by Virlyce
“So what’s the plan? Have you taken care of the other predators? There were five of them, including the one you’re riding.” Ilya’s dad furrowed his brow. “And I hate to admit it, but I can’t help you. Not with a predator present.”
“I’ll take you two back to the competition area, then I’ll beat up those other predators!”
Ilya Number Two’s grandmother made a strange expression. “You’re actually willing to risk your life to save those being hunted? You … didn’t seem like a hero.”
“Huh? Saving people? How am I supposed to make an army of predators with only one of them?” Mrs. Wuffletush alone isn’t enough to make me a real legend. I have to leave behind a terrifying legacy! “There better be some male predators amongst the four.”
***
“So … I just climb on?” Ilya’s dad asked with a frown. He glanced at Ilya Number Two’s grandmother before raising an eyebrow at me. What? Mrs. Wuffletush is very friendly; ignore the blood on her claws and chin. Those were simple misunderstandings. “Like … like she’s a horse?”
“No, like she’s a squirrel. Just hop onto the back.” I forced Puppers back into my socks because he was taking up space. “You too, Grandma.”
“What, what about us?” one of the demons asked. Behind Ilya’s dad, there was a group of about eight people. There was no way Mrs. Wuffletush could carry them all without looking super awkward. And my mount has to look fabulous all the time!
“No space, sorry.”
“I have money!” the demon said. “Please, take me with you. What if the predator comes back? I’ll die.”
“Mm. I guess there’s some more space now.” Looking fabulous means nothing if you’re poor! “All of your belongings—that’s the price for a ride on a predator. When are you ever going to get another chance like this?”
And with eight new interspacial rings tucked away in a safe place, Mrs. Wuffletush took off with ten more passengers on her back. They didn’t slow her down a single bit, and we made it back to the coliseum without an issue. But…. “How do we open the space?”
“You just jump in,” Ilya’s dad said. We were in the seating area, facing the empty arena. How were the spectators able to spectate us before? Maybe a scrying orb like the one Ilya and I had in that inn back in the desolate mountains? “A portal will automatically open if you jump above the space.”
“Let’s go, Mrs. Wuffletush.” Now that I think about it, how does Mrs. Wuffletush understand our language? I thought people avoided her since she killed things. There weren’t even any descriptions of the predator’s appearance. Maybe she’s a genius who picked up the language during the short time she was in the city? That must be it. And people say squirrels are stupid. Hah.
“There’s another predator!” someone shouted the instant we appeared inside the coliseum’s space.
Ilya stood up. “No, wait! That’s just Lucia.”
“I brought your dad back, Ilya.” I motioned for Mrs. Wuffletush to shake, and the passengers fell off like fleas. “I’m going to go back out to find the other predators. You stay here to protect them, Mrs. Wuffletush. Also, Ilya, come over here for a second.”
“Yes, Lucia?” Ilya asked as she approached me.
I bent down and whispered into her ear, “Use Mrs. Wuffletush and extort everyone here of their interspacial rings. It’s a protection tax! If they disagree, force them outside. Oh, and say it was the man in the sky’s idea, so the people don’t hate me.”
“Lucia…”
“I’m serious! If I come back and you don’t have as many interspacial rings as there are people here, then I’m going to tell your dad about those books you keep underneath your bed.”
Ilya’s eyes widened as her face turned red. “Lucia!”
“That’s right! I know about them. Now hurry up and extort them; I won’t be gone for long.” Leaving Ilya behind, I … don’t know how to leave this area. “Uh, how do I get out?”
“Close your eyes, place your hands on your hips, and spin around five times while chanting, ‘I’m gullible,’ ten times in a single breath.”
“I’m gullible, I’m gullible, I’m gullible, I’m gullible, I’m gullible, I’m gullible, I’m gullible, I’m gullible, I’m gullible, I’m gullible.” Who made that stupid way of exiting the area? The world’s spinning, but at least I’m outside. Now, if I were a predator, which way would I run? Ooh, something smells nice over there. That way it is!
How far does the predator’s qi and mana canceling effects extend? I still can’t run with my Armor of Slaughter to boost my speed. At least I’m still plenty fast without it. Ah, there’s screaming in the distance. Please, lord, let the predator be a male!
