by Nell Iris
Casey squeezed himself between Ellis and the table, pulled away the hand covering his mouth, cradled his face, and looked straight at him.
“She loves you.”
Ellis shook his head.
“She does,” Casey insisted.
“But….” Ellis’s voice trailed off.
“She doesn’t understand our relationship. She doesn’t like it. But that doesn’t mean she’s stopped loving you.”
“I just wish….”
Casey nodded. Ellis had been close with his sister when they grew up, and Casey knew the distance between them was tearing at him. “She’ll come around.”
“No, she won’t.”
“Look at what she did today. She would never ever have done something like this two years ago. She just needs time. Give her a chance to understand.”
Ellis’s face crumpled and a sob escaped. He buried his face in the nook of Casey’s neck, and Casey threw his arms around him, hugging him tight.
“Don’t cry. You know you’ll get me going too.” He smiled as he felt a tug on his hair. He wasn’t the only one who’d forbidden haircuts in this household, and Ellis always twisted his fingers in the long tresses when he needed comfort.
“Be happy, Ellis. This way you don’t have to eat my mac ’n’ cheese on Christmas, too.”
“I love your mac ’n’ cheese.” Ellis’s words were muffled against Casey’s skin.
“I know you do, and I promise to make it as many times as you want. But today we can eat fancy.”
Warm lips caressed the side of Casey’s neck, and he tilted his head to give Ellis better access. He trailed kisses to the front and nibbled on Casey’s Adam’s apple. Casey hummed with happiness as Ellis scraped stubble against his sensitive skin and couldn’t help shivering. He’d probably be covered in beardburn later, but it would be worth it.
“I love you.” Ellis voice was low and wavered, and even though Casey could barely hear the words, he felt them. They found their way into every nook and cranny of his body and soul. Nothing made him as happy as those three beautiful words. He just wished he was better at saying them back.
But Casey had grown up in a family where those words were never used. His momma had shown him her love every day and in a million different ways, but he couldn’t remember her saying the actual words a single time.
Ellis was so generous with his I love yous, and Casey said it back in his mind every time. One day he’d say them out loud. Hopefully sooner, rather than later.
“I know.” He cleared his throat. “And I… uh….”
Apparently not now, though.
Ellis took pity on him, raised his head, and kissed him. A soft, quick kiss, meant to take all the pressure away from Casey. “I know, boo.” He leaned his forehead against Casey’s. “I know,” he repeated.
They stood like that for a while, breathing in sync with their noses touching, but after a few minutes, Ellis straightened. A grin spread over his face, and before Casey knew what happened, Ellis slapped him on the ass and took a step backward. “Go make pancakes.”
Casey scowled at him and rubbed the spot where Ellis had smacked him. “You’re mean,” he growled.
“Awww. Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?”
“Don’t be silly.”
“Come here, baby-boo, and let Ellis kiss it aaaaaall better.” He grabbed at Casey’s hips, but Casey batted away his hands.
“Don’t touch me.” He tried to sound stern and serious, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.
“I’m sorry.” Ellis dragged out the word, making it sound really miserable.
“Leave me alone.” Casey giggled, stepped past Ellis, and tried running away, but Ellis managed to grab his hand before he was out of reach.
“Don’t be mad at Ellis, Casey-boo,” Ellis singsonged.
Casey tugged on his hand and got loose. He took a couple steps backward. “You’re ridiculous.” He turned around and ran for the bedroom.
“You can’t get away from meeeeee.”
Ellis footsteps followed behind him, and he burst out laughing. As he reached the bed, Ellis’s arms snaked around him, and he shrieked out his laughter. “Let go of me, you oaf.”
Ellis momentum made them tumble down on the bed in a pile of limbs, long red tresses, and hearty laughter. When Ellis finally managed to kiss Casey’s sore spot, one thing led to another, and they didn’t get out of bed for a long time.
The pancakes could wait.
