by Amanda Jay
Ezra tried not to let her words drown him.
"Rosie, I'm sorry."
"You have no reason to be."
"Yes, I do. I left you alone. And I shouldn't have."
She looked at him sadly then and Ezra tried his best to ignore just how much she looked like his mother.
"Esra, I’ve felt like a shell of the person since that day. But we all did what we could to survive. I don't blame you for that. I don't blame him for that."
Him. Ezra wished she hadn't brought him up. Not today.
"So how is he anyway?" he asked, begrudgingly.
"You don't need to pretend you care, Esra. About him, or about me. Look, I just came to say congratulations, that's all. I didn't want to drag the past up."
She made as if she were to leave.
"Rosie, wait!"
She turned back around to face him.
"I don't want us to be strangers," he said, ignoring the desperate edge in his voice.
She looked at him for a moment, years’ worth of things unsaid hovering between the both of them like the murky water from the stream.
Her voice was softer when she replied but laced with an air of finality.
"I hardly feel like I know myself, Esra. I don’t think you, or anyone can change that. You take care."
And with that, she left, as Ezra tried to ignore the dull ache in his chest. He almost wished she hadn't come. He leaned against the rough brick wall and tried to steel himself. It had been a while since Ezra had to do that, and he was out of practice.
"How you doing there, soldier?" the voice that came out of the shadows was cool and calm, quite unlike how Ezra was feeling.
He turned around to see Onyx lighting up a pipe filled with tobacco. He narrowed his nostrils slightly and started breathing through his mouth.
"Hello," he replied.
"Party getting to be too much for you?" she asked casually.
"I was just, walking my sister out." He hoped she wouldn't ask for more details, and thankfully, she didn't.
"So, listen," Onyx was businesslike, as usual. "I didn't want to bring all this up until after the wedding. But I think I know what to do next, with Xuntak I mean. You in?"
You in? She put it so casually that it felt like she was asking him to join a club or have a coffee, not commit treason.
He hesitated. He knew Kaelyn wouldn't like it. It didn't seem fair to her, to put them both in so much danger. His head was still swimming slightly from seeing Rose. He wasn't in the frame of mind to commit to anything just yet.
"It's alright if you can't." Onyx seemed to have sensed his hesitation. "I just thought you cared, that's all."
Rosie's dark pigtail kept drifting further and further away from him in the water.
"No, I do care," he insisted. "I'm just worried about Kay. I don't think..." he wasn't quite sure how he could put it diplomatically.
"Listen," Onyx interrupted. "I've known Kay a lot longer than you have. Her heart is in the right place. It really is, bless her. But she's not made out of the same stuff that you and I are made out of."
"And what is that?"
Her face had been bloated from the water. Streaks of mud running down the side of her face.
"I think I can recognise a broken soul when I see one. It's why I had to help Xuntak in the first place. It's what draws you to him too, I can tell. Kay doesn't know what that's like."
Broken. He heard the sound of his father's belt snap.
"I don't think that's fair. Kay's been through plenty."
"I know that whole 'Daddy will never accept me' situation must be difficult, but you know it isn't the same. And trust me, she might not exactly like this situation at first, but I know Kay. She will respect you for it. But if you're afraid..." Onyx shrugged.
Worthless. Good for nothing. Better off locked up in that closet where he couldn't hurt anyone else.
Surely, he wasn't going to disappoint any more people today, was he?
"I'm in, just tell me what needs to get done."
Onyx nodded like she hadn't expected anything else. "Let's meet Friday evening. I'll fill you in on the whole plan then."
"Great. I should head back inside," he said, making his way back into the bar.
"There's the blushing groom! We were wondering where you had gotten away to!" Mr. Walden proclaimed, jovially swinging an arm around Ezra and pulling him into the crowd.
Ezra firmly pushed both encounters of the evening out of his mind, as he searched for Kaelyn. Surely, a man was allowed to enjoy his wedding day, wasn't he?
