Obviously, as the years have passed and the Zombie menace has waxed and waned, these nursery rhymes were toned down so as to be palatable for children to hear, often before they drifted off in blissful slumber. But one need not dig very far to find the truth. These rhymes tell tales of horror and Zombie insurrection so terrifying they frighten even the most stalwart among us.
“Simple Simon?” Please. We know why Simon is simple. He’s lost his humanity and turned into a flesh-eating, brain-consuming ghoul.
Did you ever wonder why Little Bo Peep was never without her shepherd’s crook? Without a doubt it was developed in the Middle Ages as a defensive weapon against a Zombie invasion. A properly wielded crook can dispatch both the human and animal undead. And there is perhaps no more vicious creature than a Zombie sheep.
Jack Sprat? Zombie.
The Queen of Hearts? Hello? She cut out hearts of knaves. Definitely zombie.
The aforementioned Humpty Dumpty? The word is he tasted like chicken.
While it would be easy for you, dear reader, to cast this book aside as another parody or attempt to gain a few cheap laughs. I beg you, do not fall into this trap. Dig deeper and accept this tome for the serious piece of Zombie scholarship it is. For in learning how our ancestors confronted and conquered their own Zombie apocalypses we modern humans may find the strength and methods to do the same.
Read on and learn. And in the meantime keep a sharp eye and an even sharper machete ready to confront the coming Zombie menace.
And if you see a feverish owl or pussycat coming your way or worst of all, a Zombie sheep?
Run!
OTHER WORKS
Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime
It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies!
SPY GODDESS NOVELS
Live and Let Shop
To Hawaii, with Love
SPY GODDESS MANGA
The Chase for the Chalice
The Quest for the Lance
THE YOUNGEST TEMPLAR NOVELS
Keeper of the Grail
Trail of Fate
Orphan of Destiny
PICTURE BOOKS
The Legend of Blue Jacket
Texas Rangers: Legendary Lawmen
Daniel Boone’s Great Escape
Off Like the Wind!: The First Ride of the Pony Express
Baseball from A to Z
BACK AD
BOOKS BY MICHAEL P. SPRADLIN & ILLUSTRATED BY JEFF WEIGEL
JACK AND JILL WENT UP TO KILL
A Book of Zombie Nursery Rhymes
ISBN 978-0-06-208359-3 (paperback)
Spradlin and Weigel are back with more than 20 zombie-infused nursery rhymes like “Little Miss Muffet Turned on a Tuffet,” “Three Undead Mice,” “The Old Zombie Woman Who Lived in a Shoe,” and “Jack Sprat was a Revenant.”
IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE ZOMBIES!
A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols
ISBN 978-0-06-195643-0 (paperback)
Spradlin and Weigel take over two dozen of our most beloved Christmas carols and shred them limb from limb, rewriting them from a zombie’s point-of-view!
EVERY ZOMBIE EATS SOMEBODY SOMETIME
A Book of Zombie Love Songs
ISBN 978-0-06-201182-4 (paperback)
A collection of over two dozen classic love songs aimed right at the rotting hearts of zombie romantics everywhere, with timeless tunes such as “I Want To Eat Your Hand” and “Tears of a Zombie Clown.”
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CREDITS
Cover design by Milan Bozic
Illustrations by Jeff Weigel
COPYRIGHT
JACK AND JILL WENT UP TO KILL. Copyright © 2011 by Michael P. Spradlin. Illustrations © 2011 by Jeff Weigel.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
FIRST EDITION
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-0-06-208359-3
EPub Edition © OCTOBER 2011 ISBN: 9780062083609
11 12 13 14 15 OV/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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