by Falon Gold
"I'm still not exactly ready either, Mrs. Spencer. Not good enough for her yet, but I'm working on it. I know better than to let a woman like Amari get away from me. All she has to do is tell me what makes her happy and it's hers."
Mrs. Spencer stands up to her full height, knee-high to an apple, and scoops up her half-empty plate. "Well, there's too many Spencer’s in here to stand on ceremony, Camron... so call me Cecilia. Amari, give me your plate, love."
Amari doesn't budge. I'm all she sees, the feeling mutual. My image isn’t all that's reflecting in the depths of her pupils though. She’s wary of my past behavior in the office. Obviously still a roadblock for her, and I'll wait as long as it takes for her to relegate it to ancient history, along with her doubts about me. It's the first time I ever wished I'd been raised with the enforcement of earning others’ trust, sparing her from having to worry if she can trust me.
Somehow, I don't think this family forgives trespasses easily against one of its own or extends first-name basis to everyone. As close-knit as they come. I'm monumentally screwed if they ever find out what I've done to Amari today, truly afraid to lose their respect like I have Amari's. It’s a privilege to pierce another layer of her world. I appreciate completely why Blake is terrified of losing the Owens and Astrid.
They’ve become his heartbeat. Losing them would be like losing an essential part of himself that doesn’t grow back once gone. Amari has converted to that for me, now that I’ve finally let her in. The Spencer’s have been that for her for as long as she’s been alive. I hope she values the bonds between them. Not everyone is so lucky to have them. God willing, they’ll last a lifetime for her… and me too.
“Amari!” Cecilia calls harshly.
Amari jumps clean out of her skin toward her mother. “Ma’am.”
“Give me your plate, baby girl. You’re not going to eat your food, and you’re not getting your favorite desert either because of it.”
Amari sighs and reaches for her plate.
I lift it before she can, giving it to Cecilia, who shakes her head. “Something is definitely off.” Which is my fault.
Brandon cosigns with a wobble of his head. “She should’ve buried her head and her necklace in the main course just to get to the pie.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I apologize for the tenth time today. “You’re checking out because I hit you with my story publicly. Lesson learned.”
“It’s fine, Camron. The pie always sticks to my butt anyway.”
I thumb her chin up. “I love your butt, Amari.”
She grins. I don’t know about anyone else’s world, but suddenly, everything is good with mine.
“Where is the necklace I gave you by the way, Amari?” Brandon inquires around a mouthful.
Amari’s lip forms a large ‘o’. “It’s broken, Brandon.”
He gave it to her? She lied to me. Amari is supposed to be one of the few people who doesn’t do that. Not to me.
“Well, where is it, lil sis? I’ll have it fixed and give it back to you the next time you come up.”
For the first time, Amari looks to me for support, and I’d rather it not be to cover her ass with her family. “It’s in the car, and I already promised to get it fixed, Brandon.”
I excavate my phone from my pocket and bury my eyes in the bright blue display of Italy’s Adriatic Ocean, the place I used to go when being at home with my parents became stifling. I swipe the screen as if there’s a message on it.
“Camron, it’s—”
“Time to go, Amari.” I intercept her, then clear out of my chair in a hurry. The scraping of the legs on the wood floor is like nails on a chalkboard to my raw nerves and with everyone vigilant on my movements. “Blake needs me for something with the resort. The construction crew is getting paid to lay off and be behind schedule.”
It’s not a total lie, and I’m doing exactly what Amari wants, finding us a way out of here, and I’m not leaving without her, even if I’m so fucking angry with her right now.
She jumps to her feet. “Wait, Camron. I can explain.”
“Not here. It’s was nice to meet you all. A beautiful family that I wished I met long before now.” Maybe they could’ve saved me. “Say your goodbyes, Amari, while I go get the car.”
