by Alice Ward
This is fucking ridiculous. It shouldn’t be anyone’s business what consenting, UNRELATED, adults do behind closed doors. Matt and Lucas shouldn’t have to hide. Neither should James and I. Nothing about this is fair.
“Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the thirty-seventh annual Black Eyed Susan Ball,” a man’s voice boomed throughout the room. I turned and saw a very tiny man standing on stage with a microphone.
Matt leaned down and whispered, “Is that Mark Fields, the jockey?”
I nodded as Mark continued. “I’ll be your host this evening. The kitchen tells me that our first course will be out shortly, so if you’ll all find your seats, we’ll get this party started. We have several surprises lined up for you tonight, starting with your dining entertainment. Please give a big round of applause for the first chairs of the Baltimore Philharmonic.”
The room erupted in applause as a small orchestra took to the stage. Uniformed waiters placed chairs behind them, and the musicians sat in unison and launched into a cheerful movement by Vivaldi. The lights dimmed a bit, and more wait staff filed through a swinging double door, their shoulders laden with large serving trays. We found our table quickly and sat down with our dinner companions. I was happy to see they weren’t strangers.
“Willow, it’s so good to see you,” Daniel Forrest said. “How’s your dad doing? I expected to see him tonight.”
“He’s doing well, Daniel, thank you,” I replied with a smile. “He’s flying in early Saturday morning. I don’t know if you’ve heard the big news, but he’s engaged.”
“You don’t say?” Daniel replied, his eyes wide with surprise. “Well I never thought I’d see the day. Who’s the lucky lady?”
“Renee Parker,” I told him. “This is her son, James. I’d also like to introduce you to my partner, Matt, and our friend, Lucas. Everyone, this is Daniel Forrest. He’s a fixture in the racing world.”
“I don’t know if I’d call myself a fixture,” Daniel laughed. “But I’ve been around awhile. Cole and I got to know each other during Aces High’s champion season. I had a horse named Firewalker at the time. I thought he had what it took to win the crown, but Rosie showed up out of nowhere and ol’ Ace left my poor nag in the dust.”
“You’re being modest,” his wife insisted with a loving grin. “Firewalker placed here and in Kentucky. And he came in third at Belmont.”
“You know what they say, honey,” Daniel said with a jolly smile. “Second place is first loser. Everyone, this is my lovely wife Louisa. She’s always been my biggest cheerleader. And these are our girls, Layla and Veronica.”
The girls blushed at James as we all exchanged polite greetings. A team of waiters appeared at our table, two with trays of food and one with pitchers of tea and water. “The bar is open,” one of them explained. “But it’s self-serve.” He filled our glasses and moved on to the next table while the other two men set plates in front of us. Our first course was gazpacho and crusty French bread.
Once the waiters had left, I turned back to Daniel. “I’m so happy they put us at the same table. I’m planning to expand my program. There are several horses I’m thinking of adding, and I’d appreciate your opinion on which bloodlines I should focus on.” I pulled my phone from my small evening bag and started showing Daniel pedigrees and photographs. It didn’t escape my notice that while we talked, Layla stared at James like a wild cat about to pounce on her prey.
How old are the Fields girls again? I think Daddy said they’re both older than me, but Layla looks like jail bait. And neither of them looks like they’d know the first thing to do in a saddle. No wonder Daniel leaves them at home when he visits us.
“So James, what do you do for a living?” Louisa asked.
“Lately, I’ve been helping Cole out on the ranch,” he told her. “But bull riding is my true love.”
“Ah, you’re an adrenaline junky,” Layla said. She shifted her body, pointing her cleavage at James. Her red cocktail dress clung to her curves and her dark hair fell around her head in wild, natural curls. “That sounds like an exciting life. Have you ever been hurt?”
“Not so badly that I haven’t gotten back on,” he said, his eyes sparkling with an infuriating and endearing blend of cockiness and charm.
“I’d love to see you ride sometime,” Layla replied, her voice low and sultry.
She may as well strip down and climb into his lap right here. How am I the only one seeing this?
I was surprised by how possessive I felt towards James. I wanted nothing more than to take his hand and make it clear to Layla that the only person he’d be riding was me.
This isn’t the time or the place to do that. Besides, she can flirt all she wants. It won’t get her anywhere. He only has eyes for me.
But as the evening continued, I felt less and less confident about that. I tried to focus on the conversation Matt and I were having with Daniel, but Layla’s overt advances and James’s encouraging replies kept distracting me. I was relieved when the dinner dishes were finally cleared and Mark returned to the stage.
“Coffee and dessert will be served shortly,” he announced. “But we’re going to go ahead and open up the dance floor. I think you’ll all be pleased with the group we’ve brought in for the second portion of the evening. Straight off of their CMA win for Best New Artists, please welcome Lead Pony.”
Country music’s hottest new act took to the stage and Layla shrieked with excitement.
