Me? I was still undecided, taking the general classes first before ultimately deciding. I…I didn’t know what I wanted to be. How were you supposed to know what career you wanted for the rest of your life when you were only eighteen years old?
Mel let out a short laugh. “Uh, you know…I don’t know. My parents pretty much told me what to major in, but I don’t think they have any idea, either.”
“Do you always listen to mommy and daddy?” Mel didn’t talk about her parents often. In fact, she said she never went home to avoid them, because they were so focused on controlling her. I couldn’t even imagine how much worse they got after her attempted suicide. Helicopter parents. If my parents were like that, I’d go insane.
Her thin shoulders rose and fell once. “No, but…they always told me that Dean wasn’t good enough for me, and they turned out to be right about that, so…” Mel trailed off, suddenly looking sad. It was impressive how fast her expression could turn to one of doom and gloom. “It isn’t like I grew up wanting to be a lawyer or a teacher or something. I’d take any job after this, as long as it pays the bills.”
“Me too,” I agreed. Maybe Mel and I were more alike than I thought.
My eyes were back on the TV, but I could tell Mel still stared at me, no longer working on her homework. I pretended to ignore her, that was, until she opened her mouth and asked, “How are things with Levi? He came here looking for you, while you were gone, you know.”
No, I didn’t know that. And no, I didn’t want to know that.
Levi came looking for me? Why? He saw me drive off with my mom. He should’ve known I’d be gone for the weekend. He might’ve come looking for me, but he didn’t text me once. Didn’t try to call. Clearly, he didn’t care that much.
Or maybe that’s just what I told myself to try to make myself feel better.
“Nothing is going on between me and Levi,” I told her, hoping the confidence behind my voice proved it. “With everything he did to you, Mel, I…I don’t want anything to do with him.” I’d dropped that boy faster than a used condom after a dirty round of sex. I tried to, at least.
Mel frowned.
“What?”
“I believe you, but…” Mel was slow to close her laptop, her dark eyes lingering on me. “Levi played me so well last year, Kelsey. I don’t want him to play you, too—and maybe it’s stupid, but I feel like this is my fault.”
Blaming herself…for my stress regarding Levi?
“Why is it your fault?” I asked, knowing she was wrong. She had to be wrong.
“You’re my roommate. What are the odds that Levi went after you, not knowing?” Mel shook her head. “I don’t trust him. I mean, I don’t trust anyone after what happened, but I really don’t trust him.” Mel let out a sigh. “And Dean. Him and Dean.”
“They’re both dickbags,” I agreed. Hey, I could agree and still want to lick one of them from head to toe, right? “But seriously, Mel, you don’t have to worry. I’m not falling for any of Levi’s lies.” Kind of another lie, but, eh. Mel didn’t need to know just how deep my feelings for him ran.
“That’s what I swore to myself after Dean broke my heart,” Mel muttered. “That I wouldn’t fall for anyone else’s lies ever again.” Her eyelids fluttered shut as she added, “But I didn’t listen to my own advice.”
“You can’t beat yourself up for that,” I told her, meaning it. There were countless of things out there about people falling in love. Books, movies, TV shows, comics. Love was something most people wanted. The fact that Mel had wanted it after having her heart broken wasn’t a bad thing. She ended up choosing poorly, and added onto the fact that Levi was a good liar, and, well. We all knew where the story ended.
I never wanted to love anyone. Not yet, anyway. I just wanted to have the time of my life, to party it up, because once adulthood came, it would be all about bills and work and other responsibilities.
And to fall in love with a guy like Levi, with his past? Ugh. If I could’ve smacked some sense into me, I would have done so already.
“I guess,” Mel whispered. She got up and went to her tiny closet, picking up her shower caddy and grabbing her towel. “I’m going to shower.” She said nothing else as she left the room abruptly, almost like she didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
I didn’t blame her, but…I really hoped she didn’t think that I would continue to moon over Levi. I wasn’t going to choose his side over hers. Friends were more important than boyfriends…something I’d rightly fucked up lately.
