“I’m telling you, I’m fine.” I was tired of having this conversation every time we went out. “Just because I’m not with a different guy every Friday night doesn’t mean I am repressed.”
“Ooh, where did this bitchy side come from?” Meredith gasped with laughter. “Rachel’s right. That anger is showing. You’ve got to loosen up”
The harder they pushed me, the more stubborn I felt. In truth, I did want a man in my life, and I did have my fair share of unresolved frustration. My parents, both of whom taught young kids, persisted in treating me like a child, even when I moved out and became a teacher myself. The difference here was that I wanted to decide when I found the right guy. I didn’t want the girls to make the decision for me.
By the end of the night, Meredith and Rachel had gone home with their chosen men. The other left early because she coached girls’ soccer on Saturday mornings. I was still at the bar, staring into a bowl of pretzels and wondering if they all had a point. I wondered if I should just get it all out of my system.
I wasn’t a virgin—at least not in the technical sense. Some teenaged fumbling in the shed behind my church with a neighbor boy had gotten me past that hurdle, however unpleasant it was. Considering the splinters and the usual pitfalls of associating with teenage boys, that experience was so awkward and uncomfortable that it didn’t send me running to find my way into another boy’s bed.
In the meantime, I was perfectly satisfied to take matters into my own hand, as it were. Watching my friends deal with all of their relationship drama helped me reach the conclusion that boyfriends simply weren’t worth the complications.
I was gracelessly shoving a handful of pretzels into my mouth when I noticed that I was no longer sitting at the bar alone. I turned slowly to my right, cheeks full of dissolving junk food like a squirrel watching the Super Bowl. To my right, smiling amusedly at my state, was the most statuesque biker I had ever seen.
I had noticed him before. Actually, in all honesty, I noticed him every time we came here. His height dwarfed most of the other bikers, and his shoulders were almost broad enough that he had to walk sideways through doors. His narrow waist gave him that upside-down triangle shape that men are supposed to have, or so I was told in my high school art class.
All told, his magnificent physique managed to make him much less intimidating than he should have been. With arms, neck, and hands covered in tattoos and steel-enforced boots that elevated him even more, the man was an imposing presence. I was intimidated, but intrigued.
“Settle a bet,” he said. “Would you call your hair strawberry-blonde?”
It was only when he spoke that I realized I had been staring at him like an imbecile and with my mouth still full of soggy pretzels.
I choked as I tried to swallow, which threw me into an awful coughing fit. He patted my back forcefully with a hand as big as a catcher’s mitt.
“Easy there,” he said, “Let me order you a drink.” He turned to the bartender. “Whiskey here, Ron!”
The bartender slid a glass of the brown liquor at my helper.
When he handed me the drink, I refused, using body language because I was still coughing.
“Here, Ron. Do you know what she was drinking before? Give me one of those.” He passed the drink back to the bartender.
The bartender knew my drink well because I only ever ordered the virgin daiquiris. He usually rolled his eyes as though it were beneath him to make a fruity drink.
My intimidating hero handed me the daiquiri, and I managed to calm my fits of hacking. When I finally settled, the embarrassment of it all set in, and I was grateful that the bar was too dark to betray my blushing.
“There you go. Better? What’s your name, darlin’?” he said, his hand still on my back.
“Lauren,” I said, unable to make eye contact.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lauren. I’m Mike.”
My hand all but disappeared in his as I gave a feeble handshake.
“So, as I was asking before, what color is your hair?”
I couldn’t tell if he was flirting, but I knew my girlfriends would think the question qualified. My face grew hotter. “I guess . . . yeah . . .strawberry blonde.”
“Ha! I thought so. Hey Scut!” He shouted to one of his friends, all of whom had apparently been dividing their attention between their pool game and this encounter. “It is strawberry blonde! You owe me a drink. While you’re at it, get the little lady one too.” He turned back to me. “How about we get you a real drink. You’ve looked like you need one all night, and these fruity things aren’t gonna do the trick.”