Chapter 6
December 25th
Ellis
AFTER THE pancakes were eaten and the food from Edie was put away, Ellis sat down and pretended to want to watch the news on their tiny old TV. He wanted to see how long Casey could contain his excitement, but as predicted, it wasn’t many minutes before he practically bounced next to Ellis. Casey kept peeking at the gift under the tree, probably thinking Ellis couldn’t see him, and Ellis had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.
Casey jumped up from the couch and went out to the kitchen where he gulped down a glass of water. He wiped nonexistent bread crumbs from the counters and scrubbed the stove again, even though he’d already done it once.
His eyes never left the sad-looking tree.
When Casey couldn’t come up with any more made-up chores to do, he came trudging back into the living room, where he sat down with a deep sigh next to Ellis. He started braiding his hair, and Ellis counted down from five in his head, but hadn’t gotten further than three, when, “Ellis?”
“Mhm?” He had to concentrate hard to keep his face straight.
“Whatcha doin’?”
Ellis pretended to scratch his nose so he could hide his smile behind his hand. “Watchin’ the news.”
“Oh, okay.” Casey sounded so dejected, Ellis feared he would start to cry, and suddenly he felt like a big jerk. The opening of the presents had already been delayed because of their little morning romp in the sack, and Casey really loved Christmas.
Ellis rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.
“I’m sorry, boo.” He turned to Casey. “I was just tryin’ to be funny. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Casey closed his eyes and bowed his head. Oh gosh, he wasn’t gonna cry, was he? Ellis put his finger under a trembling chin and nudged Casey’s head up. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.
It took a moment before Casey opened his eyes. His lips curled up in a victorious smile, and he winked at Ellis.
“Got ya!” he yelled, cackled out a laugh, jumped off the couch, and rushed over to the tree.
Ellis bent over his knees and groaned. He couldn’t believe he’d fallen for that old trick. Again.
“Would you look at this!” Casey exclaimed. “Two presents! I must have been a very good boy this year!”
Ellis jerked his head up. Two? He’d only put one under the tree. Ellis stretched his neck, trying to see what he was talking about, but Casey blocked the view.
Casey looked over his shoulder at Ellis. “Are you coming or what?”
Ellis got down and crossed the floor on his hands and knees, plopping down behind Casey, and pulled him into the V of his legs. He circled his arms around Casey’s waist and rested his chin on a bony shoulder.
“Show me what Santa brought.”
In addition to the gift he’d put under the tree, there was a big envelope. His name was written in bold red letters on the front, but instead of a dot, there was a tiny heart over the i.
Neither of them moved to open the gifts, they just sat snuggled close together and looked at the tree. More needles had fallen off it in the two days they’d had it—maybe it would have helped if they’d put water in the bucket?—and the branches looked sadder than ever, as if the popcorn strings were too heavy and on the verge of breaking the tree’s spine.
“So, who’s going first?” Ellis asked after they’d enjoyed the holiday spirit in silence for a few minutes.
“Me.” Casey leaned forward and snagged the envelope before st
ruggling out of Ellis’s embrace. He turned around so they faced each other. “It’s not much.” Casey wrinkled his forehead and looked down on the floor. Then he took a deep breath and looked up again. “It’s not much,” he repeated, “but I hope you’ll like it.” He gave Ellis the gift with a shaky smile.
Ellis accepted it, leaned forward, and kissed Casey’s cheek. “I’m sure I’m gonna love it.” He sat back and pried open the flap, glancing into it before grabbing the paper and pulling it out.
Ellis gasped.
It was a drawing, obviously made by a child. And he didn’t have to read the caption to see who the people getting married were. There was no mistaking the shorter boy’s fiery red hair or the taller one’s wild curls.
He skimmed his fingertips along the two colorful boys as if he were trying to caress Casey’s crayon hair. “When did you…?” he asked without taking his eyes off it.
“I was six. I was gonna give it to you at the neighborhood Christmas party, but… but after you rescued me from the bullies, I, uh, chickened out.”
