by Amanda Jay
But then she was all over him. Hugging and kissing and tending to his wounds while all Ezra did was cry.
"There, there now," she had comforted him, wrapping her arms around him and rocking him back and forth like she would a small child.
"There, there. It's all over now. You are back with me now."
But it wasn't over. It was hardly over. He had to do something now. Something terrible. How could he possibly tell her that? How he could he even begin to explain to her what he must do? That their child, that their entire world was at risk?
And so he didn't say anything. Not just yet, he told himself.
"They let me go when they realised I didn't know anything," he had lied.
He will come up with a plan. He will figure out how to work Petrike's machine. He will figure something out. And then he will tell her. Once he had a handle on the situation he will tell her everything.
"I tried to find Onyx, but she had disappeared too. I went to the City Guard. I got Frank to look up his contacts. I spoke to everyone I knew..."
Ezra wiped away the tears streaming down her face as they rocked both back and forth.
But every time she asked him what was wrong and he didn't say anything, he planted another seed of mistrust, of guilt, of bitterness. And those seeds were starting to grow. Right now they were just little saplings. But every day that he kept this away from her they grew just a little more.
"3 o'clock, tomorrow afternoon. Don't be late. Present the guards with this note bearing my seal, and they should let you in without a problem." The note that was pushed under their door read. Ezra was just immensely thankful that he found it before Kaelyn did.
He had been at Udolphus' laboratory, if you could call it that, almost every day since he received the note. The large room located inside the palace itself was perpetually cold, and filled Ezra with dread every time he stepped in.
The laboratory resembled more of an old fashioned torture chamber, rather than a place to conduct scientific experiments. A number of vicious looking instruments hung from the walls, and there was a small room at the back which was always locked that Ezra was sure he heard whimpering from. He tried hard not to look at the collection of animals and what he was sure was a human head suspended in a muddy sort of liquid held in large glass jars.
"Feel free to look around. But you'll be spending much of your time back here," Udolphus explained matter-of-factly, leading him to a quiet and decidedly less terrifying corner of the large room. If Ezra's hesitation and fear was apparent, the older man certainly did not acknowledge it.
In his corner, amidst mountains of discarded cogs, dials, wires, and bits of equipment, Ezra found what he could only describe as a large globe, large enough for a person to climb into, suspended on a cradle of sorts. The cradle itself had a number of buttons and levers on it, although some of them were ripped out, with wires showing. He made his way to the globe and gave it a tentative nudge with his palm, noticing that it was engineered to spin within its stand.
"So this is it. Your machine?"
"Yes. Although, I'm afraid to say, it isn't a machine yet." Udolphus gestured towards a desk that had been wiped clean.
"This will be your workstation. I've left some papers for you that will outline what we have come up with thus far. Do let me know if you were to need anything else." And with that, Udolphus swept out of the room.
Era tried not to panic. If he couldn't get the machine working, couldn't he find another baby-- a street urchin, perhaps? A baby no one would miss? He shuddered at himself. When had his desperation turned him into such a monster?
"Where have you been?" Kaelyn asked, looking worried, when he had gotten back home.
"Work," was all he replied curtly.
Kaelyn breathed a sigh of relief.
"I was worried, you know. When you got late. I thought..." she shook her head, and went up to him, lifting onto her tiptoes to give him a kiss.
"You shouldn't worry. I have a lot to catch up on now," he said, turning his face as he spoke so that her kiss landed on his cheek instead. He was a terrible liar, and he really didn't want to lie to her, but he knew he couldn't tell her the truth either.
And he kept lying to her over the next few days, which then turned into weeks. He would figure this out, he kept telling himself. He would figure this out, and he would tell her everything, and they would be okay.
TOM
Everything was dark and blurry. He had no idea where he was. There was someone there with him. Or perhaps that was a dream? A man peered over him, but what a strange man he was, with black markings all over his face. Yes, he was definitely still dreaming he thought, as he dropped in and out of sleep.
When Tom eventually forced himself awake, he realised he was on a bed in a small, dusty room. And there certainly was no other man. But there was no Skii around either, and it was this that caused Tom to jerk up and clamber off the bed.
He quietly tried the door handle, and was surprised to find it unlocked. Surely, if someone went to the trouble of capturing him, they would bother to lock the door?
It was always just a matter of time till someone came for him, Tom reckoned. The Twin Faced God knew he got into a fair amount of trouble, not even mentioning his more recent break into the Wheel and the City Guard Station, But would the City Guard just nab him like this? And if it wasn't them, who?
The door led to a passageway, which Tom assumed was underground. The air smelled dank and musty, and the occasional candle, which appeared down the length of the passage, barely illuminated the rough stone around him. Tom reached out his hand to touch the wall, but it was damp and coated his fingers with a smelly, green slime.
Find Skii. Get out of here. That was his plan, and he kept repeating it in his mind as he hurried down the passage as fast as he would dare.
A few minutes later, he arrived at a heavy looking door, which was left ajar. Tom cautiously swung it open, bracing himself to see what lay beyond.
