by Roman Koidl
“How come? What happened?,” she answered in shock leaning forward exposing her cleavage.
“I was promised to work on Mr. Skladden’s biggest project. But he is gone and all that I am doing is sitting over there looking at the wall,” I explained disappointed.
“I don’t know about any arrangement you may have had with Mr. Skladden but what did you expect?” she asked me resting her head on her folded hands.
“Work. I expected to be fully involved and taken serious,” I complained.
“But you’re doing an internship. It takes time to get to a level where you are 100% involved. But eventually you will,” she was using the same tactic as Mr. Skladden before. Persuade me with promises and then have me hanging around.
“I believe you, but this is not what I am looking for,” I remarked.
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that then,” she acknowledged.
“I’ll deal with the human resources department,” she offered.
“Thanks!” I said shaking her hand.
“I wish you all the best. There’s no need for you to stay the day,” she said.
“Hey, it’s me calling. I just quit,” I said into my phone as I was leaving the office for the last time.
“WHAT? Why?,” the voice responded in disbelief.
“Well, I told you everything last night. It just wasn’t for me mom,” I said relieved being finished with this chapter in my life.
“Ok. Let’s talk when you’re home,” she replied.
Mom took it easy. Maybe Loretta would too. The train was empty at this time. Only a few teenagers with their backpacks were on their way to school. What should I tell Loretta? The fear of her rejection was haunting me.
The rest of the day I was searching the web for new jobs. I concluded that I would call Loretta tonight. That would buy me some more time to come up with a good explanation for my decision.
It was slowly turning dark outside. Loretta would be on her way home now.
“Hello?” she answered her phone.
“Hey, it’s me!” I responded smiling.
“Hey, my love. So how was it today?” she asked friendly.
“I’m on the hunt again,” I responded dryly.
“I know, you have never stopped. But why are you telling me that?” she asked seeming to know the answer already.
“I quite my internship this morning,” I said expecting her to go crazy.
“Oh! That’s OK,” she responded untouched.
“That’s it. You don’t mind?” I asked.
“Patrick, it’s your life. Do what you think is right. This situation is too hard already. I am purely concentrating on my stuff right now and whatever happens, happens,” she explained.
I didn’t expect that answer.
“I understand,” I remarked and added “That’s fair enough.”
“Do you want to know what I will do now?” I asked her.
“No, not really. I want to see results, not just hear dreams about it,” she answered quickly.
This is worse than having her being mad at me. She is giving up on me.
“Wow. Well you know I am doing my best,” I told her calmly.
“Yes, I do. But again, let’s talk about something else than your plans. When you have something organized then I’ll get excited as well. Until then just let us see what happens and take it easy,” she explained.
“Why don’t we talk tomorrow? I am really tired,” she added.
“Sure. Call me,” I answered surprised about the development of the conversation.
“Sure. Bye. Big Kiss,” she said.
“Bye. I love you!” I answered.
Wow. This did not go as planned. The fact that she lost trust in me actually gave me strength to show her she was wrong. Only when you feel great pain you are able to change something in your life. I felt the pain and I didn’t like it.
The next day I was back to my usual routine: Get up, check my emails, head to the coffee shop, and send out as many applications as I could. It was always a terrible feeling to open my email account and not finding any new emails. I set up an extra email account only for my applications. It was devastating to send out more than ten applications a day, and day after day the inbox stayed empty. The same occurred today.
Even my bank account was depleting more and more.
Damn it!
I was on the ground. I was about to not just lose Loretta again. I was close to losing my hopes for the future.
Chapter 11
Staying is not moving
When I feel lost I always turn to my brother. He is five years older and quite the opposite of what I am. Quiet, smart, and never takes a step without thinking about every possible consequence. He never tried to convince me of anything. He always showed me my options and left it to me to take action. He should have become a psychologist, not a computer engineer.
As I was making my way home from Loretta’s, I tried to call him.
Beeeep, Beeeep.
I knew if somebody had advice for me it was Marc.
Beeeep, Beeeep.
Come on, pick up
Beeeep, Beeeep.
“Asshole!” he greeted me.
We always showed our affection through insults. It was our way of saying I love you.
“How do you know it was me pubic hair?” I responded surprised.
“Your caller ID, idiot,” he pointed out sharply. “What’s up? I have a meeting in a few minutes. I hope it’s important,” he rushed me.
“Well, maybe not for you but for me it is,” I answered, not sure if I should have called him in the first place.
“Tell me,” he rushed me.
“It’s the same old. I am about to lose Loretta if nothing drastic happens,” I started to complain.
“OK. And what’s the news? There is no week where you don’t fight or are afraid that you will lose her,” he commented, bored.
“This time it’s different,” I said scratching my head, “I know that I will not only lose her but be unhappy with my life if I don’t take drastic measures,” I concluded.
“OK. Let me ask you this: What is it that holds you back,” he asked.