“Help! So—”
The shout was cut off by a scream just as I turned a corner. A woman was lying underneath a giant black squirrel—well, half of her was. The other half was impaled on the squirrel’s claws. Her head turned to the side, and she stared at me. One arm rose weakly into the air, then fell uselessly to her side as her eyes glazed over. The predator turned its head, dropping the woman at the same time. It snarled at me as its tail stiffened. Male? Female? I can’t tell from here.
“Hey, cute little fella.” Maybe if I use sweet words, it won’t run away from me. “I have some acorn stew. Want some?”
The predator screeched and lunged at me as I took out a barrel. Its front leg went wide as it swiped at me, its claws cutting straight through a wall as if it didn’t exist. Great! It didn’t run! I stepped forward and caught the squirrel’s leg by its wrist, or is it ankle? Well, it doesn’t matter because I caught it! “Qiless Breaking Throw!”
The predator screamed as its back crashed into the ground. Darn, no penis. Well, another female wouldn’t hurt. I pinned the predator’s front legs with one hand and wrangled its hind legs together with my own legs and tail. I should save the taming portion for later; for now, I’ll just keep it tied up with…. A regular rope won’t work, huh? Not while it’s awake, at least. Then I’ll knock it out! Ah, but first I should extort the people around it. “Ah, it’s so strong! I can’t hold on much longer!”
The people around me shivered. There were only ten of them or so who were still alive. The dead ones were already being looted by … Durandal? How come I didn’t notice him come out?
“Wait, you can’t?” Durandal asked with a strange expression on his face. “I thought predators were easy for you to wrangle.”
“Are you robbing the dead?”
“Waste not, want not,” Durandal said with a nod. “Roland taught me that along with where and how to search a corpse in an efficient manner.”
“Oh. Carry on then.” The survivors were looking at me as if I had two heads. I’m not strange! “Ah! My strength, it’s running out!” I coughed. “But if I’m given interspacial rings or precious jewelry, I’ll be able to hold on long enough for all of you to run away.”
“I-isn’t this extortion?” one of the survivors asked.
“Ah! One of the predator’s legs got free!” Stop scratching me, dammit! These funds will definitely trickle down to you in the future!
“Here!” someone shouted and threw an interspacial ring at me. Durandal caught it and checked it before nodding.
“There’s still around nine more of you,” Durandal said. “I’m sure nine interspacial rings will definitely give my master the strength to hold on.”
“You two are perfect for each other,” Puppers said from my socks. “This is unbelievable. I’m ashamed to associate with you two.”
“Stop slacking and loot the corpses as well,” Durandal said and reached into my socks, pulling Puppers out like he was a piece of laundry in a basket. “There’s a lot we have to do and not a lot of time. Hop to it.”
***
“Do I, do I really have to?”
“Yes, I’m sorry about this.” I lowered my head and accepted the ring the emperor gave me. Lucia could’ve threatened me with anything like my life or my livelihood, but she had to use suc
h an underhanded method of targeting my secret books! “These were Cain’s orders.”
“You mean Lucia’s, right?” the emperor asked.
I coughed and turned my head. “No, they’re Cain’s.” Lucia’s pet predator growled, and I jumped half a foot into the air. “Y-yes, Mrs. Wuffletush! We’ll move onto the next person right away!” I know Lucia left behind Mrs. Wuffletush for our protection, but that’s like sending a lion to guard a flock of sheep! I’ve had dozens of near-death experiences while journeying with Lucia, but this, this is unreasonably scary! A predator could kill me in its sleep, and Lucia expects me to wield it as a tool to extort people. At least everyone’s cooperating. Even that angry, stew-hating lionkin didn’t say anything when he handed over his interspacial ring. And the people that didn’t have interspacial rings gave up everything except for their underwear. I feel like a villain. But I’m acting under orders! My dignity is at stake here; I can’t be expected to sacrifice myself for the good of everyone else, can I? It’s not like I’m enjoying extorting people of their valuables. I’m a victim too!
“Ilya….”
“Sorry, Father, but you too.” I’m an unfilial child. “Please, I don’t know what Mrs. Wuffletush will do to you if you don’t hand something over.”