I shake everyone’s hand before almost jogging out the front door. Couldn’t breathe in there anymore, smothering under Amari’s refusal to be straight with me and my own inability to do the same thing with her until she openly admits she wants me. Deep inside, I know it’s not going to happen. Too much water under the bridge for us now.
Blake is right, was always right. Any effort I expend to make my life resemble his is pointless. I’ve done too many things without consequences, looking for what was never meant to be mine. Taking what Amari wasn’t willing to give only adds to my wrongdoings.
Well, the deed is done, the recoil for that making its rounds, and I’ll settle for whatever parts of herself that she’ll give me access to until the three months are up. At least I’ve earned loving and then losing her.
The cool night air closes around me. The chill I feel inside is much colder.
I text Ernesto. Almost immediately, the car rounds the cul-de-sac flooded with lamplight from the Spencer’s living area. None of it reaches the night I wait in on the driveway. I’m where I’m supposed to be, in the dark, have always been. Only a few yards away from all that’s pure, good, and healthy, like Amari. The distance between earth and outer space separates us, and I should stop trying to drag myself into the light where she belongs without me.
Chapter Six
~Amari~
I know Camron’s ringtone, personally set the haunting tune by Tim Janis myself, which never sounded off. He’d never turn it down or off and miss the next property deal. If he’s faking an emergency, my little white lie has come back for round two of biting me in the ass and he’s livid.
Biting you for pissing him off is what he may do when he gets you alone.
If that’s the only boomerang effect from my actions, I’ll handle it.
I bet you will… happily.
Brandon’s head switches from Camron, who’s storming out of here like there’s hellhounds at his heels, to me who’s unsure of what to do. “What just happened, Amari?”
I cup my hip and forehead where the beginnings of a tension headache is starting. “I didn’t exactly tell the truth about who gave the necklace to me, and I think I hurt him.” I didn’t know he could feel any of my attempts at attacking him for hurting me—they were weak.
But you knew lashing out even passive aggressively usually makes a victim out of somebody, and you did it anyway.
If Camron can be made into my prey, then he’s capable of hurting alright.
“I’m positive you hurt him, lil sis. Only men in love look at a woman like he does you.”
“I don’t know about love, but I didn’t know he had feelings for me before I even met him.” Hell, I didn’t know he had feelings before now. My ignorance should count for something, but what if he cancels the deal because of it?
It’ll be your fault.
“I’ve got to make this right. I have to go.”
You think! You’ll be much more broke than you are if you don’t… and even sorrier for hurting him.
Too late for that.
“Amari,” my father’s husky tenor emits like thunder in the house, “Camron may need a little time to cool down. We can take you home tomorrow.”
What home?
“No, Daddy. I’m good. Camron’s not…He’s mad because of me, but he won’t hurt me. Thank you for always, always trying to be there for me. All of you. I don’t know what I’d do without you all.”
I latch onto my father’s shoulders, becoming the meat in a group sandwich as everyone hitches on to us one by one.
“Amari, this feels like a permanent goodbye and I don’t like it,” my mother says behind me.
More like permanent guilt.
“It’s
not goodbye, Mama. I promise.” What’s three months away from the ones who’ll give their lives for mine, right?
I have to wiggle my way out of the group hug. “Be good, everyone. I’ll call you tonight, Mama.”
“You better, little girl, or I’m calling you and Camron.”
“Okay.”
My pace is a lot quicker to the door than Camron’s. He stands like a watchtower in the darkness, his white shirt billowing in the soft breeze passing over, seeming more alone than a beacon. Lost. With nothing to guide him back to where he should be.
And where is that?
With me… at least for the next eighty-nine days.
“Camron.”
I cross the freshly-cut grass, dodging the sidewalk much to my mother’s dismay. The limousine brakes in the street where he stands. He opens the rear door then scans the neighborhood as if I never called his name.
He doesn’t ever ignore my voice.
Oh, he’s more than pissed.
Shit and more shit!
Waist-high in it this time.
I stop in front of the car door, clutching the frame of it. “Camron.”
