by Ines Saint
He locked eyes with her, but he sensed Johnny watching him. The fact that he’d bought the Craftsman had upset Johnny from the beginning. Could Holly be the woman he’d been waxing on about?
No matter. Dan wouldn’t let another woman come between them. One was enough. He’d tread carefully.
“Uh, thanks for helping me out. It couldn’t have been easy after . . . our little scene in the basement,” he said to her, even though it sounded lame, and even though he still thought it was stupid for a single mom who could only afford to live in a basement—probably because she had the stupidest career ever—to take on a project of that magnitude. He tried hard to look sincere, but he wasn’t feeling it.
“Little scene.” Holly stared at him. Her voice was calm, but her eyes were flashing.
All eyes were on them. He tried again. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I thought you were a vandal or a thief.”
“I’ll accept your apology, even though you don’t sound sincere.” Looking all too innocent, she added, “And I’m sorry I beat you up.”
“Well, then, I’m also sorry I don’t sound sincere enough for you.” Impossible to keep sarcasm out of his voice. The woman could at least accept she’d brought it on herself. Had she not just seen a picture of what she’d looked like?
“And I’m sorry I can sniff out a fake apology,” she said.
“That’s right. Because you’re a nose.”
“And you’re an ass,” Holly shot back.
“An ass you were staring at the other night.”
Holly’s jaw dropped. “A jackass I was glaring at because he was making too much noise, you smug, self-centered—”
“Uh, guys, can you keep it down?” Marty intervened. Dan looked around. People were staring. He looked back at Holly.
Her eyes were wide and her hand was on her mouth, as if she was surprised at her outburst. Yeah, right. “I’m sorry,” she said to Marty.
Dan ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’m sorry, too.”
Marty nodded and turned to Johnny. “Did I miss something? What’s with these two?” he asked, as if they both weren’t sitting right there.
“Dan stole Holly’s house and Holly beat him up over it. I guess they’re still upset over it,” Johnny answered with a shrug.
Dan couldn’t help it; he laughed. “That about sums it up.”
“Uh, how do you steal a house?” Marty asked, while staring at the gash above Dan’s eyebrow. Dan looked around. Everyone was studying his eyebrow with new interest. He turned to Holly and lifted said eyebrow.
“Ooh, look, it’s almost eight. Emily and I have a movie to catch,” Holly cut in before anyone could say another word.
Holly eyed the house next door. Suddenly, she wasn’t in the mood to watch the weepy made-for-TV movie Emily had recorded. “I heard him working all last week and I’m dying to know exactly what he’s doing, but I doubt he’ll invite me in after tonight. And I doubt I’d go.”
Emily opened the front door, but paused before going inside. “Let’s grab a couple of flashlights and peek through the windows.”
“I don’t know . . .” Holly looked over at the house, curiosity and caution waging a battle within her. “The last thing I want is another encounter with him. Did you see the look he gave me when everyone was staring at his eyebrow? Ugh.”
“No. I was too busy staring at his eyebrow, too.” Holly glared at her, and Emily bit her lip to keep from smiling. “Come on, let’s sneak a look at the house. Dan’s at Huffy’s with the guys and you know how they are. They’ll be there till it closes, watching games, playing darts and pool, and grunting at each other.”
Holly considered it. Emily was right. They went inside, rummaged around for a couple of flashlights, and headed next door.
They peeked into the window closest to their own house first. Holly slowly guided the light up and down and from side to side over the living room. “He’s taken all the doors, moldings, and trim down. Not much else to see.”
“Let’s go to the back.” Emily grabbed her arm.
But Holly remained rooted to the spot. “I hope he’s staining everything. I’d hate to see it repainted.”
Emily pulled her arm again. “Don’t dwell on it. Let’s keep moving.”
Holly shut the light off and grinned. “You don’t give a hoot about the house. You just like the idea of doing something sneaky.”