“I . . .guess?” I was failing miserably at seeming cool and confident.
“Ron, I’ll take that whiskey from before, and let me get a fresh one for Lauren here.”
Mike gulped his down all at once, but I nearly resumed my coughing fit when I sipped just a little.
“Lightweight, huh? That’s fine. Take your time. I’d hate to have you head home just as we’re starting to get acquainted. Tell me about yourself, Lauren.”
“Well, there’s not much to say, really. I guess I’m pretty boring, hehe.” Inside, I was screaming at myself to at least try to be attractive to this muscular, handsome man, but my mouth wasn’t taking orders. “I grew up here. I’m a kindergarten teacher. That’s pretty much it.”
“Aw, c’mon,” he said. “I’m sure there’s more to you than that. What do you do for fun, other than gossip with your lady-friends?”
Don’t say it, don’t say it, I thought to myself. “Knitting?”
He’d better be careful, I thought. I might be a little too much for him to handle.
“Oh god,” I said. “I told you I’m not interesting!”
“Bullshit,” he said, laughing at my embarrassment. “That’s plenty interesting. I’m sure that comes in handy. I have to sew my gear all the time. Plenty of fights and the occasional motorcycle skid mean that I’m always patching up my clothes. I’m sure that’s why you knit too, right? A few too many torn sweaters from all your rough-housing?” He winked.
Coming from someone else, such teasing would have hurt. But he wasn’t mean-spirited at all. There was too much warmth, too much compassion in his voice, for me to do anything but smile and say, “I guess so.”
I found myself growing more comfortable, more self-assured as the conversation drew on. Eventually, I felt more confident and more open than I ever felt around my girlfriends, who really did most of the talking for me.
“Mike?” I said, stepping further out of my comfort zone, facilitated not only by liquor but by Mike’s open, accepting personality. “That doesn’t sound like much of a biker name. No offense.”
“My friends over there call me Ox, but I think they just do that because they always ask me to help when it’s time to move apartments or fix a bike. I like to work with my hands, to do physical work. So, it fits, but I’m happy with my given name.”
“Is that what you do for a living? Fix bikes and stuff?”
I could tell he got a little tense at the question. His shoulders raised slightly, and he pursed his lips. “Well, I guess you could say I’m between jobs right now. You said you were a kindergarten teacher, right?”
“Yeah. It sounds kind of lame, but I really like it. Hanging out with the kids all day helps me to get my own problems in perspective.”
“How so?”
“Well, for example, the other day one of my kids, Maggie, was distraught because I couldn’t find a crayon the color she wanted. She was drawing a picture of her family and their house, and she was inconsolable that I didn’t have a crayon that she wanted for her dad’s outfit. I thought it was silly, but to her it was a real problem. It pretty much ruined her whole day. When she came back the next day, she seemed fine, but the whole incident helped me to get a little more perspective on my own problems. They all seem so real and so awful to me, but in the scheme of things, they’re probably not much more important than not having the right crayo
n.”
I noticed that, while I was growing more comfortable, he seemed to be growing tenser, more removed. He kept looking at the door.
“What school did you say you work at?”
“It’s called East Ridge. It’s just up the road.”
“I see,” he said, more withdrawn than ever. “Hey, I’ve got to get going, but I want you to take my number. I’d like to see you again, if you’re interested.”
“Sure,” I said, giddy at being asked but confused by his sudden distance. “Is everything OK?”
“Fine, fine. I just see my friends are itching to head home. It’s been great, Lauren. I hope to talk to you again soon.”
“Yeah,” I said, feeling disappointed and mildly defeated, having opened up more than I had with anyone in recent memory. “It’s been really great.”
He went back to his friends and whispered something to Scut, who looked at me and then at the rest of the group. They abandoned their half-finished game of pool and left on their bikes.
I walked the short distance home wishing that Mike was there with me, holding my tiny hand in his enormous one. I imagined that I was wearing his leather jacket instead of my cardigan. I thought about how much safer I would feel with someone like him to look out for me, to hold me, to defend me.
