This whole time since I’d signed that contract, I don’t think I’d really thought about the reality of what I was doing until now. I mean the real slap you in the face reality. The one that comes from having the doctor tell you you’re pregnant. I have a human being growing inside of me.
No matter what happened with this baby, once I walked away from him the entire course of my life was going to change. When I did find that special someone and we did make a baby together, none of it was going to be new. Even if I never shared this experience with my true love, I would know that I had walked the path before…and it had ended at a brick wall. I’m sure I would be depressed on the anniversary of his birthday every year, and each time I saw a child his age, I would have to wonder how he was doing and if he was happy, and healthy…what was I doing?
Once I tell Aiden that I’m pregnant, he would begin to prepare for the day that I would leave. I’d spend the next nine months watching him plan for my departure. That was another source of my angst. I was really hoping to mean more to him by now. All of that was not to mention the reservations I had about the ideas he had about raising a child, or I should say about his staff raising a child. He was so cold sometimes, so distant…what kind of person leaves her child in the hands of someone who was likely going to show it very little love and affection? Does that make me a terrible person?
I needed some more time to think about this. I needed to get a better feel at least of how he was going to be with our child…his child. I decided to forego the announcement ceremony and wait a few days before I told him anything.
When Aiden got home from work that night the first thing he said was, “How did the appointment go? Anything yet?”
If I lied then when I told him, he would know that I lied…unless I just waited to tell him until after my next appointment. I didn’t know what I was going to do yet, but I did know that I wasn’t ready to tell him. I wasn’t ready to slowly be shuffled towards the door.
“Everything is fine, but nothing yet,” I told him. I hated to lie and I was afraid he could see the truth on my face.
I’m guessing he bought it because he loudly said, “Damn!” as he slammed his briefcase down on the table. “How long is this going to take?”
I had dinner set out and his tantrum caused the plates to jump and the gravy to slosh over the sides of the gravy boat. He looked at it, with disgust. Grabbing his briefcase up and knocking over a glass of water then he said, “I’ll be in my study. I’m not hungry. If I get hungry I’ll order something in later.” I watched in shock as he stormed out of the dining room and down the hall. Not only leaving me in shock, but to clean up his mess as well. His behavior only reinforced the notion that I was right not to tell him I was pregnant. Not just yet…
Chapter Twelve
~
Aiden’s behavior improved over the next week. I suppose he got past the initial disappointment. It took me a while to get over the image of him throwing his briefcase and having a tantrum like a small child. We were still having our nightly sessions of baby-making sex, and he’d gone back to being friendly and warm and having meals with me. But I’d seen the other side to him, and the more I saw the more I was beginning to regret this entire thing and beginning to wonder if I might be able to take care of a baby on my own. I actually knew I could do it on my own, I guess I was wondering more if I had the nerve to just walk out on him, never letting him know the child even existed.
On Saturday he called from his meeting or wherever he was that day and asked me if I wanted to do dinner and the Opera that night. I was ecstatic and hoped that it would be as wonderful as the first time that I went with him. I went out shopping for a dress to wear as soon as I’d hung up. Aiden had told me to go back to the same boutique I’d gone to before and they would be expecting me. While I was out I went into the pharmacy to pick-up my prenatal vitamins. As I listened to the pharmacy tech give me verbal directions on taking them I felt someone walk up behind me. I didn’t think anything of it until the young girl put my vitamins in a bag and I turned around to face Myra.
“Hi,” she said with a grin.
“Myra, oh my goodness! It’s so nice to see you.”
“You too, girl. Imagine my surprise seeing you here, picking up prenatal vitamins.”
“Myra, about that…please don’t tell anyone.”
“Why not, girl? Is it Aiden Scott’s baby? Of course it is, you’re a one-man woman, I know that. Honey, you don’t have to be ashamed that you’re not married…I bet he’s going to ask you soon anyways, right?”
I laughed, I had forgotten how fast Myra talked and how quickly she could change tracks. “I’m not ashamed; but I do have an issue or two,” I said, trying to laugh it all off. I suddenly felt the need for someone to talk to. Do you have a few minutes? Can we get a cup of coffee?”
“Yes and yes, I’d love to,” she said. “Let me just pick-up my prescription and I’ll be set.” Ironically, Myra was there to pick up her birth control.
Myra and I walked down the street arm in arm to a coffee shop on the corner. We made small talk about the café and all the people I missed, and a few that I didn’t. She claimed that Joe was even grumpier with me gone and some of the creepy old men had even stopped showing up. I knew she was trying to make me feel good and I appreciated it.
When we got our coffee we took a seat outside. It was a gorgeous day and it felt good to be out with a friend. It had been too long for me.
