by Hillary Avis
No—she needed Paul back. His name wasn’t in the table of contents, but she knew the books renumbered the pages and revised the table of contents as the memories inside them changed. She’d seen it herself when she’d removed Myra’s pages from the Guardians book when she’d become the guardian herself. Maybe Paul’s pages had been removed.
Allison found her own name in the contents and turned to the end of her chapter, pressing the book flat to check the gutters. There, she located the stubby ends of three missing pages.
Yes. That’s where Paul’s memories should be.
She knew the torn-out page wasn’t the first page of the memory and the beginning of the chapter, because that would have Paul’s name as a chapter heading. And clearly, it couldn’t be the final page—the memory continued on, past the end of the page she held in her hand. So it had to be a middle page of the memory. But without the other pages, how could she tell if it belonged in this memory or another one?
She picked up the loose page and examined the cut edge. It was a clean cut, not a rough tear—Elaine must have used a razor or X-Acto knife—but it wasn’t perfectly straight. She might be able to tell if the edges matched. She held her breath as she lined up the cut edges.
They didn’t. The cut edge of the page curved ever so slightly outward, and so did the middle page-stub in the book. They couldn’t be the same memory. Her breath came out in a rush, leaving her feeling as deflated as a popped party balloon. She put Falling in Love aside and moved on to the next book. This one was navy blue and had Workplace Romance printed on the spine, although the cover itself was smooth and blank, one of the least decorated books she’d seen in the library.
Before she could open it and check for torn pages, a knock came at the door, a hard rapping like someone was hitting the door with a stick. The noise jarred the puppies awake, and they whimpered as they raised their heads. Allison made a comforting noise to soothe them and stashed the page underneath the stack of books so the draft from the front door wouldn’t blow it off the table. She rose to answer the knock, her stomach tight as she approached the door. Who could it be? She wasn’t expecting anyone.
As she neared, she heard familiar voices drifting in from the porch.
“Maybe she’s not home.” Taylor sounded glum.
“She is. I would have seen her leave,” Michelle said sharply.
Another hard knock came just as Allison pulled open the door, and she was nearly smacked in the face by the handle of Michelle’s cane, which she’d been using to rap on the wood. Taylor giggled, and Allison felt her face flush.
“Took you long enough.” Michelle leaned on her cane to step around Allison and head down the hall. Taylor quickly loped behind her, pushing back the strawberry blond hair that swept onto his forehead.
Allison rolled her eyes. “By all means, come in,” she said, gesturing to the empty entryway before she closed the front door.
“We need to talk,” Michelle called from the dining room. She scraped back a chair and sat, motioning for Taylor to do the same once Allison entered the room. Taylor ignored her, sinking to his knees next to the puppies, squealing softly under his breath. As he bent his head over the pen, Allison couldn’t help noticing that his mop of strawberry blond hair was almost the exact shade of the yellow Labs’ fur.
He looked at her over his shoulder. “You didn’t tell me you got puppies!” he said, his tone accusing.
Allison chuckled. “I just brought them home last night. I was going to tell you first thing, I promise.”
“Can I hold them?” When Allison nodded, Taylor dipped into the pile of drowsy forms and lifted the red-collar pup out. “What’s its name?”
“Red.”
“What about this one?” He held up the blue-collared one.
“Blue.”
He blew out an annoyed breath. “You haven’t even named them?!”
“They’re not mine,” Allison explained gently. “They’re my friends’ puppies.”
“Why do you have them, then?” He tucked the puppy close to his chest and stroked its ears as it snuggled into his T-shirt.
“Their mom was hit by a car, we think, and my friends can’t take care of them right now.”
Taylor looked down at the puppy in his arms and his face softened. “That’s sad,” he said finally. “Bad people shouldn’t be able to just walk away from what they did wrong. I hope the police find who did it.”
Allison pressed the back of her hand to her mouth reflexively. He wasn’t talking about Jenny, not really—he was talking about his own parents, Tim and Dara. They’d never had justice, not even the justice of a murder investigation. When the cause of their deaths was determined to be a snakebite, the case had been closed, chalked up to a tragic twist of nature. But she knew better—it was Elaine’s doing...and maybe Zack’s, too. “I hope so, too,” she said softly.
“We’re not here for puppies,” Michelle snapped. Allison had almost forgotten she was there, she’d been so lost in watching Taylor discover the squirming litter of Labs.
“Can I get you some tea or something?”
Michelle shook her head. “Not here for tea, either. Have you talked to Emily? When is she coming down?”
Oh. That. Their agreement to hand over the pen to Emily seemed lightyears in the past. A whole human had been born since then. “I’ve been busy, sorry. I’ll let you know.”
Michelle gnawed her thumbnail and stared at her, seeming to consider her response. Then she said, “Call her now.”
“Sure. I’ll touch base with her this evening.” Allison nodded and turned back to Taylor. “You know, I was just thinking—do you want to name them? I don’t think my friends will mind if you pick some names out.”
Taylor’s whole face lit up. “Yeah!”
“Now-now,” Michelle said firmly, her eyes fixed on Allison. “Not later-now. I want to see you do it.”