“Not sure. I guess I want to find a job here but in reality I know it is impossible. I want to please Loretta, if you want to know the truth,” I admitted.
“Mhm! I understand. What do you think would make you happy?” he continued asking.
“I guess a job that I like and a job that is somewhere else but here. The world has too much to offer and my life is too short to only stay in one place,” I realized.
“Do you think that trying to please Loretta is putting you on a hold?”
“I do not want to blame anyone but I believe that I can be more than I am right now but I am my worst enemy trying to please outer factors,” I said passing a loud group of tourists on a sightseeing tour through the medieval city centre.
“I have to get into the meeting. Here is my advice to you, follow your gut feeling and everything will fall into place. You have answered it already for yourself. You just have to follow through,” he analysed.
“I understand,” I acknowledged, awestruck.
“Gotta go now. How are mom and dad?” he asked.
“They’re fine. Thanks again for your advice”.
“Anytime. Talk later,” he said and hung up.
He was right. I had to do what I wanted to do. Only by doing this I can achieve happiness. I was sure about that.
At - home I sat down and made a list with the cities I could imagine working in. Thinking about it, Miami struck me. I have never been there but it was warm, exotic, and in the country I always wanted to live in, the United States. I truly believed that I could find something there. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I had to try it. Loretta was about to leave me and I wasn’t able to find a job. I had to expand and risk it all. I was contemplating how to tell Loretta about my plan. Just tell her that I am going to try to find something on the other side of the globe or
wait until I have an offer on the table? My brother always suggested that I should become independent and not try to please anybody but myself. He was living in Italy and followed his passion. He risked losing his wife due to the distance. But he kept his faith and left. Eventually, she followed him. If you want to be successful in anything you have to be a man and make a decision. Be an alpha. Staying is not moving and moving is what will bring changes.
After I made this decision, my excitement rose. I stopped thinking about the possible consequences of losing Loretta and maybe not even becoming happy in Miami. Now all that counted was that I have to follow my dream.
There wasn’t a day that passed without me flooding companies in Miami with applications. I figured that if I sent out twenty a day at least one had to get back to me by the end of the week.
Every day I anxiously opened my emails. I even bought a smartphone so I was able to check my mails 24/7, no matter where I was.
It was midnight as the ringing of my phone pulled me violently out of my sleep.
+1. The American country code. Suddenly, after realizing this I was wide awake. I took three deep breaths and cleared my throat several times and picked up.
“Patrick Wright hello?” I answered firmly as if I was awake for hours.
“Hello Mr. Wright. This is Amy from 96.7 The Party in Miami calling,” the young voice replied. “Do you have a minute?,” she asked politely.
“Sure. Thanks for calling,” I answered, excited.
“I believe you are in Germany. I hope I didn’t wake you up?” she asked slightly ashamed.
“No not at all. I was awake,” I replied, rubbing my eyes.
“Great. We would like to schedule a phone interview with you,” she informed me.
“Sure,” I replied happily.
“Would you be able to talk on Thursday? That would be in two days from now,” she asked.
“That would work fine,” I replied scribbling the day on a notepad.
“We would like to do it via the internet using the webcam so that we can see you in person. Do you have a webcam?” she asked.
“Yes I do”.
“Great. So this Thursday at 2 p.m. Miami time. What time is that for you?” she asked.
“That would be….wait a sec….eight in the evening,” I responded looking at my watch.
“Would that work for you?,” she asked politely.
“Yes, sure. That is fine. Looking forward to it,” I acknowledged the appointment.
“Great. You will be speaking with Thomas Jeffries, our station manager,” she informed me.
“Have a nice day,” she added and hung up.
YES!!! I was on cloud seven. I started to believe if you really truly want something no matter how high the obstacles you can reach it. You only really have to believe in it and work hard for it.
I went back to bed, unable to fall asleep again. I was visualizing myself sitting on the beach in Miami drinking a Piña Colada out of a coconut. I need to work on my abs. I am far off from a beach body. I need to look as if I was auditioning for Baywatch. Loretta was right when she said that I dream a lot.
Due to my exciting night, I slept in. I concluded not to tell anyone about this chance. Loretta’s words that talk was cheap and only results count made sense to me. Like my routine for the applications, I had a routine for my interview preparation. Think of questions they may ask; look for tasks I fulfilled in earlier jobs that could benefit my new work place; look up the interviewer on the internet; try to know as much as possible about the hiring company’s – latest deals, projects, history, goals, etc. – and most important print the job description so I know exactly the skillsets they are seeking in their prospective new employee.
This was my homework for the next two days. Additionally, I had to find a good background for the interview. I could hardly have them see my bed and my desk full of papers and dusty CD’s. I was standing in my bedroom trying to find a good spot to position the webcam. I had a large grey closet that went from one end of the room to the next. It was enormous. I got a small table and a chair from the cellar and placed it in front of the closet. That will work.