“So, tell Mama what’s going on,” she said with a smile. “I can tell there are some heavy things sitting on your shoulders my love.”
I knew Aiden and I hadn’t talked about whether or not I was supposed to share our situation, but nothing in my contract forbade it and I really needed to just unburden my soul to someone who I knew loved me and wouldn’t tell me I was a complete idiot. I also needed some advice.
“I’m not sure where to start,” I said.
“At the beginning, honey,” she said with a grin.
“Well, yes. I’m pregnant and yes the baby is Aiden Scott’s. But it’s not what you would think.”
“Are you still working for him?” She had “sexual harassment” written all over her face.
“Yes, but not as his assistant, the truth was harder for me to say, so I made up that story. I’m sorry that I lied. He approached me a couple months back with a proposition…” I told Myra the details, most of them anyways. She already knew about my mother so she knew what my financial obligations were and how tight things had been for me. When I finished talking she looked like she was trying to take it all in.
“Now that you’re pregnant, have things changed for you? I mean I know you said you gave this a lot of thought, but thinking about what if’s and seeing that blip on the screen are so different. Are you wishing at all now that you hadn’t agreed to all of this?”
“Yes and no,” I told her. I’m actually excited to be pregnant. I’m just starting to have some concerns. I mean, I guess they were there all along, but like you said, reality is different.”
Myra smiled sadly and said, “The thought of walking away from your child has gone from a future fantasy to a sudden reality, right? I have read things and watched on television about surrogates. The one thing that I’ve noticed is that they’re usually older and have their own families. They also usually carry someone else’s egg. It’s very unusual to be asked to use your own, I think.”
“Yes, I always knew it would be hard, but now that I know he or she is in there…growing…a part of me…that and the fact that I have concerns about Aiden’s emotional health and how that would affect his ability to raise a healthy child. I’ve tried really hard to think of this as only his child, but lying to myself is impossible.”
“What’s wrong with him?” she asked. “I knew that boy was too good to be true when he used to come in the café.”
I smiled, “It’s not really that anything is wrong with him…he’s been hurt, badly. He grew up without his parents, he has an alm
ost non-existent relationship with the rest of his relatives, he’s shut down his emotions to protect his heart and he looks at everything as a business deal, that way it’s all in black and white and it doesn’t leave room for heartache. I don’t know all of the details but his ex-wife hurt him pretty badly as well.”
“Oh honey, heartache is part of life. We’ve all been hurt. You have to learn to suck it up and move on. He can’t live in a bubble, especially if he’s going to raise a healthy child. Nothing makes you see things in the world unlike you’ve ever seen it before than looking at it through the eyes of a child.”
“I do know that, Myra. I was hoping, subconsciously mostly that I could change him, that this whole situation would change him. I had delusions that he and I would end up together, but I don’t see it happening.”
“Can you get out of this contract? I mean, what would happen if you just took what was in your own body and left? He can’t sue you…I mean he can, but what do you have for him to take?”
“The child I promised him,” I said. “The one that I signed a legal contract giving up already.”
“Yes, but let me tell you something, and I know this because I’ve been there with my sister. Her ex tried to take her babies just because he’s meaner than a junk yard dog. There was an investigation, but my sister was told by her attorney that unless you’re a despicable person the courts will be very hesitant to take a baby from its mother. At the worst, you might have to share custody.”
“Even though he has so much more money than me?”
“It’s just what I think, honey. I don’t know any of this for a hundred percent. But if you decide to walk away be very sure that you can live with that, okay? Otherwise it will be your emotional health in jeopardy.”
I nodded. It was good to finally have someone to bounce things off of. I needed to say so much of it out loud. I left there that day still unsure of what to do, but at least feeling like my soul was lighter. I went to the boutique where Aiden has an account and got my dress and shoes for the opera. I decided on the way home that I would let us have tonight to enjoy and tomorrow I would tell him. I would also talk to him about all of my concerns and from there, decide what to do.
***
I was dressed in my beautiful, black designer gown and heels by the time Aiden got home. He looked at me and let out a low whistle.
“Wow, Holly…you’re gorgeous.”
“Thank you,” I said, blushing. “I’m looking forward to tonight.”
“Good, I’m looking forward to it, too,” he said. “I’ve seen a few, but not this one in particular. Let me shower and dress and then we’ll go.”
On the way, Aiden told me that the opera “Macbeth” that we were going to see was composed in 1847. He wanted it to reflect modern times, and times in Europe at that point were very dark. He wanted me to know that the sets and staging would be dark and ominous.
“It sounds fascinating,” I told him, honestly.