Most of all, I marveled at how easy it was for me to take risks with him. Despite his size dwarfing mine, I somehow felt stronger around him, like I could sit up straighter and look people in the eye. Paradoxically, his intimidation made me braver. I wanted to call him. I wanted him to come home with me. I wanted to talk until morning, to get lost in his embrace. Ironic as it was, though, I worried I may have scared him off.
Chapter 2
“How long did you stick around after we left, Lauren? You looked super mopey. I was worried about you.”
Meredith and I had the same planning period, which we spent in the teacher’s lounge, surrounded by piles of unclaimed copies and soiled coffee cups.
“I stayed until close, more or less.”
“Really? That was hours? Were you just sitting there with your face in the pretzels that whole time? You should have brought a book or something, you sad-sack.”
Meredith was probably my closest friend of the bunch, but she had a funny way of expressing affection.
“Actually . . .” I wasn’t sure if I should share the details of my time with Mike. It didn’t want to jinx it, and I didn’t want to make a big deal of nothing. “I spent that time talking with someone.”
“Someone, huh? Wait, you mean with a guy? What! That’s great, Lauren. Who is he? Tell me everything! Did you fuck him?”
I jumped to close the door. Kids were filing in and out of classrooms in the hallway, and Meredith had no censor when she was in the lounge, even when little one’s were within earshot. “No! No. We just talked. We talked for a really long time. It was nice.”
“Well? Who is he? Out with it.”
“He’s one of the guys who frequent that place. I’ve seen him there before. His name’s Mike. Oh, but his friends call him Ox! Can you believe it?” I was unable to hide my enthusiasm. Meredith, on the other hand, had turned pale.
“Mike? Ox? Is he the huge guy with the tattoos?”
“That’s him! He’s so handsome!” I’m sure I looked like a preteen girl discussing her favorite boy band member.
“That’s true. But Lauren. Listen. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but you can’t see that guy anymore.”
“What? Why?”
“That guy is dangerous. Those bikers aren’t hobbyists. They’re a gang, and he is, like, the leader. I thought you would know that. He’s pretty much a local celebrity. Don’t you remember when he was on the news a couple years ago?”
It was my turn to go pale. I felt the blood rush from my face into my stomach, which grew hot and nauseated. “That must be someone else.” I said, knowing that I was wrong.
“Look, this guy right?” She turned her laptop around, showing me a mug-shot of Mike. He was younger looking, even though the picture was taken only two years ago.
“What was he arrested for?” I asked, knowing I didn’t want to hear the answer.
“Let’s see . . .” She was reading over what must have been a pretty impressive rap sheet. The longer she took, the deeper my stomach sank and the higher my heart moved into my throat.
“You ready?” she asked. I nodded. “OK. Robbery. Breaking and entering. Carrying an unlicensed firearm. Possession with intent to distribute. Indecent exposure. Assault with a deadly weapon. Grand-theft auto. Resisting arrest. Attempted murder. And . . . failure to yield to a stop sign. That’s the most recent one.”
My head began to ache. It felt big and heavy. “When did all this happen?”
“It looks like this was all years ago. Except for the stop sign thing. I guess he spent time in jail.”
“I’m sure he did.” I couldn’t believe that this was real. It seemed like such a cosmic joke that, when I finally connected with a guy, he would be a criminal. Maybe my friends were right. Maybe my good behavior meant I had too much negativity stored up. Maybe Mike was a way for me to come face to face with all of the trouble and anger I’d avoided throughout my life. Or maybe not. Maybe he was a handsome man who was genuinely kind to me and listened to me in a way that no one had before.
During some gap in my speculating, I remembered something. “He started acting really strange when I mentioned where I work. We were really hitting it off, but then he got super cold.”