OF QUESTIONS
What do you do when you feel someone slipping away? Do you hold on tighter, keeping them close, forcing yourself back into their heart and arms and love? Or do you let them go, hoping that they wouldn't wander too far, that even if they do that it’s just a matter of time until they find their way back to you?
I have learned that it is always better not to ask questions when you fear the answers. If you are afraid of the answer, then you know what it is already.
The hardest thing you will ever have to do is grieve the loss of a person who is still right next to you. And so I choke back my question, even though the answer jeers crudely in my mind—
Is my love enough?
EZRA
It was dark enough that Ezra could hardly see three feet ahead and the air had a slightly sour smell that made him want to gag every time he thought about it. The weight of the stone walls that surrounded them seemed to press against his every breath. He felt his foot crunch something that he was sure was a skeleton of some sort and couldn't take it anymore.
"Onyx, where in the Twin Gods' name are you taking me?" he finally asked.
"Patience. You'll see," came his reply. Onyx seemed oddly upbeat given their surroundings. This only added to Ezra's unease.
He hadn't told Kaelyn where he was going. He wasn't quite sure himself, and didn't want to upset her with whatever Onyx's plan was until he could find out more about what's going on. Onyx didn't seem particularly keen to fill Kaelyn in either. Women must have some sort of sixth sense about these things, Ezra reckoned.
So when Onyx had led him down a stairwell of what looked like an abandoned warehouse, and then proceeded what felt like miles underground, he decided to just bite his tongue and go with it. He was questioning his decision for the hundredth time that night when he crashed into Onyx's back.
"Easy there," she called out. "We're here."
She pulled out a large, rusted key and unlocked a door of sorts.
"Well? What do you think?" she asked, gesturing around her with a smile on her face.
Ezra looked gingerly around the room, wondering what to expect. It was larger, far larger than he thought. More of an auditorium of sorts really. Onyx used the lamp she held to light a few candles in the room, but they flickered weakly and Ezra wondered where the flames got the air to burn to begin with.
"Where are we?"
"Our new headquarters," she announced triumphantly.
"I'm sorry?"
"Well we need a place to operate out of, don't we? Someplace safe, where Xuntak can stay, and where we can keep her, of course."
"Keep who?"
"It's all a part of the plan!" Onyx's excitement was obvious, though deeply unsettling.
"Onyx, I think you need to tell me what's going on here." Perhaps it was the enclosed space he hated so much, or the fact that he had lied to Kaelyn, but Ezra was getting exasperated. Onyx didn't really seem to mind.
"Alright then," she shrugged. "I was going to give you a tour of the place first, but I reckon I could just go over everything now."
She led him over to a few boxes stacked in a corner and sat down, inviting him to do the same.
"Where are we?" Ezra tried again.
"Somewhere below the city. I can't give you an exact location, but if my calculations are correct, they usually are, I think we are extremely close to the palace. The Builder king wouldn't have put in this little secret
place unless he could access it easily."
"Bearoux the Builder made all this? Why would he do that?"
"Who knows? Rumour has is it that it was some sort of place to hold the Chyranians he brought in. It doesn't matter. The main thing is that it's here. It's been long forgotten by everyone, so I thought we could use it to organise."
"And how did you get to know about it? How do you know that it is safe?"
Onyx smiled smugly, sending chills down Ezra's back.
"I have my ways," was her only reply. "Like I said, it's safe enough for Xuntak to stay here for a while, and that was a priority for me."
"Of course," he conceded. "Now why don't you tell me why I'm here?"
"Like I said, Ezra, we need to organise. We need people to know the truth. The crown is, well, you are aware of all the atrocities our black king has been committing, yes? It can't go on. Someone needs to stand up to him, once and for all."
"And, how, may I ask, are you planning on doing that?"
"By telling everyone the truth, of course."