“I’m pathetic, I know. But this is the closest I’ve come to doing something risky since I became a mom,” she said, eyes bright.
They tiptoed around to the back, though Holly wasn’t sure why they were trying to be quiet. They both turned their lights on and shone them into the kitchen. “The old cabinets are gone, that’s a good thing.” Holly sighed. “It looks like he’s moving along at a good pace.”
Emily put her arm around Holly’s shoulder. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”
“I’m fine. Come on.” Holly turned the flashlight off and together they rounded the corner.
Emily was about to turn the light back on, but Holly put her hand on her arm, looked back at the house next door, and said, “Wait. What if Mrs. Jenkins sees the light and thinks we’re intruders?”
“Her house is on a downward slope and she’s nearly blind,” Emily reassured her.
They turned their flashlights on again and tried to look inside. This side of the house was darker and they had to squint and press their noses against the glass to see anything. “Look over there, beside the fireplace.” Holly nudged Emily.
“What? I don’t see anything.”
“He found the matching stone. How’d he manage that? I’ve been trying to find it for months.”
A hand clamped her shoulder. “I know what I’m doing, that’s why,” a deep male voice spoke.
Both women screamed and jumped. Holly’s heart felt as if it had exploded inside her chest. She looked up to see Dan. Emily began to giggle the moment she saw him. It was a nervous habit, and poor Emily would be giggling like an idiot for a while.
Holly put her hand on her chest. “Don’t do that! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? What’re you doing here?” she yelled, unable to think straight.
Dan had the nerve to grin. “I forgot my wallet.”
“Is that why you snuck up on us? To kill me? We’re just looking. Jeez!” Holly’s cheeks were burning. She clenched her teeth, grabbed Emily by the arm, and marched back across the lawn with as much dignity as she could muster.
“Heather!” Holly cried, when Sam’s ex walked into her shop on Monday.
The two women hugged. “I’ve been dying to see you and talk to you, but Sam says you’re spending time with your parents and I know you’ve been busy . . .” Holly’s voice trailed off. She hadn’t seen her friend in three weeks, but she didn’t know where to begin.
“I know. But I finally have a day off and I wanted to spend some time with you and Emily. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier, but it’s been crazy.”
“Oh, Emily will hate she missed you. Gracie’s got the flu and Emily stayed home with her, but if you give me a few minutes, I can get someone to take over and we can go out.”
“Actually, I was thinking about getting a new signature scent. We had so much fun coming up with it last time, and I feel different now that I’m single. What do you think?” Heather looked doubtful.
Holly beamed at her. “It’s a great idea. Not only are you feeling different, but I’m sure you’re working on new goals and trying to get a new outlook.” This was Holly’s favorite part of her business. She was only sorry Emily wouldn’t be there. Coming up with a fragrance for a friend was especially fun. “We’ll start with my special questionnaire again and when you’re done, we’ll compare it to your answers last time. You’ll see the difference.”
She steered Heather to her office and sat her down in front of the laptop. Heather frowned at the first question on the computer. “If I’m honest, I guess I’m feeling cautious, but I don’t want a cautious scent.”<
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“That’s okay. We need to see where you are before we know where you’re going. If the answers to any of the first two questions are different from last time, it’ll take you to a whole new set of questions. And remember you can choose up to two in this first part. It’s a whole new quest.” Holly winked.
Heather clicked on cautious and read the second question. “I want to feel adventurous, but not sexy-adventurous, you know?”
“Click and trust, my little grasshopper,” Holly joked.
“How in the world did you get Sam to do this? I can’t picture it.” Heather giggled.
Holly smiled, remembering the day Sam and Johnny came in. “Johnny had a blast answering for him. I could tell by the look on Sam’s face if Johnny was right or not. But Sam actually got into it when we went to sniff oils. He was very decisive.”
Heather smiled before considering the next question. “Confident. That’s what I’m shooting for.”
“See, there are all types of adventures.”