My father sighed. “Very well,” he said and handed over his interspacial ring. “I suppose it’s a fair price for my life.”
Mrs. Wuffletush stuck her chin into the air and snorted twice. Then she looked at the two trembling elves beside my father. “You too, Mrs. Marilyn. And Mirta.” Mirta looked at me with wide eyes while hugging her sword. “Lucia will return your sword to you when she gets back.” Maybe. Don’t quote me on that. Knowing Lucia, she might not. Mirta pouted as she handed me her greatsword. Before I could take it, Mrs. Wuffletush grabbed it and ate it in a single bite.
Mirta cried out, but Mrs. Wuffletush swallowed and tilted her head to the side. The expression on her face said, “What? You got a problem? Fight me.”
“…I’m sure Lucia will help you get a new sword.” I’m a liar too. An unfilial, lying extortionist, that’s what I’ve become. Lord, where did I go wrong? When was I led astray? Who am I kidding? I already know the answer is when I met Lucia. If only Teacher didn’t have those stupid traps set up to capture beasts. He could’ve waltzed outside his laboratory, went to the desolate mountains, and subdued some beasts there, but no. He insisted on leaving traps in the southern pass instead.
Hah…. Anyway, moving on. It didn’t take too long to collect the rest of the interspacial rings and other various protection taxes. When is Lucia going to return? I don’t like the way Mrs. Wuffletush is staring at the people around us. If she ate someone, Lucia would probably pretend like it didn’t happen, but I’m not going to tell Mrs. Wuffletush that. I’m just afraid she’ll figure it out on her own. Why is she so smart? It’s bad enough for Lucia to own a predator, but owning a smart one too? Not to mention she just ate a sword.
“I’m back!” A giant portal appeared in the air as dozens of people streamed into the coliseum. Lucia appeared at the very end…, holding onto a rope with four unconscious predators attached to it. “Ilya! Stuff!”
I ran over to Lucia and handed her the spoils I gathered. She looked at Mrs. Wuffletush and asked, “Did she extort everyone?”
Mrs. Wuffletush nodded.
“Nice,” Lucia said and patted my shoulder. “You’re the best accomplice someone can ask for.” I’m not an accomplice; I’m a victim! Don’t slander me in front of everyone! “At least that’s one good thing that came out of this.”
One good thing? Did she not get what she wanted? “Is everything okay?”
“Look at them,” Lucia said with a scowl. She pointed at the four unconscious predators. “Do you see anything wrong?”
“I see four creatures that can kill me if their legs twitched the wrong way. That’s pretty wrong.”
“No, it’s not that,” Lucia said and grabbed one of the predators. She flipped it over onto its back and spread its legs apart. “Now do you see anything?”
…What. “Um, no?”
“Exactly!” Lucia said. “That’s the problem. None of these predators have penises! How am I supposed to have an army of predators without any males to make babies?”
“Ah! Lucia! Help!” thankfully, someone cried out so I didn’t have to respond to Lucia’s nonsense. It was Reena, the bunnykin that was Snow’s relative.
“Snow!?” Lucia shouted and ran over to Reena, pulling out her sword. “I finally found you, you bastard!”
“I’m Reena! Reena!” the poor bunnykin shouted, covering her ears with her hands while lowering her head and crouching. She pointed at the group of stunned men behind her. “But they know Snow! They mistook me for him and tried to give me a report!”
…Are Snow’s subordinates idiots? Well, maybe Reena really does resemble Snow that much.
“I know you’re looking for him, and they’re his underlings,” Reena said. “I did well in reporting them to you, right?” Her eyes twinkled as she looked up at Lucia. Her ears were twitching, and her bouncing tail was practically saying, “Praise me.” Do all beastkin behave in that manner? I’ve seen Lucia act that way to Durandal before. Wait, don’t tell me Reena subordinated herself to Lucia. That doesn’t make any sense.
The men behind Reena exchanged glances with each other. Then they looked at Mrs. Wuffletush. They dropped to their knees and placed their hands over their heads. “Please, don’t kill us! We’ll tell you everything you want to know!”
23
Though there’s some of Snow’s subordinates in the coliseum with us, I’m not interrogating them. I’m letting Ilya’s dad do that instead. I have something much more important to do: counting my spoils! One interspacial ring…, two interspacial rings…, three inter—no! You have to check inside of them, Lucia! Phew, I almost did something stupid. Alright, let’s see what’s inside.