Ezra sighed. For all her cleverness, surely Onyx wasn't naive enough to believe that anyone would take the word of a Chyranian?
"Don't you sigh on me, Ezra Orson. I told you that I had a plan, didn't I?"
"Yes?" Ezra tried to keep the irritation out of his voice.
"Obviously we can't break the age-old traditions of Chyranian hating. At least, not immediately." She was impatient now too, and rolled her eyes a little as she spoke.
"We need to release this information slowly. It will be a bit of a long-term plan. We need to get the press on our side, and have them influence public thought first. I don't think it will be as difficult to show people the truth as it once was. More and more people are turning against the crown every day. Then, when the time is right, we can bring out Xuntak and have him say his piece."
Release the truth to the public. It sounded simple enough. But if it was so simple, then why were they meeting in this hole underground?
"How exactly were you going to get the press on our side? We only have the Telegraph, don't we? At least, that's the only newspaper that everyone reads and is taken seriously. And isn't that owned by Dunstan Monroe? He has always been a strong supporter of the crown. Kay says he's probably in the King's pocket. I hardly think he would be open to circulating anything that goes against the leadership. Even if he believed it. I mean, who would dare cross the black king?"
Onyx looked at him defiantly, her dark eyes piercing directly into his own.
"I would dare," she professed. "I would dare cross him. And we need to convince others to cross him too. Sadly, some people like Dunstan Monroe," Onyx spat out the name like she was disgusted, "need a little more persuasion. Because they care about their own backs, or should I say pocketbooks, more than the lives of the thousands who have suffered at the hands of the black king."
Her eyes had somehow gotten darker, like they had a storm brewing behind them. Ezra knew he wasn't going to like where she was going, but he also knew that he had no choice but to help her. He had no choice since he saw that unbroken, tattooed man in that hovel he was forced to hide in. He had no choice since he heard his story, and realised that everyone needed saving, just like he did once, when no one came.
What about Kay? But the voice in his head wasn't his father's this time. It belonged to Rose. How many people could he let down in one lifetime?
"I tried speaking to Dunstan Monroe already. Needless to say, he was less than helpful," Onyx continued, bitterly. "But he is the key. Like you said, the Telegraph is pivotal to this plan. No other small-time publication would be given the time of day. Not by the masses. It would just be seen as propaganda. Just a small fly for the crown to flick away. So what we have to do now, is put some pressure on Mr. Monroe."
"Pressure? I hardly think he would take us seriously."
"Well, that's where you come in, I suppose. When I was in his office, he happened to mention his daughter. Quite proud of her, by the look of it. I am told that she attends the same university with you. I think we could use her to get to him."
"Use her? You mean threaten her?"
"Whatever it takes," Onyx shrugged. "But it would help if she were to understand our cause, of course. Think you could convince her?"
She said it so casually she might have been asking Ezra to pick up a pint of milk from the corner shop. He felt his chest tighten a little.
"Convince her? How could I possibly do that when I don't even know her?"
Onyx looked at him unblinkingly. "But you do know her. Her name is Ethel, Ethel Monroe."
"Ethel?" Ezra searched furiously. "I don't think I know an Ethel Monroe."
"She's your department head's secretary. I believe you might have met."
Ezra felt his heart drop a little, but then start up again as he couldn't help but snort.
"I wouldn't have the slightest chance of convincing Ethel of anything, except perhaps that I am some sort of disgusting sludge to wipe off her shoe. Trust me, she doesn't even make eye contact with me if she could help it..."
Ezra would have kept going but Onyx held up her hand.
"Ezra, it has to be you. I can't very well walk into your university and start making friends, can I? I mean, I can try and find her outside somewhere, but building her trust and getting to know her would take far too long. It has to be you. And you might find that your social status has improved recently, after you married Kay."
Ezra tried to think of a way to reason himself out of this, but Onyx had her mind made up. He didn't quite understand what she meant about the improvement in his social standing, but what she was asking him wasn't dangerous or illegal like he has initially feared. Yet.