Let’s log on. I was sitting on a small wooden stool wearing my white shirt with a silver tie and my black blazer. I wasn’t wearing any pants. I could not forget to remain seated and not stand up. I just didn’t see any sense in wearing pants. They only saw my upper body. Now I knew how TV news readers must feel.
I was waiting patiently for the station to call me.
Read the news at Radio Sun, did live reports from a shopping mall. I mumbled to myself as I was going over my resume again.
Tuuuuuuut, Tuuuuuuut.
Ohh! They are calling me over the internet.
I grabbed the mouse and clicked on “Answer with video”.
I cleared my throat one last time taking a deep breath and repeating the mantra I can do it, I’m the best.
A young Asian man appeared on my computer screen.
“Greetings Patrick. Happy you found time,” greeting me with a friendly voice from his office chair. The window behind him revealed the beach far in the background. I couldn’t stop smiling as I saw this.
“I hope it’s OK if I call you Patrick?” he added.
“Sure. No problem at all,” I replied friendly trying to suppress my excitement.
“You are applying for a news reader position with us. What exactly have you done in the past that matches this task?” he started the interview.
Good that I prepared.
I started to tell him about my past experiences and tried to show him that I would be a great benefit for them.
The interview was going now for more than twenty minutes. A pleasant conversation developed.
“Patrick, I hope you understand that we are looking for someone now. Would you be able to start straight away?”.
”Sure. That’s no problem,” I was thrilled. If they ask this it means they are interested.
“Perfect!” I could see the relief going through his face.
“Do you have any questions?” he asked me.
“Yes. How did you get into the industry?,” I asked him curiously.
“Back home in Hawaii, I started to work at a station washing the cars of the staff and literally did everything to get my foot in the door. Eventually, I got the chance to try my luck in front of the microphone. And some years later I became a station manager,” he told me proudly.
“Well Patrick. I like what you told me and I see that you are interested and I am willing to take you under my wing if you are want too. I think this could be a great chance for you,” he said.
My tension rose.
“Under these circumstances we would like to offer you a position with our station. When exactly would you be able to be here? I believe you still have a lot to organize beforehand.”
“Well thank you. That’s great news. Actually, I don’t have that much to organize. Just have to get a visa and a flight and find a place to stay. That’s it,” I explained barely able to hide my excitement about the offer.
“Ok then. We will be in email contact. As soon as you know when you have everything together we can set a date. Looking forward to seeing you soon,” he told me.
“Oh by the way. Please wear pants when you are here,” he smiled at me turning his webcam off.
Oh, Jesus. How could he have possibly seen it?
First South Africa and now the U.S. I was starting to believe that my destiny is not here. I felt the world was mine. I was back on track to follow my dream. You have to start somewhere. I don’t believe that I am made for a typical nine to five job. I need the adventure and want to see the world.
I felt my life was back on track again. All that was left to do was
to talk to Loretta. I was so excited about this opportunity to work abroad again that I didn’t even consider her reaction to it. Now it was me. That’s all I thought.
The next morning I called Loretta.
We met later tha
t day in a nearby park. She was sitting at the bench next to the river looking out at the boats passing by. The Japanese on board were taking pictures of everything that moved.
I approached her from behind holding my hands over her eyes. I know it’s cheesy but I did it anyway.
“Pat?” she smiled feeling my hands on her face.
“Were you waiting long?,” I asked her leaning over the backrest of the bench kissing her cheek.
“No, I just got here. So what’s up? You sounded very excited on the phone,” her eyes were sparkling as if she was expecting great news.
“I got a job,” I said waving my arms.
“Congratulations,” her face light up as she hugged and kissed me.
“I will be reading the news for a small radio station. It’s nothing big but I believe it’s good for the future,” I added.
Her soft and loving face expression made it hard for me to tell her the details. Her eyes were filled with hope.
“The station isn’t located in the area,” I slowly gave her one piece of information after the other.
“That’s cool,” she responded smiling.
“So you have to commute every morning?” she asked making it even harder for me.
“No, not exactly,” I said taking a deep breath sitting down beside her. “It’s in Miami,” I said breathing heavy.
“Oh. I understand,” her face turned green. She looked out to the river again watching the waves hitting against the wall.
“Loretta, I tried to find a job here,” I held her lifeless hands, “But I got shit,” I complained.
“When are you leaving?” she asked passionless still following the water with her eyes.
“I am not sure yet. I still have to organize the visa and the flight. But they want me to start as soon as possible,” I said leaning into her trying to hug her.
Her stiff body rejected my attempts. At this moment I knew I lost her again. But this time it was different. I tried everything to stay here but it didn’t work. I truly love her but she would leave me eventually if I would not take extreme measures to change this situation. I’d rather have us part with me giving her the feeling that I am an achiever than her leaving me because I am not able to accomplish anything. If I ever wanted us to be together again this would be my best chance. She will remember me as a winner not a loser. And only winners attract.