I had to be better than this. Had to be.
That was something easier said than done, I was afraid. I hardly got any sleep that night, feeling uneasy about everything. And when I said everything, I meant it. Mel, what she’d told me. Everything that happened to her, Dean’s insistence on trying to talk to her. Me and everything with Levi, what Levi did, the look on his face when I told him I’d slept with someone else. My parents’ divorce…
Yeah, I had a lot on my mind, the least of all was Ash, my best friend, someone who, by all accounts, stopped talking to me because I fucked one of the guys she liked. It wasn’t like I did it on purpose, and I hated doing it while I was stuck in the bathroom with him, but those weren’t excuses.
Ash would probably hate me for a long time, and Mel…she was right not to trust me when I talked about Levi. I’d already kept him a secret from her, so who knew what else I’d keep from her?
When morning finally came, I rolled out of bed, getting dressed. I’d head to the union early, grab some late breakfast, and then get my phone—hopefully not seeing Dean or Levi—and, lastly, go to the library, where I’d spend the remainder of my day, researching and outlining.
My two least favorite things to do.
Mel was already up by the time I was getting ready, and she gave me a tiny smile as I took her raincoat. The skies were dark and grey; you’d never know it was morning if you looked outside. Needless to say, it was raining pretty damn hard.
I was about to walk out the door, Mel’s raincoat in my hand—I would wait until I reached the lobby to put it on, feeling like a dweeb merely carrying it—when Mel called out to me, “Do you want to borrow my boots, too?”
No, the raincoat was already dorky enough. No calf-high rubber boots for me.
“That’s okay,” I said. “I’ll make do.”
She said nothing else, and I left the room, heading down the hall to the elevators. I hit the down button, fingers tapping against the smooth surface of the raincoat. I was the chick who refused to wear a winter coat in the wintertime, even when it was negative degrees outside. My parents hated it, but no matter what they did, I refused to keep any of those huge, puffy coats on for long. This raincoat was…almost as bad as the puffy ones, but sitting in the library while soaking wet did not sound like my idea of a fun day.
By the time the elevator doors slid open, I was a bundle of nerves. Seeing Levi would be the worst thing ever, followed shortly by Dean, who probably would refuse to give my phone back unless I either brought Mel with me or agreed to help him get back with her.
Which I would never, ever do. I’d just have to explain to my parents that I lost my phone, have to do without one for a while. It wasn’t like they had the money to go out and buy one right away. They’d have to save up—or maybe I’d have to look into getting a job somewhere around here and buy it outright myself.
I got onto the elevator, ignoring the other SCC students on it. Making friends hadn’t really been on my list of things to do while I was here. I didn’t want to make new friends. My personality wasn’t the overly-friendly type, and truly, it took a certain kind of person to deal with me constantly.
The elevator took us to the ground level, and I was the first one off. I watched as the other people headed right out into the rain, already wearing their coats, the hoods up. They didn’t look too dorky, so maybe I was overexaggerating how stupid raincoats and winter jackets were.
Or maybe they just didn’t look good on me
.
I stood near the glass vestibule, staring at the terrible weather outside as I shrugged on Mel’s raincoat. Once the zipper was up and the hood covered my head, I headed out. The rain pounded on the almost plastic-y material, drumming noise into my ears. Not many people were out and about in weather like this; not only was it a Saturday, but the weather was also shit. The sidewalks were mostly empty.
The walk to the union was a long one. Or maybe it just felt long because of the rain, the dark, ominous grey skies above me, and the way I felt. Nervous. Somehow, somehow I had the feeling the person who had my phone would be one of the two guys I did not want to see. My luck was shitty, this much I knew already. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that my luck was absolutely abysmal.
Turned out, I probably should’ve taken Mel’s rainboots, too. I managed to step in a pretty deep puddle and completely soak my right foot, sock included. And anyone who’s lived knew there was hardly anything worse out there than a wet sock, except maybe stepping on a Lego.
