Jenni placed the empty cup on the coffee table and patted the seat beside her. “I’m waiting,” she announced seriously. “I need answers, Dan.”
The color seemed to drain from Dan’s face. He looked at Jenni and then to the notebook computer that sat on his dining room table. “I have obligations, Jenni. Things that I can’t explain. I want you to believe me when I say that I wish I could give you the assurance you need, but I can’t. I need to work through some things and I don’t know when I can feel free to explain.”
Jenni tried to weigh the answer in light of all that had happened. She tried her best to be fair about her decision, but she knew Dan wouldn’t be pleased with the outcome.
“I made a decision today,” she began, “while I was hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park.” She shrugged off the blanket, and got to her feet. “I decided that if we couldn’t come to terms on the issues of God and salvation, I would have to end this courtship.”
Dan’s face fell. The hurt in his eyes, the look of desolation, nearly made Jenni lose her resolve. She walked to the door, however, certain that God wouldn’t want her to even think about a serious relationship with a man who hadn’t accepted Christ as his Savior.
“It’s Brian, isn’t it?” Dan accused. “You want to end this courtship so you can pick up with him again.” He was angry now, and grasping at straws.
“How could you even think such a thing?” Jenni gasped. “You know how he’s hurt me. You know what I went through. I don’t trust Brian Givens and I’m not sure he’s telling the truth about accepting Christ. Even if he is, I don’t think I could ever love him again after he hurt me so badly. But I don’t know what to believe about you. So I’m stuck in the middle.”
“I can’t believe that after all this time, you still question my intentions.”
“It isn’t your intentions that worry me,” Jenni said sadly. “It’s your lack of understanding or even interest in why Christianity is important to me – and why the man I marry needs to be a Christian.”
Dan same to Jenni and took her in his arms. She stiffly complied with his embrace, but her heart felt distant from him. “Please, Jenni, just give me some time. I can’t explain yet, but trust me. Please.”
“I can’t court you with the serious values you placed on courtship,” she said. His grief-stricken face, though, made her soften her decision. “I will, however, date you. But, I will also date others and our relationship will not be exclusive.”
Without waiting for his reply, she broke free from his embrace and walked out the door.
When she returned to the office cabin, Jenni warily glanced around, half expecting Brian to still be there. When she found the cabin empty eh heaved a sigh of relief.
❧
Most of the night, Jenni tossed and turned. Her sleep was fitful at best and when the office phone rang first thing in the morning, Jenni dragged herself out of bed to answer it.
“O’Reilly’s, Jennifer Campbell speaking.” She knew she sounded groggy, but glancing at her watch it was no wonder. It was only seven o-clock in the morning.
“Jen, it’s Brian, please don’t hang up.”
Jenni was instantly awake. “What do you want?” Her heart pounded suddenly. She was almost afraid.
“I’ve got to talk to you, but not with James there. I want to speak to you alone. I’ve got to talk to you and I don’t have that long to be out here. You know the election is in less than three weeks.”
“Yes, I know,” Jenni said ignoring his desperation. “I can’t imagine why you left your duties in Topeka to come here.”
“I wanted you back in my life. Jenni, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I was a complete fool to lose you. I can’t live without you, you have to believe me.”
“I don’t believe you, Brian, but probably not for the reasons you think. While it did take a long time to get over the hurt, it didn’t take long at all to realize it was the right decision. We don’t belong together, Brian. Our priorities are just not the same in life,” Jenni answered firmly.
“But they are now. God is important to me too. I realize I took an awful long time in figuring that out, but, Jenni, I need you. I can’t go home without you by my side,” Brian said desperately.
“Look, I have no intention of returning to Topeka just yet. I promised my folks I’d come home for election night, but that’s all. I like Estes Park and I plan to stay here,” she said, realizing that she meant every word. She had decided to live in Estes permanently.
“You can’t be serious,” Brian tried to persuade. “Think of all you have back home. Think of your parents. Why, they’ve been heartsick ever since you’ve been in Colorado. I know, because I see them all the time.”
“Brian, you’re just trying to change my mind and it won’t work. I’ve already discussed this with my folks and they thought the idea was a good one,” Jenni replied.
“Of course they’d say that,” Brian remarked. “They don’t want you to feel bad about your choice. But I can tell you, Jen, they aren’t the same people since you left.”
Jenni felt a twinge of fear that perhaps Brian’s words were true. Maybe her parents really were heartsick and maybe they were hiding their true feelings from her. Brian apparently recognized the pause in the conversation as an affirmation that his words had hit home.
“You really should consider what’s going on back home before you make plans to live here. After all, you don’t really belong here,” he pressed.
Jenni had listed to all she could tolerate. “Brian, I’m tire, and I’m going back to bed. I will talk to you more later but –”
“When?” Brian interrupted.
“I don’t know,” Jenni replied, the irritation in her voice beginning to show.
“Have lunch with me,” Brian begged. “Please. Just lunch downtown, you can even meet me there if you don’t trust me to drive you.” When she said nothing, Brian continued. “Come on, Jen. Just to talk. Even if you don’t love me anymore, you can at least just listen to me. I’ve came all this way, after all.”