"Fine," he relented. "I can try. But I'm not promising anything. I honestly don't think she would ever listen to me."
Onyx smiled. "Just promise me you'll try. Ask her for coffee or something. Who could resist your charm anyway?"
Ezra did his best to keep from snorting again. "You'd be surprised."
***
Ezra slid his key into the door and let himself in quietly. He hoped she was already asleep so there wouldn't be any awkward questions, but it didn't seem like he was in such luck.
"Is that you, my love?" her voice rang out sleepily from the bedroom.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he said softly, going in.
"You didn't wake me, silly. I was waiting up for you."
Despite the growing tightness in the pit of his stomach, Ezra couldn't help but smile at his wife. His wife. It hadn't stopped sounding wonderful every time he thought about it.
He climbed into bed with her, still fully clothed, and pulled her head onto his chest.
"How was your meeting?" she asked. "Making progress with your final report?"
"Uh-hum," he replied vaguely. "How was your evening? What did you get up to?"
"I thought I'd go by the library and get some reading done. Onyx usually works there on Thursdays, so I figured I could catch up with her as well. Things have been a bit awkward between us since, well, you know. Funnily enough, she wasn't there today, or at her flat either. I wonder if she's seeing someone?"
"Mmhmm, maybe she is." Ezra didn't like the direction this conversation was going either.
"It would be good for her, I guess. Maybe it would take the edge off a little, you know?"
"Never mind her, I missed you," he said, kneading her shoulders softly, the way she liked.
She looked up at him and smiled, and Ezra swallowed hard, trying his best to shut out everything else.
FELIX
It was a rare cloudy day in August and Felix was planning on doing his lessons outside. There was a particular spot under the large oak tree in their garden where Ioana couldn't see him from the kitchen. Armed with his Algebra textbook which always put him to sleep, and a glass of lemonade, Felix nestled his back against the tree trunk, ready to take a nap. He stretched out his legs and rubbed his left one. It was funny how it w
ould hurt sometimes. It's not like Felix got much exercise.
He didn't keep track of how long he had been dozing for, surely it couldn't have been longer than for a few minutes, when Ioana was shaking his shoulder harshly.
"Get up and get inside. Now, do you hear me?"
"I wasn't sleeping, I swear,' Felix explained, his head still foggy from his nap.
"Never mind that. Inside, now. Your father wants to talk to you."
Felix stumbled inside, still clutching his textbook and wondering what on earth Ioana was on about. He was met inside by an annoyed looking Ezra, and a frazzled looking Bayou.
"I haven'th s-theen her around the garden, s-thir," the old man trembled under Ezra's stern gaze. "She'sth nowhere thoo be found."
"Bayou, do you mean to tell me that my wife, who hardly ever leaves her room, is not to be found anywhere in this house?"
Bayou just continued to tremble.
"That's exactly what he's saying, sir, if I may," Ioana spoke up. "I went in there myself to ask about her lunch. She didn't call for me in the morning, but she does that sometimes when she's been..." Ioana's face reddened slightly but she carried on. "When she's been unwell. She wasn't in her room. Nor in the kitchen, nor anywhere else I could think of. That's when I asked Bayou to search for her."
"This is ridiculous. Have you seen her, then?" It took Felix a moment to realise that his father was addressing him.
"M-me?" Felix asked, stupidly.
"Yes, you, Felix. What is wrong with everyone in this house?" Ezra sounded exasperated. His hands were covered in ink, which meant that he had been pulled away from his work.
"N-no. I haven't seen her."
"We should call the City Guard," Ioana offered.
Ezra shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels.
"The City Guard? That's nonsense. And what would we tell them? That my mentally unstable wife has gone wandering off?" he snorted. "She'll turn up in a few hours. She probably had a mood and went off to the market or the town square or something. Twin Faced God be damned if I'm made to look like a fool because of it."