I made it to the union, miraculously keeping my other foot pretty dry. My right foot squished every single time I took a step on it, which was annoying. My hands flipped the hood down, and I unzipped the jacket and folded it over my arms as I headed to the area where the food places were.
Honestly, the last thing I wanted to do was eat, but I hadn’t eaten much all week. It was time to snap out of my funk and return to the old me.
Pancakes and some bacon were mine, after swiping my meal card, and I headed into the cafeteria-like area, where rows and rows of tables were. During the week, the tables were packed, hardly an open chair, which was why I usually took my food back to the dorm, if the weather permitted.
Now?
There was hardly a soul in sight. It was kind of nice, having ninety percent of the tables empty.
I sat myself on one of the farthest tables, near the windows so I could gaze outside and contemplate the meaning of life.
Hah. Kidding. I focused on the important thing: the food in front of me.
I wasn’t one of those people who could sit there and eat all ladylike. Etiquette and its very definition had been lost on me. I shoveled food into my mouth just as well as the next guy, chewing with my mouth open and burping every so often. I used to drive my parents mad. It was kind of funny—I’d started eating like that on purpose to annoy them, but eventually it became an ingrained habit.
The pancakes were good, but the bacon was where it’s at. I loved bacon. I loved bacon almost as much as Ash loved her chicken nuggets. There were just some things in life you could kill for, and bacon was one of them. Heaven would be me surrounded by bacon…and other appendages made of meat.
Okay, that was a failed attempt at trying to joke like I used to. It fell about as flat as my pancakes were.
Dicks. I meant I’d be surrounded by bacon and dicks in heaven.
Eh. Shouldn’t be thinking of dicks anyway, considering my recent history with them. Me and dicks lately didn’t mix well. I mean, when I was with Levi, it felt hella good, but there was always a tiny part of me that worried what Mel would do if she found out.
Wish I would’ve known what was going to happen; I could’ve saved myself a lot of trouble.
I let out a sigh, having finished my plate of food. I was about to reach into my pocket to pull out my phone so I could glance at the time, but again, the joke was on me. No phone to be seen, which made me dart my eyes all around the area near me, trying to find a clock hanging on a wall. Totally old-school.
I found one hanging above the side entrance to the union nearest me. A few minutes until ten, and I wondered if whoever it was was going to be late, make me wait.
I didn’t have to wonder for long, because not two seconds later did I see someone walk through the doors the clock was near, someone I didn’t want to see. A person who made my heart skip a beat, my skin heat up, and my inner thighs clench in memory of feeling his cock inside of me.
Levi.
Fucking Levi.
I should’ve known. I should’ve known better than to hope it would be anyone else.
Levi looked…well, good was an understatement. Even with his brown hair dripping wet, he was still jaw-droppingly gorgeous in a way most guys just weren’t. His thick shoulders had an old, worn jean jacket on, the top layer a darker color than the rest due to being wet from the rain. Jeans that looked amazing, hugging every feature on his tall body—and I meant every feature.
His crotch. I meant his crotch. Totally natural for my eyes to drop there, right?
Once he stepped inside, he surveyed the area, spotting me instantly. Meanwhile, I still ogled him, my jaw practically on the floor. No cool Kelsey today. She hightailed it a while ago, apparently.
Levi’s expression turned serious, and he headed straight for me. I crossed my legs, trying to ignore the way my body heated up. God, it was good to see him again, even after our last encounter. Even after what I said and what I did, I still liked seeing him.
Stupid. Fucking stupid.
He took the chair opposite me, sliding into it easily, suave his middle name. Me? My mouth was still agape, and I bet I looked awful. Just when I got my jaw under control, closing it so I didn’t look like a silly little girl in way over her head, I noticed that his cheeks and chin were free of stubble, recently shaved.
Smooth. So smooth.
Thoughts entered my head that most certainly shouldn’t, but I could not stop those thoughts from forming nonetheless: how would that face feel between my legs, that mouth attached to me?