This room was far more brightly lit than the passage and the room he left behind, so it took Tom a moment for his eyes to adjust.
"Thank you for joining us, Tom. I hope my colleagues weren't too rough with you."
The voice that spoke out was low and soft, almost musical. Tom couldn't see who spoke immediately, but as his vision cleared, he noticed a pale woman with long, black hair. She sat with a few others around a long table, on the opposite side of the large room.
"You must understand that we had to be careful," she continued, as Tom made his way hesitantly towards her. "The City Guard was crawling all over Mliss thanks to some robbery, and we didn't want to risk you being out in the open for too long."
"Where's Skii?" was all Tom asked, his voice raspy.
"You have my personal assurance that she is fine. She's sleeping, just like you were. She'll join us, of course, once she wakes up."
Tom had reached the table, and realised that most of the chairs were empty. There was the strange woman who spoke to him, a man with, he realised with a start, inky markings on his face, and, Tom was suddenly filled with a violent rage, Felix.
"You!" he cried, storming up to the boy who had jumped to his feet at Tom's recognition.
"Tom, I'm so glad you're okay. I--"
Tom punched him hard in the stomach.
"Tom!" the woman shouted out, as Felix doubled over in pain.
"You led them to us, you traitor! Here we were thinking we were helping you. You put us in danger. You put her in danger."
Someone grabbed Tom from behind as he tried to get his own breath back.
"Easy now, son." It took Tom a moment to realise that it was the man with the marked face who held him. It was enough to calm him down a little.
"Take a seat, Tom," the woman spoke again. "Let us introduce ourselves, and try to explain why we are here. The gentleman holding you is Xuntak. He's a trusted friend. He knew Ezra too," Xuntak smiled slightly, as he let go of Tom and pulled out a seat for him. Tom eyed him curiously as he
sat himself down.
"And I'm Onyx," she said, simply.
Be careful of Onyx, Ezra's voice rang in his head. She knows everything. And she's very, very dangerous.
EZRA
Ezra rubbed his eyes as he shivered slightly. Despite the two jackets he had taken to wearing, Udolphus' laboratory left him chilled to the bone. It was probably the nerves, he told himself, looking down at his calculations.
His nerves had indeed gotten the better of him over the last few weeks. He had developed a nervous tick, which was only worsened by loud sounds or a reminder that their baby was due in a month. He had started losing hair, and was growing increasingly short-tempered. He hardly spoke to any of his friends, and even avoided Professor Muriel whenever he could. What could he possibly tell them? He often wondered. How could he tell them?
He spent his days and nights weighing out his options, wondering if there was something that he was not seeing. He could tell Udolphus that he couldn't do it. Sometimes that didn't feel so far fetched. What Udolphus wanted him to do was no simple task anyway. But he knew that they would take his child away from him if he even showed Udolphus a shard of doubt.
What if they used a different child? Ezra had tried to convince Udolphus of this once, but was met with a very dangerous glimmer of anger. "The king has decided," Udolphus had seethed. "Are you actually assuming to change the mind of the king of Mliss? Take a different child..." Ezra cringed at the sneer in his voice. "Do you think, for a moment, that the crown could just snatch any child we wanted?"
"Isn't that what you are doing here?" Ezra had nervously countered.
Udolphus stood up then. He was a whole head taller than Ezra, and looked for more terrifying than Petrike had ever been.
"I could have you executed for treason, don't you forget that." His voice was low and dangerous. Ezra felt his blood run cold. "I would happily leave you to Petrike and let him carry out his darkest fantasies on you. Instead, here I am, trying to help you. And this is what I am met with? No, you imbecile, Dustan Monroe is far more important to the crown than you ever will be. And this is the only way to make him happy. Do you understand? Or would you like more time with Petrike to think it over?"
Ezra had even tried to see if he could arrange for them all to leave Mliss. Maybe they could go back to the country? Kaelyn would probably not like it at first, she barely even liked him anymore, but she would understand, wouldn't she? Ezra had a fair bit of knowledge about farming. Maybe he could go back to his roots, and start a small farm of their own? Leave all of this behind them. But Udolphus had seen to that too.
"Don't even consider leaving city," he had threatened Ezra. It was as if the man could read minds. "I have the city guard keeping an exceedingly close watch on you and your wife. If I happen to get even a whiff of doubt from you, Mr. Orson, you can be rest assured that both you and your wife will be executed as conspirators to the crown."
Ezra was at his wits ends. He had spent many days going back forth, clawing at his hair, pacing the laboratory, wondering what to do. He revisited the idea of searching for another child. Could Udolphus be tricked into believing it was his own? But that would be quite impossible to do with his movements being watched. Would Udolphus know if he took a different child from the other-side? Could he risk it? Could he even do something that terrible? Then he had sat down actually started working on the machine.
He didn't know if it was the nerves or the anxiety or simply because his entire world hadn't been at stake before, but he was starting to make progress like he never thought he would. Professor Muriel would be so proud his father jeered at him from the dark corners of his mind, but Ezra kept moving forward nonetheless. Udolphus' machine was rudimentary at best but Ezra quickly saw the potential in his workings. It did make sense, but Ezra still had to reconcile the differences between the theory and the practical application.
