chapter 13
Sadi brought the kids back home to the house that night. She couldn’t thank Christine enough. Sadi wished the other woman all the love and kindness in the world.
Christine had told Sadi that Luke would be coming over in a couple days to try and work things out between them. Sadi could see the longing in Christine’s eyes. Luke better not screw it up. Sadi wanted Christine to be happy. She wanted Luke to apologize and beg this beautiful woman’s forgiveness. Knowing Christine had changed Sadi’s life. She could only imagine what it could do for Luke.
When Sadi arrived home, Connor was already waiting for her. At least she hoped it was Connor. He had hugged her and she had known immediately it was him. But she hated that she had to doubt in the first place.
It felt weird being in a house Sadi now knew wasn’t hers or Connor’s. He said Luke had agreed to let them stay for as long as it took to find a new home. Sadi would have never wanted to move before. She had a ton of memories built into this house. Unfortunately now she couldn’t imagine staying. She felt like an imposter now. Now that she knew she actually hadn’t married Luke. God, was she going to have to get a divorce and remarry Connor now?
Sadi’s head hurt just thinking about everything so she tried not to. Connor had said he was going to take care of everything. She would just have to trust that he would.
After putting the kids to bed, Sadi came into the bedroom. Connor was settled under the sheets. She could see the burning look in his eyes as she entered the room. She knew that look. It was a look of desire, of a longing to share in her body and spirit and soul. It was a longing to be reunited with her again.
Connor took Sadi in his arms the minute she crawled into bed. She had worn only a short nightgown and it was immediately pulled over her head. Connor’s hands were everywhere, exploring her body, making her come alive in ways only he knew how.
Connor tasted Sadi. He suckled her breasts until she cried out, her nipples hard aching points. He trailed kisses over her stomach, stopped at the juncture of her thighs where he made her beg him for the release he gave her. Sadi came so hard she thought she could see stars when she closed her eyes again.
She wanted to do something for Connor but he wouldn’t let her. He wanted to worship Sadi. He tasted her, teased her, made her scream out his name before he finally gave her what she wanted. He entered her, just the feel of him inside made Sadi come again. She clung to Connor until he finally found his release.
Sadi lay curled against Connor. Ironically she was awake long after he had fallen asleep. The sex was great but something was still wrong in a way Sadi found hard to define. All she knew was that she had never felt so connected physically and so at odds mentally in her life. Connor was home, Sadi was home. In a home that wasn’t truly theirs. They were sleeping in a bed that didn’t belong to them. They were married to each other, although the name on the wedding certificate said Luke Pearson. Sadi felt as if they were still living a life that wasn’t truly theirs.
***
Sadi was sore in the morning. She was tired when Katelyn’s crying woke her. She had barely slept at all. Sadi should have been glad that she had been able to make love with Connor, but some part of her, some part she hated to admit was still there, didn’t trust him. It was different now. She didn’t wake up in a haze of love, feeling as though everything were right with the world. When Sadi glanced over at Connor, she still wasn’t sure who he even was.
Though she tried, Sadi found it almost impossible to trust Connor. Weeks passed and she found that instead of growing closer together, they grew further apart. Things were complicated, especially when the brothers were together. Sadi was constantly on edge and remained that way long after Luke went home after his visits. Sadi didn’t like that Luke resumed his position with Pearson and Pearson. She didn’t like that he and Connor spent so much time together. What if they were plotting something? Trying to switch places with each other? Trying to trick her again?
Sadi was always watching Connor for some signal that he really wasn’t Connor after all. She didn’t want to believe that he would trick her again. She wanted to believe that he was sorry and that she could trust him, but she just couldn’t.
It hurt Sadi and she could tell that Connor knew that she distrusted him and was hurt as well. They stopped making love. They stopped touching each other. Connor started working more and coming home later and later. Sadi wanted their lives to go back to the way they were, but she was beginning to doubt that would ever happen.
As Sadi and Connor seemed to be floundering, Christine and Luke only seemed to fall deeper in love. Sadi was happy for them. After Luke had resumed his position at the company, Christine had called Sadi in tears. They had met for lunch and Christine had poured out all her fears. She was afraid Luke was going to change and that he was going to leave her. She was afraid she didn’t know what their relationship, their lives, their love meant anymore now that Luke had millions of dollars and was an important head of a booming company.
Sadi had felt much the same way. She and Christine were both in the same position, though their lives were very different. They had both been lied to- though Sadi supposed Luke hadn’t meant to lie to Christine at the time seeing as he couldn’t remember anything.
Sadi had taken to asking Connor to wear a hat when he was around Luke. Even when Luke and Christine came over together, Sadi enforced the rules. She didn’t want to be constantly suspicious but she found that she just couldn’t relax.
chapter 14
Six months passed. Sadi could feel Connor growing more and more frustrated with her. He had taken care of everything, as he said he would. They had purchased a new house together. He had cleared everything up. The family had been the object of extreme scrutiny, even though they had tried to keep what happened private. Somehow the story got out and what a story it was.