“Oh my God, I love them! Come one, you have to dance with me.” She jumped up from the table, grabbed James by the hand, and pulled him from his seat. They were on the dance floor before I had a chance to protest. The band launched into their first number one hit, which happened to be a slow song. James put an arm around Layla’s waist and pulled her close. I looked away, fighting back tears. I prayed no one would notice, but I had no such luck.
“Willow, are you okay?” Daniel asked, his eyes narrowed in concern.
“I’m fine,” I insisted with a wave. “This song just reminds me of someone, that’s all.”
Matt pushed his chair away from the table and offered me his hand. “Let’s get out there and give you a better memory to associate with it.”
I felt bad about leaving Lucas alone with relative strangers, but I needed the escape. I stood and let Matt lead me to the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head against his shoulder.
“Please tell me you saw it too,” I whispered into his ear.
Matt nodded. “You mean the way Layla was offering herself up to James? Yeah, I saw it. It makes sense, Willow. They’re two very attractive people. You told James the two of you can’t be together. He’s free to dance with whoever he’d like.”
I lifted my head and looked into Matt’s eyes. “So, you think she’s attractive. Do you think she’s hotter than me?”
Matt rolled his eyes. “That’s like comparing apples and oranges, Willow. You’re stunning in a very delicate, classy kind of way. You’re more Jennifer Aniston, and she’s a full blown Angelina.”
He spun me away and then pulled me close again. “But you’re definitely the better dancer.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” I groaned. I couldn’t bear to look back and James and Layla.
Matt held me close as we swayed to the music. He looked down at me, his eyes full of patience and compassion. “Willow, this is obviously painful for you. The mere sight of James touching another woman brought tears to your eyes. Have you stopped to think this hurts for a reason?”
I sighed and returned my head to Matt’s shoulder. “Of course it hurts for a reason,” I agreed. “I think… I think I love him, Matt. It hurts to be apart, but I have no idea how we could ever be together. If I put my heart first, I could lose my career. If I put my career first, I could end up miserable and alone for the rest of my life. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do, Matt.”
The song ended and the crowd burst into applause. Matt released me and stared down at me
with sad eyes. “I can’t tell you what to do, Willow. Not this time. But I promise I’ll stand beside you, no matter what.”
“Thanks, Matt,” I said, wiping away tears again. “Sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve you. You really are the best friend anyone could hope for. I love you, you know.”
He lifted my hand and brought it to his lips. “I love you too. Are you going to be okay?” he asked, throwing a longing look to Lucas.
“I’ll be fine,” I assured him. “This is your vacation too. Go, enjoy your boyfriend. Lord knows one of us should get some action tonight.”
Matt hesitated and bit his lower lip. “Are you absolutely sure? Lucas and I had planned on ducking out early tonight. But I’ll stay if you need me.”
I shook my head. “Enjoy your suite. I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast.”
Matt gave me another hug and kissed my cheek as he pulled away. “If you need me, you know how to find me.” He looked at Lucas and tilted his head towards the door. Lucas excused himself from the table. He and Matt discreetly left the party while I scanned the crowd for Lauren Fletcher. I thought if anything could make me feel better, it would be a long talk about my mom. Lauren was nowhere to be seen, but in my search my eyes fell on Layla and James. The band was playing an up tempo number, and Layla was grinding her pelvis against James’s hip as her breasts heaved into his chest.
Fuck it, I’ll talk to Lauren at one of the other events. I can’t take this anymore.
I walked back to the table and retrieved my evening bag. Veronica had disappeared, but Daniel and Louisa were still seated.
“I have a headache creeping on,” I told them. “Would you mind letting James know that I’ve gone back to the resort? Tell him that I’ll see him in the morning.”
“Of course,” Daniel agreed, looking concerned.
“Feel better,” Louisa added.
I thanked them and left the ballroom without looking back at the dance floor.
***
I was in bed an hour later when I heard the front door of the suite open. Half of me hoped that James would check on me, the other half just wanted to be left alone. The first half was satisfied by a soft knock on the bedroom door. It creaked open and James peaked into the room.
“Willow?” he whispered. “Are you awake?”
“Yes.” I sat up and flipped on the bedside lamp. I’d been crying since I left the yacht club, and I knew the evidence was all over my face.
Concern filled James’s eyes and he crossed the room in two strides. “What’s wrong?” he asked. He took a seat on the edge of the bed and continued. “Daniel said you had a headache. Why have you been crying?”
“Why do you think I’ve been crying?” I snapped, turning away from him.
“Willow, I’m not a mind reader. I’d do anything to help you, but you have to talk to me. Do you really have a headache?”
“I do now,” I said, wiping my puffy face with a corner of the sheet. “What are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be with your new girlfriend?”
James let out a long, exasperated sigh. “That’s what this is about? I just danced with her a couple of times, Willow. She was flirting with me, what was I supposed to do?”
“You could have lied,” I ground out. “You could have said you have a girlfriend back home. You danced with her because you wanted to, not because you didn’t have a choice.”
“Was I flattered that a beautiful woman was paying me a little attention? Of course I was,” James said defensively. He stood up and started pacing the room. “It was nice to have someone openly flirt with me instead of sneaking around and whispering behind closed doors. She made me feel like a man, instead of a dirty little secret.”
