by Alice Ward
“Until last week, I thought the only way I’d leave this ranch was kicking and screaming,” James admitted before taking in a deep breath and blowing it out long and hard. “Because of you, not the job. But I’ve already told you, Willow, I can’t live like this. And the fact that you can feels like a stab to the heart. I think it will do us both good if I go away for awhile. Maybe once we have some space between us, we’ll both see things more clearly.”
I didn’t want to feel my heartache, so I focused on my anger. I stood up abruptly and put my hands on my hips. “So yesterday, the threat was that you’d sleep with someone else. Today, you’re threatening to leave,” I hissed.
“I didn’t mean that as a threat,” he said patiently.
“That’s right, what did you call it yesterday? ‘A prediction of the future… if we do things my way’. Do whatever the fuck you want, James. Run away if that’s what you think you need. But at least be a man about it and take responsibility for your decision. If you draw the wrong bull and end up paralyzed, I don’t want to hear that it’s my fault for driving you away.”
I knew I’d crossed the line before I even looked at him. I’d insulted his manhood, on purpose, and I prepared myself for the wrath that would follow.
I don’t care what he says. I’m not going to apologize. He knows that being apart hurts me as much as it hurts him. He’s trying to manipulate me by pointing out the most painful sides of us not being together. I won’t be manipulated.
“You want me to do what I want, act like a man?” James growled.
“Yes, for the love of God, please,” I yelled back at him. I expected him to stomp out the door. Instead, he crossed the room in two strides and took my face into his hands.
“I’ll show you how a man gets what he wants,” he said in a husky whisper. He dropped his hands, willing to let me escape if I wanted. I didn’t. With all of the angry adrenaline running through my veins, I found his animalistic aggressiveness irresistible. I grabbed him by the neck and wrapped my legs around his waist as he lifted me off the floor.
I bit and sucked at his lips as he stumbled through the room. James kicked open the bedroom door and tossed me onto the mattress. I kicked off my boots, unfastened my overalls, and wiggled out of my clothes. I tossed them to the floor and lay before James completely naked. He stripped off his own clothes and dove for my bare breasts. He lashed my nipples with his tongue as his fingers teased my pussy.
This is a mistake… I shouldn’t do this… but God it feels SO good… one last time. I can have him one last time.
“This is what I want,” James growled as he shoved two fingers inside me and teased my clit with his thumb. I purred with pleasure and clawed at the back of his neck.
“Then… take it,” I said through heavy breaths. “However… you want… it.” His fingers felt amazing, but I longed for more. I wanted to be filled, to feel his cock throbbing inside me.
James slid his tongue up my chest and circled my earlobe. “Oh, I’m going to take it,” he whispered, still working his fingers inside me. “If you’re going to walk away from this, I’m going to give you something to remember me by.”
He pulled his hands away and rolled over, fumbling in his nightstand. He pulled a condom from the drawer and handed it to me. “You put it on this time… with your mouth,” he commanded. He knelt in front of me, his long, thick cock pointing straight at my mouth.
James’s domineering attitude made me wet with desire and eager to please. I licked and teased the tip as I unwrapped the package. I pulled away, stretched the rubber over the top of his prick, and then used my hands and mouth to roll it down his shaft.
“I’ve been holding myself back with you,” he said as he pushed me onto my back. “But that stops right now. I’m going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before.”
I looked up at him, a daring look in my eye. “Promise?” I asked.
He grabbed my legs, pulled them over his shoulders, and drove himself into my wet, aching hole. He rammed into me, each thrust harder and faster than the last, and my body quivered as waves of pleasure coursed through me. I instinctively clamped my pussy muscles around his cock, and James stopped moving completely.
“Stop that,” he said, his face screwed up tightly with concentration. “It makes me come and I’m not ready to come yet. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”
“Whatever you want,” I agreed quickly, but secretly pleased I could affect him so much. I was desperate for him to move again, to rock his cock into the deepest part of me.
