Thirty-two, righto. Think of it this way: if it took thirty-two years to find her, it could quite easily take another thirty-two to find someone else who measures up to her. Do you want to wait until you’re in your retirement villa in Cap D’Antibes, with face lifts that make you look like you’ve been shot out of a cannon, or do you want to be happy now?’
As it had turned out, it actually took eleven years to find Anna, but James didn’t raise this point of order. It occurred to him it might be wise to foreshadow the possible return of Eva, right about now. He realised he’d not been thinking about his ex-wife as much lately. He could at least thank work aggro for that.
‘The problem was …’ James said, ‘it wasn’t … it’s not fully over with my wife.’
Fi stirred her coffee and nodded.
‘I thought it might be that. Why did you separate?’
‘Eva suffered from a spiritual disenchantment and loss of purpose that had to be eased by shagging a model. Oh and apparently I talked too much to a friend’s wife at a dinner party about politics once.’
‘Far be it from me to tell you what to do, darling, but if she’s run off and had intercourse with another man in Year One of your marriage, it doesn’t bode terribly well for the cuckolding she might be doing by Year Ten, does it? Year One for a wife should be about choosing Cole & Son wallpaper and having so much sex, she’s left too bandy-legged to stop a pig in a corridor, ahahaha!’
Mad. Completely mad. James laughed uneasily. ‘She was having lots of sex, just not with me.’
He paused.
‘We did say for better, for worse.’
‘Now, this is interesting,’ Fi said, surveying him over her coffee foam. ‘I was going to give you a lecture about you being too beautiful and thus afflicted with too much choice. However, someone still being loyal to the unfaithful ex-spouse? James Fraser, are you a romantic?’
‘I don’t know about that,’ James smiled. ‘Maybe too old and lazy not to be monogamous.’
It was a strange urge, given he’d come so close to disaster, to risk causing further waves.
However, James found himself sighing and barrelling on recklessly. ‘Fi, I did a good job with UCL because I loved the work. Meanwhile, I spent this morning with a bloke who wants us to help him spaff his inheritance away on making flavoured cheese worms. I just can’t work up much enthusiasm for the frivolous stuff lately.’
James thought Fi might fix him with steely eyes and say that frivolity was their bread and butter and cheese worms.
‘I should perhaps be looking to move on instead of ungraciously whining, I guess. Sorry. Things not to say to your boss.’ He ran his hands through his hair.
Fi looked thoughtful.
‘Jez and I have been talking about making your role more focused, having a little re org. We know you’re good and ambitious and we don’t want to see you drift off to one of the new kids on the block, a Brand Pipe or Stuff Hammer …’
She went on to outline how James could have a promotion, his pick of the clients, a brief to find more prestigious accounts like UCL and even the flexibility to work from home. He tried not to lean across the table and hug Fi. Who knew honesty could be this effective?
‘I’m not coming in,’ Fi said, as they stood by the office doors. She leaned in to do a double air-kiss farewell. She caught his face in her hand, a move James found acutely embarrassing.
‘This beard?’
‘Yes?’
‘Lose it, darling. It worked for Ben Affleck in Argo, but he was pulling all-nighters in an Iranian hostage crisis during the 1970s. We want to see more of your lovely face.’
Feeling light with relief, James knew he owed Anna a thank you. He also knew neither of them wanted another conversation. He opened an email.
What you said to Fi went over and above. You entirely saved my arse.
Sincere thanks.
Jx
Time ticked by, there was no answer. He wasn’t surprised given that their most recent encounters couldn’t have spelled THE END any more decisively than the last frame in a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer cinematic epic, letters ten foot high, screen to black.
Then, as he was weighing his phone in his hand and wondering if he should simply call Anna to thank her properly, he got the message from Laurence he’d been dreading.
Great news! Allied invasion was a success, Italy has finally joined the war!
A bad taste rose in his throat. He swallowed.
Laurence’s plan to call Anna, apologise for the Mock Rock and wheedle his way into … what could euphemistically could be called her good books had worked? This was the sort of language that Laurence only used when he’d landed a lady.
All at once, his happiness dissipated, to be replaced with a miserable tumult of uncertainty, regret and a sensation he could only call pain.
56
‘Aureliana, why aren’t you answering your mobile?!’ her mum wailed.
‘Oh, it’s er. In a drawer,’ Anna said, worrying that it was highly unusual for her mum to call her on the office landline.
‘Have you heard from your sister?’ Judy squawked.
‘No, why, is—’
‘The wedding is off! Aggy and Chris have split up!’
‘What? Slow down, Mum …’ Anna said, as she started gabbling.
