When she got into work, there was paper on her desk everywhere, two casual employees had called in sick, but she quickly sorted that out and had two relief employees within the hour. It was the way Glamour operated and given the editorials long standing success, it was a much needed luxury she could afford. What she couldn’t afford was a day’s work being left behind and she always had backup plans, she was good to her employees, but she needed them present for continued success. When some called in sick, there were relief workers who jumped at the chance to work at Glamour.
Jackie was busy scanning over the rough draft of the publication, carefully editing, proofreading and fine tuning it.
It was nearly twelve thirty and Jackie was counting down to two o’clock, in one and a half hours she was going to meet up for lunch with Carrie and Liam and she couldn’t wait to see them both. The office had been on edge this morning. The phones wouldn’t stop ringing, there had been paper everywhere and her office had looked more like a printing press. Staff and reps were walking in and out, it had been a crazy day and Jackie had decided to leave at one for lunch, swapping with a relief worker, who was leaving at three. That was the bonus of having relief staff, they would work for five hours and go home.
It was supposed to be a short ten minute walk to Jacks café, but there was buzzing traffic everywhere, police and ambulance vans ringing, it was complete chaos! Everything had suddenly come to a halt! People were whispering things from all directions, Jackie was confused at the hold up, she didn’t know what had happened.
Then suddenly her phone rang, it must be Carrie she thought worriedly, wondering where I am. “Hello,” she answered, waiting to hear her sister’s voice on the other line.
“Is that Jackie, I’m talking to?”
But to her dismay, it wasn’t her sister, “who is this?” She said with a slight tremble in her voice.
“I am a police officer, are you Carrie Hill’s sister?’’
Jackie’s heart sank in fear, “yes I am, why?’
“There has been a tragic accident, we need you to get to the city as soon as possible?”
“What do you mean, what’s happened, I am in the city, but the traffic here is chaos, how do I get to you?”
“Where are you Ms Hill, I’ll arrange for an ambulance to pick you up?”
“I … I … am …” Jackie was beside herself, she was struggling to breathe, she could feel the tension in the air, something terrible had happened!”
“I am at Jones avenue, but I can’t get through.”
“Wave to the ambulance as soon as they get there, they will pick you up and take you to the scene of the accident.”
“O … okay’’ she said petrified, as her eyes filled with tears.
She couldn’t stop crying, what was happening to her world, her sister involved in a tragic accident, this couldn’t be happening! My God don’t let this happen, she kept talking to herself.
The ambulance arrived in three minutes and she waved when she saw them and they guided her inside the van, closed the sliding door shut and sped off with alarm bells ringing in her ears.
Nothing could prepare her for what her eyes would witness next, she felt complete and utter fear as the ambulance drove closer to the accident scene. “Oh no, that’s my sister’s car, what’s happened?” She begged the paramedics for information, but to no avail.
“Ms Hill you have to remain calm, we need you to identify the bodies, we found the deceased woman’s drivers licence in her purse, are you her mother?”
“What are you talking about, what bodies?” Jackie had a close look at the woman’s driver’s licence, screaming in horror, “That’s my sister, that’s my sister, let me through?’’
“Calm down Ms Hill, we need you to remain calm, there was a young man in the passenger’s seat, do you know, whom your sister may have been travelling with?’
“Her fiancé, his name is Liam. Where is he, where is he now?” She pleaded.
“He was in a critical condition when we arrived, the other ambulance took him away, but we heard he died soon after, there was nothing they could do to save him, I’m sorry.”
“Tell me this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening? I don’t understand how this could happen, what happened?” She felt as though, she had aged twenty years in the past hour.
“Ms Hill, there is no easy way to tell you this, but your sisters vehicle collided with a Subaru WRX, the other driver was speeding excessively and under the influence of alcohol, he died on impact too.”
All Jackie could do was cry and shake her head, nothing would ever be right again. She had lost the only family she ever really had, she was completely and utterly devastated. Her life would never be the same again! Her sister was her only family in Australia, she had been planning her wedding and now everything was over! She would never see her ever again.
She had a panic attack and the ambulance took her away for a physical examination, her blood pressure was elevated and she was feeling light headed. She didn’t go back to work, but home to an empty life, that’s what it would feel like from now on, she had nothing to live for, her beautiful sister and her fiancé were dead!
Chapter Eight
Waking up the next morning was akin to a night-mare, the heart wrenching task, of having to sign her sister’s death certificate, had shaken her body to the core. Jackie had fallen into a deep sleep, after crying for hours. The truth was unthinkable, she panicked every time, she thought of never seeing her sister again. She felt drained, ugly and lacked any motivation to get out of bed. She felt sick, tired and had bags under her eyes, having cried herself to sleep the night before. She couldn’t feel her cold hands or her feet, she felt paralysed physically and mentally, something was wrong, something was very, very wrong with her.