Ellis remembered the day. So this was what Casey had held so securely to his chest. He could see the wrinkles on the edge of the paper where a tiny nervous hand had clutched it tightly, probably afraid someone was going to take it and make even more fun of him.
Ellis’s eyes burned, and it felt like someone had reached into his chest and grabbed his heart in a firm fist.
“Casey….” He held out his free hand and Casey took it without hesitation. Ellis looked up at him. “I… wow… thank you.”
The frown disappeared from Casey’s forehead.
Had he really been worried Ellis wouldn’t like it?
Ellis managed a smile, put the drawing down on the floor next to them with careful hands, and then grabbed Casey by the neck and pulled him close, planting a wet kiss on his lips.
“Where did you get it?” he asked after he pulled away.
“I was looking for something, and I found the box I got after Momma—” Casey bit his lip to stop himself from saying the word. Ellis put the pad of his thumb against Casey’s tortured lip and gently coaxed it free from its toothy prison.
“It’s okay to miss her. I do too.”
And it was the truth. Casey’s momma had been nothing like his own family. She’d embraced him as one of them and wholeheartedly approved of their relationship. Heck, if he wasn’t mistaken, she was the one who had written on Casey’s drawing, clearly accepting of her son’s orientation when he’d just been six.
“It’s just….” Casey cleared his throat and picked up the picture. “She loved Christmas.”
“I know.”
“She would have loved the tree.”
“Of course she would. It’s the prettiest tree in the world.”
Casey snorted but didn’t object.
“Thank you for my gift. It’s perfect.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes, boo.” Ellis grabbed Casey’s braid, pulled it forward, and started undoing it, being careful so the silky strands wouldn’t get snagged on his callused hands.
A wide smile spread on Casey’s face. “You’re obsessed with my hair.”
“I am.” Ellis finger-combed Casey’s loose hair, making sure it didn’t hang in his face. That always made him irritated and ended up with the hair in a braid or a bun, and Ellis didn’t want that on Christmas.
When Ellis nodded his satisfaction, Casey smirked. “Are you done?” he asked with twinkling eyes.
“Brat.” Ellis caught Casey’s nose between his knuckles and squeezed.
“Hey! Stop that and gimme my present!”
Ellis chuckled and reached for the newspaper-wrapped ball, but didn’t hand it over to his eager boyfriend. “Before I give you this, I have somethin’ to tell you.”
“You do? What?”
“I was goin’ to tell you yesterday after work, but we got distracted.”
“You mean when you attacked me like a sex-starved bunny?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.” Ellis winked at Casey, and just the thought of yesterday’s activities made his pants a little tighter in the crotch area.
“Stop imagining my naked ass. At least until you’ve told me whatever it is you’re gonna tell me.”
“Can I imagine it naked after?”
“You can do more than imagine it.”
Ellis burst out laughing, and Casey waggled his eyebrows at him.
“Now talk! Or I will rip that thing”—he pointed at the present in Ellis’s hand—“away from you.”
“Okay, okay.”
So Ellis told Casey that Nancy was leaving the garage and about the conversation with Hal the Boss-Man yesterday. Casey listened attentively and made sympathetic noises.
“Hal said to bring you in after Christmas,” Ellis concluded.
Casey wrinkled his forehead at Ellis’s words, staring intently at him as if he was trying to make sense of what Ellis was saying. “Why?”
“Because he wants you on the job, silly. Didn’t you listen to what I told you?”
“Yes, but I still don’t understand why?” He rubbed his neck.
“Because he knows he can trust you and because I’ve told him you’re a hard worker.”
“But what about….” Casey’s voice trailed off.
Ellis knew what he was asking; he didn’t have to finish his sentence. “He knows about us. They all do. You know that.”
“Knowing is one thing. Seeing it with your own eyes is different.” He leaned closer to Ellis, seeking comfort in his presence, and Ellis moved him around and urged him to retake his place in front of him. He encouraged Casey to lean against his chest. Casey did and put his hands over Ellis’s, so they both held Casey’s Christmas present.