With an infuriating sense of having felt it would come to pass, but none of the satisfaction of being able to say she’d done anything much to prevent it, Anna heard the full story.
How Aggy had been lying to Chris about the wedding costs, and the huge credit card debt she’d built up. Chris had opened a Vis
a letter marked for Aggy by mistake, seen what they were in for, and immediately called the Langham to cancel their booking. Aggy had come home, found out what he’d done and, far from being contrite, all hell had broken loose. She’d stormed out, leaving dutiful Chris to call her parents with the sorry news.
‘And now she won’t speak to me! She won’t answer her phone! You try and talk some sense into her, Aureliana!’
Anna restrained herself from pointing out that she’d tried to warn her mum about this.
‘How’s Chris?’
‘He’s very upset. Aggy had spent fourteen thousand she hadn’t told him about.’
Anna felt a little faint. ‘Fourteen thousand? How is she ever going to repay that?’
‘Chris thinks there might be more. And they’ve lost the deposit at the Langham. Your father’s gone for a lie down.’
Anna loved her father but he was, as ever, comatose in a crisis.
‘We can’t find her. She won’t answer her phone to us.’
‘She’s not at her friend Marianne’s? She usually goes there in times of crisis. There, or the nearest All Bar One.’
‘No! No one can raise her. Oh God, what will we tell the family about the wedding …’
‘Mum,’ Anna finally snapped, ‘isn’t Aggy and Chris’s relationship a bit more important than losing face in front of the likes of Aunty Bev? And as much as I love my sister, it sounds like Chris needed to stop the meter running.’
‘But it’s such a shame. Your sister will be in pieces. It’s all she’s thought about for months.’
Yes. There was a lot Anna could say to her mother about the wisdom of encouraging Aggy to be so consumed by it since day one. But now wasn’t the time.
She yanked her mobile out and called Aggy, expecting to be ignored. But unexpectedly, her sister answered.
‘I suppose you’re going to say I told you so!’ she barked.
‘I want to check you’re OK.’
‘It’s all over, Anna. With me and Chris. Completely over.’
‘Don’t say that. It’s a fight and it can be sorted.’
‘How? Have you got twenty grand? Can you get the Langham to put it all back on after Chris cancelled it?’ Aggy wailed.
Anna couldn’t entirely exonerate Chris, as much as she wanted to. He’d pulled the plug on this ruinous folly, but he should’ve taken a closer interest in the decisions being made to begin with.
As much as his fiancée had dug their financial hole, it needed to be agreed jointly. It was going to be a struggle to get Aggy to see reason when her beloved big day had been snatched from her.
‘Let me come and meet you. Where are you?’
Anna could hear traffic noise and the whoosh of blustery street noises from Aggy’s end.
‘I’m going out to get hammered and enjoy being single again.’
‘Come on, you’re not single. You and Chris will get through this …’
Anna heard the off-stage murmur of a male voice.
‘Who’s with you?’ she said. Aggy’s friends were all female.
‘Laurence,’ Aggy said. ‘Laurence is taking me out for cocktails. I’ll talk to you later, Anna. Bye!’
‘Laurence?!’ Anna said in a shriek, but it was too late, Aggy had already rung off.
She hit redial to Aggy, fuming. Laurence. What the hell? Why would he of all people be taking her out on the town? But she knew better than most that his interest in her sister would be principally crotch-based. How did he even have Aggy’s number—? James’s words about Laurence’s machinations with women crowded her head.
The phone you have called, has been switched off
Think, she told herself. Calm down and think. She could only imagine that Laurence had decided to move on to her sister, and she’d found out moments too late to warn Aggy that he was not a man to get blind drunk with when you were feeling vulnerable.
Oh, hell. Having gone through fluster and irritation, Anna felt herself tipping into twitchy, useless panic.This wasn’t a worry she could share with her parents, either. And definitely not Chris.
Anna paced round her office. She tried Aggy again, after waiting fifteen minutes. Nope, Aggy had turned her phone off and it was likely staying that way. It didn’t take her long to get drunk. She called Laurence three times. His phone was on, but it rang through to voicemail. She had the distinct feeling he wouldn’t answer a call from her this evening.
There was only one option left. He was the last person she wanted to speak to, but she had no choice.
57
‘Hi, James,’ she said, trying to sound conciliatory, neutral and deeply dignified. ‘I’m sorry to bother you. Twice in one day. Lucky you.’
He seemed mildly taken aback and equally guarded, if polite.
She went on to outline Aggy’s marital and financial predicament, and her current choice of company.