She slowly walked back to her bed and her head felt like the size of a watermelon, about to explode. She picked up her mobile in angst, her fingers almost freezing up, she called her local doctor and that afternoon, she had cried herself out. She told the doctor, that she was living a nightmare, she couldn’t sleep, eat, think or function anymore. She had taken bereavement leave from work for a week, then an extra two weeks for funeral arrangements and she didn’t go back to work for another month. She just couldn’t work in her mental state, she was supposed to be attending her sister’s wedding, not planning her funeral! The doctor prescribed some anti-depressant drugs, with the only side effects being slight weight gain and dependence with time. She wasn’t one for taking drugs, but it was under the doctor’s insistence that she take them, at least until she could get back on her feet again.
Organising her sister’s funeral, was physically and mentally draining, it had been the most exhausting week of her life. What she was going through, she didn’t wish on her worst enemy and if there was ever hell on earth, she was living it! Her life was a living hell right now and she didn’t know how, she was going to get through another day. She had been looking forward to her sister’s wedding with joy, but instead, she had to lay her to rest. There had been so much to organise in the coming week, that getting out of bed had become a burden. She had difficulty sleeping, since the horrendous car crash that had killed her sister and her fiancé. Her healthy diet, had been replaced with fast food and high sugar. She lacked the motivation to cook anything in her state of mind. She was not the least bit worried about her weight anymore, she couldn’t care less, her life had become one big nightmare! She had other things to worry about, organising the funeral, ordering flowers, contacting the guests. Her parents would be flying out within the week and although she and her sister had become estranged from their parents a long time ago, they had occasionally touched base.
Jackie’s hands trembled, when Carrie’s wedding dress arrived at her front door by an express courier. Opening the large white wedding box, she shuddered and then held her breath. The dress looked elegant and beautiful. It had been Carrie’s dream gown, with a lace, satin bodice encrusted with pearls. The reality of the who
le situation was fierce and terrifying, a moment of absolute bliss, mixed with absolute dread. She was going to bury her sister with her dream wedding gown and the tiara she had bought for her. Just thinking about the whole funeral arrangement, had made her feel sick to her stomach and the phone couldn’t stop ringing most of the day. She suddenly felt dizzy, as if somehow, she had managed to wonder into a waking dream or perhaps a nightmare. She hadn’t heard from David, since the car crash, that killed her sister and she had no desire to talk to anyone, unless it was related to the funeral.
The funeral wasn’t a big affair, only close friends and family, her mother looked devastated to see her younger daughter lying in a coffin, wearing a stunning wedding dress. Jackie shuddered, her heart beating hard into her chest, like a drumroll, as a wave of nausea rolled through her. It was too awful to contemplate. She feared her heart would burst from its pounding rhythm, her head spun with it and her body trembled.
“I am sorry Jackie, this shouldn’t have happened,” her mother said crying. “I was not supposed to bury my daughter, I wish I could have been in your lives a lot more, can you ever forgive me?”
Jackie felt like telling her then and there, that she had buried her daughter’s a long time ago, when she had shut both of them out of her life to run an international business. If anything she had been more like a mother to her sister, than her own mother ever was! But instead she swallowed her fury and tried to keep her composure and the peace between them.
“I can forgive, but unfortunately I can never forget! Carrie and I needed you so many times, we needed a mother and a father to be there, when we were growing up?”
Her father gave her a firm pat on the back, “I am sorry child, we really did you wrong, both you and Carrie and I don’t know how we can ever forgive ourselves, for running away from your lives?”
That’s exactly what they had done to both of them, they had both fled to another country to get rich, wealth had always been on the top of their list of priorities. But Jackie was no child anymore, she had become a mature woman, who despite her parents emotional neglect, was willing to forgive them.
“You know time heals all wounds, I hope that with time we can become close again,” her mother begged, her face ridden with guilt.
“Listen Jackie, as your father, let me bear the burden of the funeral costs, I’ll pay for everything, it’s the least me and your mother can do, send me the invoice, I’ll take care of it?”
That’s how it had always been between them, they needed money, their parents would take care of it. They needed their time, they were always coming up with excuses. Their trips to Australia, had always been scarce and rushed. Jackie and her sister had never really felt loved, her mother had lacked the emotional comfort, they had craved from her. It was just too late, to go back now, her sister was dead and she was standing there hearing her father out, who thought he could make everything right just by writing out a cheque!
She looked at her parents disheartened and with a heavy heart, “no I don’t need you to pay for anything anymore. It’s not what me and Carrie ever really wanted, you can’t patch the past up with money, it’s too late my sister is not here anymore.” And there she said it! She stood up to her parents like never before, she suddenly felt a weight lift from within, it had been the weight of neglect.
“We are sorry you feel that way,” said her mother, “if you do need our assistance for absolutely anything, when we fly out, we are only a phone call away?’’
Jackie did not respond to her mother, but gave a crooked smile, she wasn’t the least impressed with her mother’s sarcasm, she might have meant well in her books, but she had no idea how to comfort her. A mother who occasionally washes your clothes and cooks for you, listens to your boy troubles and takes you out to lunch or shopping, because she is your mother! It was the little things, that Jackie and her sister had missed out on when they were younger, not the hand over the money approach and I’ve done my job as a parent!