“Kelsey,” Levi spoke my name in a murmur, a chill going down my spine. Mel’s raincoat sat next to me, folded up, and it took everything in me to not grab it, throw it over my shoulders, and run away. Run far, far away from this man.
To say I was hot and cold for him would be an understatement. I didn’t know whether I wanted to fuck his brains out or run for my life to avoid the hold he had on my heart.
“Why did I have the feeling it was going to be you?” I asked, fiddling with the paper plate in front of me. This campus was not privy to the whole recycling thing. Straws and plastic lids were still in abundance.
“Maybe because no matter how hard we try, we can’t seem to avoid each other,” Levi offered, setting his hands on the table between us. Those hands…they were capable of a lot of things, more things I shouldn’t be thinking of right now.
Like how they felt traversing my body, caressing every part of me. How strong they could be, forcing my legs open. How firm those wonderful hands could be as he grabbed my wrists and held me in place, as if I’d ever run.
I said nothing, watching as Levi’s back straightened, as he reached into his pocket and pulled out my phone. He set it on the table between us, closer to him than me. If I made any fast moves for it, he’d be able to snatch it up quicker. It was a purposeful placement.
“You want to tell me what your phone was doing outside my house?” Levi posed the question, those blue eyes staring at me as if he already knew the answer. Such a beautiful, entrancing blue. The kind of blue the sky wished it could be, pure and deep.
“I don’t think you’ll believe anything I say,” I spoke dryly, feeling the need to break eye contact and look away. Those eyes…they made me remember too much. All those times we snuck around together, hooking up in the weirdest places because neither one of us wanted to bring the other back to their place.
We’d both hidden things from each other, and I’d made sure the bridges could never be repaired between us.
Levi’s jaw tensed, and even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew he gazed steadily at me. “Why don’t you try the truth?”
The truth. As if the truth was simple. The truth of it all? It wasn’t simple, and it sure as hell wasn’t easy. The truth was we both fucked up, we both made bad decisions that we probably regretted. I mean, I couldn’t speak on his behalf, but I could speak on mine. I regretted going to Hillcrest. I’d regret it even if I would’ve chosen a random
guy to hook up with, and not my best friend’s crush.
“The truth,” I echoed, faint. I finally drew my stare back to him, momentarily struck by how handsome he was. Why couldn’t Levi be hideous or something? It would make this a hell of a lot easier.
“The truth,” Levi said again. “I know it’s something we both have issues with.”
I shook my head. Levi had no right to sound so…normal after everything. After what he did, what I did, what I said… “I had a nightmare.”
His dark brows lifted. “A nightmare?”
“I dreamt that you saw me with…” I trailed off, biting my bottom lip as I fought with my mind, trying to figure out what to say without sounding absolutely pathetic. “I dreamt that you saw us, okay? And I…I hated it. When I woke up, I needed to see you.”
“But you didn’t see me. You hung around the Sigma Chi house.”
“I know. It wasn’t like I wanted to walk in and see you with anyone,” I muttered. “So I didn’t. I stayed outside. I might’ve, uh, fallen asleep or something, but—” I shrugged. “—that’s it. There’s really not a big story here.”
Levi said nothing for the longest time, studying me with those blue eyes, with that expression that made me even more guilty. “You know there’s no other girl out there for me,” he whispered, strangely serious.
That’s because this whole thing was serious. This was not a laughing matter.
“Yeah, well, you ruined me, I ruined you.” Again, I shrugged as I brought my hands to my lap, fiddling with my fingers under the table so he couldn’t see how nervous he made me. “I guess the ruination was mutual.” Was ruination even a word? I had no idea. Didn’t care.
I, Kelsey Yates, was nervous. Levi made me nervous. Completely flabbergasted me, because never before had any schlub with a schlong made me antsy or anxious, but Levi…Levi did it naturally. Levi did it without trying.
Mistakes : A College Bully Romance Page 24