He moved his hips back and forth, slowly at first and then at rapid speed. His breathing was labored and he struggled to speak. “What I want… is to make you come harder than… you ever… thought possible.” With his final words, he drove into me harder than ever before. I felt my body stretch to accommodate him and was overwhelmed by a pleasure I’d never felt before.
“God, James,” I cried out. “What are you doing to me?”
“You like that?” he asked, thrusting into me harder.
“Yes… oh, God, don’t stop,” I moaned. I realized why the pleasure felt so new. With each thrust, the tip of James’s cock was hitting the very back of my pussy. He couldn’t have gone deeper if he tried. I’d never felt so consumed by someone, so completely taken.
“I’m going to come,” I rasped out.
“Squeeze me,” he demanded.
As I clenched my pussy around his cock, the most powerful orgasm I’d ever had took control of my body. I grabbed his ass, frantically trying to do the impossible and push him further inside. He let out one loud cry and collapsed on top of me. We laid together, our bodies still moving in rhythm with each other as the waves of passion subsided.
After a few minutes, our bodies stilled and James rolled off of me. He sat on the edge of the bed and held his head in his hands.
“I’m sorry, Willow,” he said, unable to look at me. “I was angry and completely out of control. It won’t happen again.”
He tossed the condom into the bedside trash can and started pulling on his clothes. I sat up, slid to the edge of the bed, and put a gentle hand on his forearm.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” I whispered. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I know I haven’t been fair to you.”
“Nothing about this is fair,” he agreed. “But it’s not your fault. Not all of it, at least. This is why I need to leave the ranch for a while, Willow,” he explained. “If I don’t, we’ll just keep doing this. We’ll torture each other until one of us breaks. Or we’ll get caught.”
I bit my lower lip and fought back the tears I felt growing behind my eyes. “I don’t want you to leave,” I confessed softly.
“I don’t see how I can stay,” he replied, his voice full of sadness. “I meant what I said on Eagle Point. I love you, Willow. I didn’t mean to fall in love. I didn’t know I was even capable. But I did and it hurts so fucking much.”
The words were there, so close to sliding out of my lips. I wanted to tell him that I loved him too. But I knew that I couldn’t give him the kind of relationship he wanted. Not yet.
“This hurts me too, James,” I confessed. “But you know how hard I’ve worked to get to this point in my career. Maybe if the timing was better or if I wasn’t in the middle of racing season… I just don’t want to tell everyone about us, and have our story take the attention away from the horses.”
“You don’t want to ruin your reputation,” he argued.
“That too,” I agreed with a sigh.
James turned to me with hopeful eyes. “You said things will calm down after Belmont?”
I nodded. “I won’t see any of those people again until I start racing my own horses, not in one big group, anyway.”
“And that will take a year or two, at least… plenty of time for a scandal to break and be forgotten.”
I nodded again, feeling the slightest bit of hope too. “I know it’s not fair of me to ask you to wait. Especially since I’m still no
t sure what I want.”
“Why should things suddenly be fair?” he asked with a sad laugh. “I’ll tell you what, Willow. I’m still going to ride in the qualifier on Saturday, but I won’t leave the ranch. I’ll stick around until racing season is over. I’ll give you until then to decide if we’re worth taking a risk on.”
“You’d do that for me?” I asked and felt the back of my eyes burn.
“Haven’t you realized, Willow? I’d do almost anything for you.”
***
“Good afternoon, everyone. It’s so good to see you,” Reverend Hawthorne greeted us with a friendly smile. “Please, come in and make yourselves comfortable. Kathryn’s just made a pot of tea.”
We filed into the Hawthorne’s clean, cozy sitting room. Mint green carpet covered the floor and antique furniture had been arranged around a glossy oak coffee table. I felt like I’d stepped back in time.