“That’s right!” Meredith said, slapping herself on the forehead. “His daughter is in your class. Maggie, I think. Something like that. Anyway, he can’t come near her. You can look it up in her file. He can’t even come to the school. The kid’s mom has a restraining order against Mike, and he lost custody when he went to jail. The whole thing is a mess.”
It felt like I was the mess, like I was gradually crumbling and melting all at once, like some awful putty person, all wobbly and spineless.
Meredith was still talking. “I mean, obviously, you can’t see this guy again. Thank goodness I was here to save you, right?”
“Right,” I said, not sure if I truly agreed. Meredith, Sarah, and Rachel gave me so much shit for being too well-behaved, and Meredith was always the harshest. And here I was, finally stepping out of my comfort zone a bit, and they wanted me to put my angel wings on again.
Over the course of the day, while watching the kids finger-paint and while helping them tie their shoes, I had time to think about what it was that I really wanted. I watched my kids, the spectrum of abilities and behaviors. I found myself connecting more with the kids who pushed the boundaries, who demanded explanations, or pushed back, when I told them what to do. While the perfect angels in class matched my outward behavior, something inside me admired these natural rebels.
Obviously, I didn’t want to be in a dangerous situation, but part of me wanted to at least get a taste of recklessness. I was already feeling enticed by Mike’s lifestyle—it was so different from anything I’d experienced—and having Meredith essentially forbid me from seeing him, made it all the more appealing to see him again. I was tired of playing by the rules, tired of doing as I was told, and tired of being well-behaved.
I gave Mike a call as soon as I got home.
Chapter 3
“Is Mike available?” My voice sounded so nervous. I really did wear my heart on my sleeve.
“This is Mike.” God. His voice made me quiver. I felt warm when he spoke, like I could just bathe in his words.
“Oh hi . . .um . . .this is Lauren. I don’t know if you remember me, but—“
“Hi Lauren! I’m so glad you called. And I’m glad you didn’t follow the three-day rule. I hate to say it, but I was going a little crazy wondering if I’d hear from you.” He sounded so vibrant, and too friendly to have done all the things he was accused of.
“I was worried that you didn’t want to hear from me. I thought I’d said something to scare you off.
You left so suddenly.”
“Yeah,” he seemed a little more pensive, looking at his hands and rubbing his knuckles. “I’m sorry for that. Something you said kind of threw me for a loop.”
“About the school I teach at? The school your daughter attends?” I was impressed at myself for being so bold, but something about him still made me feel brave.
The line was silent for a bit. I tried to hear his breathing. Finally, he spoke. “You’ve been doing some research, huh?”
“You could say that.” I didn’t mean to play games, but I was curious to see how he’d respond.
“Listen,” he said, with anxiety in his voice. “That was the old me. I’ve changed a lot since that time in my—“
“I don’t care.” I cut him off. “I’m tired of being the goody-goody. I’m tired of being the innocent one of my friends, of being pitied for my lack of life experience. I want to step out of my comfort zone, out of bounds. Anyway, I like you. I really like you. You make me feel brave, and I think you would be the perfect person to show me how to take some risks. I trust you.”
Again, I had to wait for his response, hearing either his breath or the sound of the blood rushing through my ears.
“That sounds so great,” he said at last, with some emotion held back in his voice. “I think you’re the right person to help me keep my life together now. I need someone to care for, someone who can be an anchor if things get crazy for me. It probably sounds fast, but I’m willing to bet you’d be a great anchor for me. When can I see you again?”
“How about now?” I said. “I can come over now.” I tried not to sound too eager, and I wasn’t sure if he could tell how big my smile was.
“I would love that.” He wasn’t as good at hiding his gladness.
He gave me the address, and I showered and changed into my most attractive outfit.
Chapter 4
Mike’s apartment building wasn’t fancy, but I wasn’t interested in him for his wealth. Money didn’t matter to me now. I needed to try something new.
MILITARY ROMANCE: The War Within Himself (Alpha Bad Boy Marine Army Seal) (Contemporary Military Suspense & Thriller Romance) Page 26