“Get in the car, Amari.” He doesn’t even look down.
“I’m sorry. I can explain.”
“Fine. Get in.”
I delay, waiting for him to acknowledge me, with my family looking on from the doorway.
When seconds morph into a full minute, I slink into the closest seat. He climbs in behind me, isolating himself on the other side of the car, head pointed toward the window.
Wasn’t that you earlier?
Shut up. Things are bad enough without input that doesn’t help.
You two are a lot alike you know. It’s going to take something extreme to get his attention like it does yours.
Shut up… please!
I’ll think about it.
Yeah, well, I can’t think if my head is talking back to me, so stop it.
“Camron, look at me… please.”
“Why?” Then he grimaces into the glass, as if he hadn’t ever intended to respond.
He pushes against a section of black panel under the window near his elbow. A smuggler’s pocket pops out. He removes a remote. A two-sided monitor drops down from the ceiling. Spaudau Ballet’s True flashes across the blue screen. A smooth groove from the eighties trickles out of invisible speakers.
He just totally checked out on you.
I set whatever he’s feeling in motion, so I can stop it. Or slow it down some.
Don’t let ‘it’ roll right over you first. That probably hurts like hell. Now make him talk to you.
Maybe if I had a bullhorn.
You’re a woman. At least I think you’re a woman. He’s definitely a man. Get naked or… something. Figure it out.
I sit up, yank my shirt over my head. My hands bump the ceiling. Doing stripteases in a car, even a limo, isn’t advised. There’s not enough headspace. I fling the shirt to the floor. Camron’s head rockets around as if he’s possessed.
Bingo. Now you have to keep his attention. Good luck.
There’s one taboo topic that will guarantee that. “Camron, where’s my necklace?”
After adjusting the volume on the music, he dead-eyes me. “You lied to me.” Then he looks away.
I unsnap the button of my jeans then arch my back, shoving the clinging material down my thighs.
“I-I didn’t exactly lie, Camron. Brandon is a man.”
Camron side eyes me briefly, then continues taking in the scenery outside the car. “He’s not your man or an ex. He’s your brother. What are you doing?”
I bend to chuck my boots into the floor with my dignity. “Getting your attention. While I have it, let’s talk. You’re pissed because Brandon’s no threat, but I let you assume he was.”
“Dammit, yes!” Finally, some emotion from him.
“I’m not fully to blame. You wanted to believe he was, even after I told you he wasn’t a boyfriend or ex. You didn’t listen because you were intent on being jealous.”
“Dammit, yes to that too, Amari!”
He dives across the car. I wasn’t trying to get him to come closer, so I don’t have enough time to react before he glides over me menacingly. I collapse against the headrest, needing a chasm to divide us. His hands slap the fabric beside my head with both hands.
“Fuck, Amari,” he snarls from low in his throat.
Oh yeah, he’s a predator that starts to reign brutal kisses on my mouth, grinding my lips into my teeth. I’d be afraid of his ferocity if phantom appendages weren’t roving over me, pinching, tweaking, and then caressing and flicking places as if I’ve told them what to do to me and where. Dampness is slickening the apex of my legs, along with more crushing passes of his lips. Can’t bear too many more of those, so I turn my head sideways, eyes shut tight. It’s disheartening to see him like this… the way I made him.
“Why are you still mad, Camron? You have me right where you want me.”
“Wanted you before you lied to me, and you’re not where I wanted you to be by a long shot, Amari.”
The manner he uses ‘wanted’ in is like a sledge hammer, battering places within that aren’t meant to take those kinds of blows. Lung functioning just up and quits on air. Could’ve given me some notice so I had time to find something else to breathe. Slowly suffocating, I writhe below him, looking for any sign of forgiveness in his face. There isn’t any.
“Then be straight with me again, Camron. What do you want from me now?”