Daddy and Renee sat next to each other on a Victorian sofa while I perched on one side of a rigid, floral patterned love seat. I was relieved when James sat next to me instead of in one of the tapestry chairs opposite the couch. I knew that the session was going to be unbearably awkward, but it was a slight comfort to know we were in it together.
“Hello everybody,” Kathryn sang as she came into the room. She carried a tea pot in one hand and a tray of sugar, lemon slices, cream, and an assortment of cookies in the other. Empty cups and saucers already waited on the coffee table. The Reverend took the tray from her and set it down while the rest of us said our hellos.
“So, I hear congratulations are in order,” Kathryn cooed as she settled into a chair. “Tell me, how is the transition period going? We have a lot of blended families in the congregation. I know the beginning can be a challenge at times.”
Wow, they really dive into it. Not one breathe of small talk, straight to the good stuff.
“There have definitely been some… bumps in the road,” Daddy said, repeating the words he’d used with the security salesmen.
Renee put her hand over Daddy’s and nodded. “The kids have had a difficult time adjusting to our new situation,” she explained. “They teamed up and did a little scheming trying to break us up.” Renee smiled. The amused tone of her voice suggested she was talking about a couple of misbehaving preschoolers instead of two adults who should have known better.
Reverend Hawthorne let out a jovial laugh and well-worn wrinkles deepened around his smile. “Kids will be kids. What’s important is that you’ve gotten past it. You’re all here now. You’re all willing to put in the effort it will take to develop a strong family bond.”
“Yes, sir. More than willing,” Daddy agreed.
“That’s the first step, Cole.” The Reverend turned to face me and James. He leaned forward, making it clear that we had his full attention. “Tell me, kids. What aspect of the engagement has been the most difficult for you?”
We’d need a licensed therapist and sedatives on hand before we could tackle the honest answer to that question.
I felt my face flush and looked down at the carpet. James wiggled uncomfortably next to me and I imagined his face was as red as mine. I lifted my tea mug to my lips and took a long sip to avoid answering the question.
“It’s okay, kids. You can talk to Frank and Kathryn,” Renee assured us, in her warm voice. “You can’t tell them anything they haven’t heard dozens of times before.”
I choked on my tea and felt a tiny bit escape my nostrils. I threw my right hand up to my face and James offered me a box of tissue from the coffee table.
“Thanks,” I told him hoarsely. I wiped my face and turned to Frank and Kathryn. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Don’t worry about it one bit,” Kathryn told me, her voice full of compassion. “It’s perfectly normal for you to feel a little nervous. When Renee called, she mentioned that the engagement had stirred up a lot of emotions. I take it you’ve both been thinking about your lost parents a little more than usual?”
We have to handle this the same way we’re handling Bradley. We’ll play along, tell them what they want to hear, and then it will all be over with.
I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and launched into a long explanation of why I’d taken Renee and Daddy’s engagement so hard. I said that getting to know Renee as a mother figure had made me wonder what my own mother had been like since she died before I was old enough to remember her. I told basic truths, but piled on lots of embellishment to help justify my actions. When I finished, Kathryn assured me that my feelings were perfectly natural and then turned to James.
“What about you, James? What emotions has the engagement stirred up in you?”
James pressed the tips of his fingers together and stared down at his hands. “Yes,” he barked. He cleared his throat and continued. “Basically the same stuff Willow just said. Only I remember my dad, so I know exactly what I’m missing.”
Kathryn nodded. “And which do you think is easier, knowing exactly what you’re missing or having to wonder exactly what you’ve lost?”
James shrugged. “I guess I’ve never thought about it. I mean, I miss my dad. But at least I have memories of him. Maybe it is harder for Willow.”
God, this is going deeper than I expected.
“Willow, which do you think is worse?” Frank asked softly.
I knew I’d start crying if I looked anyone in the eye, so I stared down at the coffee table. “I honestly don’t know,” I confessed. I twisted a tissue in my hands and continued. “I wish more than anything that I could remember my mother. But I’m sure if I could, the pain of losing her would be even worse.”