Thankfully things died down after a couple weeks and the media frenzy moved on to someone else. Connor had received heavy criticism from some people, and no one fully understood what he had done. Not even Sadi. Connor had tried to protect Sadi from the backlash as much as possible. He had shouldered the brunt of the awful comments and rude remarks that came their way. He had made it his responsibility to make things right with Luke and the company. As much as Connor possibly could.
Sadi came home with the kids one evening after being out at a mother and children swimming class. She gave the kids a snack and put them to bed. Entering her own bedroom, she was shocked to see Connor packing a suitcase. He was pulling things out of his closet like they were going to evaporate if they didn’t somehow land in his suitcase.
“What are you doing?” Sadi asked, confusion and dread coiling in the pit of her stomach.
Connor turned and stared at her. He obviously hadn’t heard her come in, he had been so absorbed in whatever he was doing. He looked guilty and angry.
Sadi watched as he slowly crossed his arms over his chest. “Sadi…. I just can’t take this anymore. I can’t live my life like I’m under an investigation. I know what I did was wrong but our marriage… us… it’s different now than what it was before. I feel like you don’t trust me.”
Sadi didn’t have the heart to tell Connor she didn’t trust him. It hurt her to finally hear him say it. It hurt a hell of a lot more to realize he was leaving. For how long? Did he just need some space or was this finally it? She had known that their lives were leading up to this, careening to a final breaking point but she felt powerless to stop it. Sadi felt a jolt of pain ram through her chest. She didn’t want Connor to leave. She just wasn’t sure that she could ever return to the life they once had.
“Connor…”
Connor held up his hand. “Sadi, I’m not leaving for good, unless you can’t figure things out. I’ve apologized over and over again for what I did. I’ve tried to fix things as much as I possibly could. To make things right with you and with Luke and even with Christine. I’ve taken all the fault and all the blame for this, as obviou
sly I should. My point is that I’ve tried my damn hardest and you haven’t tried at all.”
“That’s not fair,” Sadi protested angrily. She didn’t want her pain to come out as anger but it seemed that it was going to happen that way. “Connor, it’s not my fault that I’ve been walking on eggshells. My whole world came crashing down. God, how do I know that you and Luke aren’t going to try and trick me again? It’s impossible to tell you apart.”
Connor sighed in frustration. He grabbed another shirt out of the closet and rammed it into the suitcase. Sadi resisted the urge to unpack everything and fold it properly. She realized what a stupid thought that was.
“Sadi! I can’t believe you would even think that. What would be the point now? After everything I’ve done to try and make this right. Why would Luke or I want to trick you again? To hurt you, or to hurt Christine? God, Sadi, Luke is engaged to her now. Whatever feelings he had for you are long gone so he has no motivation to try and switch places with me. What do I have to do? Brand myself?”
Sadi watched Connor’s face turn from a normal shade to a red hue. She could tell that he was really angry but trying to restrain it.
“I feel as though I’m the one walking on eggshells. I keep waiting for you to realize that it’s not me you wanted all along but Luke.” Connor studied Sadi. “Do you still have feelings for him Sadi? Is that why you keep walking around thinking we are going to trick you? Because you still want a life with Luke? Is there something going on that I don’t know about? We’re not making love anymore Sadi…. At least you aren’t with me.”
“What are you talking about?” Sadi jumped off the bed angrily. “God, Connor, listen to yourself! Are you asking me if I’m cheating on you?”
“Are you?” Connor shouted. “Are you fucking Luke?”
Sadi didn’t mean for it to happen. She watched in shock as her hand snaked out and struck Connor hard on the left cheek. She stood there, shock and anger and indignation washing over her.
“Get out of here Connor,” Sadi whispered, her breath ragged. “Before something terrible happens that neither of us can take back.”
“With pleasure.” Connor zipped his suitcase shut. “Get your head out of your ass Sadi, before all of this is gone for good.”
Sadi sat down on the edge of the bed. She heard the front door slam, felt hot tears well in her eyes and spill down her cheeks. She wanted to hate Connor at the moment. She wanted to blame him for everything but the hard truth was that she couldn’t. Much of what he had said, at least at the start of the conversation, had been the truth.
Sadi had been hard on him. She hadn’t trusted Connor since that night Luke had regained his memory and she had found out what truly happened. Sadi had made Connor’s life unimaginably difficult. She hadn’t stood by him or supported him or help make things right. She had acted like the injured party. She hadn’t made an attempt to get her life back together. She had pushed Connor away. She was guilty of everything he had accused her of.
Sadi wished that Connor had just left it at that. When he started throwing in the things about her and Luke…. that just made Sadi furious and when she was angry she couldn’t think straight. Her head still buzzed with his unpleasant accusations.
As if Sadi would ever do anything to hurt either Luke or Christine. They were engaged now. Sadi owed Christine a huge debt, or at least she felt like she did, for what Christine had done for her when she needed a friend. Sadi would never in a million years dream of cheating on Connor anyway, let alone with his brother who was now happily engaged to a woman Sadi was honored to call a friend.