Jenni could no longer stand the pleading. “All right, lunch. But that’s it. I’ll meet you downtown at Poppy’s, at twelve-thirty, but until then,” she said, then paused for a second, “just leave me alone.”
THIRTEEN
Jenni followed Highway 34 into Estes, but her mind was a million miles away from the river road she travelled. Why had Brian come back into her life?
“Father,” she found herself praying, “what is the purpose in this? I thought I put the past aside – and now You bring Brian back into it. I just don’t understand.”
A light rain started to fall, clouding the valley below in a misty, gossamer veil. The rain gradually built until a sizeable downpour was threatening Jenni’s visibility. “Lord,” she whispered, “I know that Psalm 121 says You will keep me from all harm and that You will watch over my life. I need that right now.” As she remembered the rest of the verse, she experienced a sudden revelation that her prayer didn’t rise only out of concern for the road’s hazardous condition. Softly, she said the words of the verse out loud: “the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”
Glancing in her rear view mirror, she saw a sudden patch of blue appear in the skies behind her. The sun poured through that one spot, shooting rays of light in a fan across the sky. She remembered her sister Julie had once seen something similar and told her mother it was just like a little bit of heaven coming down.
“Thank you, Father God,” Jenni breathed. “It is like a little bit of heaven coming down.”
Her resolve strengthened as she found a place to park. She steadied her nerves, but in spite of the fact that the rain was gradually letting up, she found herself hesitant to get out of the car. “Give me strength, Lord,” she whispered.
When the rain was little more than a sprinkle, Jenni got out of her car and headed into Poppy’s. Brian was already there, waiting and watching her as she entered.
&
nbsp; He wore a white fisherman’s sweater and olive green corduroy pants, clothes more casual than Jenni could ever remember him being willing to wear before. He smiled when he saw Jenni and got up from the booth to accompany her to their table.
“I’m glad you came.” He possessively took hold of her arm. Jenni pulled away so abruptly that she almost lost her balance. Brian frowned slightly but said nothing.
“I hope it’s all right, but I’ve already ordered for us,” he said, taking the seat opposite Jennifer in the booth.
“I don’t care either way,” she said rather stiffly.
“Well, I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries, but I was hungry. I ordered a sausage pizza with everything. It ought to be here anytime.”
Just then a waitress appeared with the pizza and asked Jenni for her drink order. “I’ll have iced tea with lemon,” Jenni replied. Brian, Jenni noticed, was drinking his customary black coffee.
Jenni hadn’t planned to eat, but suddenly she felt very hungry. She offered to say grace for both of them, and when Brian quickly agreed, she had to bite her tongue to keep from commenting on the rarity of the moment. Public prayer was always an embarrassment to Brian in the past. Jenni offered a short, but heartfelt prayer. As she whispered, “Amen,” she looked up to find Brian already at work on the pizza.
For several moments they did nothing more than share a meal. Jenni felt strange being so uncomfortable with the man she’s once planned to spend the rest of her life with. She couldn’t help but notice the harshness in his face and eyes. Maybe it was her imagination, but Jenni was certain that given time, she’d have her answers as to the reality of Brian’s conversion.
After devouring three large slices of pizza, Brian leaned back in the booth and watched Jenni as she worked on her second piece. “The mountain air has obviously been good for you. You look great,” he finally said.
Jenni put her food down and tried to think of a reply. She was still mulling over what to say, when Brian continued. “I’ve really missed you, Jen,” he whispered.
“I didn’t think much about you at all,” Jenni said honestly. She knew the words were caustic, but she felt she needed to say the truth. “I just wanted to forget everything about us.” She emphasized the word “us.”
Brian looked rather taken aback, but he was still soft-spoken when he said, “I guess I deserved that. You have a right to be upset with me. I wasn’t very good to you and I hope that you’ll forgive me.”
Jenni let out a sigh and rolled her eyes heavenward. She was faced with a dilemma. He sought her forgiveness, he said, and not to give it would be to betray all of the things she believed. Why was this happening? If she forgave him, she would be forced to face up to the past and the hurt.
“I know I don’t deserve to be forgiven,” Brian said as if reading Jenni’s mind. “But, it is important to me. I felt that even if I couldn’t win you back, I had to have your forgiveness.”
Jenni found herself holding her breath. Why did he have to be saying all the correct and proper things? Letting out a long sigh, she finally spoke. “I do forgive you, Brian.” She sighed, realizing she had spoken the truth. “But I don’t want anything more to do with you. I’ve put that part of my life aside and now I’m interested in other things.”
“Like Daniel James?” Brian asked in a snide manner.
“Not that it’s your concern, but yes. I’ve seen quite a bit of Dan this summer and I have come to truly enjoy his company,” Jenni answered.
“Isn’t that a bit of a rebound romance? You haven’t even been away from me for more than a few months.”
“Actually, I began seeing Dan after only a few weeks,” Jenni couldn’t help but add in her own sarcastic tone. “I couldn’t see prolonging the mourning period. After all, I came to the conclusion that you had done me a big favor. Our priorities were so different that I couldn’t see any hope of planning the same goals or dreams.”