Who the heck does this interspacial ring belong to? The only thing inside of here is meat! Rows upon rows upon rows of meat! Oh, wait. It doesn’t matter since it’s mine now. At least, I won’t have to worry about starving even if I disappear into some desert somewhere. But that’s not going to happen; I didn’t raise a flag! I’m going to happily retire into the countryside—which is half the human empire’s lands—and live peacefully with Durandal after I become a legendary warrior. There will be no searching of any deserts.
Now that that’s settled, let’s continue investigating the spoils! Inside this interspacial ring that looks like a wedding ring…, there’s nothing. It’s actually a wedding ring. I should return this. Then, let’s designate this table as the returned-stuff table. Okay. Mm, moving onto the next ring. There’s … a pile of men’s underwear with printed yellow ducks on them. I’m starting to question if this is a good idea. Well, at least I can sell the ring for a decent price; I’ll leave the underwear on the table.
Why are there cleaning supplies in this interspacial ring!? I thought interspacial rings were expensive to obtain! Valuable stuff should be kept in them: jewels, money, beast cores, erotica! What is this crap? …Well, let’s keep the cleaning supplies for now. Who knows? There might be a time where I won’t be able to use my magic tool to clean things. Ah, who am I kidding? Cleaning supplies are going on the table.
This is like the holiday where people give each other wrapped gifts that I never got to partake in, but the gifts hold crap and the box is more valuable than what is inside. How will I be disappointed this time? This ring has beast cores! Lots and lots of … regular beast cores. They’re not even spirit beast cores. I, I guess I can use them as paper weights. Or sell them for some snack money. I could probably get a barrel of hot chocolate or two for these. Yeah, every little bit counts.
And this interspacial ring has a ton of books. I can’t read, so they’re totally useless to me. Onto the table they go. Wait, actually, I could probably sell these too. Back into the ring they go. Sorry, person who just stood up to reclaim the
m. Oh, wait. That person was Ilya’s dad. I could return this ring to him. “Catch!”
“Many thanks, Lucia.”
“Lucia! Your giant squirrel ate my sword!”
Huh. What the heck is Ilya Number Two saying? Squirrels don’t eat swords. “Uh, yeah. Okay.” Sometimes children have no idea what they’re talking about. Jeez. What’s in this ring? Women’s underwear? But … they’re all different sizes! Which pervert does this ring belong to? Isn’t this mark on the ring the royal family’s seal? “Which idiot prince keeps women’s underwear inside of their royal seal? If you admit it, I’ll give it back to you!”
“That, that’s mine!”
Huh? Isn’t that Evelyn the Witch? The person who poisoned her ugly arranged husband? That means all the underwear of different sizes are hers? “Oh, here.”
“Thank you,” Evelyn said with a red face. She checked inside the ring and froze. “Uh, actually, this isn’t mine. Do these all belong to different people? No way, this is Algar’s ring…? I’ve definitely seen him wear it before! And these panties are mine! Algar! What the hell!?”
Oh boy. I guess it’s a good thing I broke off my deal with Algar when his second brother came along. I almost worked with a pervert. Maybe I’d have become perverted myself. Ugh, I’m shivering just thinking about it—I’m a chaste, upright person! I can’t go around associating with people who steal women’s underwear.
“I didn’t do this,” Algar said when Evelyn confronted him. “I swear!”
Mm, not my problem anymore. What’s in this earring? Nothing, it’s just an earring. Well, I can sell it since it’s not as valuable as a wedding ring. Probably. Hopefully there’s no sentimental value? Man, now I almost feel like a bad person. Almost. Away this earring goes before I start feeling guilty! And inside this interspacial ring, we have … a legendary beast core! This one is the man in the sky’s, isn’t it? There’s one, two, three, twenty, twenty-five, thirty-seven, forty-two, sixty-seven… Sixty-seven legendary beast cores! Holy crap! Not only that, but all their bones and organs and valuable bits are here! Hey, valuable bits means scales and skin and horns, not penises. Penises fall under organs. But this ring’s capacity is huge! What the heck is it made out of?