The neglect of a mother and father for their children was something Jackie wanted to dish to both of them, a very long time ago. But they were never in Australia, so she could settle the score. Well she was glad she did now, even if it had to be at a funeral, Carrie would have cheered her on from the grave, she was certain! Jackie’s Christian belief, had led her to believe that the soul after death, was free to go anywhere for forty days, before harbouring in heaven or hell. Carrie had a pure hearted soul and Jackie believed she was going straight to heaven, to be with the lord and his angels.
When the funeral was over and they had said their goodbyes, her parents fled the country and again she had a deep feeling of melancholy. The absence of her parents, was something she had been used to in the course of her life, but her sister’s absence was the hardest to bear. For Jackie, Carrie, had meant so much more to her than she even realised, it was like she had lost a daughter and sister in one. It wasn’t going to be easy to move on and she knew that her life would never be the same again. It’s what happened to people when they lost someone, through death, or even a broken relationship. When someone suddenly takes a detour out of your life unexpectedly, and you don’t see it coming, the consequences can be quite overwhelming.
For Jackie, it was a cross that she was going to bear for the rest of her life and Carrie would always occupy a place in her heart and she would honour her memory. But it would take her a long time to come to grips with the fact, that she would never see her sister’s smile or hear her laugh, ever again. Those were the things that sister’s appreciated about each other, the little things, like laughing at each other’s jokes or making jokes of each other. Going out for lunch and coffee dates to boy talk and the famous girly shopping for shoes and clothes. It was an unbreakable bond, that Jackie had shared with Carrie, the type of sisterly support you knew would always be there, if times were tough. That’s what Jackie would miss most about her sister, her beaming smile, her kindness, her sense of humour and her ravenous for life.
When late afternoon came around that very next day she was so hungry, that she drove by ‘Fast Feast’ and bought herself a beef burger with double bacon and cheese. The anti-depressants she was taking, had increased her appetite and had helped her control her grief. When she got home, she was still hungry and was about to reach for the pantry, to stuff her face with a choc-chip muffin, but the doorbell rang and she raced to answer it.
“David! What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to see you babe, are you up for a bit of fun tonight?’’ he winked.
Jackie was speechless, that David could even mention fun right now, but she hadn’t had a chance to tell him what had happened.
“Come inside will you?”
“Now you are talking babe,” he smirked at her.
“Take your hands off me,’’ she lashed out at him as he walked in her house, her eyes a blaze.
“What’s your problem?’’ he responded defensively. “Why don’t you just say you don’t want to see me again?”
“I just lost my sister and her fiancé in a car accident and you want to have sex? I haven’t heard from you in weeks, where have you been?”
“Well you didn’t exactly call me, did you?” He protested in a smug voice.
“I don’t chase men, I never have, I’m too old school for that, but are you hearing me?” she yelled aloud. “I just lost my sister?”
“That’s a tragedy, but what’s that got to do with us? By the way have you put on a few pounds babe?”
“You are unbelievable David!’’ He made her feel ridiculously self-conscious. “I can’t believe you are so unresponsive to my grief and all you can think about is sex and my weight!”
She looked and felt like an abandoned child and she was shocked, that David wasn’t being nicer, he wasn’t even the boyfriend she thought he was. He kept looking at her in a weird way, the kind of way someone looked at you, when they didn’t feel any attraction for you. Sure she had gained weight, she hadn’t weighed herself in a wh
ile, but she wasn’t in any emotional state right now, to worry about her figure. What she had found most annoying right now, was David’s insensitive response to her bereavement. He even made her feel a bit uncomfortable, with his penetrative gaze.
“Anyway since you are busy and in a bad mood right now I am going to go, I shouldn’t have come over.”
All of a sudden he had become arrogant, commanding and cold. “I am not in a bad mood,” she defended herself. Then without thought, she blurted out, “I think we should take a break for a while?”
“What do you mean?” David paced up and down in the hallway, clearly agitated. “You don’t want to sleep with me anymore, is that what it’s all about?”
“Did I say that?” She said cutting him off. “I think we should just see each other, only on the weekends from now on, I need some time alone.”
David left without a response, he stumbled on his feet as he opened the front door, slamming it after himself.
Jackie wasn’t in any state of mind to give into David’s hot-headedness, he was very impulsive at times and if he had something in his head, he would want to act on it. She was in no mood, to play the sexy girlfriend in the bedroom. She had lost a sister and sex was the last thing on her mind and as far as she was concerned, David would have to keep his tiny cock in his pants for a while.
Two weekends had passed by and she had not heard from David, she had extended her leave from work for a further month, as the psychologist had been concerned for her mental health. She had never felt so alone in her life, as much as she had now. It had hurt her that David had remained anonymous, even after she had told him she was grieving for her sister. In an act of extreme despair, she picked up her mobile and called him. The phone rang before it went off to voice mail and she left a short message for him to call. But he never did and hour after hour, she kept torturing herself checking the time, until it was six o’clock and her phone rang.
Shallow Love Page 7