“Well if that’s what you want, I’m sure Layla would be happy to come over and stay on the fold out mattress with you. You should give her a call,” I snorted.
“If I wanted to be with Layla, I’d already be in her hotel room,” he snapped. “I don’t know what the fuck you’ve done to me, Willow. Four months ago, I’d have accepted her invitation without a second thought. But you know what I was thinking about while she was pressed up against me on the dance floor? You,” he said angrily. “I was thinking how great it would be if I could dance with you. But I knew you’d never agree to it.”
“We can’t give people any reason to talk right now, you know that,” I argued.
“What I know is that I can’t stay on this roller coaster much longer,” he said. “You say we can’t be together, but you beg me not to move away. I’m not allowed to touch you, but you get upset when I dance with someone else.” He shook his head and looked at me in disbelief. “You’ve got me begging for you and professing my love. Do you have any idea how many women have tried and failed to do this to me?”
“I know I haven’t been fair and I’m sorry,” I said with a sigh. Fresh tears fell from my eyes as frustration and guilt consumed me.
James sighed too and sat next to me on the bed. He leaned against the headboard and wrapped me in his arms. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered. He kissed the top of my head and lightly stroked my hair. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I promised not to push things this weekend and then I turned around and deliberately tried to make you jealous.”
I pulled away and stared at him. “You were trying to upset me?”
He frowned. “More like hoping I’d upset you. You’re the first woman who’s ever pushed me away, Willow. I don’t know how to handle it… I needed to see some sign that you still cared. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too,” I whispered. I lay down next to him on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know how everything got so damn complicated. I just keep waiting for something to give or for the universe to send me a sign, telling me what to do. I’m exhausted and I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this,” I confessed.
I felt the mattress shift beside me and turned to see James climbing off the bed. He stripped down to his t-shirt and boxer shorts, returned to the bed, and curled his body around mine. I was surprised to feel his cock flaccid against my leg.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“You just said you’re exhausted. When’s the last time you got a decent night’s rest?” he asked.
“I don’t remember,” I confessed. “I’ve had the most horrible dreams lately. I wake up scared to go back to sleep.” It was the truth. I’d had nightmares since the day Bradley caught James and I together on Eagle Point.
James tugged at the blankets and we wiggled beneath them. He lay on his back and cradled me in his arms. I relaxed for a moment and then pulled away.
“James, we can’t…”
“I’m not making a pass at you, Willow,” he assured me. “You have to get some rest. Forget about everything else and let me take care of you, just for tonight. All I want to do is hold you so if you wake up from a nightmare, you’ll know you’re safe. It doesn’t have to mean anything. I won’t get carried away.”
The fact that he’s offering this means everything.
“Okay,” I agreed. I laid my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me. My body relaxed as I inhaled his scent. Our breaths synchronized and I started to feel drowsy.
“You were right,” I whispered. “I feel safe with you.”
“You are safe with me,” he said, giving me a light squeeze. “And nothing will ever change that. No matter what happens, I will always have your back. I love you, Willow,” he said, his voice barely a whisper.
I couldn’t keep my feelings to myself any longer. “I love you too, James,” I replied just as softly. “I don’t know what it means, but I love you.” He kissed the top of my head and with a final yawn, I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
CHAPTER 6
Late the next morning, I woke up to find James staring at me as I slept. He was perched on the edge of the bed, already dressed for the day.
“Good morning,” he said, smiling down at me. “I was just about
to wake you. How did you sleep?”
I stretched and let out a long yawn. “I slept like a rock. Thank you so much for last night. I really needed that.” I felt rested and refreshed for the first time in weeks.
“It was my pleasure,” James said, not looking at me. “It’s getting late. We’re supposed to be down for breakfast in half an hour.”
I jumped out of the bed, rifled through my luggage, and found the sundress I’d packed for the day. “I need a quick shower,” I said, pulling an ironing board from the closet. “But first, I need to get the wrinkles out of this.”
James took the dress from my hands. “I’ll take care of it. You get cleaned up. I’ll leave the dress on the bed and wait for you in the living room.”
He meant what he said yesterday. He’s not going to push me about our relationship. He really does just want to take care of me.
“Thanks,” I said. My stomach grumbled and I remembered picking at my meal the night before. “I’ll be fast,” I called over my shoulder as I stepped into the bathroom. I took a three minute shower and blasted my hair with a blow dryer, all the while thinking about James.
He really has changed. If he hadn’t, he’d have tried to have sex with me last night. Hell, if he hadn’t changed, he’d have gone home with Layla. James loves me. Is that really something I can walk away from?
I pulled my hair up in a simple, sleek bun and applied a light layer of makeup. I brushed on a silver shadow to compliment my blue eyes and studied myself in the mirror.
I’m not going to worry about this right now. James isn’t pushing me for an answer. I’m going to relax and enjoy his company. I deserve to have a good time this weekend.
I returned to the bedroom where my ironed dress was waiting on the bed. I slipped into it, stepped into nude heels, and met James in the living room.