It was going better than he even dared to hope. But even if he did manage to get the machine to work on time, could he possibly go through with what Udolphus wanted him to do? He pushed that thought aside, he was quite an expert at that, and forged his way forward with getting the machine to work.
MORE THAN WORDS
There is so much power in three words. Who would have thought it?
"I love you."
It has been said, over and over again. It has been said with joy-- a declaration. A reconfirmation of feelings that just cannot be contained.
It has been said in fear-- the final plea of saving something that is almost lost.
It has been said in hope. The hope of a new beginning. Of a life that is bound to be better than the one that's being left behind.
But there are hundreds of other ways to say "I love you" as well.
"Have you eaten?"
"Did you sleep alright?"
"Be careful."
You just have to listen.
But there is only one way to say I don't love you.
Silence.
EZRA
"Ezra, you can't keep doing this. You really can't." Kaelyn's voice was steady. Ezra knew she was trying to keep calm, but her puffy eyes and her trembling hands betrayed her.
"Why won't you talk to me? Please. I'm here. I've always been here. But I can't do this alone."
Ezra tried to shake off the burst of irritation he felt and stay calm. Everything he was doing was for her. Why couldn't she just trust that and leave him alone?
"Kaelyn, I have a lot to get done," he offered, hoping to for a quick exit before she got even more upset.
"You always have a lot to get done! And what am I supposed to do in the meanwhile? Twin Gods be damned, I'm carrying your child. And you won't give me even an ounce of yourself. You've been so different since you came back. I know they must have done terrible things to you. I hear your nightmares. But please, talk to me. Let me help you." She tried to put her arms around him but he moved away.
She was due soon, and wasn't quick on her feet. But she was right, the last few months had driven a wedge between them. Kaelyn had gone from gentle and understanding to frustrated and angry before his eyes. And he simply didn't have the energy to deal with it. Just a few more days, he told himself. Just a few more days and all of this would be over.
He would tell her everything once it was all done. He would get the child. His child, he supposed, although it was another him. He hated himself for even considering it, but as the days dragged on a small part of him had even made its peace with it. He had to make sure that no harm came to Kay. He has no other choice, did he?
And there was even smaller part of him-- a minuscule, paltry part, that was even curious about his theory. Could he make it happen? What would this mean for science, and the world as it was understood?
Kaelyn lowered herself onto the sofa.
"Ezra, are you still in trouble?"
"What? No, of course not," Ezra snapped, hating himself.
"Then why am I being followed?"
"Followed? You? You must be imagining it."
"No, I'm certain. I went by the midwives' nursing home yesterday for my final check up, and I swear I saw the same guard follow me there, and he even went in to speak with the midwife after I finished." She laid a protective hand her on belly.
"I've seen him lurking around outside our flat too, sometimes."
"Kaelyn, I don't know what you are on about. I think it may be the hormones." He couldn't just explain a single part of it, could he?
"Ezra Orson, you listen to me. If we are in danger you have to let me know. Is it something to do with the baby?"
Ezra felt his hands grow cold.
"What makes you say that?"
"Just a funny feeling I get."
"Kaelyn, look, I don't want you to worry about anything. I know that I've been distant. I've had a lot to deal with and I don't want to you to worry. Not with the baby on the way. I promise that everything is under control, and I'll talk to you about everything soon, alright?"
He went over to her on the couc
h and gave her a pained kiss on the cheek. She grabbed his hand then, and held it tight.
"You promise me? Soon?"
"Yes," he promised, his heart hammering in his chest.
OF PIECES OF PUZZLES
There was a thousand piece puzzle in my toy chest when I was younger. It was very old—I think it might have been my father’s, or even his father’s. I hardly had the patience to progress past twenty or thirty pieces at a time; but that was before the rains when I couldn't go outside for a week.
Boredom spurs interest in even the bleakest of tasks, and I found myself slowly piecing the puzzle together. It took me the better part of three days, but finally, knees and back aching, I was able to proudly survey my handiwork.
Imagine my disappointment, then, when I realised the puzzle revealed a picture of a grotesque old hag. The kind parents threaten to hand their children over to if they don’t eat their vegetables.
I disassembled the puzzle back to its pieces then, and inspected them individually. The brush strokes were decadent, the colours used were vivid and beautiful—all innocently bearing no mark of the horror they hid.
I think that is how people often see things. They judge from one piece of the puzzle, never assuming what all the pieces combined could reveal. After all, who could be interested in a whole when the whole is so ugly? And the pieces, in their simplicity, represent all the possibilities of the beautiful whole that could be.
EZRA
Kaelyn's words hung on him like a swarm of bees buzzing around his head. They hummed in circles, surrounding him, following him wherever he went. And unlike bees, he couldn't swat his thoughts away. There were many protestors in the streets today. Far more than he had ever seen. He could barely push against them as they marched on, waving their signs. But Ezra had far heavier thoughts on his mind.