“There’s somethin’ else.”
“There’s more?”
“Yeah. Hal said….” Ellis cleared his throat. “He said that next year, he’d make my job a real job. With better pay and everythin’.”
Casey was quiet for a long time before whispering, “Is it real?”
“It is.” Ellis squeezed him.
“Wow. This is the best Christmas of my entire life.”
On that note, Ellis freed his hands, turned Casey’s palm up, and put the present in it. He held his breath and did his best not to fidget as Casey ripped open the wrapping, making the content rattle.
With the remains of the newspaper spread out around them like confetti, Casey had uncovered a yellow plastic egg. He used both his hands to carefully wiggle it open, and when the insides were revealed, he inhaled sharply.
Inside were two rings Ellis had gotten from a gumball machine. The rings themselves were very simple and made out of a silver-like metal.
But it was the stone-equivalent that drew the eye.
A purple heart made out of transparent plastic, with a glass pearl in the middle, decorated the first. The other had a bright pink flamingo, with one leg bent and a glass pearl for an eye.
Casey took both of them out of the egg and held them up in front of their faces. “Ellis?” His voice was little more than a whisper.
“Yes, boo?” Ellis whispered too.
“What… what do you mean, Ellis?” Casey’s hands were shaking so much Ellis was afraid he’d drop the rings. He enveloped Casey’s thin hands with his own, steadying them.
“I couldn’t afford the real thing. But I thought….”
Maybe it had been a stupid idea. Maybe he should have waited until he had the money to buy something real, and not just cheap plastic.
Casey freed himself from Ellis’s embrace, turned around, and kneeled in front of him. His green eyes shimmered, and a cautious smile turned up the edges of his mouth. “Really?”
The hopeful tone settled Ellis’s fears. “Really.”
Casey’s face broke out in his dazzling, heart-stopping smile that made his nose wrinkle up, and Ellis’s heart thump like crazy in his chest. “Which one is for me?”
“You choose. I want to put it on yo
u, though.”
Without hesitation, Casey held out the flamingo. Ellis smiled. Just as he’d suspected.
He took the ring from Casey, who held out his left hand. It was surprisingly steady, especially compared to Ellis’s, which was shaking so badly, he was afraid he’d never get the ring on Casey’s hand.
Ellis started putting the ring on the fourth finger, but it got stuck on the first knuckle. Fortunately, the ring was adjustable, so he took it off and widened it so it would fit on his boyfriend’s—fiancé’s?—finger. He averted his eyes as heat crept up his cheeks, and he mentally cursed himself for not thinking about this earlier.
The warmth of Casey’s lips on his cheek startled him. “Hey. It’s okay. Try again.”
Shaking even worse, he put it back on Casey’s finger. He gathered all his courage and looked him right in the eyes. “With this ring, I thee wed,” he murmured.
Casey drew in a shuddering breath, but his smile never wavered. Instead, he took the heart ring and adjusted its size. Then he grabbed Ellis’s hand, paused for a brief moment, and then put it on.
“I promise I will love you always,” Casey said and the lisp he’d worked so hard to overcome made a rare appearance, like always when he was deeply emotional.
Ellis’s eyes grew wide as saucers. “You… you said….” He choked on the rest of the sentence.
“I do, you know.” Casey’s voice was so sincere and serious. Ellis nodded. He did know. Casey showed him every day, and it was always implied, but he’d never actually said the words before.
They stared at each other for several moments. “Are we married now?” Casey asked with wide eyes.
Ellis’s stomach jumped, and he nodded. “We can do it for real, too, of course. When we can afford real rings.”
“I want that. But I’m still keeping this.” Casey pointed to his flamingo.
“Of course, boo.”
As soon as the words left Ellis’s mouth, Casey surged forward. He threw his arms around Ellis’s neck with such force, they both tumbled backward.
The floor abruptly stopped the momentum, making Casey smack his forehead against Ellis’s nose.
“Ouch.”
“Oops.”