Sadi wanted to call Connor’s cell. She wanted to send him a text and apologize. To tell him to come home when he was ready and talk. She felt the snaking tendrils of regret reach out from the bottom of her stomach all the way to her throat. She felt she was going to choke on the mixture of sorrow and regret and pain that were rooted deep within her.
Sadi got her phone but stopped. She stared blankly at the screen. She should let Connor calm down. She could only apologize so far. Best to wait until he was in a rational mood, which he obviously hadn’t been when he was hurling accusations of infidelity around.
Sadi checked to see if the children were still sleeping and somehow, magically they were. She knew she had to make things right if she could. It wasn’t just her anymore. Her children needed their father. She needed Connor.
Sadi crawled into bed alone, feeling miserable. She wanted to tell Connor to come home. To tell him that things would be different. Sadi just couldn’t find the words. She needed it to be the truth when she told Connor. She needed to know that she could trust him beyond the shadow of a doubt. That she could love him for who he truly was. She needed time. More importantly, she needed Connor to agree to give her the time she needed.
chapter 15
Connor wouldn’t agree to come home. He was staying at some hotel and Sadi was so hurt that she didn’t even ask where it was. He had agreed to come visit the children a couple nights a week. Sadi had tried to apologize. She had tried to speak with Connor, but it had gone nowhere.
Sadi was busy getting the children ready for bed when the doorbell rang. She ran to answer it, puzzled as to who it would be. It wasn’t Connor’s night to come over.
She was surprised to see him standing on the doorstep, a bottle of wine in hand. What the hell? The last thing she had on her mind was date night. Connor hadn’t even been able to speak civilly to her in over a month.
“Yes?” She asked icily, opening the door a crack. She hated that her hurt and lingering anger made her impatient and cold towards Connor, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Connor had rejected any attempt Sadi had made to fix things. She had tried to speak with him, had written him a long email trying to explain her feelings… all of them… but he hadn’t even responded. She had tried to get him to come back home but he had refused.
“Sadi… I thought… maybe I could come in and we could talk for a bit?”
“Oh. You just thought that. What makes you think you can just show up here unannounced and have a conversation that I’ve been trying to have with you for over a month?”
Connor sighed and turned to leave. Sadi watched his retreating form. She felt a mixture of panic and regret, especially when she thought about Connor Jr.. and Katelyn, who were inside, playing on the nursery floor, half dressed in their pajamas for the night.
“Connor wait,” Sadi called.
He turned and looked at her. His grey blue eyes were storm tossed with emotion. Sadi opened the door a crack wider. She turned around and went inside but didn’t shut it.
She could hear Connor enter when she went down the hall to the nursery. She knew that he wouldn’t follow her in. He didn’t want to upset the children right before bed.
Finally Sadi had both kids laid down and asleep. It wasn’t a small feat and she was exhausted by the time she returned to the living room to face Connor.
He had poured two glasses of wine and set them on the coffee table. She wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean. Sadi wouldn’t have ranked wine as a high priority in the conversation they needed to have. Whisky seemed more appropriate.
“Do you want me to come back home?” Connor asked as Sadi sat down.
Sadi started. She reached for a glass of wine and downed it an alarming rate. She set her glass aside and nodded slowly. “Yes, but I think we need to talk first.”
Connor nodded as well. “I know.”
Sadi didn’t know where to start. What was she supposed to say that was going to make anything better? She needed Connor to come back home so they could try again. Just simply stating that she wanted to trust him wasn’t going to mean anything if she couldn’t back up her words.
Connor waited. So did Sadi. They both finished another glass of wine, then another. Sadi watched the clock’s hands circle around then around again and still they hadn’t said anything.
Finally Connor shifted. He set his glass down, stood up, and came to sit be
side Sadi. To her surprise, he opened his arms to her. She fell into them. She realized that she was more than a little drunk. And so was Connor.
They made quick work of each other’s clothes. Sadi found that she was almost frantic to be naked. To feel Connor’s skin against her own. She wanted him with a desperation that she had never experienced before. It had been months and months and months since they had made love. They had lived like strangers for a long time before Connor finally packed his bag and left.
Sadi touched Connor hungrily, her fingers memorizing every angle, every line, every muscle. She breathed in the familiar scent of him. Her hands knew all the right places to touch. They still fit together perfectly. That was when she realized she still loved Connor. That she would love him no matter what. She shouldn’t have allowed things to get this far. She should have bridged that gap that was widening between them, not blown up the remaining supports that were still there.
Sadi poured all her sadness, regret, frustration, anger, and even joy into their joining. She gripped Connor, clung to him like she was drowning and his touch would save her. She came again and again, crying out Connor’s name, scoring her nails into his back. She felt like they were united, one in a way they hadn’t been since that horrible night Luke had barged into their bedroom and shattered her world.
Connor lay back on the couch, panting. Sadi lay pressed against his chest, totally spent.
“Stay, Connor,” Sadi whispered.
“I can’t,” he said, already getting up and gathering his clothes.
Sadi stayed where she was, watching in sorrow as he got dressed and grabbed his wallet and phone.
“I’ll call a cab,” he promised, then he was gone.
Twin Deception: A BWWM Billionaire Romance Page 9