“And you can with this James character?” Brian questioned as he leaned across the table. “He doesn’t know you like I do, Jen. He never will.”
Jenni narrowed her eyes slightly, and frowned. “I didn’t come here to discuss Dan James with you. I came here with only one purpose in mind and that was to tell you I wanted nothing more to do with you.”
“Are you really sure?” Brian questioned. Noticing a change in Jenni’s expression, he took new hope. “See, I knew that there was more to this than a simple ending. The look on your face says that I’m right.”
Jenni shook her head. “No, the look on my face is not a signal to you that I want to get back together.”
“Oh, I get it,” Brian said, leaning back and crossing his arms across his chest. “You want me to beg. I’ve hurt you, so now you want to hurt me and make me pay.”
Jenni nearly laughed out loud and would have if the situation had not been so pathetic. “You couldn’t be any further from the truth. Brian, I did a lot of thinking right after you walked out of my life. I questioned God, looked for answers, and eventually made my peace. I realize now that you have a destructive nature about you that I cannot tolerate. You go after things and destroy whatever stands in your way. You care little for human life, or the feelings surrounding those lives.”
“You forget one thing,” Brian interrupted. “That was before I got religion.”
“Got religion? You say it as if it were a credit card you’d applied for. Which brings me around to the second part of what I wanted to say and that is, I really don’t know that I can believe what you say regarding your salvation. It isn’t my place to judge your sincerity – but one thing I know and that is this – your actions will speak for themselves.”
“And how will you know of those actions, if you refuse to see me? All I want is a chance to prove myself,” Brian said sadly.
Jenni supposed he was right, but inside, her mind was warning her away. “What is it you expect from me?”
“I’m going to be here until the end of the month. Then I have to get back and help with the two campaigns I’m involved in. During my stay here, I want you to go out with me.”
“Oh, please,” Jenni said in an exasperated tone, “why can’t you just leave me out of it?”
“Because I love you, Jenni, and I still want to marry you.”
Brian’s simple words pierced Jenni’s heart. All she could think about was the tear-filled nights she’d spent after Brian’s break up with her.
“I don’t know what to say,” she finally whispered.
“Just say that you’ll at least think about it,” Brian begged. “Please!”
The urgency in his voice and the pleading in his eyes was too much. Jenni got up quickly and ran from the room.
Out on the street, she didn’t stop running until she was safe in her car. How could he do this to her? How could she possibly bear to reopen that painful relationship?
She drove for hours, and only when she realized that the sun was going down, did she make her way back to O’Reilly’s. As she pulled into her parking place, Kelly came running from the cabin.
“Where have you been? Dan and I have been so worried,” Kelly was saying as Jenni got out of the car.
“Oh, Kelly, please tell me that Dan isn’t here,” Jenni pleaded.
“No, he’s up at his cabin. But I have to let him know you got back okay. He’s been beside himself.” Kelly replied. “Don’t you want him to know that you’re safe?”
“Of course, but –” Jenni broke into a fresh onslaught of tears.
“Come on,” Kelly said as she pulled Jenni along. “You go take a hot shower, and I’ll go tell Dan that you’re safe but indisposed.”
“I just can’t take this pressure,” Jenni cried.
“What did Brian do to put you in this frame of mind?” Kelly couldn’t help questioning.
“He wants me to date him while he’s here in Estes. Oh, Kelly, he says he still loves me and wants to marry me!”
“And what do you feel about him?”
“I
don’t want to even explore the possibility. I can’t bear to think of Brian and the past. I was just trying to settle things with Dan. I broke off the courtship because he won’t level with me about his spiritual convictions. I’m so confused and I just don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Then you need to rest, pray, and get into the Word,” Kelly said as she guided Jenni to her bedroom. “Now, look, you get a shower and settle down in bed and I’ll bring you some supper.”
“No, Kelly,” Jenni said shaking her head. “I think I’m going to need more than just the regular prayer session this time. No food. And Kelly?”
“What?”
“I’m going to lock this door and not come out until I feel better about things. Can you handle the resort?” Jenni felt it was too much to ask, but she had no other choice.
“Of course. Don’t give it another thought,” Kelly moved to the door. “By the way,” she added. “I’ll be praying too.”
“Thanks, Kelly. You couldn’t be a better friend.”
Later, after Jenni had carefully shampooed her hair and showered, she got into her bed with the Bible.
❧
From the top of the hillside, not more than a stone’s throw from his cabin, Dan stood in the cold night air. He stared down at the light that still shone from Jenni’s room.
It was three in the morning. “Can she still be praying and reading?” he wondered silently.
He’d been so relieved when Kelly had come to the cabin to tell him that Jenni had returned. He hadn’t felt right since she’d left his cabin the night before, but with Brian Givens pressuring her into meeting him, Dan felt even more frustration.
He studied the cabin below him for a while longer, then finally succumbed to the cold and went inside. He undressed for bed and then, without a second thought, Dan James fell to his knees and began to pray.
FOURTEEN
Jenni emerged from her haven nearly sixteen hours later. Kelly’s eyes held dark circles under them, betraying that she too had slept very little during Jenni’s ordeal.
If Given a Choice Page 10