“Yeah, it does,” he said with a grin. “I like your enthusiasm for life, Holly,” he said, catching me off guard.
“You think I have a lot of that?” I asked him. I didn’t really see myself that way.
“I do, and I enjoy being around it. I feed off of it even at times.”
I laughed and said, “Well then, I’m glad I have it too.”
We of course sat in one of the private boxes once we’d gotten to the opera. One of Aiden’s business associates and his wife were seated in the box behind us and Aiden introduced me to them as his “girlfriend.” I found it strange and thrilling at the same time. It gave my imagination fodder for more hope that he’d somehow come around to wanting more out of our relationship. When the curtain came up and the lights went down, he even reached over and took my hand in his…this led me on further.
I tried to concentrate on the show. The lead soprano…Lady Macbeth was a gorgeous woman with a big, big voice. Aiden whispered at one point that Verdi had wanted her to be hideous. With this one, he would have been disappointed. She was so pretty, it was hard for even me to look away.
When she wasn’t on stage however, I found much of it to be very dark as Aiden had said it would be, and had to keep myself focused on it. I was wondering about his “girlfriend” comment, and the fact that he was holding my hand, and all of the things Myra said earlier. I was practicing in my head how I would tell him that I was pregnant…and I was wondering if he would still want to make love to me once he knew we’d been successful.
After the opera was over we had dinner at a cozy little steakhouse. I was feeling a warm glow by the time we got home, and was more than ready for Aiden’s amorous advances. We kissed and touched and got each other worked up out on the couch and then we played down the hallway, finally falling into my bed and into each other’s arms. Our lovemaking seemed different to me somehow. It was still mind-numbing but it seemed that Aiden was moving slower, savoring it a bit more. When I fell asleep in his arms that night I wished that I could wake up in the very same position.
Imagine my surprise when I did. The first thing I normally do is roll over and stretch out on the big bed. This day though I didn’t want to move. I was afraid of waking him up and breaking the spell. My whole body felt warm from the inside out. I could feel his steady breaths on the side of my face and his lips brushing lightly against my skin. I thought about the baby growing inside of me and I had another silly fantasy that Aiden would wake up and decide that we should raise him together. I was lost in these thoughts when he did wake up.
He looked around the room, disoriented, and when he realized where he was he pulled back and away from me and I knew without asking that he had fallen asleep by mistake and not because he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving the comfort of my arms. After he stretched, he did look at me and smile. It was a forced smile, but I suppose I should give him credit for trying.
“Do you want some breakfast?” I asked him.
“What were you thinking?”
I don’t know if it was the pregnancy already or if it was all the sex, but I was craving pancakes. “How about pancakes…and eggs.”
“Mmm, sounds sweet and tempting. I’ll take it,” he said. “I’m going to shower while you fix them if you don’t mind.”
“Sure,” I told him. I hate to admit it, even to myself but I was hoping for a kiss before he got out of bed. Unsurprisingly, I was disappointed. He jumped up and headed out of the room and back to his for his shower. I got up and slipped on my robe and slippers and after brushing my teeth and hair I went out to make the breakfast.
I had a griddle of pancakes set and got ready to make the eggs when I realized that I’d forgotten to ask Aiden what kind of eggs he wanted. Padding down the hall towards his room, I was stopped short by the sound of his voice. I figured that he must be on the phone and I turned to go back to the kitchen so he didn’t think I was eavesdropping. Then I heard the word “fertility” and I stopped in my tracks. Like a criminal, I crept to the door and stood quietly next to it. My stomach began to churn and I could feel the bile rising to the back of my throat as I heard him speaking.
“So you’ve had three and it only took two inseminations for the first one and one for the next two? That’s amazing! I’ve been trying with my surrogate for over two months and nothing yet. I haven’t decided just yet if I’m ready to give this one up, but I thank you for calling me back and I’ll be getting back to you soon. Okay, you too, thanks.”
I swallowed the vomit I wanted to expel and all but ran back down the hall. By the time he came out I had his breakfast on the table and I didn’t care if he liked his eggs scrambled or not. I told him I wasn’t feeling hungry and I was going to shower. Once inside my own room I was finally able to cry. I sat against the door and bawled my eyes out, telling myself how stupid I’d been. Aiden had no feelings for me at all. I was a “baby-maker” to him and that was all, easily traded out if I wasn’t getting the job done to his specifications. I had to get up in a hurry and run to the bathroom
, finally expelling the vomit. I felt so stupid and worse than that, physically ill. I sat on the bathroom floor for a long time. I’m not sure how long it was, but I jumped when I heard a knock on the door.
An Heir At Any Price: The Billionaire's Obsession - Contemporary Romance Page 10