Kathryn nodded again. “Willow, James, do you except that Renee and Cole aren’t trying to take Rose and Gus’s places, but trying to provide you both with a loving, stable family unit?”
James and I nodded in unison.
“Fantastic,” she smiled. “I think everything that’s happened so far has been perfectly normal.”
Thank God I’m not drinking anything, or my nose fountain would be spurting again.
“I have a few suggestions I feel would be a great help to you,” Kathryn continued.
“Of course,” Renee quickly replied. “We’re open to any ideas you have.”
“Wonderful, the first suggestion is for you and Cole. We’ve found that when one or both parents in a blended family have lost their spouse, a healthier dynamic develops in the new family when that loss is openly acknowledged. I’m not suggesting that you put up shrines to Rose and Gus, but don’t rid the house of them entirely. That acknowledgement will help Willow and James feel more comfortable and accepted in your new blended household.”
Renee turned to me with a look of panic. “Oh my goodness, Willow, I’m so sorry. I completely redecorated the house without asking your opinion. I never even considered that some of the furniture might have sentimental value to you. Did that make this more difficult for you to deal with?”
I shook my head. “No Renee,” I assured her. “The furniture is fine. I think you and Dad have both already done exactly what Kathryn just suggested.”
Relief spread across Renee’s face. “Oh, thank God. Please let me know if you ever feel like I crossed the line.”
Daddy cleared his throat. “James, do you feel the same as Willow?”
James gave him a genuine smile. “Considering you’ve invited my dad’s parents to live on the ranch, I’d say I’m good.”
“It sounds like you’re already making great progress,” Kathryn observed. “My second suggestion is for you kids. Your parents have agreed to acknowledge what you’ve lost. I’d like for you to acknowledge and appreciate what you have now. I think a good place to start is with each other. You grew up as only children. Soon, you’ll be siblings. I can’t help but notice how uncomfortable you are sitting together. The whole time you’ve been here, you’ve each been glued to the opposite ends of the love seat. Spend some quality time getting to know each other. You’re pare
nts have given you the greatest gift you could ever receive. If you embrace it, you’ll be able to count on each other for the rest of your lives.”
“That’s a fantastic idea!” Renee said. She turned to me and James with a broad grin. “Who better to talk over your feelings with than the person sharing your experience? And I know the perfect time for you to start. James, you’ll fly to Maryland with Willow and Matt on Thursday instead of waiting until Saturday.”
“But,” James tried to protest, but his effort went unnoticed.
“That’s a wonderful idea, sweetheart,” Daddy agreed. He turned to James. “What do you say? I know I’d feel much better about Willow’s safety if you went along. You can watch out for her, defend her if you need to, like you did in Kentucky.”
James let out a quiet sigh of defeat. “Fine, I’ll start packing when we get back to the ranch.”
“Frank, Kathryn, I can’t thank you enough. I feel so much better after talking with you,” Renee told them.
“Anytime, Renee, it was our pleasure,” the Reverend assured her. “Before you leave, I’d like to give the kids one last piece of advice.”
“Of course, Reverend,” Daddy agreed.
“Willow, James, your parents are giving you another gift that’s almost as important as the gift of family. They’re showing you exactly what to do when you’re blessed with true love. When you find the ones your hearts are meant for, hold on to them just as Cole and Renee have held on to each other. And don’t let anyone else’s agendas or opinions tear you apart.”
I felt myself blush again and prayed that no one noticed. I couldn’t look at James, but I felt his eyes on me.
Fantastic, now he’ll be quoting the Reverend when he pleads his case.
I knew that Frank had made a good point. But I also knew that mine and James’s relationship was more complicated than Daddy and Renee’s would ever be.
“I don’t think that the kids are looking for their soul mates just yet, but I hope they’ll remember your words when the time comes,” Daddy said. He rose to his feet and the rest of us followed.