“Tell me about it,” Heather said. “Just choosing where to live was an adventure. It was so great to choose a new, modern apartment. I know you guys love old houses, but it was never my thing.”
“I know.” Holly squeezed her arm. “Have you and Jake settled in?” Holly asked as Heather read the next question.
“I have, but Jake still needs some time to get used to it. It helps that Sam is over a lot, but at the same time, I worry that it’ll give Jake the wrong idea. My parents are super worried about us, too, so I drive up to Chicago as much as I can, which probably doesn’t help Jake with the settling in. It’s all so hard.” Heather sighed.
Holly didn’t know what to say. Heather had confided to Holly and Emily a while back that she and Sam had been in couple’s therapy for over a year, so the announcement hadn’t come as a shock, but it was difficult knowing which subjects she could broach. “I know all about second thoughts, doubts, and guilt,” Holly said, choosing her words carefully. “It’s still hard to talk about it, and we don’t have to if you don’t want to, but just know that I understand all that.”
“Does it get better?” Heather turned away from the computer screen.
Holly tried hard not to let her friend see how difficult this subject was for her. She wanted to be there for her. “There has to be something even deeper and stronger inside you that knows the decision is best for everyone involved. Knowing that is the only thing that keeps it from eating away at me.”
“You still question yourself?” Heather’s shoulders slumped, and her warm brown eyes lost their glow.
Holly squeezed Heather’s hand. “I’m so sorry. I was trying to let you know I understand and I’m here for you, but our situations are different—”
“I know, but we both have a child we adore and we both say our kids come first, and that’s where all these doubts come in. I want you to be honest with me. It’s easier for me to face things when I know what’s coming.”
“We say our kids come first,” Holly echoed with a sigh. “That’s exactly it right there. That was your guilt talking, and I should know ’cause I say it to myself all the time.” Holly fiddled with an envelope that had been lying next to the laptop. “But you have to ask yourself if Jake would be better off with both of you together the way you were, or with you two apart, the way you will be when you’re apart. Does that make sense?”
“It does. And it actually helps me answer the next question. I value experience and wisdom now more than ever.” She smiled ruefully. “Sam and I got it all wrong, you know. From the very beginning. But we were so sure we had it right.”
Heather took a deep breath and let it out. “We’d both been burned, and being with a friend seemed so much easier on the heart and so much safer than going through what we’d gone through again. We ended up together, but we were never in love and we knew it. We were convinced it was better that way. But these past few years it’s been obvious that we needed so much more. I could feel our resentment building and I knew Jake could feel the tension and unhappiness. It seemed anything was better than that.”
Heather clicked on answers as she spoke, and pretty soon, she was done with the first section. “I’ve been listening to a lot of indie rock lately,” she said, before choosing that option on the screen. “It’s funny,” she said, reading the next question. “I’ve also been trying new foods. My therapist said that’s a good sign.”
“Did couple’s therapy work at all?” Holly wanted to know.
Heather nodded. “It helped us see we were never really a couple. One thing I’ve learned is you need passion or compatibility, or even better, both. We never had either of those. Now that we don’t have to come home to each other every day and try so hard not to be indifferent, it’s easier to be friends again. I can ask him about how the houses are going and really listen and care, and I can tell him about my ‘high-maintenance’ stuff and he can smile and tease me about the things I’m into.”
Holly couldn’t help but smile. Sam and Heather were so different, yet it had always been obvious it wasn’t a case of opposites attract, excite, and ignite, either. “How’s your soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law taking it?”
Heather groaned. “Not well. Not that she says anything, but with her, you just know. But Johnny and Dan have been angels.”
“Dan?” Holly looked doubtful.
Heather looked back at the computer screen and hit submit. “Dan took Jake and me to the air force museum yesterday and he taught Jake to fly a kite out front, after we’d gone through the hangars. It was so great for Jake.”
Holly hit print on the computer screen.