‘You know him best. Would he do something as low as bedding my sister? Please tell me I’m just being paranoid …’ she concluded, hopelessly.
A pause.
‘Uhm. I think you know what I’m going to say. I did try to warn you what he was like.’
‘How did he even have Aggy’s number?’
She hoped James hadn’t handed it over.
‘Laurence collects attractive women’s numbers like most of us collect Nectar points. He’ll have tapped her up for it at the theatre, I guess. Or found her online.’
‘Oh, no …’
Silence. Anna appreciated he must still be pretty angry about the recording. She gritted her teeth and cursed Aggy deeply.
‘Would you know where they are?’ Anna said. ‘I wouldn’t ask but I’m out of ideas and very worried about where this could be headed, with the two personalities involved.’
‘Where Laurence takes women? Wouldn’t you have as good an idea as me?’
Anna didn’t quite understand this, especially as it was said in the tone of having a swipe.
‘I’ve tried calling him and he’s not answering. He’s with my sister, up to no good, so he won’t. Could you try to speak to him?’
‘And say what?’
‘Anything that will get him to reveal his location.’
Eventually, after a long pause, James said, in a clipped voice: ‘OK, I’ll call you back.’
Her phone buzzed seconds later.
‘Sorry, Anna, his phone’s turned off.’
‘Oh no. This is such a mess …’ Anna couldn’t speak for a moment, trying to quell the lava-bubble of frustration in her gut.
‘Does Aggy know you’ve … er. Been out with Laurence too?’
‘I didn’t mention it. Which is why this is my fault. If I was a normal, relaxed sister who shared things, I’d have told her that Laurence was a cad.’
Anna could sense James’s desire to finish this phone call but her need to confide in someone overtook her.
‘I know what happens next. Aggy gets howling drunk, falls into bed with Laurence and ruins any chance of a reconciliation with Chris. Worst-case scenario, she even convinces herself that Laurence is a sensible person to date, before he drops her from a height in however many weeks’ time.’
‘You really think she’ll do that? She’s still engaged isn’t she?’
‘Technically, she’s thrown the ring at Chris and called it off.’
‘Look, I’ll try Loz again, they’re probably on the Underground.’
‘James,’ Anna said, pinching the bridge of her nose. ‘They’re not on the Tube. They’ve both turned their phones off so none of us can reach them while they can get on with their night out.’
Pause.
‘Yeah. Does fit Laurence’s MO.’
‘God, I could kick myself.’
‘This is up to Aggy and not you, though. If your sister doesn’t want to get married you can’t make her.’
‘She really does want to get married though. This is all she’s talked about for months.’
‘But you fear she’s going to spontaneously bonk Lo
z on her first night of freedom? Strong statement.’
‘Right now she’s angry and she hasn’t thought it through. All this emotion will get fruity alcohol poured on top of it and she won’t think straight. And then Laurence will pounce.’
Pause.
‘OK, forgive me for saying this, but plan B. If she does have a lapse of judgement with Loz, does anyone else ever need to know?’
‘My sister is a terrible liar. I mean, why not get the Visa bills sent to work? This’ll come out too, sooner or later, especially when Chris works out that none of her friends and family know where she is tonight.’
Anna stared at a mildewed milk bottle of water next to Boris the yucca plant. ‘It’s like I left a gun lying around, with the safety catch off.’
‘Woah there, you can’t control all human interaction you know. You don’t usually need to warn engaged people about the snakes in the grass. And even when you do, people make their own choices. As you know.’
‘Nothing stops me from feeling responsible for having introduced them, I’m afraid. Well, I guess I have a fun and pointless evening of trawling Aggy’s favourite haunts ahead of me, then.’
They ended the call, politely and yet stiffly. James sounded distracted, to Anna’s ears. As if his mind was whirring. No doubt wondering how these chaotic, vulgar Mediterraneans ever came to be mixed up in his gleaming world.
It was an infuriating fact of life that having large things to worry about didn’t manage to cancel out lesser concerns.
Her sister’s loss of a wonderful fiancé, and the addition of a credit card millstone, were the biggies. The thought of Laurence chalking up her little sister as a notch on his bed post was abhorrent.
So right now, why did Anna care what James Fraser thought of her? And why did she wish so desperately that she hadn’t had to lose face and ask for his help? It wasn’t as if it had made any difference.
58
James was well enough acquainted with Laurence’s tomcatting procedure that he had a shortlist of a half dozen locations where he might be.
Finding them was only job one, however. He didn’t have much of a plan if he did discover them. The natives might be hostile. Well, Laurence would definitely be hostile, to a greater or lesser extent. Aggy, he couldn’t tell.
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