Allison frowned. “Why?”
“Because I don’t think you’re going to do it, obviously. Seeing you and Paul together confirmed exactly why the guardian should not be connected to either of the founding families. You know too much. You care too much. I want a new guardian—a neutral guardian.”
Allison crossed her arms, her heart thudding desperately. She needed more time in the library. More time to find the right location for Paul’s memory page—and more time to locate Elaine’s storage unit and get the rest of his memories back. When a new guardian took over, she’d lose all her memories of her time guarding the library, just like Myra had. “I will do it. I swear. But shouldn’t we wait? At least until we get the memory paper back?”
“I don’t need you for that,” Michelle said starkly.
“You do, actually. Once my guardianship ends, then you won’t be able to use the library, either. And we need to see Elaine’s memories to find the paper—and make sure she stays in prison. That reminds me. We don’t have much time. Kara Lee told me that Leroy’s trying to transfer Elaine to the county jail. Once she moves, her memories will disappear from the books, won’t they? We won’t be able to watch her anymore.”
Michelle nodded, her mouth a grim line. “We don’t have much time, then.”
“I can write a memory to fix it. I can make Leroy delay the move,” Allison said quickly.
Michelle’s eyes opened wide, and the skin between her freckles paled. “Please tell me you’re kidding. You can’t just play God and tinker with everyone’s memories any time you feel like it. I can’t believe you said that out loud.”
“You didn’t seem to care when it was Elaine.”
“That was an emergency.” Michelle pursed her lips. “I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now. You might as well send the whole memory library up in smoke if you’re willing to mess with people’s minds like that.”
“Elaine would do the same to us, and you know it. She’d do worse.” Allison crossed her arms, fury heating her cheeks. She was the one tasked with guarding the library, anyway. For all Michelle’s watch
ing, she hadn’t seen danger coming. Elaine had just waltzed right in. “She had a key to the library! Why did you let her keep it once her guardianship was over? Why didn’t you change the locks?”
Michelle’s expression shifted from disapproval to queasiness. “I’ve been thinking about that,” she said slowly. “I can’t figure it out.”
“What?”
“I never change the locks between guardians—I don’t need to. They pass the key to the next guardian.”
Allison rolled her eyes. “Nobody’s ever made a copy of their house key.”
“That’s just it. Even if a guardian made a copy, when their pages are torn out, they shouldn’t be able to remember what the key was for. But Elaine did.” Michelle waited two beats before she leaned forward across the table. “She remembers everything. How?”
“Maybe Myra didn’t tear out her pages,” Taylor piped up from the floor between giggles. He had two of the four puppies on his lap now and was doing his best to avoid being licked on the chin.
“She did. I know she did,” Allison said. “If she hadn’t, Elaine’s pages still would have been in the Guardians book when I became the guardian. Plus, I clearly remember that only two names were in the table of contents. Mine and Myra’s. You can check my memories if you don’t believe me.”
Michelle tilted her head as she stared at Allison, her eyes narrowed skeptically.
“Seriously, you don’t trust me? Read it for yourself!” Allison stormed to the bookshelf and pulled down the Guardians book and thrust it out toward Michelle. “You can see exactly what I saw and did that day.”
Michelle took it, set the book down on the table, and rested her hand on top of it, rubbing her fingers idly over the raised lettering on the cover. “I believe you. I just can’t figure out how she did it. Her memories should just be gone if they were torn out. Like Paul’s.”
“Like Paul’s,” Allison echoed. Her gaze slipped to the pile of books on the table and the single page of Paul’s memory that she knew lay underneath them. “Do you think—do you think she reattached them somehow? Like maybe Myra didn’t burn them and Elaine somehow got ahold of them? Put them back in the book?”
Michelle cracked open the Guardians book, checked the table of contents, then closed it again. “She’d be in here, wouldn’t she? Anyway, I doubt memory pages can be reattached. Once they’re torn out, they’re dead.”
The world tilted slightly, and Allison grabbed on to the bookshelf beside her to keep from falling. Understanding flickered across Michelle’s face.
“I didn’t want to say it before—I know you’ve been hopeful about finding his pages. But don’t get your hopes too high about getting those memories back in his head. I don’t think the books will work like that.”
“How would you know? You’re just the watcher,” Allison snapped before she could stop herself. Hot tears formed in the corners of her eyes and she brushed them angrily away.
“It’s an important job,” Taylor said in a small voice from where he sat on the other side of the table. He raised up on his knees so he could see Allison. “We all work together to keep the books safe, even if we can’t be friends.”
“And we all have to give things up,” Michelle added. Her eyes were liquid, too, as she focused on Taylor. “We all sacrifice for the library. Some of us more than others.”
Allison swallowed, her throat tight. Still, her voice came out a whisper. “I know.”
Chapter 7
Michelle refused to leave until Allison called Emily right there in front of her. It was a pointless exercise, which is why Allison did it. She knew Emily was far too dedicated to her new internship at the children’s hospital to answer personal calls. She left a voicemail under Michelle’s beady eye.
“Em, it’s Mom. Let’s plan a time for you to come down and visit when you have a day off. I miss you. Call me back when you get a chance.”