“He’s so good with kids. Has Ella met him?” Heather asked next.
Holly shook her head while she analyzed Heather’s answers.
“I was talking to him about you, about how seeing another single mom be successful and bring up a great kid helps me feel a little better about the decision.”
Holly looked up, alarmed. “What did he have to say about that?” she asked in as neutral a tone as she could muster.
Heather’s eyes twinkled. “He said as long as I don’t start breaking, entering, and trespassing into other people’s homes for kicks . . .”
So she’d known all along and was teasing her. Holly scowled.
“He caught you trespassing twice, Holly? Seriously?”
“There are all sorts of adventures, remember?” she muttered. Heather laughed, but Holly was feeling too sick to her stomach to join her. Her dreams had come at a cost, and it felt wrong to have her name bandied about as someone to look up to and admire. “Look, Heather, I love you for seeing the best in me, but you really shouldn’t use me as a role model.”
“Are you kidding? Look at everything you’ve accomplished as a single mom.” Heather swept a hand across the room. “Of course you’re a great role model.”
Holly blinked. Being admired for her strengths was a new feeling. She reached over and gave her friend’s hand a grateful squeeze. “Thank you. I needed that. And don’t get me wrong. I love the life I’ve built and I’m proud of myself in so many ways . . .” Slowly, she pulled her hand away. Being held up as an example made her feel like a fraud. Only Grandma Ruby knew the extent of her biggest regret. What would Heather think if she knew? “But I—I left Ben. Without a good-bye. I just wrote him a note so he wouldn’t worry, packed, and left while he was at work. It wasn’t mutual, like with you and Sam, and it wasn’t a brave thing to do.”
Heather’s eyes widened. “You left with Ella? You must’ve had a good reason . . .”
Holly turned and stared at the computer screen, searching for the right words, wanting to speak the truth without revealing things she wasn’t willing to talk about. “It was before Ella was born.” She chose her next words carefully. “I didn’t know I was pregnant with Ella when I made the decision to leave him and I had good reasons for my decision . . . but Ben wasn’t a bad guy. He deserved better than that.”
Heather rolled Holly’s chair so it f
aced her. “Hey, it sounds like you’ve really beat yourself up over this. We’ve all made mistakes, you know.”
Holly started to speak but then shook her head. “I know. You’re right. But you didn’t come here to listen to my sob story. You came to have some fun.” She got up and forced a smile. “Now, let’s go to the studio and have some fun.”
Late that night, Holly stared at the ceiling. PMS and revisiting the past was a recipe for insomnia. She padded into Ella’s room and stood over her a moment, marveling at her button nose, tiny pink mouth, and rounded cheeks. Carefully, she climbed in beside her, close enough to inhale Ella’s sweet scent without disturbing her sleep. With every breath, a mix of tenderness and pain swelled inside her.
She wouldn’t always have Ella all to herself. Ben was a good father, and he and Ella deserved more time together. Guilt and remorse twisted their way around her heart, squeezing it so tight her chest hurt.
Nothing like hormones, silence, and darkness to make a person dwell on past mistakes and their future repercussions. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to feel it all. Some nights were for resting, and some were for remembering.
Sam strummed the last chord and looked up, surprised. “Damn, we sound good.”
Johnny struck the cymbal and Dan played another riff. They’d rehearsed late into the night the last three nights in a row. Sam had crashed at Johnny’s last night, too. They’d woken up, gone straight to the basement, and played some more before going to work.
It all felt too much like old days full of good times. But the old days were filled with bad memories, too. Dan couldn’t help but wonder how far off those were.
They were each in their own little world, goofing around with their instruments, when Johnny began singing, “Thirty-four messed-up houses on Sam’s books, thirty-four messed-up houses, take four down and pass them to Dan, thirty messed-up houses on Sam’s books.” Johnny banged on the drums for emphasis. “Thirty messed-up houses on Sam’s books, thirty messed-up houses—”