“I wanted you and everything that involves until my dying day. And then, I’d look for you in heaven or hell, wherever I ended up. But those seem like the only two places I might have gotten you to at least look at me with something other than contempt or shock in your face. You won’t let me get even remotely close to you here on earth, Amari. I have no hope for your trust here anymore either.”
“That’s not my fault, Camron!” I yell, lungs suddenly in top form. I found something else to inhale. Rage. “So, you’re a hypocrite who gives up on me and the deal the minute I make one little mistake that isn’t all that huge if you count up all the wrong judgment calls you’ve made! You should be relieved my faults aren’t as bad as yours, and I’m still here, under you with your fingerprints all over me body! How close do you need to get to me?”
His hand skims over the center of my breasts, idling there. “This close, Amari,” his tone suddenly gentle, worming its way into places that should be forbidden to him. “Heart to heart. Mind to mind. Soul to soul. Until you let me in here, we were just spinning wheels, going nowhere fast.”
He’s already traveled through all those places… without me. Since a return trip together is no longer on any of his flight plans, fuck it, I’ll stay grounded.
Hopefully, not permanently again. I like sex.
Curiosity prompts me to ask, “Where do… where did you want to go with me?”
“Everywhere possible. We’ve been in Hell together for five years, but that left Heaven and parallel universes that only our minds can enter. Hell, I’ll settle for an exotic location on the other side of the globe if it’ll make you smile… but it’s too late for that. I’ve learned my place and only want your time now.”
You did this, Amari.
And I want to scream to the top of my lungs ‘I’m sorry,’ except it’s not what he wants to hear right now. It was always going to be a tug of war between us, where we struggle for control of me who’s also stuck in the middle. Well, I’ll be damned if I get pulled in every which way but loose without taking something from him too, what I’ve always wanted. Him.
“You should’ve just told me you wanted me instead of slapping a challenge on my head, but okay, Camron. Take your clothes off.”
His eyebrows meet in the middle of his brow. “What?”
“You don’t see me anymore as a woman you want to take to all those places. That’s okay. I’ve learned my place too, years ago, on the edge of your world, a potential body
in the long line of women you’ve fucked and thrown away. So fuck me quickly. We’ll both get what we’ve always wanted. Afterwards, never cross my path again.” Just stop breaking me.
He glides backwards to his knees on the floor. “Quick it is. Lay down beside me, Amari.”
Did I secretly want my speech to work reverse psychology on him? Yep, but how many times do things work out as I plan, especially with this man?
Usually, never. Think of him as spilled milk from now on.
Not going to cry over him either.
Humph, you’ve said that before.
I watch him undress, from my bird’s eye view at his feet. He faces the back of the car. It’s like I’m not even here, until he drops down on his bare ass to shuck his pants and shoes off. Only then does he glance down at me for a micro-second.
I let my eyes roam over him freely. He’s crafted from golden-brown marble, with sleek lines and bulging muscles flexing when he skulks over me. Erotic. My white panther. No, not mine. On loan.
My knees adapt into two banks opening to the river flowing from my womanhood. We’re about to use each other, make a mockery of every emotion I ever felt for him, and no part of my body gives a damn. It’s going to pull every fantasy I’ve ever woven around Camron to the front of my head and make them real. Not all of them of course. He’d have to love me for me to get everything it wanted from him.
My heart is another ball game entirely, craving what it can’t have, but I’ll get through the longing until it stops, even if I have to sneak out from under it on my hands and knees.
Camron walks backwards on all fours, stopping to trail his lips along the flesh on each side of my bent knees before he plunges to eye-level with my southbound mouth. The lapping of his tongue there draws an instant orgasm from me. It’s too intense to withstand, so my hips coast upwards, seeking relief from my release.
I’d creep out of my own skin if I could, and I try, by gouging his shoulders with my nails, scooting up the black carpet. Crying out. That only helps with jamming myself between his body and the seat.
Camron slopes over me. Plants a hand on the side of my head. Uses the other to fondle the drenched slit of my sex with the tip of his length. That’s too much stimulation for me.