Michelle snorted when she hung up the phone. “Not exactly an urgent message.”
“She’s a doctor,” Allison said defensively. “She can’t drop everything and race down here every time I snap my fingers.”
“She would if she was my child.”
“Well, she’s not.”
Michelle sucked in her cheeks like she’d bitten a sour cherry. “Obviously. My child is dead.”
Allison couldn’t help a glance at Taylor to gauge his reaction. It was cruel of Michelle to say things like that in front of him, but then she’d been hasty in her words, too. Taylor seemed to be ignoring them on purpose as he stroked the puppies’ soft fur. The only sign he’d heard anything was the way his lower lip disappeared as he sucked it into his mouth. She sighed. “I’m going to tell her about the library, I promise. And I’ll get her down here as soon as I can.”
“Good. In the meantime, keep looking for the location of the storage unit in the books. We need to find it before Elaine gets transferred.” When Allison nodded, Michelle pushed up from the table with a small groan as she straightened her back. “Come on, Taylor. We have errands to run.”
He made a noise of protest from the floor. “But I haven’t picked their names yet! I haven’t learned their personalities.”
“Come play with them any time,” Allison said gently. “I’ll wait to hear your ideas, I promise.”
Michelle shot her an indecipherable look and reminded Taylor of her request with a thump of her cane tip on the hard floor. He sighed and, after pressing his cheek against each puppy, put them back in their pen. Then he got up from his spot on the floor, reluctance oozing from his pores even as he followed his grandmother down the hall.
Just as they were leaving, his breath caught, and he turned back to Allison. “You could maybe use the books to find out who did it.” At her confused expression, he clarified. “To their mom. Who hit her. I mean, while you’re looking for the paper and stuff. Obviously, that’s the most important thing.” A wistful expression crossed his face.
Michelle was already out on the porch and motioned impatiently to him. He scampered to catch up, so all Allison had time to say before the door swung shut behind them both was, “I will.”
She would try, even though it seemed like a long shot that she’d ever run across the memory. That kid deserved something. The library had taken away so much from him—his parents, his sense of safety, even his childhood. The least she could do is give it back to him in the form of puppy snuggles and maybe the satisfaction of finding out who killed Jenny.
EMILY RETURNED HER call on her dinner break. “You sounded weird in your message. What’s going on?”
Allison gave an uncomfortable laugh. “Probably because my neighbor was here. Sorry. How’s your schedule look? Will you be able to visit on the weekend?”
“Let me check.” A pause, during which Allison could hear the faint sounds of a protein bar being unwrapped. “Maybe Saturday afternoon? Zack’s free then.”
“Oh, you don’t need to bring him.” It came out too quickly. On the other end of the line, Emily was quiet. Allison rushed to fill the silence. “I have some new foster puppies, and Zack’s allergies...”
“I meant to tell you! He’s on new allergy meds. He wanted to be able to spend more time with all of us as a family, and he knows how important your foster dogs are to you. Isn’t that sweet?” Emily’s tone was adoring. Allison could almost hear her admiring her engagement ring. But she didn’t know that Zack’s interest in their family might be more sinister than sweet.
“I was hoping for some time with you alone. You, me, and Dad.”
“Don’t worry about it, Mom. Zack’ll probably just say hi and then go visit his mom.”
“Is the jail even open for family visits on Saturdays?” Allison asked.
“He’s got law enforcement connections through work, so he can pull some strings. Plus, he’s technically her lawyer. Did I tell you? He’s filing a motion to get her case moved up here to Multnomah County, and there’s a bunch of paperwork they have to do to document why it’s a hardship f
or him to drive down there all the time to defend her.”
All the breath left Allison’s lungs. Now it was her turn to be quiet.
“Don’t be like that,” Emily said.
“Like what?”
“Angry. Vindictive. Whatever. She’s his mom. He’s a lawyer. He’s just trying to make sure she’s treated fairly. Don’t make it out like it’s you against her, and we’re choosing her. There aren’t sides here.”
Except there were sides. Michelle was right. Emily needed to know who she was living with—and what was at stake.
“Saturday it is!” She tried to sound cheerful, but Emily was too smart for that.
“What’s going on?”
“I can’t look forward to seeing my only daughter?”
“Ugh. Zack warned me that you were going to be weird.”
“I’m not being weird, Em. I just—” she broke off. “I have some things I need to tell you. Some stuff about our family that’s private, that’s all.”
“Are you and Dad getting a divorce?” Emily’s voice held a note of resignation, like she’d seen it coming. It wasn’t an absurd idea, given the circumstances, Allison had to admit. But it still shot through her like a bullet.
“No, that’s not it at all. Your dad wants to pass something on to you. Something with a bit of history attached to it.”
“More crap from the storage unit?” Emily’s bad mood was snowballing.
“Hey now,” Allison rebuked gently, trying to lighten the tone of the conversation. “It may be crap, but it’s our crap. If you don’t want it, it can stay in the storage unit.”
“Zack said—”
Allison cut her off. “Zack’s opinion isn’t relevant. This is about us. Our family.”
